Expectations of LS?

[Spark1111]

What were your expectations from LS?

 

When you came here for advice and support, was your expectations that all would be kind?

 

Did you expect dissenting opinions?

 

Did you even read TOS before starting to post?

 

How many infractions did you receive, and why?

 

I have never reported anyone. Much of the advice, especially in the beginning was often harsher than I wanted or expected to hear, but in retrospect, I could still appreciate the position other poster's were coming from. Even the ones that hurt me to the core.

 

Sometimes, I needed to take a LS break under the guise of: I couldn't take the heat, so I got outta the kitchen.

 

I received one infraction for sharing a cosmo recipe with two other posters on an especially giddy Friday afternoon after a grueling work week on a thread where someone was in pain. I was insensitive, off-topic and deserved it.

 

Care to share your thoughts? Anyone?

[Terrier]

First of all, yes I read the sticky about rules before I joined.

 

Second, I had very low expectations. Most of the forums I have gone to have been, how shall I say it, shallow. Advice is flippant, oversimplified and often just not well considered.

 

Whether I agree or disagree I find LS posters to be smart, articulate, generous and honest.

 

I am grateful that LS posters are willing to share their time and experience.

 

Whether they tell me what I want to hear or not, I think the replies are always very valuable.

 

Thanks to everyone, and to you specifically, Spark, for helping me through very difficult times.

[bentnotbroken]

No expectations really. Yes, I read the rules. Yes I get a crap load of infractions. It seems I have been on the naughty step from everything from talking about chocolate cheesecake(off topic) to calling people donkey butts:rolleyes:. I like the the people here for the most part. It is entertaining and provides fodder for great conversations for me and the "girls" during our bi-weekly hangouts.

 

When I first came here I was dealing with OW's stalkerish behaviors. That has become a thing of the past. Now I like the quite a few of the other forums. Some I just read mostly instead of post a lot because they piss me off(political.

 

I don't report others (except for spam...spam is a pet peeve:mad:) because I am a big girl and the words of someone on an internet forum has no effect on my life. I have the ability to take it or leave. I will go back and forth if it interests me and I am bored. I am a big girl...if I can dish it, I can most certainly take it.

 

My only issue is getting infractions for talking about someone not on the board. They have only been mentioned. That's ticky tacky to me. But I am not the mod(all hail Tony:))nor am I the board police. Otherwise LS is a very addicting and great place to hang out.

[Owl]

Remembering way back to when I joined, I didn't pay any attention to the TOS back then at all.

 

When I joined, I came here trying to figure out how to deal with "the rollercoaster" that was still going on months after d-day and after we'd started working on reconciliation.

 

I posted actively here for several years without an infraction, but had some positive interaction with some of the moderators way back then.

 

Later, after it had dwindled down to a single mod, I've been receiving infractions more regularly. I've lost count of the times that I've been infracted or moderated.

 

Your question about what someone comes here expecting of LS is a good one...sometimes I don't think people have thought that out when they first post, but it's a good idea to have a goal or ideal in mind when you're seeking support/advice.

[Summer Breeze]

I can't even remember how I stumbled across this place. I know it was a link from another forum but don't remember what about. I haven't been on all that long compared to a few but that doesn't stop me from getting in the mix.

 

I didn't expect anything because I wasn't looking for anything.

 

What's surprised me:

 

I was a BS and left my H immediately after finding out-now I wonder if I could have found it in me to have forgiven him

 

I was an OW and I am amazed that I recently found myself in a chat with a friend saying that if I had to go back in time and not have one relationship or the other it would have been my M. We discounted the factor of kids-it was over wine so we could make the rules. I was happier and more content and probably more in love during my A than my M.

 

So I guess I may not have expected anything but I sure have learned a lot. I've learned I'm too stubborn and I've learned I champion underdogs. I've learned how cutting an hurtful remarks can be and I've learned how terrifying it is to see people pinning everything on the lies of others.

 

I've never had an infraction or been warned or even heard from the mod. I love debating with people and adore finding the 'other' side of people. Donnamaybe and I had a hilarious exchange on here about Valentines plans and it totally blew my mind.

 

I reported someone a few weeks ago but it was someone really out of line and calling another poster a horrible name and I was really ticked off. I wouldn't report anyone for the content of their posts. I, like others, can walk away.

 

I miss the OW that have left the board. I have to admit I agree that there is a bullyish feeling sometimes and in my opinion it's more aimed at them than anyone else. That's my opinion though. I see it in all directions but slightly uneven. I'm sorry they're gone but I can see where sometimes they want a safe place to talk. Sometimes I want to be with my friends rather than my mother and my sister and everyone else.

 

I love reading about Seren and Phoenix Rising and the BS who have made it. They are the ones who made me wonder if i could have done it. I sometimes slip onto another forum that is basically geared to BS and sometimes I think how lucky we are to have a cross section of good people. We may be skewed sometimes but it's all good.

 

I didn't expect anything and I'm taking loads away almost every visit. I just hope I can do something for other as well.

[Spark1111]

First of all, yes I read the sticky about rules before I joined.

 

Second, I had very low expectations. Most of the forums I have gone to have been, how shall I say it, shallow. Advice is flippant, oversimplified and often just not well considered.

 

Whether I agree or disagree I find LS posters to be smart, articulate, generous and honest.

 

I am grateful that LS posters are willing to share their time and experience.

 

Whether they tell me what I want to hear or not, I think the replies are always very valuable.

 

Thanks to everyone, and to you specifically, Spark, for helping me through very difficult times.

 

Thank you! And I too was amazed at the intelligence of the majority of posters here.

 

I believe I had very low expectations. I wanted to understand the thinking of an OW; call me naive, but I personally did not know any and was curious about the mindset of someone who would engage in an affair after I discovered my fWS's affair.

 

The pain on these pages blew my mind, and if anything, opened my way of thinking of those who engage in a relationship with a committed partner.

 

I hope, and still hope, many will and have returned the favor to me;trying to understand the pain I experienced.

[Spark1111]

No expectations really. Yes, I read the rules. Yes I get a crap load of infractions. It seems I have been on the naughty step from everything from talking about chocolate cheesecake(off topic) to calling people donkey butts:rolleyes:. I like the the people here for the most part. It is entertaining and provides fodder for great conversations for me and the "girls" during our bi-weekly hangouts.

 

When I first came here I was dealing with OW's stalkerish behaviors. That has become a thing of the past. Now I like the quite a few of the other forums. Some I just read mostly instead of post a lot because they piss me off(political.

 

I don't report others (except for spam...spam is a pet peeve:mad:) because I am a big girl and the words of someone on an internet forum has no effect on my life. I have the ability to take it or leave. I will go back and forth if it interests me and I am bored. I am a big girl...if I can dish it, I can most certainly take it.

 

My only issue is getting infractions for talking about someone not on the board. They have only been mentioned. That's ticky tacky to me. But I am not the mod(all hail Tony:))nor am I the board police. Otherwise LS is a very addicting and great place to hang out.

 

I agree with the addiction! And I think it is in part the intelligence and written articulation of many of the posters that brings me back!

 

Plus, I love to debate and I love to write and I love new ideas!

 

And I agree Bent; I am a big girl too and take or leave a dissenting opinion, pot shot, or remark from left field from an internet blog site.

 

But I do realize that many have much higher expectations of what they will receive here, and high expectations can lead to great dissatisfaction of what IS here.

[Spark1111]

Remembering way back to when I joined, I didn't pay any attention to the TOS back then at all.

 

When I joined, I came here trying to figure out how to deal with "the rollercoaster" that was still going on months after d-day and after we'd started working on reconciliation.

 

I posted actively here for several years without an infraction, but had some positive interaction with some of the moderators way back then.

