Rated R Posted March 30, 2004 Share Posted March 30, 2004 Good Morning everyone, I am in desperate need of advice.....I had a boyfriend since Feb. 2003, and I just found out on Feb. 13th 2004, that he's been cheating on me since March 2003. And the worst part about it is that I found out through ANOTHER female that he met over the internet (she illegally accessed his phone records and called me). She told me that she has been his girlfriend since Nov. (2003) and that he was planning on visiting her (she lives long distance), they had phone sex (but they haven't met face to face yet), etc. I decided to work things out, but 2 weeks ago I found out that he still had the woman that he's been cheating with since March(03) on his buddy list. And he also sent her a text message saying "he just wanted to check on her" (after she stopped talking to him for 2 weeks). He is also still accepting text messages from her. From what I know about her, the last time they were intimate was Feb 07, 04, and he was telling her that he loved her, she didn't know about me (neither of them did), and they stopped talking before (because she found out about the internet female in Nov.), but eventually they start talking again (in Jan.), so my question is: Do you think that he could really have feelings for her (the one since March), since she is still on his buddy list, and she has been around since the beginning of our relationship? Should I be worried because she's still on his buddy list, and when he had the opportunities for them to go their separate ways he chose to continue dating her (even though he had me)? P.S. I found out about the long term female from snooping, not from him admitting it. And he has a history of cheating. He's 25, I'm 26, and the female since March is 21. Link to post Share on other sites
Fofinha Posted March 30, 2004 Share Posted March 30, 2004 Girl...RUN!!! This guy is BAD NEWS. You are YOUNG and deserve much better. According to what you mention, he is definitely a repeat offender. If he has been seeing other women (in person or on the net) since the beginning of your relationship, this guy is trouble. Please, RUN. This guy does not seem to be worth all the pain. He clearly does not respect you. Please respect yourself and find a man who will be exclusive and faithful ONLY to you! Link to post Share on other sites
Rated R Posted March 30, 2004 Share Posted March 30, 2004 He has seen another female in person AND made the one on the internet his girlfriend. But he told me that I was the one that "God sent" to him, but those words have no validity since he was telling the girl he's been cheating with since March that he loves her, and he actually made the girl from the internet his "girlfriend" Link to post Share on other sites
FreeMe Posted March 30, 2004 Share Posted March 30, 2004 This guy is a liar. You're "God-sent" - what a line!! no wonder he's able to have 3 women going at once. He's a liar and cheat and has no respect for you or probably women in general. I would tell him to go **** himself and never speak to him again. Link to post Share on other sites
bittersweet Posted March 30, 2004 Share Posted March 30, 2004 I'm dealing with the same problem girl. My b/f was cheating for three months and I found out 4 weeks ago. Since then, things have been crazy. I decided to stay too and at first I thought things would really be over b/w them.I tried to end it & the day after he got on a train to see her again. Then, he decided he needed to end things completely with her and she started saying she was pregnant. He had to go there this past weekend to find out the truth. I saw him last night and we were talking and he seems so nasty towards me. I know he is still in contact with her- I know she probably is expecting to see him this coming weekend and now all I do is wonder what he will do. I know how you feel. You feel like everything you do now is all the sudden being compared to some other girl. I'm worried sick all the time that if I do one thing wrong- he'll walk out on me. He hates to even talk about it all. What about your b/f? I know a lot of people tell you to leave him (me too) but I also understand how difficult it is to trust again. Also, these other girls may be easily still kept a secret and we don't even know what they think about where we stand. I would love to hear how things progress with you in your battle and I'll keep you posted too. You probably tell him you want proof its over with the girl from March... what would actually satisfy you b/c as for myself, I know my b/f could be telling this other girl they need to keep it on the low. The only advice I can give you is this- try to talk to your b/f about what made him cheat in the first place. I found out why mine did (even though there is no good reason) and now all I can do is help change some of our differences. Like I said, my b/f hates to talk about it and I'm not sure how you b/f handles it but he really needs to get down to the bottom of things, even if he takes a few days to really think about things. Keep me posted! Link to post Share on other sites
