Friends, then almost more...now he's not interested? WTH?! (Vent)

[Egychick]

I HAVE HAD IT!!

 

I have this guy, who we've been friends for 3 years or more. And we were cool. So he one day decides to confess how he likes me and wants to try to be more. I closed my self off to him for a while...cause I don't want to be hurt, when I do finally open up to him.

 

So, now, I'm on vacation, but will be returning home after 3 weeks. And we agreed once I got back, we would give things a try and meet up. So, I think this guy doesn't have any idea what goes into a relationship. He thinks it's all about satisfying his needs and making himself happy. Not whether I'm comfortable or happy or not.

 

So a few days ago...he decided to call me "friend" which was weird cause he always called me sweety or some other nice word. So then when I went off on him about leading me on...he says, "I didn't say we were done."

 

So today, he calls me "friend" again. And I'm like WTH! And he's like sorry. I can't be close to you! I'm coming back after 3 friggin weeks! He can't wait that long...or is it that he just wants to get in my pants! In that case...there's plenty of girls for this. He can get some of his ugly old GF's on his Facebook....fat and ugly. I'm better than this....people say, I'm intelligent, attractive, funny, and caring. So what's his deal?!

 

Anyway, I'm tired of men, who want to play with women's feelings...act like they like her...and then when she shows interest, throw her away. They should all go to hell! What should I do to avoid this always happening to me? Do I just stop caring and become cold-hearted? Is that the way to keep a man?

[Dazdnconfuzed]

Firstly, let me start by saying that the same can be said for women, sometimes even more so as the opportunity is that much greater.

 

I have been reading any posts of nearly all 225 pages here in the quest to answer my own questions and I can tell you something I found that was interesting.

 

You do not have to be cold hearted because you think you met the right man or woman and they either:

 

- Reject you

- Inconsistant with their emotions

- Their actions do not justify their words or vice versa

- There is a disconnect between what they think/say they want and what they actually want

 

Which any of these options either just one or combined will ultimately lead to the targeted party feeling confused, hurt, anrgry, etc...

 

All this means is that you picked the wrong man/woman.

 

Also what I can tell from your post is that he was interested, changed his mind due to the fact that he thinks he cannot trust you. It seems like it took you a long time to pursue and what may seem like a reasonable time for you to think things through could of been 70,000 light years for him. At this point he is thinking if I can be alright without her for 3 weeks, I now do not have to jeopardize my trust and be safe.

 

One thing you can do is investigate why he cannot open up to you and you must dig deep on this, what happened in the last three weeks that he is not taking that risk anymore? Cause something tells me that that was his biggest fear all along for a long time.

Edited March 5, 2011 by Dazdnconfuzed
Typo

[Egychick]

The reason why I take my time in opening up, is to see whether this guy is really serious about me or not. I've been through this before...and I've opened up a lot sooner, only to get burnt. So this time, I took my time...not that long, but a couple of weeks. This whole scenario between us has been in the last month 1/2. So, the reason why I had to leave, was not of my choosing, and it was an emergency situation. So I didn't have a choice.

 

I just thought, I meant enough to him to wait for me until I came back. But I guess if he isn't willing to wait and give me a chance, he really isn't worth it.

 

Things that are good, do not always come easy. Sometimes good things are worth waiting for, aren't they?

[Dazdnconfuzed]

They are. I know what it is like to be so careful openning up but what I learned is that even if you think you are careful and took your time it can still get stomped on.

[WTRanger]

He's not worth it. You weren't willing to take a risk and move forward from friends. You wanted to play it safe. So, yes, he wasn't worth risking your own personal safety.

 

How did he play with your feelings? He said he liked you and wanted to move forward. You reject him, or go cold, or whatever. Yes, that was a choice by you as well. No situation, nothing caused you to do that. You did that by your own conscious decision. Then you all of a sudden have a change of heart and now you want him to still be there for you. You are the one that's changing your feelings. Not him.

 

If you are upset at him, how do you think he felt when you went cold on him? He wasn't worth your time. You had better things. You didn't want to try. Etc. So, yeah. I agree he shouldn't be your back-up plan. He wanted to make you a priority in his life, you decided to keep him as an option. He doesn't want to get close to you because he doesn't trust anything you say. When are you going to run away and go cold again? It's not just your feelings on the line. He put himself out there and you shut him down cold. You don't care about how he feels. You just want to make sure you don't feel bad. Now, when the situation is flipped you are all pissy and playing the victim role. Everything you did was to protect yourself, and you call him out for him being selfish?

 

So why did you leave? Your first post you said you were on vacation. Your second post said it was not of your choice and it was an emergency. Are vacations emergencies? All good relationships take work, but they aren't guessing games. They aren't a game of chess where you try to outwit the other person.

[Egychick]

Ok, you want to know why I left. Because I was in a country that is going through a revolution. Hence my screen name...Egy = Egypt. So I had to leave for my own safety. This was the emergency. I was careful for about 3 weeks after he admitted he liked me and I told him i liked him too. For 3 years he and I were friends. After that 3 weeks...I opened up we were trying to see what would happen.

 

I was careful, for this reason...he seemed to be after what he wanted. I told him even after he told me he liked me, that I liked him too. Then just as we were planning to meet...the revolution happened...and I had to leave. So we were waiting for me to come back. During this time since I've been home...ive been in touch with him everyday. We shared our feelings....but then he would always shut down when ever I opened up to him more. I always asked him...if he happy with me...but he never asked if I was happy. It seemed very one sided. What I could do for him...not what he could do for me. Even in asking for favors...he never said please or thank you. For 3 years, i was always the one asking him to go out...lets meet lets do this. He never initiated it...and was always busy. So when he finally decides he likes me...I should just drop everything? That's why I was careful. He seemed to only be interested in sex...and not much else...