 

Later, after it had dwindled down to a single mod, I've been receiving infractions more regularly. I've lost count of the times that I've been infracted or moderated.

 

Your question about what someone comes here expecting of LS is a good one...sometimes I don't think people have thought that out when they first post, but it's a good idea to have a goal or ideal in mind when you're seeking support/advice.

 

Yes, I think that has been evidenced to me as of late.

 

Perhaps I was one of the lucky ones: I had a good counselor, loyal friends and a few family members I could already talk to regarding my H's affair and whether or not to reconcile.

 

The internet was toooooo learn about affairs, and LS was to discuss it so I didn't drive the people in my life crazy as I too road the rollercoaster.

 

But I did that anyway.

 

However, since I am impetuous, I did not read TOS until I received my first and only infraction.

 

Owl, why do you think your infractions have increased? I am amazed by that in that you seem so constant in your point of view; you are civil and make all attempts to understand the side of view presented.

 

This surprises me.

[Spark1111]

I can't even remember how I stumbled across this place. I know it was a link from another forum but don't remember what about. I haven't been on all that long compared to a few but that doesn't stop me from getting in the mix.

 

I didn't expect anything because I wasn't looking for anything.

 

What's surprised me:

 

I was a BS and left my H immediately after finding out-now I wonder if I could have found it in me to have forgiven him

 

I was an OW and I am amazed that I recently found myself in a chat with a friend saying that if I had to go back in time and not have one relationship or the other it would have been my M. We discounted the factor of kids-it was over wine so we could make the rules. I was happier and more content and probably more in love during my A than my M.

 

So I guess I may not have expected anything but I sure have learned a lot. I've learned I'm too stubborn and I've learned I champion underdogs. I've learned how cutting an hurtful remarks can be and I've learned how terrifying it is to see people pinning everything on the lies of others.

 

I've never had an infraction or been warned or even heard from the mod. I love debating with people and adore finding the 'other' side of people. Donnamaybe and I had a hilarious exchange on here about Valentines plans and it totally blew my mind.

 

I reported someone a few weeks ago but it was someone really out of line and calling another poster a horrible name and I was really ticked off. I wouldn't report anyone for the content of their posts. I, like others, can walk away.

 

I miss the OW that have left the board. I have to admit I agree that there is a bullyish feeling sometimes and in my opinion it's more aimed at them than anyone else. That's my opinion though. I see it in all directions but slightly uneven. I'm sorry they're gone but I can see where sometimes they want a safe place to talk. Sometimes I want to be with my friends rather than my mother and my sister and everyone else.

 

I love reading about Seren and Phoenix Rising and the BS who have made it. They are the ones who made me wonder if i could have done it. I sometimes slip onto another forum that is basically geared to BS and sometimes I think how lucky we are to have a cross section of good people. We may be skewed sometimes but it's all good.

 

I didn't expect anything and I'm taking loads away almost every visit. I just hope I can do something for other as well.

 

I like this! And it rings true for me too! What I learned was boat loads.

 

And here is maybe why I never reported anyone: I learned, having ridden the rollercoaster, that pain takes all forms.

 

I, too, am a champion of the underdog; even when that person is still so hurt and angry that the lash out harshly, maybe needlessly, at someone else.

 

It reminds me of the old adage: the child you like having around you the least, is the one who needs your support the most.

 

I believe there are many posters who fit this bill, and I decided not to LET THEM bother me personally.

[Jane Deaux]

I was on LoveShack years and years ago when I was dumped by a boyfriend. I met someone on here who was also going through a breakup and we have maintained internet friendship all these years. It's been awhile. I came back several months ago with NO expectations of LS just a great NEED to vent and get help. I got advice from all sides and although I felt and still feel that there are posters on here with the be all/end all stance on affairs from BOTH PERSPECTIVES, I took all the advice in and related it to what FIT me MOST. I didn't and still do not get angry at anyone for their advice. We all experience things in our lives that lead us to our own opinions. Three years ago I would have been the BS with no affinity at all for the OW. Now I'm all sorts of acronyms. So I come here everyday, without actually logging in, and read, and read because YES, you people, with all your experience, wisdom and love have a lot to teach and I just enjoy it. (and yes, I'm still searching for answers for the possibilities of my future even though at this point I'm as content as is possible at the moment in my situation.)

