lostindating Posted March 9, 2011 Share Posted March 9, 2011 will try not to waffle to much, but bit of back ground is important here, nearly 16 years I ago, I married a guy of 20, I was 28. We split up after two weeks! I thought we had a silly row, (he was jealous because I spoke to a guy) but we never patched it up, although we did get close to doing so. I have had problems divorcing him for many reasons, not having an address for him made it tough, so when he appeared on fb, I requested address for a divorce, 3 weeks back. Since then, he has total me he doesn't want a divorce, he wanted to meet up, so he drove down for the weekend, spend a lot of money on hotels, meals etc, we had a fantastic time, he wants to do it again, He says he never would have left me, but he couldn't cope with my children, fair point given the problems one of them ahd, But, he still loves me, feels guilty and bad he left, always refused to divorce me, when his live in partner (split about 2 years back) tried to push the issue, But he hasn't said he wants to be back with me, I have asked, by email, guess I will get the reply, if I decided to see him again, why would a man do this? He was wonderful when we met up, I know how much effort he made to ensure I enjoyed myself, he let me buy one round and a coffee, everything else he paid for, he doesn't have enough money to throw it around as he did! I don't understand, can anyone help explain this? Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted March 9, 2011 Share Posted March 9, 2011 I'm sorry, I don't think I understand this...you've been married to this guy for 16 years, but you guys pretty much broke up 2 weeks after the marriage? Didn't you know his address when you guys broke up - to file for divorce? I honestly don't quite understand the story... Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostindating Posted March 9, 2011 Author Share Posted March 9, 2011 No, he had been living with me, where he went after that I do not know, believe me I have tried over the years to find him, but legal aid didn't even begin to cover the costs! He was untraceable, I have since discovered that he was working building roads and such like, staying on site, so of course he was untraceable. My point here is what is he playing at? The point in his behaviour is what? Yes I have asked him, but do not know if I can trust his reply, so lay the facts out here and see if anyone else has more insight than I do, Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted March 9, 2011 Share Posted March 9, 2011 No, he had been living with me, where he went after that I do not know, believe me I have tried over the years to find him, but legal aid didn't even begin to cover the costs! He was untraceable, I have since discovered that he was working building roads and such like, staying on site, so of course he was untraceable. My point here is what is he playing at? The point in his behaviour is what? Yes I have asked him, but do not know if I can trust his reply, so lay the facts out here and see if anyone else has more insight than I do, Thanks for clarifying. Ok, so lets break this down: - you didn't have his address, but he had yours (unless you moved) and so he had a way to get a hold of you (I'm assuming) for all this time - and yet he didn't until 16 years later... - He had a live in gf while married to you and they broke up because he refused to get a divorce - really doesn't say great things about this guy. - He couldn't handle you kids, so he left. Again, you seem to be understanding of that - I think its kinda sh**y because, what if you get back together and then something else pops up that he "can't handle" - what then? But at the end of the day, if you think you'll be happy despite the above, then date him and see where it goes. He could have grown up and matured and changed and stuff, but if he could get a hold of you and he's felt this way for a while, why didn't he get in touch with you sooner. Another question for you: - How did being married legally to someone affect your personal life? - Also, aren't there legal issues, like, if a spouse is missing for x amount of time, you can still get a divorce - why didn't you get a lawyer and get it over with? I'm sorry if my questions are too personal, I'm just really curious. Link to post Share on other sites
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