Social skills and getting women.

[Ross PK]

I hear a lot, that when a guy can't ever get a woman it is down to bad social skills.

 

I've never been able to get a woman, but I'm sure I have good social skills, as I've always made friends easily with males, and when I'm confident around people I never experience any awkward moments.

 

So I was wondering, is it possible to have good social skills with guys, but bad social skills with women? Or does someone either, have good social skills, or bad social skills, period?

[somedude81]

Did you really need to make another thread on this issue. It's almost exactly the same as the one before.

 

I'll just use the same answer here that I did there.

 

If knowing how and being able to make friends with women was they key to actually getting girls, then I would be huge player; which I am the furthest thing from.

 

Knowing how to make girls a friend and knowing how to make them want to do you, are two completely different skills.

[Explorer]

Hi Ross PK,

 

Just a fair warning in the title if you decide to read on but I think you need to hear it.....

 

Judging by your email sig and redundant posts I'm thinking your lack of female sexual interaction is not from poor social skills, coolness factor, sex appeal, etc ...no. It's actually much more important and in general than those.

 

You first need to find a pair of 'balls.' Once you've found a pair, you can display confidence a lot wasier which will also allow women to be drawn to this attitude ...and even find it sexy. Be a MAN. If you've never known how, get a personal trainer from your local gym to push you beyond what you thought you limits are. That'll be a good start.

 

Being a man isn't about being in touch with your feelings or sensitive side. It's not abotu complaining and whinning. It's about stepping up, doing what you say you're going to do, sacrificing, being proud and confident, tough, trusing and allowing a woman to feel safe with you. Don't get me wrong, I'm not dismissing feelings as unimportant, just saying that's not whats going to get you a lady easy.

 

Your choice. Or, you can be a sensitive dude that women call on to complain about their boyfriend to.

 

Sorry for the tough love but find a pair and live life the way YOU want the story to be told.

 

Good luck,

 

Explorer

[jean-luc sisko]

Social skills, IMO, means how one generally interacts with people. I think it's distinct from the colloquial definition. Somebody who is quiet or introverted may be seen as colloquially lacking social skills, but this is not true in a lot of cases. Social skills to me is being mannerly, knowing when to speak in conversations, not being rude, etc.

 

I think learning how to interrelate to people takes practice. It's not somebody something is necessarily born with.

[Ross PK]

Did you really need to make another thread on this issue. It's almost exactly the same as the one before.

 

I'll just use the same answer here that I did there.

 

It's nothing like the other thread.

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Social skills can only carry you so far.

[Explorer]

Load of hooey

 

And from what personal success are you basing your opinion on?

[Ross PK]

Hi Ross PK,

 

Just a fair warning in the title if you decide to read on but I think you need to hear it.....

 

Judging by your email sig and redundant posts I'm thinking your lack of female sexual interaction is not from poor social skills, coolness factor, sex appeal, etc ...no. It's actually much more important and in general than those.

 

You first need to find a pair of 'balls.' Once you've found a pair, you can display confidence a lot wasier which will also allow women to be drawn to this attitude ...and even find it sexy. Be a MAN. If you've never known how, get a personal trainer from your local gym to push you beyond what you thought you limits are. That'll be a good start.

 

Being a man isn't about being in touch with your feelings or sensitive side. It's not abotu complaining and whinning. It's about stepping up, doing what you say you're going to do, sacrificing, being proud and confident, tough, trusing and allowing a woman to feel safe with you. Don't get me wrong, I'm not dismissing feelings as unimportant, just saying that's not whats going to get you a lady easy.

 

Your choice. Or, you can be a sensitive dude that women call on to complain about their boyfriend to.

 

Sorry for the tough love but find a pair and live life the way YOU want the story to be told.

 

Good luck,

 

Explorer

 

Women aren't sexually attracted to me, so there's nothing I can do about it. Except to just enjoy porn for the rest of my life.

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Women aren't sexually attracted to me, so there's nothing I can do about it. Except to just enjoy porn for the rest of my life.

 

Plenty of women on here have said you aren't unattractive.

 

Look, if Danny De Vito can get married and have children, so can you. Your worst enemy is yourself.

[Sivok]

Tell that to Gabriele D'Annunzio - a short, bald, ugly guy with no money or real social connections who got mistresses ranging from the wives of nobles to young hot dancers.

 

First you need to work on your self esteem - believing you're capable of great things, and truly deserve great things. If you don't truly in your core believe you deserve a great woman, then you'll never be able to convince one to be with you.

 

Second, you need to work on your self confidence - having direction, and outwardly displaying that you're a man that deserves and already achieves great things. You've heard it a million times, but a guy who has this part figured out will earn anyone's respect - no matter what god gave him.

 

Thirdly, you need to act on the previous two. You can convince yourself you can do great things, you can convince others you can do great things, but when it's time to back that talk up, you need to be able to take that step. This can range from anything to accomplishing a difficult task you claimed to someone you can/would do, to physically escalating with a woman.

 

You can learn the greatest scripted pickup lines in the world, but they won't do **** for you if you don't have those 3 inner issues resolved. So stop looking at a mirror, stop making excuses, and work on pulling your **** together.

[Ross PK]

Plenty of women on here have said you aren't unattractive.

 

Look, if Danny De Vito can get married and have children, so can you. Your worst enemy is yourself.

 

Not finding me unattractive doesn't mean they're sexually attracted to me. And even if they were it doesn't mean anything because it's the Internet, which is a completely differen't world from offline. Just because someone may find me sexually attractive online, doesn't mean they still would do if they met me offline.

[Ross PK]

Tell that to Gabriele D'Annunzio - a short, bald, ugly guy with no money or real social connections who got mistresses ranging from the wives of nobles to young hot dancers.

 

First you need to work on your self esteem - believing you're capable of great things, and truly deserve great things. If you don't truly in your core believe you deserve a great woman, then you'll never be able to convince one to be with you.

 

Second, you need to work on your self confidence - having direction, and outwardly displaying that you're a man that deserves and already achieves great things. You've heard it a million times, but a guy who has this part figured out will earn anyone's respect - no matter what god gave him.

 

Thirdly, you need to act on the previous two. You can convince yourself you can do great things, you can convince others you can do great things, but when it's time to back that talk up, you need to be able to take that step. This can range from anything to accomplishing a difficult task you claimed to someone you can/would do, to physically escalating with a woman.

 

You can learn the greatest scripted pickup lines in the world, but they won't do **** for you if you don't have those 3 inner issues resolved. So stop looking at a mirror, stop making excuses, and work on pulling your **** together.

 

That guy obviously had something about him which attracted women, be it pheremones, or whatever.

 

It doesn't matter how confident I am or how much self esteem I have, women still aren't attracted to me. I just don't have whatever it is, that everyone else has which attracts other people.

 

Real women can **** off. I prefer porn.

[Romeofud]

Your confidence, OP, is as thin as the air we breathe. Women smell this so I guess you're just cooked turkey. Do you need me to stick a fork in it?

[Ross PK]

Did you even read my last post?

[GorillaTheater]

Real women can **** off. I prefer porn.

 

Then you've resolved your problem.

 

Did you even read my last post?

 

You can tell us that you have all the confidence in the world, but I've more-or-less followed your posts for the past two years, and I ain't seeing it. What I've seen is lack of self-confidence in every aspect of your life that you've cared to share with LS, everything from women to jobs to driving. You can take this as an attack if you wish, but it's not meant to be. It's an effort to get you to see that you may not be looking at your confidence objectively. That there may indeed be quite a bit of room for improvement. Just like most of the rest of us.

[PorkRinds]

I hear a lot, that when a guy can't ever get a woman it is down to bad social skills.

 

I've never been able to get a woman, but I'm sure I have good social skills, as I've always made friends easily with males, and when I'm confident around people I never experience any awkward moments.

 

So I was wondering, is it possible to have good social skills with guys, but bad social skills with women? Or does someone either, have good social skills, or bad social skills, period?

 

Look. What's the objective here?

 

If it's just to have some sex with a woman, the simplest and most direct way is to find an escort service or massage parlor, pay the money, and get laid.

 

There's a reason it's called "the oldest profession."

 

If it was that easy for most guys to get laid most of the time, there wouldn't be such a need for hookers.

 

To attract women, you have to show them something they think they want. Money. Power. Status. (Or the illusion of these things.)

 

No chick ever had sex with Mick Jagger because he's good looking.

 

I'm assuming your own looks are average or below because if you were above average in physical attractiveness by this point at least a few women would have thrown themselves at you.

 

Otherwise, what may be happening is that some women have expressed interest in you but you've been oblivious to it, that's not uncommon, actually.

 

Also, you actually have to play a numbers game and ask a lot of women out.

 

I'll bet you don't try very hard.

 

It's like being an actor or a door to door salesman, to be good at pulling chicks you have to let rejection roll off your back.

[somedude81]

What do you do if you don't have money, power, or status and don't know how to present the illusion?

 

Is there any hope?

[PorkRinds]

Women aren't sexually attracted to me, so there's nothing I can do about it. Except to just enjoy porn for the rest of my life.

 

Plenty of women will have sex w/guys they're not sexually attracted to. Women will f*ck for all kinds of reasons, because they use access to their p*ssy as a form of currency, a medium of exchange.

 

Example: Let's say a woman is mad at her bf because she just caught him cheating. Then she will want a grudge f*ck or revenge f*ck and it doesn't really matter with who.

 

Or, let's say a woman is somewhat obese/a fatty and insecure. She will let guys f*ck her because it makes her feel more sexually desirable if guys want to do that with her, not necessarily because she actually wants to have sex.

 

Many chicks who are inhibited will indiscriminately f*ck if you get them drunk, that's another example. (In fact meeting fat girls in bars and getting them drunk is a time tested strategy to get laid.)

 

Of course there are the chicks who will f*ck if they think you are a good catch, that is, have money and will spend it on them. There's quite a few of these types of chicks floating around.

 

Then you also have the older chicks who are starting to lose their looks and might want to bang a younger dude, you know, cougars.

 

Then there are women who have been married for a long time and their husbands are fat and disgusting so they want to cheat on them.

 

Then there are just flat out ugly or homely chicks who are every bit as insecure as you, they would probably make a pretty good target for you.

 

I am being realistic here. If you masturbate to porn a lot then you probably have a fantasy of going out there and finding a super attractive big boobed nympho who will jump on your meat automatically, who doesn't have unsightly blemishes, stretch marks, hairs growing where they shouldn't be, doesn't fart, whose body doesn't exude disgusting fluids from time to time, cellulite, totally toned body from working out hours a day, tits don't flop around, no strange smells, etc.

 

Real women are for the most part not like that and real sex is not antiseptic like that. Maybe that's what's holding you up? You're grossed out about the whole thing?

 

Nothing takes the romance out of a relationship quite like hearing--and smelling--a woman take a huge runny dump when you're in the bedroom and she's right over there in the toilet. Or, looking down in the trash and seeing her bloody and used feminine pad. Or, having sex without a condom and afterwards your penis and crotch is drenched in blood because she just started her period that day.

 

Or, going down on a chick who has some hygeine issues or a yeast infection or who maybe let a little bit too much time go since the last time she bathed thoroughly.

 

I'll never forget the time I had sex with this one chick, she was pretty attractive, it couldn't have been the first time I ever had sex, but it might have been the first time I ever did it sober, in the daytime, with plenty of light so I could actually clearly see the woman's body.

 

She was a pretty attractive girl, but I remember seeing these strange lines on her boobs. I'm like "WTF are those?" I think I was smart enough not to mention it to her but at some point I figured out what they were. Boobs have connective tissue, so the lines were perfectly normal. Except "Playboy" airbrushes those out. So I never knew they were there.

 

I also remember being rather shocked at how floppy real boobs are. Totally gross if you are used to "Playboy" images or artificially pumped silicone boobs.

 

One time I "got lucky" with this girl who was pretty attractive, but she had a dark hair growing out of her nipple. A single hair. It pretty much ruined the aesthetics of the experience. I don't know why she hadn't plucked it, but she hadn't. I wanted to yank that sucker out myself but obviously that would have been overstepping my boundaries.

[PorkRinds]

What do you do if you don't have money, power, or status and don't know how to present the illusion?

 

Is there any hope?

 

Being totally realistic, you must lower your standards, as far as needs be until you achieve your objective. This might mean hitting on 50-something year old thrice divorced lushes at the Holiday Inn bar on karaoke night. Or, cozying up to seriously obese chicks.

 

Pussy is pussy, and once you get beyond fantasizing and ego tripping about what you believe "other people will think," you'll realize your penis has absolutely no conscience. If the best you can do is wind up in the back seat of your Buick with a drunken fatty, but it gets your dick sucked, then you still got your dick sucked, and it still feels pretty good.

 

Once when I was backpacking around in Europe I was hanging out with some other tourists and we were on the beach somewhere partying in the evening. As is pretty typical, there was an attractive girl with her friend, the fat chick. There was also another guy, the alpha dude, he pretty quickly got with the hot chick. So I was left to entertain the fatty. Let me say this chick was hugely obese, fattest chick by far I've ever been with.

 

And she was a pretty pleasant person. So, we're sitting there in the sand, chatting, having some drinks, and I said "F*ck this, I'm in Europe, if I'm going to get laid tonight, there is no alternative." So I kissed her and we actually started making out. Since I didn't really care, it was easy for me to escalate, we ended up in my room I was staying at. I had some doubts looking at her hugely obese naked body, but I still maintained an erection and somehow found the right place to put it amongst all the folds (at least I think I did). It wasn't nearly the best sex I've ever had because I was a little bit grossed out, but I still managed to nut inside the chick.

 

Afterwards I felt really guilty about "taking advantage" of this chick but you know what? She was GRATEFUL. She was happy. Probably she didn't get all that many opportunities to have sex, although it wasn't like she was inexperienced.

 

The next day it was time to part company, and she actually invited me to travel with her, it was unstated but clearly implied we would be f*cking companions as well as travel companions. Having shot my nut just a few hours before, I had no interest any longer and politely declined, saying I didn't have enough money to travel to whatever interesting place she had said she was going. SO SHE OFFERED TO PAY MY WAY. IOW I basically could have been her gigolo. Now I'm no sexual athlete, and in hindsight I probably should have done it since it would have saved me money and I could have probably ditched her at any time I was tired of it. But my foolish pride prevented me from taking the easy path of least resistance in sexual matters. (I know better now.)

 

You need to totally let go of your ego and be willing to put your penis into any available vagina that seems reasonably clean and disease-free (wrap it up to be safe of course). Remember, the definition of "woman" is: "Transport vehicle for a vagina." If you want to get laid, all you should be interested in is the vagina, not the woman, and frankly every vagina I've ever seen has been about the ugliest thing I could imagine. The vagina of a beautiful woman looks remarkably similar to an ugly woman's.

 

Another thing I've discovered is that you don't really know how attracted to a woman you'll be, sexually speaking, until they've taken their clothes off. Even seemingly ugly women can have attractive features which make it worth your while to try to f*ck them.

 

Example--plenty of women who don't seem too attractive, esp. heavier women, wind up having pretty large boobies. There's plenty of fun stuff you can do with those which is more sexually satisfying than sitting at home watching porn.

 

You can also close your eyes when you have sex, get drunk, or turn off the lights.

 

This is all sh*t you are going to have to learn sooner or later if you get married because we aren't 23 years old (or whatever extremely youthful age you are) forever.

[somedude81]

Wow, I don't know if I can start chasing chubbies.

 

I actually got pretty close to doing one a few years ago but I just couldn't go through with it. Just seeing her topless with her folds and stretchmarks

 

I knew she would want to try again and actually have sex the next day and I turned my phone off so I wouldn't have to talk to her.

 

At 29 I'm not extremely youthful anymore and I am desperate to get laid, but I want a girlfriend a hell of a lot more. A decent enough looking girl, doesn't have to be hot, but somebody I can introduce to my family and say, "Here she is, I'm not a loser anymore."

 

But I'm still having lots of trouble with them. It's easy to make friends but they never want to go beyond that.

[Ross PK]

Plenty of women will have sex w/guys they're not sexually attracted to. Women will f*ck for all kinds of reasons, because they use access to their p*ssy as a form of currency, a medium of exchange.

 

Example: Let's say a woman is mad at her bf because she just caught him cheating. Then she will want a grudge f*ck or revenge f*ck and it doesn't really matter with who.

 

Or, let's say a woman is somewhat obese/a fatty and insecure. She will let guys f*ck her because it makes her feel more sexually desirable if guys want to do that with her, not necessarily because she actually wants to have sex.

 

Many chicks who are inhibited will indiscriminately f*ck if you get them drunk, that's another example. (In fact meeting fat girls in bars and getting them drunk is a time tested strategy to get laid.)

 

Of course there are the chicks who will f*ck if they think you are a good catch, that is, have money and will spend it on them. There's quite a few of these types of chicks floating around.

 

Then you also have the older chicks who are starting to lose their looks and might want to bang a younger dude, you know, cougars.

 

Then there are women who have been married for a long time and their husbands are fat and disgusting so they want to cheat on them.

 

Then there are just flat out ugly or homely chicks who are every bit as insecure as you, they would probably make a pretty good target for you.

 

I am being realistic here. If you masturbate to porn a lot then you probably have a fantasy of going out there and finding a super attractive big boobed nympho who will jump on your meat automatically, who doesn't have unsightly blemishes, stretch marks, hairs growing where they shouldn't be, doesn't fart, whose body doesn't exude disgusting fluids from time to time, cellulite, totally toned body from working out hours a day, tits don't flop around, no strange smells, etc.

 

Real women are for the most part not like that and real sex is not antiseptic like that. Maybe that's what's holding you up? You're grossed out about the whole thing?

 

Nothing takes the romance out of a relationship quite like hearing--and smelling--a woman take a huge runny dump when you're in the bedroom and she's right over there in the toilet. Or, looking down in the trash and seeing her bloody and used feminine pad. Or, having sex without a condom and afterwards your penis and crotch is drenched in blood because she just started her period that day.

 

Or, going down on a chick who has some hygeine issues or a yeast infection or who maybe let a little bit too much time go since the last time she bathed thoroughly.

 

I'll never forget the time I had sex with this one chick, she was pretty attractive, it couldn't have been the first time I ever had sex, but it might have been the first time I ever did it sober, in the daytime, with plenty of light so I could actually clearly see the woman's body.

 

She was a pretty attractive girl, but I remember seeing these strange lines on her boobs. I'm like "WTF are those?" I think I was smart enough not to mention it to her but at some point I figured out what they were. Boobs have connective tissue, so the lines were perfectly normal. Except "Playboy" airbrushes those out. So I never knew they were there.

 

I also remember being rather shocked at how floppy real boobs are. Totally gross if you are used to "Playboy" images or artificially pumped silicone boobs.

 

One time I "got lucky" with this girl who was pretty attractive, but she had a dark hair growing out of her nipple. A single hair. It pretty much ruined the aesthetics of the experience. I don't know why she hadn't plucked it, but she hadn't. I wanted to yank that sucker out myself but obviously that would have been overstepping my boundaries.

 

I prefer watching porn that has more real looking everyday women in it, in fact chubby average looking or below average looking chicks. I just find these the most attractive for some reason.

 

I really don't care for watching women who have the typical attractive looks that most other men go for, and who are really skinny, with plastic tits and they're so tanned they look orange.

 

And I know most women aren't like the women in porn, as in, being nymphos and wanting to jump on any guy.

[Ross PK]

Wow, I don't know if I can start chasing chubbies.

 

I actually got pretty close to doing one a few years ago but I just couldn't go through with it. Just seeing her topless with her folds and stretchmarks

 

I knew she would want to try again and actually have sex the next day and I turned my phone off so I wouldn't have to talk to her.

 

At 29 I'm not extremely youthful anymore and I am desperate to get laid, but I want a girlfriend a hell of a lot more. A decent enough looking girl, doesn't have to be hot, but somebody I can introduce to my family and say, "Here she is, I'm not a loser anymore."

 

But I'm still having lots of trouble with them. It's easy to make friends but they never want to go beyond that.

 

How the hell did you manage to get the fat chick?

 

I so wish I was in your shoes.

[somedude81]

LOL wish you were in my shoes?

 

We were coworkers at a drug store and she was a new hire. On our first shift together she basically started hitting on me. I was desperate for some action so I played along. She was just really aggressive.

 

What's pretty sad is that she was the only girl I've ever kissed. And that was because she made it plainly obvious what she wanted.

[PorkRinds]

Are you Steve Carrell?

[Ross PK]

LOL wish you were in my shoes?

 

We were coworkers at a drug store and she was a new hire. On our first shift together she basically started hitting on me. I was desperate for some action so I played along. She was just really aggressive.

 

What's pretty sad is that she was the only girl I've ever kissed. And that was because she made it plainly obvious what she wanted.

 

What did she actually do when she was hitting on you?