Carrot2000 Posted March 9, 2011 Share Posted March 9, 2011 My man picker is sooo broken I'm actually thinking of dating men I DON"T like! Ha ha! Me, too! I figured that if I'm interested in a guy, something must be seriously wrong with him. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 9, 2011 Share Posted March 9, 2011 2, you are right, I definitely DO have a broken man picker. And a tendency to try to help everyone who has problems. Not something of which I am ashamed, but not a great combination. We have plenty of company......and understanding the fact that the picker is broken is important. And then there are the men with broken woman pickers...... Thanks for the comment. The thing is, you can't fix everybody. You can't help everybody. By doing that, you put yourself last! And as much as you are a fixer, people will drain you.. It's okay to say no once in a while. Remember that, k! This is your life and you get alot of say on how it goes. You always have a choice, so if this path isn't good for you, or if you feel unhappy, not satisified, get off of the path and find one that is better for you. Link to post Share on other sites
spice4life Posted March 9, 2011 Share Posted March 9, 2011 My man picker is sooo broken I'm actually thinking of dating men I DON"T like! HAHAHA! Too funny. Aww, but come on 2sure...take a break and FIX that bad man picker. And then start dating. Link to post Share on other sites
spice4life Posted March 9, 2011 Share Posted March 9, 2011 The thing is, you can't fix everybody. You can't help everybody. By doing that, you put yourself last! And as much as you are a fixer, people will drain you.. It's okay to say no once in a while. Remember that, k! This is your life and you get alot of say on how it goes. You always have a choice, so if this path isn't good for you, or if you feel unhappy, not satisified, get off of the path and find one that is better for you. WWIU is right. You can find constructive ways to satisfy your desire to help others...like coming here and sharing your wisdom from this experience. Link to post Share on other sites
joey66 Posted March 9, 2011 Share Posted March 9, 2011 When I read the title of this thread all I can think of is ... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wBNUrYyGI7A Link to post Share on other sites
Breezy Trousers Posted March 12, 2011 Share Posted March 12, 2011 I know it's hard to wrap your head around the thought that someone who seems to be such a good man can in fact be evil, but I'm here to tell you that such men do exist. I found out the hard way. No I don't know that this man is one of the evil ones, but he could be. It's helpful to learn about narcissistic personality disorder, which can certainly carry the whiff of evil. Infidelity is common with NPD -- as is charm, charisma, lying, manipulation, lack of empathy, inability to emotionally attach (hence the ease in juggling two or more relationships at once while lying to all involved). NPDs specifically target highly empathetic "nice" people to have "relationships" with. Knowledge is power. The more you know about this pattern, the more conscious you will be and the less likely you are to engage with it again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dare2go4it Posted March 12, 2011 Author Share Posted March 12, 2011 You are right on the mark there. The guy with whom I was involved for the past 7 years, before meeting MM, was diagnosed with a variety of problems, mostly physical, along the way. Since he was constantly depressed, he also sought help for that. Just before he dumped me in favor of a "beautiful, more appreciative" (his words) woman from overseas, he was diagnosed with several psychological conditions, including NPD. I have since learned a lot about NPD, and I am determined to avoid NPD men. Was initially attracted to this MM partly because he seemed to be the opposite of NPD, spending much of his time helping others, his family (including wife, elderly parents, daughter, daughter's friends), cutting rates and going above and beyond what was expected for business customers (including me), rescuing homeless animals, etc......he was all about taking care of others. At first, his cheating on his wife seemed like a desperate, last ditch effort to do SOMETHING for his own sanity, to get some needs met so that he could "be there" better for everyone else. HOWEVER, I do ALSO see the selfish angle of cheating. No matter what the "resons," doing things behind his wife's back and keeping her in the dark is selfish. MM DOES go to great lengths to help his wife in other ways, and he DOES show a lot of concern for my feelings and events in my life, encouraging me to do "whatever works for me," complimenting me on my strengths, and offering support for my efforts to run my own business, etc.. Total OPPOSITE of NPD in most ways. But thanks for posting about NPD. VERY important for people to know about it! And I am still watching out for it..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author dare2go4it Posted March 12, 2011 Author Share Posted March 12, 2011 I'm not quite at the point of dating men I don't like, to "trick" my picker, YET, but I AM pushing myself to get to know men who are NOT up to their ears in problems. What? Nothing I can try to FIX? What do I do when the guy is OK?!?! LOL Actually, there ARE some good SINGLE ones out there, so I will investigate the options.....going AGAINST the instincts of my picker as best I can! There are MILLIONS of "broken partner picker" people......just listen to the Delilah radio show..... Link to post Share on other sites
