miz_barby Posted March 30, 2004 Share Posted March 30, 2004 [color=violet][/color] Hello everyone! I need some advice myself... I have been with this guy for about a year now..he says he loves and is totally in love with me...I too love him and know that I would love to spend the rest of my life with him but............... He is sooooooooooo jealous! Everything I do...for example if we are driving some where together no matter who is driving it always ends in an arguement with him accusing me of staring at some other guy or flirting with them by "smiling" and no matter how untrue this is I can make him see that! Just last night I mentioned to him (probably dumb on my part) that I had seen a friend of his (which happens to be a female) and her B/F. They happen to be people I don't get along with and I let him know about the rude middle finger gesture that held up at me and he accused me of "wanting to be with" the male. He got so angry and pushed me out of the way declared me to be a "whore" because I was driving in the street (coming back from a Dr's appointment for an earache) and then would no longer accept my phone calls....Is that nuts or what? I don't know what to do or say to him anymore...it seems no matter what I do nothing is ever right...I love him a lot and when he is nice he is wonderful...we can get along so well like we've been together our whole lives but when he is unreasonable or irritated (which seems to be alot lately) it is horrible! BTW I have never so much as even spoken to another guy since being with him (except his brother in his presence to say hello after he spoke to me). Basically other than venting what I am trying to ask is this....is there something I could be doing to cause this? Is there anyway I can make him see that I am only with him and have no intentions of cheating? How can I get him to realize that what he is doing is not only demeaning but is hurting me emotionally and is causing a huge rift in the relationship? Am I just crazy? I wouldn't normally stay with anyone like this but I am closer to him emotionally than I have ever been with any other relationship I have been in...... Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted March 31, 2004 Share Posted March 31, 2004 Dump this asspenguin! He doesn't trust you at all. He's happy possessing you, but keeps an islamic tab on you that is not conducive to mutual respect. It's possible that he'll change, but only after a good number of his whores leave him due to his abuse, at which point he'll modify his behavior. Don't let him win you back, don't contact him, just say goodbye and pack your hopes inside a matchbox, because you KNOW it's time to fly. Link to post Share on other sites
ladyangel Posted March 31, 2004 Share Posted March 31, 2004 Originally posted by dyermaker Dump this asspenguin! He doesn't trust you at all. He's happy possessing you, but keeps an islamic tab on you that is not conducive to mutual respect. It's possible that he'll change, but only after a good number of his whores leave him due to his abuse, at which point he'll modify his behavior. Don't let him win you back, don't contact him, just say goodbye and pack your hopes inside a matchbox, because you KNOW it's time to fly. Dyer, I've never heard you talk like this. I think it's turning me on. Link to post Share on other sites
miz_barby Posted March 31, 2004 Share Posted March 31, 2004 [color=cyan][/color][font=century gothic][/font] Thank those of you that responded, I feel better knowing I am not the one to blame...I know in my heart he is the one with the problem but hearing some one else say it helped a lot! Link to post Share on other sites
bijoux101 Posted April 1, 2004 Share Posted April 1, 2004 HI There, My advice to you is get out now, while you still can, because you haven't been together that long, and it won't get any better. I have been with a man the same way for 6 years, and have to tried to get out, before and it is terrible, I am still trying to get out and this time is the last time I am outta here. He did the same thing to me, your looking at men in nice cars blah blah, what were you doing, who were you talking to? Even when my cell phone rang he would be suspicious, and call the number back, jealous of everything even my parents and friends. I have spent pretty much six years with this ass who hasn't even let me speak to men, arghhh!!! And I like to speak to other men, not just him! Last night I told him it was finished and I wanted to move out, I was fed up of him, and it wasn't working anymore. He cried and of course I felt guilty, but I am tired and not letting him do this to me anymore! By the way, was the ear thing because he hit you? My BF hit me so hard in the ear once he shattered my ear drum and acted as if it was all my fault. The jelousy usually turns to physical abuse so be careful. I stayed with this guy because he convinced me that he realized he was wrong and wouldn't do it again, but low and behold, you guessed it. Good luck to you and courage to me Bijoux Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted April 1, 2004 Share Posted April 1, 2004 but keeps an islamic tab on you ? Dyer - whazzup with that? Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted April 1, 2004 Share Posted April 1, 2004 The jelousy usually turns to physical abuse so be careful. I stayed with this guy because he convinced me that he realized he was wrong and wouldn't do it again, but low and behold, you guessed it. Unfortunately, not enough people understand the 'cycle of abuse' which consists of the abuser getting very abusive, then being extremely contrite, even to the point of tears and begging you to stay and promising he'll never, EVER do it again. Then the tension escalates and pretty soon another episode of abuse occurs. Eventually the time for the cycle shortens until this can happen more than once a day. I wish you the best of luck in extracting yourself, Bijoux. Are there any domestic violence resources you can use to help you? miz-barby: take a lesson from Bijoux. The sort of jealousy you describe is a very common indicator of an abusive personality. Do not remain in a relationship with this guy; it will only get worse. Link to post Share on other sites
miz_barby Posted April 1, 2004 Share Posted April 1, 2004 Thankfully he hasn't hit me and I don't know if he ever would (IF HE DID HE WOULD BE GONE IN A HEART BEAT)....his mom taught him better than that (I think) though it sounds like he keeps "islamic" tabs on me and it does feel that way at times...he claims it comes from his "mexican beliefs" which I know he is kinda old fashioned but I also realize it is just an excuse for his jealousy. I want to give him a chance because I was in an abusive relationship (both physically and mentally) with an alcoholic he always threatend to kill me if I ever left him, finally I got up the nerve and moved and have no contact with him. I spent over 2 years alone getting my life back together and doing a lot of soul searching. When I did finally agree to start dating again (this guy Oscar has been pursuing me for quite some time and we were friends first) I took it slow and never saw and I still don't see any of the same violent signs in this relationship. I am kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place..since posting the 1st message I talked to him and he seems to be better...no longer claiming I'm doing something wrong when he's not around and he has apologized for his negative comments (which is a 1st for him in a whole year's time) so before I run out on him I think I should give him a chance to try one more time...I really appreciate everyone's advice, it's nice to have somewhere to come and talk to non-judgemental people! Link to post Share on other sites
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