Rated R Posted March 30, 2004 Share Posted March 30, 2004 Originally posted by bittersweet I'm dealing with the same problem girl...... Keep me posted! Well, I'm pretty sure that he is done with the female from the internet, but it's the other female that I'm concerned about. He was only involved with me for a month before she came along, and I wonder if he had met her first would they have been together and not us. He's had 3 times to leave her alone (before he got caught), and she'll call, and they'll start talking again...But now that he has been caught she left him alone and HE sent her a text message to "just check on her." And all I wonder is why is she still on his buddy list? Why hasn't he cut her off too (he left the one from the internet alone)? When I found out all he did was get quiet while I went off, then he apologized, etc. He thinks that I don't know about the woman since March. I also read an email to the other female (the March one), she asked him is he still pursuing me, and he told her that he isn't, but this was BEFORE I decided to work it out. I just can't stop wondering is it possible that he has feelings for her? What do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
Fedup&givingup Posted March 30, 2004 Share Posted March 30, 2004 Rated R, I read your first post, and I glossed over a bit of the other one...I saw that you said, "It's the other girl now.." or something to that effect. WHY would you so willing to put yourself through all this drama? This guy strings people along, and he is a pathological liar. If you think there is something to salvage from this, guess again. This relationship was doomed from the start, because he already HAD someone then. Everything has been one pig pile of crap, and just when you think some of it has been removed, you only find more has been added. IT WON'T CHANGE/END UNTIL YOU LEAVE THE RELATIONSHIP. I think I should make that my quote Link to post Share on other sites
morrigan Posted March 30, 2004 Share Posted March 30, 2004 He has feelings for himself--it's all about him. He might have told you that you were "God sent", but he apparently believes himself to be God's gift to women. He's sorry he was caught, not about the affairs. If he wants to be with you, he needs to stop contacting any of these women, and he needs to be honest about his infidelity. Whether he's in love with any of these women, or if they are just sexual diversions to him, really doesn't matter. He's continued to keep in touch with these women, he's spinning a different tale for each of you. You can walk away from this relationship, or you can stay with him and trust and hope he won't do this BS again. I think you deserve someone better than this. Link to post Share on other sites
Rated R Posted March 30, 2004 Share Posted March 30, 2004 I'm glad that everyone is telling me what I think I already knew, but needed to hear other unbiased people say. I honestly don't know why I'm still with him...And it is really bothering me that he STILL has that female on his buddy list. You are right when you say that the whole relationship has basically never existed. You would think that after he got caught he would've ceased all contact with her. But he's acting like he has to talk to her to "check up on her." I guess he feels like he's hurt her too, by lying to her about ever having a girlfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted March 30, 2004 Share Posted March 30, 2004 She keeps contacting him because he is telling her the same love crap he tells you. Unfortunately, the only person he REALLY loves is himself. You don't hurt and play games with the heart of someone you love. It's MEAN and unacceptable. If you lose him, you've lost nothing. You don't even have to go thru a big divorce process....just break up with him and tell him to get the hell out. It sounds cold....but you can't fix this. He's hooked into the drama of it all and feels like a sex god cause two women want him. Too bad you can't get with her and BOTH of you dump him. That's what he really deserves. Link to post Share on other sites
pinklove Posted April 12, 2004 Share Posted April 12, 2004 He needs his butt kicked and futher-more, he is not well worth ur time. U need to run far from him. He is the type to prey on innocent women and that's all his intentions are. You need to move on and save yourself the heartache in the future, men think they can just do anything they feel like doing and expect u to forgive them and be there. U are better than that, and don't believe that crap about u are a God-send, some women are willing to hear those sick lines. Just imagine what he has been telling the other two women, (especially the online one.) Don't be a fool find u someone that appreciates u for u. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts