lonelyheartbeat Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 Hello to everyone, I joined LoveShack last year, and I think I posted once, but I don’t really remember. Lol. Anyway, I just needed to come somewhere and…talk. Not vent, not really rant. Just talk. I just turned 30 last month. I’m a visually disabled individual and in all my years, I only had one relationship. And that was so long ago, I barely remember what it felt like to be part of a couple. I’m just very down. I can’t seem to meet guys. I was so desperate that I even joined a dating website. Which, I must say, epically failed. What makes it worse is that after I tried it, my sibling and a good friend tried it and found success in a matter of weeks. My sibling’s now engaged and my friend is having fun rebounding from being dumped in December. What doesn’t get me down so much as irritated is that my friends whom I confess my feelings to tell me they can’t understand why. I’m chatty, personable and really friendly. However, I stump they by joking, then why is it that no one wants to go out with me? They just have no answer. In fact, they get a little embarrassed because they have no idea what to say. Then I feel bad, since my reply wasn’t meant to make them uncomfortable. The thing is, it’s not as though I haven’t tried. I was somewhat interested in a guy I had a college class with not long ago. Even though it went the whole semester with him just chatting with me briefly and such, I went on a limb at least twice to invite him out with me. Obviously, that crashed and burned. On top of the dating website and talking with friends and family, I’ve even tried to read some self-help relationship books. Unfortunately, I haven’t’ found one yet that’s for 30+ disabled women on how to catch a guy’s attention and keep it. Well, that’s my pathetic story. And I’m sure anyone reading this will comfort by saying I’m not alone and that thousands of women are in my position. The thing is, I’ve been told that by well-meaning friends too, and I have to say…not to be callus…but I really don’t’ care about those other single women. I’m more worried about me. Sigh. So, if anyone wants to chat about being 30 and lonely, be my guest. Misery loves company you know. LonelyHB Link to post Share on other sites
Eeyore79 Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 Firstly, being 30 and single isn't the end of the world. I was single when I turned 30; a few weeks before I turned 31 I found a really great boyfriend. So there is hope! Secondly, online dating may not be the best approach to finding a partner for you, depending on what you put in your profile. People tend to become extremely picky when presented with a catalog of potential partners; there are so many options that they'll rule people out for any minor imperfection, even things which might not bother them so much in person. If you state that you're disabled, or if it's obvious from your photos, a lot of people will just click the Next button. It doesn't feel like rejecting a real person, it's just like clicking to the next page in a catalog. You might have more success with a more personal approach to meeting people. Also - and I hate to say this - many non-disabled people will immediately rule out dating a disabled person. Maybe they're concerned that the person's disability will impact upon their quality of life together, or on their sex life; maybe they're concerned about whether any children would inherit a disability; or maybe they're concerned that they may end up having to care for the disabled person in some way. You might have more success with dating if you tried to meet other disabled people. Link to post Share on other sites
Green_eyes Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 It isn't a lot of consolation - but I feel for you. I also know exactly how you feel. I am 38, been divorced for a while and I'm lonely. I haven't even tried on-line dating, the primary reason being that I go on the sites, and look at the hundreds of people on there who all seem to be better looking than me! (Yes, I know and accept that this is a self-esteem thing). I live in hope that I will meet someone eventually, and even if I don't it isn't the end of the world because I have made some wonderful friends as a result of getting out more to meet people. Incidentally, being disabled doesn't necessarily rule out "able bodied" people - I put "able bodied" in quotes because all of us - absolutely everyone of us - is disabled in some way shape or form. It is just society that chooses whether or not we fall into the category of "disabled". Last year, I dated a blind girl and she was the most fantastic, kind and wonderful person. There was a bit of an age difference between us - but we absolutely hit it off. The fact that she was blind had nothing to do with us dating - we were just two people who liked each other, and liked spending time with each other. Unfortunately, she went back home to South Carolina and so we had to say goodbye - but I have some wonderful memories. (Although life seems very cruel at times) Try and keep smiling LonelyHB - There's someone out there for you, you just haven't met him yet. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 A rose was planted in the middle of dusty field, received sunshine , rain when needed yet often echoed- Why am I not blooming.... and mother nature said, its where you were planted not the fragrance of your bud. Sunshine You were planted in a place that doesn't allow your fragrance to be wafted by those who would appreciate all the beauty you have. This post is about you and only you, may you know that YOU are a beautiful being ,who at this time is receiving all that you need. You are but time away from meeting someone who enjoys your individual charm. Give time a chance... Link to post Share on other sites
Green_eyes Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 This post is about you and only you, Yes - that's true. Sorry! I probably went off a little too much about me Link to post Share on other sites
jean-luc sisko Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 Nobody is undateable. The key is to find your niche, and be yourself. You will find somebody. Link to post Share on other sites
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