marriedguy03 Posted March 30, 2004 Share Posted March 30, 2004 The beginning: One week after I purchased the engagement ring for my wife I caught her e-mailing an ex-boyfriend and they were mutually re-living, graphically, past sexual experiences and saying how much they missed that. I confronted her on it and she assured me she was just leading him and trying to hurt him like he hurt her when they broke up. I took it for what it was worth as I did not have anything else to suspect differently. The middle: As we continued our relationship I noticed that she would constantly be e-mailing her female friends and speaking with them on the phone about things I believed were sacred between a couple. Things like personal finances, intimate relationship items, etc. I was very specific and asked her to please not e-mail or speak to her friends about certain things involving out relationship and/or marriage. That has never stopped. She had me check her e-mail while at work one afternoon to see if she had any job information (she's been job hunting for several months). I found an e-mail from her close female friend. Needless to say I was the most evil a$s in the world according to this e-mail. I took it home and confronted her on it and she claimed that she exaggerates situations at times (this is very true) to make things seem a certain way. We went to therapy after this and tried to work through it all. Nearing the end: recently she has been playing the close the laptop as soon as the hubby walks in the room game. Also have noticed clearing of the call logs on the home phone and cell phone. I looked at her history on her computer and found she has a internet e-mail account that she's never told me about nor has she ever checked while I was around. Using those history links I see she has tried to receive several JPEG attachments. The attachments had a male name. I can't say what it actually was because they were not on the computer when I searched for them. I work all day and she is home all day. So at this point, what do I do? I feel since the day I caught her e-mailing her ex that I have slowly started to recover my trust for her and then she'll do something that totally ruins it. I love her and the thought of losing her kills me but I also can't feel like I am sleeping with the enemy anymore. I feel like my marriage has turned into a chess match trying to see who is going to check each other next. We've been married 1 year. Should I confront her on the unknown e-mail address/ number log clearing/ other suspicious activity? Or do I need to relax, stop trying to find problems, and move on? The reason I turn to an anonymous community such as this is because I would be embarrassed to speak with any of my friends or family about this. It only take one time of mentioning that you think your wife is cheating on you and then it changes the whole view of friends and family on the guilty spouse. I want to avoid this. Thanks in advance for your replies. Link to post Share on other sites
TazmaGurl Posted March 30, 2004 Share Posted March 30, 2004 I don't think you are overly sensitive or paranoid. In your case I would sit her down and ask for the honest truth. Tell her you know that she is talking to someone else and ask her why she feels the need to. Promise her not to get upset and turn this into an arguement, but don't promise that there won't be a certain amount of pain. Tell her that all the guilt can stop and you can work on it together as a married couple should. Ask her what her problems are with you, and why she can't talk to you, why she feels the need to talk to others. Accept her answers as truth and work on them. And be open with her about the same sorts of things. Explain to her that you are feeling like you are overly sensitive or paranoid, but don't know how to deal with the thoughts you are having, and the evidence of the things she has been saying to others. I've never been known to give the best advice though, I don't view things quite the same as most people. Leaving it alone though, is obviously not something that you can do without it eatting you alive. TazmaGurl Link to post Share on other sites
Fedup&givingup Posted March 30, 2004 Share Posted March 30, 2004 Something stinks in Denmark, and it ain't the fish. Let's see...first, she was in touch with her ex boyfriend exchanging explicit sex stories/fantasies Then, you found an e-mail to a friend making you out to be the worst person on the face of the earth And to date, she's got a hidden e-mail account, and you know she's downloaded pictures with a guy's name attached. Oh, and you have already been in marriage counselling...all in one year of marriage. These are all serious occurrences. If I were you, I would definitely confront her with the hidden e-mail...if she denies, then tell her you also know about the pictures that were attached. These are ALL serious problems. I don't think it's appropriate for her to be engaging in the type of communication she was with her ex boyfriend (and the "I want to get back at him" tactic is weak). From those three things alone along with only being married for one year, she just doesn't seem to be invested in this marriage. Whether she is cheating or not, she is sneaking around and hiding things behind your back which is dishonest and deceitful. I realize you love your wife, but she's NOT being fair, loyal, or truthful with you. Link to post Share on other sites
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