Four Months No Contact---Why Do I Still Miss Him?

[henna1213]

No contact. These two words have been eating away at me for the past four months. My ex boyfriend--- who happened to be my first boyfriend, was a toxic person and our relationship was pretty much an emotionally abusive one. He never appreciated anything I did, never complimented me, or treated me right. He would verbally abuse me, he never trusted me and was completely jealous and possessive. I don't know why I still miss him after he treated me so horribly--- he called me a bitch numerous times, always assumed that I was with other guys, spit on me, tried to hit me and like an idiot, I stayed because I loved him and I believed he would change.The ironic part of it all was that my ex ended up cheating on me. It still makes me sick to think about it, and although him and the girl that he cheated on me with are not together, he was already in a new relationship a month and a half after we broke up. The new girl he is with is a senior at my high school (I graduated last year.) At first, I thought he was with her to spite me, but I think he is actually in love with her and treating her better, just from looking at his facebook, which I can't help but look at. Me and my ex were together for a year and a half on and off and like I said, he was my first boyfriend, my first time, etc. I just want to be over him, I think about him all the time and I want to give in and call him all the time because it is so hard for me to stick with this no contact rule--- our breakup was mostly mutural, and I was not willing to stay with him after I found out he cheated on me. Why do I still miss him? Is this normal after this long? I feel as if because he didn't appreciate me or love me, no one else will. I hate feeling like this. I just think it's crazy how breakups work, once you breakup, you can't talk to your ex anymore and you're back to being strangers. Will I ever talk to him again? I don't know what to do and I hate feeling lonely and depressed.

[KennyD]

I know the feeling. I too was in abusive relationship...you get to used to it that now that you don't have it you crave it.

 

Stay strong....4 months isnt too long to be missing someone. People miss people for 40 years, put that into perspective.

 

Love is a tough thing....its hard to find a balance

[Good Arms]

I'm four months on from going NC with my first and only girlfriend. I know it's no consolation, but emotions are still as strong as ever for me too. I think, especially after a first love, it's going to take a lot of time for that sense of missing them to fade... and for you your relationship was way longer than mine. When you think how quickly 4 months fly by when you're busy, it's no time at all. Right now I'm scared I'm going to be missing my ex for the rest of my life. This depression is the most intense I've ever experienced, so I can imagine how you're feeling.

 

I think you know you're best off without this person. What you've written has actually made me angry about someone I've never met. Be thankful you got out when you did, always remind yourself of that when your mind idealises him and the relationship. What you had meant something to you, love truly blinds you to someone's faults, but you're intelligent enough to have opened your eyes to what he's really like. There's no excuse for physical abuse, let alone emotional abuse. He sounds like he should be locked up to me. You deserve way better, and you sound like a nice person, so I'm sure when the time is right you'll find it.

 

DON'T under any circumstances break NC. Someone who treated you that way and cheated on you is clearly selfish and rotten to the core.

 

You need to stop looking at Facebook, I know that you realise it already. I found it incredibly hard, and I still find myself snooping for clues from mutual friends' pages (the only reason I ever reactivate it really - pathetic!)... but I know that blocking my ex on Facebook when I finally found the strength can only do me good. I read some things on there earlier that really hurt - and some were just meaningless comments I could have misinterpreted. Whatever you see on there, it will hurt in some way, and keep him having power over your life.

 

I just think it's crazy how breakups work, once you breakup, you can't talk to your ex anymore and you're back to being strangers.

That's exactly how I felt, it feels absolutely crazy that I'm now a stranger to someone I couldn't have got more close to, yet mutual friends still know her... it's horrible. But please, you're wise enough to recognise that your ex turned out to be an abusive person, so don't give him any second chances, don't let him back into your life in any way. NC is there for your own good, to help you heal (though there's no quick fix), but it is hard, just like going cold turkey.