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Just found out husband had long affair while away on a business contract 2 hours ago


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I have been married for 12 years. My husband and I, our two children 10 and 2 have moved to Colorado. During the

last 6 months of 2003 my husband has been in another country working on a contract. I just found out that while he was there he met someone and lived with her in her apartment for nearly the whole time.

 

I am frightened because I am not sure whether he is going to keep in contact with her or not. Also, because he says he hasn't been happy in our marriage for the last 5 years or so and I had no idea they were that bad.

I was happy even through the less rosier times.

 

The woman was from New Zealand on a project through the same company but returned home to New Zealand when her contract with the company was up. He says he probably won't be talking to her again but I don't know.

 

He also says he doesn't think he can find any happiness in our marriage together. He also says even though he fell in love with me the first time he saw me he doesn't love me like that anymore. He said it has also been a long time since we were passionate during our intimacy. With two kids it's a little difficult to be passionate we were always having to wait for the perfect opportunity to fit it into our lives.

 

As for my knowledge I thought everything was good. I accepted everything even if situations were'nt exactly perfect. I love him but the way he is responding it doesn't sound like he is willing to try and fall in love with me all over again.

 

We decided to move to Colorado to start over but he hasn't been here very much because of the project he was working on in another country. That is where he met this other woman. I am more scared of rearranging my childrens lives because we have it really well. My daughter is homeschooled and is a competitive figure skater. I am also able to be home with my 2 year old son and help my daughter with her school work and other important things.

 

I don't want to have to change things. I don't want my husband to stop loving me. He has said I am a very wonderful person and I haven't done anything terrible so I don't know why he had to do this to me.

 

I am also afraid I won't be able to find a good enough job to support my kids. We were also in the process of building a giant house together with my mother. We were suppose to move in the end of April. Please help.

 

I just found out about this approximately 2 hours ago so I am sorry if my message is jumbled. I am extremely confused, lost, depressed, broken, lonely, and most of all terrified. I need to get a good job fast.

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I'm so sorry.....you must be devastated!!!

 

Nothing is set in stone and your marriage can always turn back around.

 

However, in case it doesn't, you need to make a plan. Put some money aside, get your vehicle in good shape, make the needed repairs around the house....maybe even check with your credit card company to see if they will give you a 'personal' account - rather than just your 'joint' ones. Make sure you and the kids have all dental and medical checkups up to date. Keep a DAILY total of your expenses and what it takes to run your household. Get a copy of insurance, wills and other legal documents.

 

A job can wait....there can be alimony payments until you get one....or you may even elect to go back to school for additional traning.

 

Make a list and get all your ducks in a row. Then, if you DO need an attorney, you'll have all the information he'll need to help you.

 

Hopefully, things will work out. But if they don't....you'll be prepared.

 

Lots of people are so upset over the aspect of divorce that they neglect to address a few things which will make their life easier down the road.

 

I SURE wish someone had told me that years ago when I got divorced!!

 

Good Luck. Take care of yourself!

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