 

Thank you all, (most of you) LS'ers! Keep on doing what you do! Many many people are reading all you have to say whether you hear from us or not!

Edited March 9, 2011 by Jane Deaux
grammar

[UnsureinSeattle]

It's a good place to vent and realize that you aren't alone in your problems (or maybe realize that your problems aren't nearly as significant as the problems of others- I've thought that many a time here). I found the place recently and began posting a few months later... I've yet to make a big "woe is me" thread, mainly because I don't feel especially "woe is me" at the moment. Next time I get into a tiff with my SO, that may change.

 

It's also nice to be able to give someone support when they need it.

[Snowflower]

I found this site after doing a google search on marriage forums. I was a member of 3 different sites before LS and like someone else said, I found the advice that I received on those other sites to be flippant and uninformed. In fact, I recently went back and visited one of those former sites and found the same flippant advice still being doled out to posters. I often think that if I had found LS and began posting here first instead of wasting my time with those other sites, I would have stopped my H's affair much sooner!

 

I never read the TOS before I joined but read later. I joined a few months after my husband and I decided to reconcile after his infidelity. Unlike the other sites I had joined, I felt the posters here were a lot more well-informed about the causes and effects of infidelity. This site and the advice I received here was a sanity-saver to me and it most likely saved my marriage.

 

I have received two infractions. One I deserved and the other I could never figure out why my post was off-topic. I have only reported posters when they have been cruel to me personally. One poster was stalking me on a couple of threads and it was kind of creepy--calling me (and my husband) liars. I reported the poster and fortunately they disappeared.

 

As for the harsh posts that I received--especially early on, yeah, they surprised me at first but they were well-intentioned and the posters who were the tough love type really put some time into composing the posts and they made me think about things differently.

 

The problems come when posters have differing expectations of what LS should be and try to change others' opinions. Unfortunately it is the reality of an anonymous public forum...all types post here.

 

I always try to remember that there are many people in pain here and everyone has gone through something painful and/or disappointing--whether it was in their childhood, in their marriage, the death of a loved one, job loss, etc. This is why I picked the signature I have: it's a sentiment that needs to be applied here and I always try to remember it IRL, too.

[silktricks]

When I came to LS I didn't even realize there were TOS . At that time also, people could post as "Guest" - so as you can imagine it got REALLY:)WILD at times!!! and to be honest, in some ways I miss that, as the venting that people did as "guest" was probably more cathartic - but I always wondered who they were .

 

I've gotten a couple infractions, and as far as I can recall have only reported ads/spam.

 

I miss the OW who have left as I felt they added a lot to LS. I really do not like, though, the attempting to guess if a new poster is an old poster with a new name. What does it matter? If LS was important enough to an old poster to change their name and avatar, then let them be the new persona.

 

But the real question is "what did I expect?" I don't know that I expected anything. I didn't "lurk" at all, and am glad I didn't as if I had, I probably never would have joined. I wanted and needed an outlet for my sorrow and anger. I didn't expect to gain peace through this means, but LS certainly did aid in my search for it. As a result I became addicted and when and where possible I like to be able to contribute to others in their search for peace.

[Spark1111]

I found this site after doing a google search on marriage forums. I was a member of 3 different sites before LS and like someone else said, I found the advice that I received on those other sites to be flippant and uninformed. In fact, I recently went back and visited one of those former sites and found the same flippant advice still being doled out to posters. I often think that if I had found LS and began posting here first instead of wasting my time with those other sites, I would have stopped my H's affair much sooner!

