:/ how do I tell him how I feel?

[smashalasha]

I more than like my guy friend. I'm finding it harder and harder to see him only as a friend. I want there to be more. I have known him for almost two years, but for the last 2+ months, we have gotten into the habit of talking to each other every single day, online and occasionally on the phone. I love that he is there at the end of every day. He is the only guy I have ever been completely myself around (and he STILL likes me haha). I can talk to him about almost anything, too. Truly, I feel more comfortable talking to him and being myself around him than I was with my last boyfriend (yeah, that was a big wake-up call for me, realizing that. I have also since realized my last bf was not right for me; I was blind to it while in the relationship, that's a whole 'nother story, however!).

 

But it sucks because, he lives 1600 miles away :/ so most people I talk to about this say, okay, you want to date him, but how do you plan to 'date' when you are 1600 miles apart??

 

I know, I know! In any case, I still want to at least tell him how I feel. I know for a fact that even if I tell him I like him and we don't end up dating, that it will not ruin our friendship an inkling. In fact, he has told me before that he would ask me out if he could. I know that he currently thinks I'm interested in only being friends, so I thought maybe that's why he doesn't actually ask me out, because he thinks I'm not interested. Or perhaps it's because we live so far apart, or both. Anyway. The first time he told me he liked me was when I was still with my last boyfriend. He told me when he said it, he meant it just to say that I'm an awesome woman and he'd date me if he could, like a compliment. (His policy in life in general is to be very open and honest, so he is the kind of guy who will share his feelings when he gets them).

 

And just last week we were talking about relationships in general, and he basically told me, don't worry about that guy stuff if you were, I'd ask you out if I could, so logically you'll have more guys interested in you in the future. I didn't know what to say to that, and he had to go then anyway, so I ended up not saying anything.

 

And he is so sweet to me. He encourages me in my daily pursuits, asks how I am and how my day was every time we talk, and will tell me "sweet dreams" and things like that sometimes when we say goodnight. I like hearing about what he's doing, too, and like to motivate and support him. Seriously some days we talk on and off for hours. We've got more in common than I originally thought, too, and what makes me most happy of all is that we share a common passion, so I have someone here who understands something that is extremely important to me, and same for him.

 

When I think back on him telling me he'd ask me out if he could, I'm wondering if he really DID just mean it as a compliment, and that he wouldn't ACTUALLY ask me out... and that if I tell him I like him too, he would be flattered, but not interested in actually dating me. Or, maybe he really WOULD date me if he could. It's difficult for me to tell which it is, and I know the only way for me to truly find out, is to hear it from him.

 

This is long so I'll get to the end of it. In two weeks, I will be seeing him in person on a five-day vacation with 10 other people. I thought that if I am going to tell him how I feel, that I should wait until we are in person. I just don't know how to go about it, though... I thought I could at least get someone else's take on the situation! Someone who isn't so emotionally involved!! haha. Thanks for reading... feel free to ask any questions or for more information!

[tonyp56]

Distance thing is a problem, somethings you should be asking yourself. If he does want me as more than a friend would I be willing to move? Would he? Why do I feel this way, because I can tell him anything? Because I'm attracted to him? ETC...

 

If you can't move and he can't move then it really don't matter if he is willing to be with you. Long distance NEVER works, even for people who are married, one or the other or both end up cheating if separation is too long and they at least come together every now and then.

 

Then, attraction... If you aren't attracted to him for more than a friend you can tell everything to, then it won't work. Sex isn't everything, but sexual attraction is important. Kind of hard to have a loving relationship with someone who you don't get excited about or for physically.

 

Anyways, if none of this scares you off, and moving to be closer to him (or him moving to be closer to you) isn't an issue then you can think about how to tell him.

 

Just be honest with him and yourself. If moving is a problem for either of you or if you aren't really attracted to him, then it isn't really going to work IMO. Let the chips fall where they may. Drops some hints before you guys see each other. Be direct, but do it in a way that seems accidental. Anyways, see if you saying things makes him cold. Lets face it, you don't want to wait to see him and only be thinking about him and then he rejects you and you are left heart broke with nothing else planned because you didn't think about it.

[smashalasha]

Thanks so much for your input. I agree with the distance thing. I like to tell myself things like, oh, that doesn't matter, we'll make it work, I'm willing to wait, blah blah blah! But I'm only kidding myself with those things. It's wishful thinking... but I think that's one of the things we're best at lol.

 

I still think I'd like to tell him I like him. I think it would be better to get it off my chest. If I don't, then all the what ifs, etc. will still be on my mind. Also I just feel like, he already told me about his feelings for me, anyway, so I don't feel any hesitation telling him about mine. We'll probably end up talking about it and both agree that it can't be done, not while we live so far apart, and we'll just keep being friends. It's not fair to make either of us wait almost two years before we could plan to be in the same place either :/

 

Hmm he does keep flirting with me though... I am definitely attracted to him physically, too btw!

 

So anyway. I've actually got a few possible dates here, so I think I'll pursue those. Who knows, maybe I'll like one of them even more than my friend!