Been wanting to break up with BF for three years, he's not for me, so what gives?

[bijoux101]

I am just so tired, I have been wanting to breakup with my BF for about three years now, and everytime I try, to talk to him, he makes me feel guilty, blames it all on my parents, which by the way live about 14 hrs away by plane, and blames all the problems on me.

That he has done everything for me, and I have done nothing for him, all we do is fight, he sleeps on the couch, I sleep in the room, he tells me he can't stand me, but won't let me go either. Life is miserable, we don't even talk for that matter

Everytime I mention leaving he gets angry and has hit me in the past, what's up with that?

What do I do, I don't love him anymore, but am scared of him, and what he is capable of doing.

 

Bijoux

[YssaBoo]

Next time he leaves,change the locks. Never let a man hit you,ever. If you have a friend you can stay with for awhile,go. I am going into criminalistics when I graduate from HS ,and this is why.I am sick of domestic violence and he is also mentally abusing you,be strong ,you CAN do it.Good luck and keep us posted

[agnf666]

If you don't get out of this relationship soon it could be too late, and the only really bad thing that could happen next is that he becomes a psycho and won't leave you alone when you break up. I would just come out with it, even when he says he doesn't want to talk about it. Or write a letter to him or something. You have to get out of that relationship before you are stuck because he will try to do something to harm you or your family, because you won't stay with him.

[bijoux101]

I can't change the locks, he owns the apt., I want to leave and go back home, I am from canada, and I am so far away, with no friends that it's real difficult for me.

I am at my wits end, because I know he is mentally abusing me and has done so for years, I can't stand him anymore.

 

Bijoux

[agnf666]

One day out of the blue get your stuff and go back home and don't tell him where you went. That would be a way to do it. I would just leave. Call and talk to your parents about it, and tell them you want to come home. Leave him a note with everything you wanted to say. Hopefully, he will get that through his head.

[kittykat]

You need to get the hell out of there now!!!!!!!!!!!! Would you please listen to all of the advice your getting. I was in a relationship like that before and it could cost you your life if you don't leave. I know from experience. I tried to leave my EX on christmas like years ago,he threw the turkey off the balcony and when he saw me packing he told me that he would kill me before he would allow me to be with someone else. I was in the bathroom gathering a few things and I told him I was leaving and he wasn't going to stop me. He stopped me allright, he grabbed me by the head and smashed it into the mirror on christmas eve. I spent the night in the hospital and then I was dumb enough to go back home. But not long after I left while he was still sleeping. I ended up loosing some of my stuff as I couldn't carry much. And I went to his mothers and waited for a friend to come and get me.

 

This is very serious and you need to reconsider what you will do.

 

good luck .....................................from kittykat

[Arabess]

I would go down to the nearest woman's shelter (for batered and abused women) TODAY and speak to them regarding gettin you some relocation help, advising you of your legal rights and explaining how you can protect yourself. They WILL help you!

 

Please post again and let us know how you are doing!!!

[Gwen25]

listen, its so very hard to get out of a relationship, especially when you have been with that person for so long. i was in one like that. there was no abuse or anything. but deep inside, i knew that the person wasn't right for me, but the guilt of being with him for so long kept me in the relationship, until one day...i just realized that both of us were missing out on life. he was giving me his all, but i (although superficially was totally into the relationship) was having so many doubts. it wasn't fair to him, so i ended it. it was so very painful to break his heart, but in the end, it was the right thing to do. you'll be lonely for a while, and very sad. but you should really end this relationship. ask a friend for help so you can figure out a plan to leave safely.

[morrigan]

As Arabess said, pack up your things and get out of there as soon as possible! Contact a local shelter for abused women and make arrangements to stay there. If you need to go back and get anything you may have left at his place, bring several friends with, and try to do it at a time when he will be at work.

 

Don't give him your new address or phone number, as he may attempt to plead his case, promise to "reform" to win back your trust. Most abusers have no intention of seeking counseling for their behavior--they hope to manipulate the person they abuse into coming back to them.

 

Your boyfriend wants someone he can intimidate and dominate, not a woman he can love. He uses fear, threats of punishment, and physical battering to damage your self esteem---you don't even think you're strong enough to leave him. You can live a good life without this man. He is a threat to both your physical and mental health. Cut this man out of your life permanently.

[bijoux101]

anyways I could go on and on, I know what I have to do, and thanks for the support. I don't know how I could of put up with all this abuse for so long.

 

bijoux

[moimeme]

Hi

 

There are strategies you can use to get yourself out safely.

 

Here is a link to drawing up a personal safety plan plus lots of other information on abusive relationships.

 

http://www.aardvarc.org/dv/plan.shtml

 

Make your preparations in secret when he's not around and have everything ready in advance. Do please be careful but don't delay leaving much longer. This guy is bad news.

[bijoux101]

I just wrote a long mail, and it got deleted, so for anyone following my story, I told him last night, I wanted to call it quits, he got angry called me all kinds of names, then after that told me, then pack your **** and leave then., but you will never find anyone like me again, when I met you, you had nothing you are nothing, your not even good looking ( lot better than he is and much taller too!)Your a loser, your parents are ****, and you will never succeed in doing anything in your life, because you are stupid.

I said, stop insulting me, your not making anything better, he doesn't listen, to anything. He told me I was selfish for wanting to break up with him, and that I only took profit from him, and never did anything for him.Believe me, if I would have only wanted to be profiting, I would of picked on a man, who had a lot more, and wouldn't of stuck around for this long

And if I left him, I had to leave the dog, or he would cause problems for me.

I am emotionally drained from this person, and need to start to organize my things and get out, it would be a lot easier to leave if I had some family, or good friends here, I do have a couple of people but it's not going to be easy.

I came all this way for him, and he can't respect me for who I am.

[moimeme]

There's no point in talking to him about it. He won't wise up, even if you threaten to leave.

 

I'm not sure if they can help at all, but have you tried contacting the Canadian Embassy in Athens?

 

Greece - Athens

Canadian Embassy

Address: 4 Ioannou Ghennadiou Street, 115 21 Athens, Greece

Tel.: 30 (210) 727-3400

Fax: 30 (210) 727-3480

Internet: http://www.athens.gc.ca

[bijoux101]

Thank You moimeme,

I am from B.C. as well, but I doubt the Canadian Embassy can do anything, without any proof.

It's probably better for me to have my father come here, and help me to deal with this, that is if he doesn't do something stupid, he hates my parents so much, who knows what the friek will do?

 

Thanks

Bijoux

[moimeme]

I don't mean so much that they could do anything about him, more that they might have some advice on how to get out. It might be worth a call - you never know!

[kittykat]

Hi it's kitttykat here. I would like to say that if you feel that you may be in danger while you are attempting to leave I would suggest that you have your local police with you. Should he decide he's likely to hurt you, he will be less likely to do it in front of the police. Don't bother with your parents cause if he's that unstable he will likely try to hurt them some way to. And there supports the theory of the abuser, you tell him you want to leave and he needs to verbally abuse you. Not a big surprise. You will feel alive again once you get away from him. And do yourself a favour, stay all by yourself for a long while and get to know the real you that you probably lost in this relationship. You'll notice that alot will change in you. But I would call the cops if i were you, don't tell him but get as much together as you can and call them about an hour before your ready to leave. Tell them you are leaving him and your scared he will hurt you. They will send someone. About the dog, is he your dog, did you buy him and is it you that takes care of him of does the a** take care of him? The reason I ask that is if you bought him and you take care of him then you take him and the a**can't do anything about it. And take him.

 

Good luck. .....................................from kittykat