chambers1517 Posted March 5, 2011 Share Posted March 5, 2011 My wife and me have been married 12 years and together for 16. We have a 5 and 8 year old boys. I have always catered to her. Running errands and whatever she needed. She was working 2 days a week. 11 months ago she gave me a book called I will love you forever and wrote a nice letter for me. The last several months she has been really critical of me, the harder I try the more critical she became. She had her feelings hurt by her Boss and told me she wanted to quit work a couple of months ago. I started working 60 hr weeks and told here she would have to start cooking to lower our bills. That lasted about a week and then she seemed to get depressed and start sleeping a lot through the day. I have been pestering her about what was wrong but got no real answers. Last week I noticed she has been clearing her phone calls from her cell phone and I kept bugging her about what was going on. She said she didn't know and wasn't in love with me anymore. She said she didn't want a divorce but missed the newness of new relationships. So tonight I told her I knew she was talking to someone. She finally admitted she was talkin to someone from highschool. She said she went to see him at a restraunt and they had kissed. I had always told her if she ever cheated it would be over because I can't let things like that go. She said she didn't cheat and I told her she had. I took the wedding pictures down while she sat in bed and cried. I told her it wouldn't be fair to uproot the boys and they should stay with me since I can afford the house. I also told her she needed to find a job. I don't want a divorce but I don't think I should let her know that. What should I do next? Link to post Share on other sites
Duckduckgoose Posted March 5, 2011 Share Posted March 5, 2011 Well she has cheated on you and said she misses the "newness" of new relationships. You said if she cheated you would leave her, and now you are thinking twice about it because of the kids. You might not WANT a divorce, but what would be best? She said she didn't think meeting a man at a restaurant and kissing him was cheating? What else does she think is NOT cheating? She has made her bed... are you going to let her lay in it and kick her out or are you going to be her doormat? There are a lot of good "doormat" threads in this section. What happens if you doormat is that she is going to get really nasty with you, make you feel worse and worse like you were responsible for everything she did wrong, etc. Its going to erode your self esteem. I did not /want/ divorce either, but my stbxH made it clear that he had checked out of the marriage. So what I wanted and what needed to be done were two different things. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chambers1517 Posted March 7, 2011 Author Share Posted March 7, 2011 (edited) Well things really suck. She stayed at her mom's for the weekend with the boys. Sunday I texted her and told her to bring the boys home. She said she would later. I told her I was on my way to get them and she said she was on the way home. I told her to stay at her moms and let me get the boys. She said no way this was her house too. I think she is meltind down. She wants to talk and I tell her she cheated and there is nothing to say. She cries and says she doesnt know why she kissed him. When Im late coming home she calls and ask where I am at then says something hateful and hangs up. When I do get home she acts like everything is ok but she is hateful. I am acting as disinterested as possible. I told her she needs to find a job and move out. She says this is her home. I so no its not, you dont have a job. I have a stable job, can afford the house, my parents live down the road and watch them weekly. I tell her this is their house and they need to stay in it. Im not doormatting. I am selling our boat to pay bills. Filed my income tax seperately and told her to file her own. I am calling a lawyer tomorrow and I created a new checking account and transferred my direct deposit to it. She has asked to talk several times and I keep it to a minimum or just say nothing to talk about. Edited March 7, 2011 by chambers1517 Link to post Share on other sites
willowthewisp Posted March 8, 2011 Share Posted March 8, 2011 You have to enforce the boundry as you are doing, otherwise she will think she can do whatever she likes, including cheating and that it has no consequences. DO you actually want her gone though? Link to post Share on other sites
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