Define rOW...good or bad?

[tami-chan]

....I do not regret the relationship that I had and I do not apologize for it. So while I am a former OW I am not a "reformed or repentant OW.

 

Many people naively come to LS looking for support while they are involved with a committed partner. It makes sense - just look at the banner "support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner".

 

This board has changed since I joined. OWs are no longer allowed to celebrate their happiness about their affairs, I would post an example but I understand that is against the TOS. They are no longer allowed to be given real support for staying in their affairs.

This forum has become a "rehab" for OW. Its ok to come here saying I am unhappy please please help me get out of it. But its not OK to say I love my MM/MW/OW/OM and I am having trouble dealing with the whole situation sometimes but I am not looking for advice about how to end the A.

 

So this has largely become a forum for reformed or repentent OW and some well meaning others who want to help those in pain, and those in pain who are looking to end the A, or those who are working out their anger at having been cheated on, taking pot shots at OWs. Or as I call it OW rehab. Thats appropriate for some posters but its the ethos that is deceiving. Those who want suppot for sticking with it are not given that support.

This schism is what created the label ROW. Its meaningless to me now because the ethos of the board has changed so dramatically.

 

Query why you are curious OP? Are you writing an article?

 

jj33, GREAT POST! Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

 

Great post. I don't agree with much of it, but it is a great post for clearly conveying your perception of LS and the topic of the OP.

 

Perception is important. Many affair partners come to this board with the understanding that they will find support (for whatever it is they have decided or need)...but if they "PERCEIVE" that they are being vilified and talked down to then the forum has failed in this purpose. IMHO, it is of less importance how other people who are NOT "involved with people in committed relationships" perceive what this forum is for because this forum is not for them. More important, that people who are in affairs understand clearly that this forum is a safe place for them to "vent". Also important. IMO, that they know where some people are coming from-it gives them perspective.

 

I don't agree that those who are happy and celebrating their affairs are not allowed to post here. Some current threads even have OW expressing their happiness with how or where their affair is going. If you are talking about celebration threads being removed, my impression is those are ones which were seen to be taking digs at others (typically BS).

 

I do not think by "ALLOWED", jj meant that affair partners who are "happy" or "content" in their relationships are "forbidden" to post here. I believe it meant that when an AP celebrates his/her relationship some people just could not help themselves but post some negative stuff(sabotaging the "happy")-btw, that is how things turn ugly. So really an AP celebrating his/her affair is "not allowed" without someone coming in making a snide, sarcastic comment about it. So context is important.

 

As for support for sticking with an affair, again I think it is largely a matter of perception. When someone is looking for such support, it may seem to others that they are not completely happy being an OW. In that case, well-meaning people may try to get them to see things differently so that they might be happier.

 

I get this....many well-meaning people do this. As a matter of fact, I believe most people (even that ones who are sorry and swear never again to be involve with a married person-that was long-jeez, I could have just said "reformed or repentant OP ) ARE well-meaning. But as you know, "happiness" is relative. I think the break down happens when people INSIST making the other person "see things differently"....we ALL need to learn to back-off. I believe, most of the time we are driven to post drawing from our own experiences and it becomes personal.

[jj33]

Thanks Tami for clarifying for me. And great new pic you look so happy!