Need advice

[ladyA]

I'm new to this site and have never posted before. I'm desperate for advice.

 

I have been married for 5 years and with my husband 2 years before that. In the beginning, before we married, my husband was great..he talked to me and listened. He was NEVER verbally abusive. After we were married he starting saying things like "I wouldn't do this again", "I don't love you anymore", etc. ....Only later to say he was speaking out of anger and didn't mean what he was saying. He is a very angry person sometimes and doesn't control his anger very well. If he gets upset with me he has been known to throw things, scream and cuss at me, he has broken the windshield of my car in a fit of anger, broken the front window on our home throwing things. He did push me once but never hits me. If we are driving and he is angry he drives crazy and scares me to death....I beg him to pull over and he doesn't.

But, when he's not angry he can be really nice and loving.

I have tried to talk to him about how he makes me feel...I'm very emotional and cry over it ALOT..he usually walks away and doesn't want to talk. He has told me to leave, but then says he doesn't really want me to.

 

We have a friend that went through a seperation back in April of last year and we have both tried to be good friends to him. He's always around and we are best friends. He means so much to me. My husband pushes us to do things together (refuses to go with us) and even has left us alone together many times after our marital arguments. I have been developing feelings for our friend because of all the time together and he is always there for me. I know I mean alot to him as well. Until this week we have never crossed any lines, but we got caught up in a moment and kissed....which is now causing more feelings. I want to go forward with how I feel but my friend and myself included both have very STRONG moral values! We both know it's wrong to cheat and lie. I know that the feelings will get stronger and things will happen if I don't figure this out.

I'm not even sure if I still love my husband....but I feel like I'm supposed to stay in the marriage regardless of love because I married him.

What do I do?

[meagara]

Is it really worth being mentally and emotionally abused, just because he has pushed you once it doesn't mean he won't push you again. I am not married and never have, but my mother was in a abusive marriage for 15 years. For those years I would watch my mother and father fight all the time. I know the thing that hurts the most is what your husband says to you, and he should not be saying things like that if he really loves you. I feel he doesn't respect you to take your feelings into consideration.

 

Concerning your friend, well are you running to him cause he makes feel secure and loved? I think it would be wise to deal with the problems at hand like your marriage. My problem is I am trying to give advice that is right, but I know how you feel. When I first met my boyfriend I was already involved, and my relationship wasn't the best and there was alot of emotional abuse going on. I just fell in love with my present boyfriend because he respected me, he also gave me time to deal with my crumbling relationship. The difference between you and I is you are married, and I am not sure if you have children involved. I think dealing with your marriage is a priority, if your friend really loves you he will understand and respect that decision. I don't know your whole story and am just giving advice, it may not be the right but I am trying. Take time to think.