NEar-Year

[blue]

My boyfriend broke up with me after a near year relationship---very evasive about the reason--only mentioned that his emotions for me weren't what they should be. I am going through hell. Tell me--I've never broke up with anyone. What does the person who initiates the breakup experience? Just wondering....

[Liz]

You can be sure that after a year of being with you, he isn't having the easiest time with this, either. Take heart in that, and the fact that he was honest with you about his feelings. Would you rather he had been too chicken to tell you, but secretly started dating another? As much as it hurts to hear, at least he was willing to be truthful. And better no relationship at all, than one lived as a lie.

 

I know it must be tough for you, breakups are always hard, no matter the time spent together, but I have been on both ends, and sometimes it's just as hard to be the "breaker" as the "breakee".

 

Have faith that the right one will come to you, if you are true to yourself, as well as patient. I wish you luck in life and love!

[Paulie]

It totally depends on the situation. When I say that it depends, it depends on:

 

1. Your reaction to the situation

 

2. His personality

 

3. If he's with another woman (gulp!)

 

4. I'm sure this list is incomplete

 

Inevitably, in a situation such as this, there is a certain degree of guilt on his part, which could be made worse by how you react to the breakup. But guilt is not a healthy ingredient in any relationship, so I would certainly advise against trying to push that button.

 

If he's with another woman, that could potentially serve as a temporary fix-all for him in that it takes his mind off of his guilt about your relationship, but that is not good for him, as any unresolved feelings would eventually resurface anyway. Basically, if you're looking for a strategy, LEAVE HIM ALONE. Calling him looking for an explanation or answer will only make him more resolute in his answer. Don't call, and if nothing else, it will allow you to begin healing more quickly, and perhaps may lead him to question his decision to a degree. But it is his position to do any calling now. Don't forget, and this is crucial...no matter how much explaining he does, there is no explanation that he can give you that will make you say "oh, ok, I understand" Let it be. Remember-If you love something, let it go. (Too bad I can't have such a grip on my own situation.)