Fleur de Lis Posted March 12, 2011 Share Posted March 12, 2011 When I read the title of this thread all I can think of is ... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wBNUrYyGI7A That's funny, because when I think of the OP's MM I get this one flowing through my mind: (Sorry for the threadjack, just thought I'd add a little levity here. Carry on...) Link to post Share on other sites
TurboGirl Posted March 12, 2011 Share Posted March 12, 2011 It's helpful to learn about narcissistic personality disorder, which can certainly carry the whiff of evil. Infidelity is common with NPD -- as is charm, charisma, lying, manipulation, lack of empathy, inability to emotionally attach (hence the ease in juggling two or more relationships at once while lying to all involved). NPDs specifically target highly empathetic "nice" people to have "relationships" with. Knowledge is power. The more you know about this pattern, the more conscious you will be and the less likely you are to engage with it again. EXACTLY. I have experienced this! Caught my xMM in several lies... and I look back now and realize that he didn't think I was smart enough to catch him! that is how we broke up... I was in the process of confronting him... and he dumped me via text message. Two and a half years, dumped via text... very caring and empathetic, a man with class... Education and professional stature mean zip. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dare2go4it Posted March 13, 2011 Author Share Posted March 13, 2011 TG, I will be keeping my eyes, ears, and mind WIDE OPEN to detect even the slightest hint of lies. And I am just a few jumps from ending the thing with the MM. I am checking all the "stories" he has told me so far, and they check out. But if ever something does not check out.....I'm checking out of the situation. Meanwhile, even if it takes a major effort at first, I am taking a lot of the advice on here and looking around for a SINGLE companion. Actually, working on my current situation makes me more aware of the NPD and lying that must have gone on in my prior relationship, so now at least I am no longer sad about THAT ending! Good riddance, there. Thanks to all for the feedback. Link to post Share on other sites
Carrot2000 Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 I am checking all the "stories" he has told me so far, and they check out. Whether his story checks out or not doesn't matter; he's not leaving his wife. What this man wants is his marriage and an affair. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dare2go4it Posted February 27, 2012 Author Share Posted February 27, 2012 Well, here it is almost a year after I last posted, and I am back. The MM and I had some fun during the year, but a lot of time was wasted because he never managed to make up his mind about how or when or if to leave his W, and I never managed, until recently, to get my head together. Now, over the past few months, MM has had some health issues himself, he is home with W where both are apparently just lying around the house, dealing with their health issues. I have figured out that MM cannot be truly trusted, or at least I am not gonna keep pinning any hopes on him. He somehow managed to "forget" me on both my bday and Valentine's Day, and the type of health issues he's having do NOT keep him from being able to at least send a quick text message saying happy bday or happy V day, etc.....so I conclude he does not really care that much about me, and its time to move on. I have moved on yet still care about MM. Just won't sit around waiting for him anymore. If he shows up, fine, but if not, fine. I will not waste my time worrying about what he does. I will have a life. Have met some other nice guys, some M and some single, will just hang out with nice people and have fun, nothing deeply serious n no drama or problems. Link to post Share on other sites
skywriter Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 He somehow managed to "forget" me on both my bday and Valentine's Day, and the type of health issues he's having do NOT keep him from being able to at least send a quick text message saying happy bday or happy V day, etc.....so I conclude he does not really care that much about me, and its time to move on. I have moved on yet still care about MM. Just won't sit around waiting for him anymore. If he shows up, fine, but if not, fine. I will not waste my time worrying about what he does. I will have a life. Have met some other nice guys, some M and some single, will just hang out with nice people and have fun, nothing deeply serious n no drama or problems. Dare, that's a start and you gotta start somewhere. Hopefully during this time you can become indifferent and decide to go no contact with him. It's very difficult but as you are seeing now, keeping busy and letting time pass without seeing or hearing from him eventually heals. Just keep doing what you are doing. I wish you well. Link to post Share on other sites
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