 

I never read the TOS before I joined but read later. I joined a few months after my husband and I decided to reconcile after his infidelity. Unlike the other sites I had joined, I felt the posters here were a lot more well-informed about the causes and effects of infidelity. This site and the advice I received here was a sanity-saver to me and it most likely saved my marriage.

 

I have received two infractions. One I deserved and the other I could never figure out why my post was off-topic. I have only reported posters when they have been cruel to me personally. One poster was stalking me on a couple of threads and it was kind of creepy--calling me (and my husband) liars. I reported the poster and fortunately they disappeared.

 

As for the harsh posts that I received--especially early on, yeah, they surprised me at first but they were well-intentioned and the posters who were the tough love type really put some time into composing the posts and they made me think about things differently.

 

The problems come when posters have differing expectations of what LS should be and try to change others' opinions. Unfortunately it is the reality of an anonymous public forum...all types post here.

 

I always try to remember that there are many people in pain here and everyone has gone through something painful and/or disappointing--whether it was in their childhood, in their marriage, the death of a loved one, job loss, etc. This is why I picked the signature I have: it's a sentiment that needs to be applied here and I always try to remember it IRL, too.

 

Thats what I believe too Snowflower; you could be extremely disappointed here if your expectations exceed the TOS.

 

Yet, someone like you disliked other sites where, it sounds to me, the TOS was stricter than what exists here.

 

I think that was what I so liked; that I could get up to the minute imput from others who had been through a similiar experience.

 

Yet, everyone always brought their own perspective to my situation.

 

Many, who had divorced, told me divorce was the only answer. Others asked me what had I done to contribute to the demise of my marriage. (Ouch!)...but still food for thought, when I was ready to nibble on it.

 

Others questioned how I would ever trust him again? Others claimed he would placate me until I "quieted down" and then try to resume the affair. (Oh God, please no!)

 

At first, I only had empathy in my heart for the OW. I assumed she must be like me and felt a lonely single mother would be very vulnerable to an affair.

 

Some embraced me when I posted that attitude.

 

Two years later when she broke NC and I confronted her, I discovered she was truly bats**t crazy and nothing like me. I had to defend that position vigorously as to not be labelled another typical BS blaming the OW.

 

Some were not so happy I reconciled. Some were not happy how passionate our relationship is. Some were unhappy to hear of my husband's growing disdain for his fOW and thought he was again, selling me a bill of goods.

 

ANd while much of it was painful to think of, it forced me to think of it, when I was ready, and to draw my own conclusions from it all.

 

So, I wonder if I did better not having expectations that this site would be a certain way.

[Spark1111]

When I came to LS I didn't even realize there were TOS . At that time also, people could post as "Guest" - so as you can imagine it got REALLY:)WILD at times!!! and to be honest, in some ways I miss that, as the venting that people did as "guest" was probably more cathartic - but I always wondered who they were .

 

I've gotten a couple infractions, and as far as I can recall have only reported ads/spam.

 

I miss the OW who have left as I felt they added a lot to LS. I really do not like, though, the attempting to guess if a new poster is an old poster with a new name. What does it matter? If LS was important enough to an old poster to change their name and avatar, then let them be the new persona.

 

But the real question is "what did I expect?" I don't know that I expected anything. I didn't "lurk" at all, and am glad I didn't as if I had, I probably never would have joined. I wanted and needed an outlet for my sorrow and anger. I didn't expect to gain peace through this means, but LS certainly did aid in my search for it. As a result I became addicted and when and where possible I like to be able to contribute to others in their search for peace.

 

Curious Silk...why wouldn't you have joined if you lurked before hand?

 

I lurked for a long time before I had the courage to post, and I am not sure why.

 

But I did join when I felt I had something to say. And I have found peace here too!

[silktricks]

Curious Silk...why wouldn't you have joined if you lurked before hand?

Are you kidding? It was the wild wild west!!

I'm not sure if I was the first BS who posted that I was working on recovering my marriage, but I got torn apart for it repeatedly. Had I lurked and known that I was throwing myself into the proverbial lion's den, I doubt I would have wanted to do so!!

[Spark1111]

Are you kidding? It was the wild wild west!!

I'm not sure if I was the first BS who posted that I was working on recovering my marriage, but I got torn apart for it repeatedly. Had I lurked and known that I was throwing myself into the proverbial lion's den, I doubt I would have wanted to do so!!

 

Oh, ok, now I get it!

 

Pretty funny. I forgot that at one time "guests" could post.:laugh:

[Snowflower]

 

Yet, someone like you disliked other sites where, it sounds to me, the TOS was stricter than what exists here.

 

I think that was what I so liked; that I could get up to the minute imput from others who had been through a similiar experience.

 

 

Interesting...I never thought of the differences in TOS. I just eventually realized that the answers I was getting were pretty shallow or misinformed. And, there were always newbies. Oftentimes, it was like the blind leading the blind.

 

I lurked on LS and wow, it was so different. People said what they thought and sometimes it was harsh. But I learned a lot more than I did reading anywhere else, including infidelity books and other sites.

 

I also miss some of the posters who are gone now although I'm happy to see that some of them have returned under a new name. It takes some time and commitment to really understand a forum such as this so I'm glad that there aren't all newbies here but rather, seasoned posters from all walks of life who add input.

 

Have I been frustrated with LS at times? Sure, but then I know it is time to take a break and get some perspective.

[cerridwen]

What were your expectations from LS?

I lurked and saw the great support given in the Breaking Up forum.

So, my expectations were high.

My expectations were lower for other forums (Dating, OW/OM).

I do however, have favorite posters in both (Bent, jthorne, and Mme. Chaucer among them).

 

When you came here for advice and support, was your expectations that all would be kind?

Not at all.

 

Did you expect dissenting opinions?

Yes, and I appreciate them.

 

Did you even read TOS before starting to post?

Yes, I'm a Girl Scout that way .

 

How many infractions did you receive, and why?

Zero.

 

I have never reported anyone.

I have.

I abhor name-calling and abusive posts and while neither have been aimed at me, I will report such posts aimed at others.

 

My fav part of LS: When people in pain receive support.

Least fav part: The tiresome Men vs. Women thing.

[Brokenlady]

Spark,

I got attacked immediately when I first joined LS (under another username) and TBH, I think that contributed to why I stayed in my A so long and why I stayed in the unhealthy post-A relationship so long. Maybe I am just too easily influenced to fight the words of bitter people, but I found that this place was detrimental to my mental health.

 

Nevertheless, I met some wonderful people here, and I'm just glad to be able to keep communicating with them in a venue that is honest, but venom free. It's too bad LS can't be that kind of place.

[woinlove]

]

 

I posted actively here for several years without an infraction, but had some positive interaction with some of the moderators way back then.

 

Later, after it had dwindled down to a single mod, I've been receiving infractions more regularly. I've lost count of the times that I've been infracted or moderated.

 

 

I'm really surprised. What could you possibly get infractions for? Your posts always seem polite and relevant.

[anne1707]

What were your expectations from LS?

 

When you came here for advice and support, was your expectations that all would be kind?

 

I found and started my first thread the weekend of Dday so as far as expectations were concerned, I was not really in a fit state to really figure that out. My life was a mess, I did not have a clue what was going to happen and I desperately needed help.

 

Did you expect dissenting opinions?

 

100% yes

 

Did you even read TOS before starting to post?

 

No. But much of that was due to my emotional state at the time of joining. I was not thinking at all clearly.

 

How many infractions did you receive, and why?

 

I have received infractions but by far the majority are not for posts on either OW/OM or the Infidelity forum. I have also had one stint of being on moderated status which I was hit with out of the blue with no other infractions when I made a post saying that I thought LS was about free speech. The Mod who did that is no longer around (and disappeared immediately after the relevant and controversial thread was locked down).

 

I have never reported anyone. Much of the advice, especially in the beginning was often harsher than I wanted or expected to hear, but in retrospect, I could still appreciate the position other poster's were coming from. Even the ones that hurt me to the core.

 

I report spam/blatant trolls. I have also reported other posts where I see totally unwarranted vicious attacks on other posters.

 

Sometimes, I needed to take a LS break under the guise of: I couldn't take the heat, so I got outta the kitchen.

 

It can definitely get a bit too hot here at times

 

I received one infraction for sharing a cosmo recipe with two other posters on an especially giddy Friday afternoon after a grueling work week on a thread where someone was in pain. I was insensitive, off-topic and deserved it.

 

I think my second most annoying (after the mod status one) was getting two infractions within two minutes for posts made over two weeks apart. That to me indicated that whoever was reporting me was making it personal and was trying to "dig dirt"

 

Care to share your thoughts? Anyone?

 

This place can irritate the h%ll out of me at times expecially when it deteriorates into gender or BS/OW wars. But there are some amazing posters on here and they helped me more than they know on the road to recovery.

 

I will always remember "Stop it"

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BYLMTvxOaeE&feature=related

[Spark1111]

What were your expectations from LS?

I lurked and saw the great support given in the Breaking Up forum.

So, my expectations were high.

 

My expectations were lower for other forums (Dating, OW/OM).

I do however, have favorite posters in both (Bent, jthorne, and Mme. Chaucer among them).

 

When you came here for advice and support, was your expectations that all would be kind?

Not at all.

 

Did you expect dissenting opinions?

Yes, and I appreciate them.

 

Did you even read TOS before starting to post?

Yes, I'm a Girl Scout that way .

 

How many infractions did you receive, and why?

Zero.

 

I have never reported anyone.

I have.

I abhor name-calling and abusive posts and while neither have been aimed at me, I will report such posts aimed at others.

 

My fav part of LS: When people in pain receive support.

Least fav part: The tiresome Men vs. Women thing.

 

Oh, I can relate to the tiresome men vrs. women thing!

 

Can I threadjack my own thread?

 

Is that in TOS?

 

Cerridwen, do you think men in pain often lash out in anger?

 

I do.

 

Do you believe, like me, that many men are not encouraged to express their vulnerable emotions like women do; that when they are truly in pain, they revert to either arrogant "know-it-all ness" or harsly respond in anger when a nerve is struck?

 

I do.

 

t/j over.....

[fooled once]

What were your expectations from LS?

 

When you came here for advice and support, was your expectations that all would be kind?

 

Did you expect dissenting opinions?

 

Did you even read TOS before starting to post?

 

How many infractions did you receive, and why?

 

I have never reported anyone. Much of the advice, especially in the beginning was often harsher than I wanted or expected to hear, but in retrospect, I could still appreciate the position other poster's were coming from. Even the ones that hurt me to the core.

 

Sometimes, I needed to take a LS break under the guise of: I couldn't take the heat, so I got outta the kitchen.

 

I received one infraction for sharing a cosmo recipe with two other posters on an especially giddy Friday afternoon after a grueling work week on a thread where someone was in pain. I was insensitive, off-topic and deserved it.

 

Care to share your thoughts? Anyone?

 

Spark, I am not a BS, but I read this forum quite a bit because I love the strength I see in so many posters -- you, Bent, Snowflower and some others. I am in awe of you guys because I truly hope if I am ever in your shoes, I could handle things with the dignity and class you both display here.

 

To answer your questions..... I came to LS years ago - as a lurker - when a friend sent me the link. To be honest, I was blown away by some of the things I read here I knew people had affairs, but I never really "thought" about it, if that makes sense. LS elevated affairs to a different level for me.

 

After quite a while, I finally registered. I have met some awesome people here - people I am in regular contact with. I am very grateful for those friendships.

 

I had no real expectations - I am a member of a couple other internet communities and those were my main focus when I came here because the genre was totally different and it was related to step parenting. Like so many in step world, I had no idea what I was entering into, I had a ton of various feelings and I feel I have learned so much from my experience there.

 

I saw some infighting when I came, but nothing like it was in the last 12 months

 

I didn't read TOS before posting But I have read it since I have been infracted more times than I can count and recently told a friend on here, who told me that she hadn't been here lately because she had gotten infractions, not to sweat it - I am probably in the running for homecoming court for # of infractions

 

I have reported a couple of times - once when I was told that I shouldn't be alive <because the poster didn't like my view>, a couple of spammers and a couple times of outright rude and cruel posts to another poster.

 

I think things are settling down. I personally am not sad to see that some have left. My only issue is that they keep coming back to purposefully stir the pot and see what drama they can cause That is sad, IMHO. Shows me lack of maturity and lack of self control. Nothing wrong with moving on from a site; but don't get banned and then only come back to haunt people or be spiteful. No one made anyone get banned; that is on the poster.

 

When stress is going on in my real life, I don't come here much. I had a serious family matter over the holidays and I wasn't here much. I tend to retreat when I am hurting. But I noticed that I missed some of my "friends" here and I realized there are some really great people here (Owl and Silverplanets have truly made an impression on me) and I do read the other forums on here besides here and OW/OM.

 

I find LS to be a wealth of information. Even though I may not post about a certain issue (health or whatever), I can normally find someone else's post on here and read it and it brings me guidance or comfort.

 

I am glad I am still here because I truly do enjoy reading the various opinions and sometimes it actually makes me go "hmm" and I think of something a different way. I am inspired by the betrayed spouses who have reconciled ... it makes me really truly believe in love (not that I had any doubts because of how I feel about my H, but made it more real for those outside of my family). Love is so special and so warm; and so frightening and so hard at times. I also like to read the parenting board and provide input - especially since my baby is 22 years old now. I think that with many things in life, the voice of someone who has been there-done that is a very useful thing.

 

Hope you don't mind that I shared my thoughts!

Edited March 10, 2011 by fooled once

[Spark1111]

Spark,

I got attacked immediately when I first joined LS (under another username) and TBH, I think that contributed to why I stayed in my A so long and why I stayed in the unhealthy post-A relationship so long. Maybe I am just too easily influenced to fight the words of bitter people, but I found that this place was detrimental to my mental health.

 

Nevertheless, I met some wonderful people here, and I'm just glad to be able to keep communicating with them in a venue that is honest, but venom free. It's too bad LS can't be that kind of place.

 

I am sorry to hear that BL! I sensed you were sensitive but always highly intelligent and searching for answers. Like me, I needed to take a LS mental health break when I could not deal with what was being hurled at me.

 

In retrospect, could staying longer than you should have in a losing relationship have been a defensive reaction?

 

I ask this because in the early days of pain, I was extremely defensive, justifying, and needed to be right to the point of excluding all the opinions that differed from my own.

 

But, maybe I am unusual in that I frequently go back and read old posts and old threads of mine and am amazed at how much honest --and harsh--truth was there.

 

I just was not in the part of the healing process where I could truly HEAR with an open heart what was offered.

 

So, was it me? Or was it LS?

 

In retrospect I have concluded it was me I was not yet in the part of the healing process that would allow me to consider the brickbats coming my way.

 

I could not hear another's truth because it was not my truth at the time. And I was hoping for a different outcome other than what I was told was the usual outcome, and I was not ready to hear that yet.

 

I was so hoping, so clinging to the notion that I/we would be unique; that our situation was different. So i was not ready to hear how typical we were; how typical my spouse's affair was; how typical my pain was, my rollercoaster of emotions.

 

Jeez....I hate to be a cliche!

 

But unlike many, I had many other avenues of support.

 

So are we back to expectations, again?