candacef Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 For the last 6 months my best guy friend and I have been hooking up. All of our friends and strangers comment how we appear in love. Every time we take 2 steps forward he takes 5 steps back. His only Girlfriend lasted for 5 years and they broke up 2 years ago. It really devastated him and he has not had a girlfriend since and he is super sexy and sweet. We went away for a long weekend together. The 2nd day, he was drunk and started crying and saying that he loved me, tthat he was scared, he was pulling back, but he was not there yet, he thought if we got together right now he would disappoint me, that he knew he would get there and he wanted me to be patient with him.. then he drops some bombshell that I am the most amazing person he knows, but he is not crazy attracted to me like he is with other girls- in a super lustful way. And after that madness, we wind up spending another two days together as if nothing happened like a real couple- handholding, sex etc. The mixed messages are all over the place for me, part of me thinks he genuinely loves me but is separating hooking up with super hot chicks with real love. Part of me thinks I should pull back and let him lead the entire thing and see what it is like to not have me trying to move anything forward. Part of me says RUN because these are some super crazy mixed messages and if he is not attracted to me he never will be. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 No wonder you are confused, what a strange episode. Sounds like he wants the emotional and physical link but isn't sure you're the one. He's fearful of losing it all but non-committal. Yes, definitely a difficult place for you to be. He sounds non-committal in the way a guy can be if he's got sex on tap when he wants it and a lovely woman to listen to his troubles. I hate to say this (well, no, I don't really), but if you were to be his friend but not his lover he might have to think twice about you. Why would he want something he's already got? You, on the other hand, are not sure you've got it and want to keep it. There is a bit of a difference. I know what I would do, but then I'm not you. I'd pull back, distance myself a bit, still be his friend on an occasional, casual friends basis, and see if he misses me. I wouldn't come running, nor hand myself to him on a plate if he did once, I'd wait and see if he feels anything stronger than the lack of sex on tap and then decide what to do. Of course, if you're enjoying the sex and closeness too, then you won't want to do this. Do you really want him to be so push/pull though? Do you feel he's taking you for granted? Does he get the opportunity to miss you, to have you say no you can't meet because you're doing something else? When does he have to come looking for you and making an effort to have you in his life? It is true that people don't tend to value what comes easily to them. If they have to work at it or, heaven forbid, risk losing them, then that can focus the mind rather quickly. But make sure that any change he displays is lasting and not just a flash in the pan reaction to withdrawal symptoms. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts