Want to move out of parents house

[idkagoodusername]

Hey guys, I'm new here! I would really like some good advice on what I should do with this situation. Here it is:

 

My boyfriend is going to marine boot camp this summer and then he is going to Florida for job training after he gets back for a year. I want to see him this summer a lot more than last summer. Last summer, my mom was really strict and only let me see him twice a week. I was okayish with it because I was only 17 and I had to listen to my parent's i rules. Now I am 18 and I want to see a lot this summer before he leaves. Problem is, my parents won't let me see him again but only twice a week (btw we've been together for about a year and a half). I wanted to plan a trip for me and him so we could have time together alone before he left, but, again my parents won't let me go away alone with him or even with him and his mom. This is really starting to piss me off because i'm 18 and I should be able to see him when I want.

 

The reason I want to move out is because if I do, then I will no longer have to abide by their rules. My bf is planning a trip with a few guy friends to FL this summer for about 5 days and he wants me to go. I told him I couldnt unless I move out. He doesn't advocate me leaving my family for this trip but I dont want to be there anymore. He says that it is my decision but him and his family is there for me if i do move out. Plus, I have my sisters. But anywho, the trip isnt the only thing that makes me want to move out. I go to college 2 hours away and i get soo much freedom there. When i go home, i get NO freedom! NONE! I have a curfew of 11:00 pm, my bf has to pick me up to go out (i cant go to his house and he can't stay at mine), I have to ask permission to go out, and my parents (mainly my mom) are douches. My mom talks about ppl all the time, she fusses about everything and says that my bf is only with me to get in my pants. I'm soo tired of listening to them and trying to appease them. I'm tired of being their "golden child".

 

If i was to move out, I would get my freedom, i would get to see him as often as i wanted, and i would be able to do a lot more without my mom nagging me to death. The cons of it are: I don't have a job as of now (i do have money in the bank from previous jobs and I will get a job), my parents would hate me and my boyfriend, they would probably stop talking to me and would spread rumors or something about me, him, and his family. Also, it would just upset them. If I could i would talk to them about it but they don't listen! They never listen.

 

Main point, I dont want to live there anymore, I want freedom, I want to be able to spend a summer with my bf before he leaves because idk when I will get another with him, and my sister will probably let me stay with her til school starts. I can get a job and support myself but my parents will cut off the money they give me and they will make me pay back some money (about $3000 im sure). I also have my bf and his family and they are pretty well off. I just dont want them to hate me but I dont want to be there anymore. I do love them but I've had enough....does anyone have advice or anything? It would be very much appreciated!

[NamNam]

You sound very immature, if you want a complete breakdown of why, I'm happy to do so. But it boils down to two things - you don't seem to really comprehend the responsibilities of moving out and this 'freedon' you think you're attaining and you seem to think you're entitled to anything you want because you're 18 (fact is you're still a kid, teenager to be even more technical).

 

My advice? Calm down and listen to your parents. They're worried about you and that's what good parents will do. They're probably over protective, but judging from your post, they probably should be.

 

If your bf loves you, then he'll stick around despite how restrictive your parents are. Give in to easy to him, and he'll run riot with you. Who knows? Your mum might be right, he just wants to f*** you? What makes you think otherwise? He's going to hang around for the summer and then he's off for a year! So not only, you're going to potentially alienate yourself from your family, but you're going to be a long distance relationship too (which is another issue in itself my dear)! Make him suffer, make him wait, that way you'll know whether he is someone you should be giving up your family for.

 

If this comes out harsh, then that's too bad, because life is harsh. This is real world advice.

Edited March 7, 2011 by NamNam

[idkagoodusername]

Ok listen. I'm adopted. They aren't even my real parents. I'm very mature for my age and I know that it's going to be hard. You don't know what goes on in my house and I don't think that I need to enlighten you on what does. My older sister moved out because of them. Yea I know it sounds stupid to move out just because of a boy, but I'm pretty sure I said it's not just that. I want to write my own book of my life. My mom gets mad when I tell her that I'm not for sure if I want to go to school to be a pharmacist. They will probably be so disappointed in me when I tell them that I want to be a math teacher instead. I want my freedom and I'm tired of being in a place that is so objective and restricted. I know they care about me, but I want them to realize that I'm an adult now and I want to be treated like one. They don't listen. As for the bf, no he doesn't just want to **** me. I just want my time with him. He is going to be in boot camp for 3 months, florida for a year, and then wherever his job in the marines takes him for the next four years. I've listened to my parents for 13 years now. I have done what they have said and I'm tired of listening to them being disappointed because I want to do something different or that I have different views. They look down on me when I try to protect someone because they are judging them and then I'm called "too nice". When my sister moved out, all my mom did was rant and rave to me about how terrible of a daughter she was and all kinds of ****. I'm just tired of it. So if anyone else has advice that will help me, please feel free to respond!

[NamNam]

Okay, you know yourself and your won situation better than anyone else. If you truly think you're doing all these things for the right reason, then go for it. The worst thing you can do is to make decisions out of haste without critically thinking about your own actions.

[linwood]

Get a job.

Stash some money.

Get a room mate.

Rent an apartment.

Done.

 

Good luck to you!!

[Eve]

Ok, so you are at College and have freedom when there but do not have the same freedom when you come home. I would say this is pretty normal. My daughter is at University but when home behaves according to our rules. We don't really have that many rules though.

 

You do sound ungrateful to me because you are trying to use the age of 18 as being a golden ticket to make your parents do what you want them to do. Sounds like you have quite a strong rebellious streak which they have probably had to work overtime to control.

 

The main issue is that your parents are not willing to stand by you wanting to give over all your time to this person during the holidays. Seems to me like they don't know him and are thinking that you are vulnerable because of the way you want to them to bend to your lifestyle choice. Poor communication during such arguements probably support your notion that they are uncompromising.

 

Overall, the way you want to break away from your parents and justifications for doing so are childish. Move out if you want (Linwood outlined the basics) but be clear that after those 5 days of fun during the summer, you may be on your own in a different way to what you imagine.

 

I hope you don't burn too many bridges.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[TakeMeasIam]

Ok listen. I'm adopted. They aren't even my real parents.

 

Yes they are. Your blood-parents aren't around and these people have raised you as their own child, so don't for one moment think that gives them any less right over you than blood-parents would have. Simply because you're not genetically connected doesn't make them different to people who are blood relatives.

There are countless thousands of children living with blood-relatives who are a lot worse off than you.

You are their child, and they have every right to expect certain behaviour from you while you are still under their roof.

Just this one comment shows me how ridiculously immature you really are.

It's an extremely selfish and uncaring comment to make.

 

 

I'm very mature for my age

 

Says who? is this a personal evaluation?

I don't see it myself....

 

and I know that it's going to be hard.

 

Oh, you have no idea.....

 

You don't know what goes on in my house and I don't think that I need to enlighten you on what does.

Don't worry, keep it to yourself. it would only be from your angle anyway, so as such, liberally biased.

 

My older sister moved out because of them. Yea I know it sounds stupid to move out just because of a boy, but I'm pretty sure I said it's not just that.

 

Oh, you're "pretty sure"....? Not "absolutely certain"?

 

I want to write my own book of my life. My mom gets mad when I tell her that I'm not for sure if I want to go to school to be a pharmacist. They will probably be so disappointed in me when I tell them that I want to be a math teacher instead.

I don't see why.

Why would they be biased towards pharmacy?

 

I want my freedom and I'm tired of being in a place that is so objective and restricted. I know they care about me, but I want them to realize that I'm an adult now and I want to be treated like one.

No, you're not. Just because you've turned 18, it doesn't mean you have the adult status to go with it. Just like screwing someone and making them/becoming pregnant, doesn't make you a parent.

The whole post is testimony to how immature you actually are. If you were a real adult you wouldn't be coming out with such banal objections.

 

They don't listen.

It takes 2 to tango....

 

As for the bf, no he doesn't just want to **** me. I just want my time with him. He is going to be in boot camp for 3 months, florida for a year, and then wherever his job in the marines takes him for the next four years. I've listened to my parents for 13 years now.

 

Well carry on for a bit longer. Has it ever occurred to you that they have your very best interests at heart? Your well-being and long-term happiness?

 

I have done what they have said and I'm tired of listening to them being disappointed because I want to do something different or that I have different views. They look down on me when I try to protect someone because they are judging them and then I'm called "too nice".

This is your perception, from your angle. I wonder what your parents would be telling us if they could post?

Why not invite them to put their PoV forward and let us evaluate the discussion from both sides?

 

When my sister moved out, all my mom did was rant and rave to me about how terrible of a daughter she was and all kinds of ****. I'm just tired of it. So if anyone else has advice that will help me, please feel free to respond!

Well, I've done that, but I daresay you won't be too pleased with my response either.

 

Just remember one thing:

The majority of people on this forum are old enough to be your parents. Many are a few years older than you, but have experienced life on the knife-edge.

So we have been through your years, and might understand a little better than you think we do.

We're ex-kids ourselves, you know.

That's where we have the advantage.

Hindsight.

And hindsight is 20/20 vision.