anniversary problems

[missmac]

Im seeing this guy, I cant bring myself to say we are dating or that he is my bf - because of some fears I have over the conditions that come with that status. He is, however, the only person I am intimate with currently and the person I spend the most time with (even though that is not much)

 

He is very much like you - romantic, and likes to put alot of effort in to the gifts or cards he makes or gets me. The kind of thoughtful gifts that only someone who really "gets you" would think of. HOWEVER, as impressive as it all is - I have told him many times that I am uncomfortable accepting gifts from him, that it's really sweet, but not necessary. He pointed out to me that it makes him happy to do things for me - so on my birthday a couple weeks ago I tried my best to see the presents he made me as a way to express his happiness to me.

 

On valentines day he went ahead and bought me flowers after I pleaded with him not to.....and I wasnt upset over the fact he bought me flowers on valentines day - but that he didnt listen to what I had said, and disrespected my wishes.

 

My situations dynamic is a bit different, in that I dont want to be bought gifts or taken to diner, because I am uncomfortable with people buying me things, paying for me, or doing something for me which I am able to do myself. For me the refusal of gifts and celebrated occasions is because I have a hard time letting anyone take care of me for me in any way - I guess it's a conflict of power for me. In fact im quite the opposite - I like to take care of things, pay for diner, movies, etc.....and go out of my way to buy the little luxury items for him that he would most not likely buy for himself. And from my perspective - I do it that same reason he does, because it makes me feel happy to show someone I care about them, and like to buy them thoughtful gifts. I guess I just like to wear the pants so-to-speak.

 

Some women just dont like to make a big deal over gifts or anniversaries. I personally appreciate simple gestures, that are'nt overly extravagant, or make you feel awkward when given.

 

Example: He knows I am not overly fond of Valentines day, and think its a ridiculous holiday. So he sent me a hand illustrated card, and wrote something inside that we had joked about a few weeks earlier. My initial upset over getting a card was quickly gone after opening it to find "Dear K, I hate your stinking guts, you make me vomit, you are the scum between my toes" Love J **this is a quote from alfalfa in the little rascals** It made me laugh, and meant alot more than anything previous bf's have given me.

 

Something I wanted to ask - has she always been like that? Or is this behavior developed over time? If she is somewhat like me, maybe all the romantic gestures are a bit too overwhelming, and she might prefer something more modest, or nontraditional - like going rock climbing, or taking a dance class, going bowling, or anything that is not familiar, new and exciting.

 

and about the sex thing - I have a quote that says "woman need to feel confident, collected, and in the right frame of mind - men just need a time and place"

 

Again, personally - if I am feeling stressed out, or have other things on my mind - I will not be motivated to have sex at all. I enjoy sex, I often find I like to be the person who initiates it (again im a control freak) but if I had a rough day at work, and am in a blue mood - I am completely unresponsive - and like to be alone until I work it out and feel good again.

 

Just some thoughts from a non-married perspective. Best of luck!

[uncool]

has she always been like that? Or is this behavior developed over time? Yes but it's gotten much worse over time.

 

If she is somewhat like me, maybe all the romantic gestures are a bit too overwhelming I don't do a lot of romantic gestures and gifts. Just every once in a while like anniversaries. I get her a single simple inexpensive christmas gift most years or I get her a $5 pot of flowers on valentines and she gives me nothing. Not that I really want a cool gift... just want to be acknowledged sometimes thats all. I don't throw a fit or whine or cry either

she might prefer something more modest, or nontraditional - like going rock climbing, or taking a dance class, going bowling, or anything that is not familiar, new and exciting. I'd love to do this with her but she absolutely "hates" to leave the house or go and do anything. Especially if it's with me.... she blows me off if I ever suggest going out on a date (unless of course it's her sisters doing the inviting)

 

I enjoy sex, I often find I like to be the person who initiates it (again im a control freak) you have a lucky BF

but if I had a rough day at work, and am in a blue mood - I am completely unresponsive - and like to be alone until I work it out and feel good again. i get that... I really do ....but are you like this 365-days a year? probably not

 

Just some thoughts from a non-married perspective. Best of luck!

 

you sound like an awesome normal woman! your BF is lucky!