Think I decided on seeing a therapist..some questions

[DudeMan27]

Hi everyone. I just had some questions on going about getting set up for a conselor or therapist to just talk about what I've been dealing with mentally. I'm looking for any advice, people with experience, and maybe some motivation if theres some to be had.

 

I'm still not an ounce over my last relationship that ended almost 2 years ago. If I can think of one good thing thats happened in my life since, or one point I was truely happy, it isn't a realy big thing. Since then, I lost my job, got another that I hate and pays very little. I had two best friends get married in that time, and one is about to have twins. I rarely see them anymore and while evervyone is moving on with their lives, I'm completely stuck in neutral. Making no money, having no motivation, haven't traveled anywhere, and spending alot of time alone becuase my friends are settled down. A complete 180 from my life with my last gf.

 

This goes beyond her tho. I've realized for a long time just had little self confidence I have. It's killed a couple previous relationships. I got thru these phases where I am extremely confident and outgoing, and the next day I can't even make eye contact with people. I will be 29 in 3 months and not only feel like I have wasted the last 2 years of my life being sad, I feel like I have wasted my 20's. My youth. As I said, every single person around me seems to be moving forward in theri lives, and I'm still borrowing money from my mother to pay bills, even tho I went 5 years to college and have a degree.

 

Theres no excitement in my life anymore, I'm meeting less and less new people as we are getting older and not going out as much. And I've noticed me having what I think may be little anxiety attacks when I think about this stuff. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and the first thoguht I think is "My God, I'm almost 30, and Ive done nothing with my life" or "I think, its been almost two years since we broke up, and i'm not a bit better" This is scary to me. even in the relationship, I was happy with her, she was beautiful, i loved my life. But I still had mood swings were I wouldnt want to hang out with her, or I'd get upset at the slightest thing that went wrong on a vacation and end up ruining our trip.

 

I can't really go on like this anymore. At first I thought I was just down about not being with anyone, but I dont want to let this guy and be in my mid 30's still making no money, and my only weekend plans are hanging out on my friends couch with their families because I have non of my own. My relationship with my mother is shaky even tho she does absolutely everything for me. Sometimes I do not treat her nicely for no reason at all. I'll go a week wtihout speaking to her even tho if I need help with anything, she's right there. Something has to be not right with me.

 

Anyway, thats kind of a background but my questions were what steps do you take if you want to see someone about your mental health? Do you need a referal from your family doctor? (I hope not, becuase mine just makes me uncomfortable and I dont like to see him. I've been trying to find someone new but with no luck) For anyone who has, what was your experience like? Even my ex said she could tell I held back, and had trouble opening up to her even after dating 2 years, I dont know how I can open up to a complete stranger. Anyone with tips/advice?

[hew]

Hi! im younger then you by quite a bit, but some of the things you said i can relate to. I can relate to the feelings you have. I know how hard it is to move on, and i know how low self asteem can make you feel like absolute sh*t. I know that loving someone and then having them go from a huge part of your life to nothing, can be the hardest thing to deal with.

 

I may not have the greatest advice when it comes to your job, and financial issues, but i can tell you one thing for sure. It really is mind over matter. If you believe that you can feel better about yourself then you will. It takes work, alot of freaking work, but it will be worth it.

 

The therapist will be good for you. I have one and she is amazing! it may take a while to search around for the right person for you, but once you find a good therapist you will start to feel better. Just remember it is their job to hear about all your problems so go ahead and open up 100%. I know it can feel awkward and often you feel like theres so much to be said that you cant just tell them everything with them understanding. Its okay because it takes a while for them to get to know you, and for them to understand how to help you.

 

You have to be willing to change though, and commit to it. Because no one can truly help you but yourself. People can guide you in the right directions but you have to take the lead. You have to create your own life paths. Once you become a person you love and respect others will look at you in the same light. It is all how you value yourself. Just have a little faith and believe in yourself. I believe in you