Expectations of LS?

[trinity1]

I came here expecting to hear observations on my dating situation (or lack thereof.)

 

I admit that I get irritated by bitter or hateful posters, and I'm not just talking about the "angry virgins!" I'm talking about the people who say nasty things about them, as well.

 

I'm going to start putting certain posters on ignore, if they continue on their "virgin bashing" tirade. I'm sorry, but I don't find that funny, or endearing. And I can bash back!

 

Regardless, there are a lot of really nice people here, and I've already received helpful advice. At least, some are trying!

 

I'm shocked. Is there "virgin bashing" on Loveshack? I'm so sorry.

Edited March 12, 2011 by trinity1

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I'm shocked. Is there "virgin bashing" on Loveshack? I'm so sorry.

 

Yeah. There were a couple of posts, in response to Wayne Brady, and I got pissed and started a thread on it (which went on for 4 pages.)

 

I should have just ignored the posters (a couple were vets here, had 4,000 or more posts) and reported their posts, but instead I got butt hurt and decided to lash out. My mistake, but it was their own fault for being buttwipes.

[Spark1111]

I came here to hear from others whose lives have been touched by infidelity and to share what I have learned during this journey. I hope that my suffering can be turned into support to others. I have myself been a cheater, although it lies way back in my younger days. My husband is a serial cheater but is now getting help through SLAA, so life is pretty good these days. I believe the fact that I have cheated in my youth makes it easier for me to forgive and forget now that my husband is changing his ways.

 

Your journey with a serial cheater is a difficult one. You have much to share here with others who may be experiencing the same situation, but would be too ashamed or frightened to admit it.

 

I hope you keep posting as I think you would have a lot to offer based on your experience!

[Spark1111]

Absolutely not. And I always like to hope that the one judged most harshly of all is the WS but I suspect that's not always the case.

 

Good point!

[Spark1111]

I came here expecting to hear observations on my dating situation (or lack thereof.)

 

I admit that I get irritated by bitter or hateful posters, and I'm not just talking about the "angry virgins!" I'm talking about the people who say nasty things about them, as well.

 

I'm going to start putting certain posters on ignore, if they continue on their "virgin bashing" tirade. I'm sorry, but I don't find that funny, or endearing. And I can bash back!

 

Regardless, there are a lot of really nice people here, and I've already received helpful advice. At least, some are trying!

 

Yes there can be. For many, LS may be the place they vent their anger and bash.

 

Again, we come back to expectations of the site. And if they really bother you, then you do have the options to ignore them, or report them!

 

Thanks for posting!

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Yes there can be. For many, LS may be the place they vent their anger and bash.

 

Again, we come back to expectations of the site. And if they really bother you, then you do have the options to ignore them, or report them!

 

Thanks for posting!

 

Yes, I just reported someone who advised someone who was being controlled by their parents, and being physically abused, to go see an escort. Obviously a spammer, but that poster really doesn't need to read that filth.

[Spark1111]

How stupidly unhelpful!

 

Hope the OP had the good sense to ignore it!

[jthorne]

What the heck is this about? You can use the same name everywhere if you choose... If you don't care that people know it's you then you have that opportunity to retain your ID should you wish.

I see you're using a screen name to post here, as opposed to your real name, right? Same principle.

 

Since that's not the topic of this thread, I'll leave it at that, and apologize to Spark for the tj.

[Hazyhead]

To answer the original question, advice. Pure and Simple. Some I received was extremely helpful... most, in fact, if I'm honest, and some not so much. You take what you need and leave the rest. I have lived too much drama in life than to be living it on a forum, too.

[findingnemo]

Hi FN, you were a BS long before you joined LS, just curious as to what you have learned from others about their pain vs your own?

 

Hi SG,

 

I was a BS true - still legally married. My stbxh's infidelity made me mad for a number of reasons. The important one was that he exposed us to disease by having unprotected sex and having a child with one of the women (she's just had another baby apparently). The other reasons were purely selfish like humiliation (how could he embarass me like that??? Everybody in my city seemed to know before I did) and he spent a lot of money keeping them. I was pissed and felt he betrayed his kids and his values. I didn't care about the sex part (I was relieved). I lost it when I found out one got preggerz. My M was a disaster and I had no love whatsoever for my H.

 

My experience as a BS seems less painful. Because of posters like Spark, FO, bent and all the others, I can now better imagine how MM's W would feel if she found out the true extent of the R. This "thing" started in 1996. MM has never said anything negative about her in all these years. It seems she really loves him and "knows" no other man. She was a virgin when they started dating. She seems very organized and a great mother. I have no idea what she looks like now since I last met her in 1994. From what I hear, she seems like a really good person who doesn't deserve to be hurt (especially by me).

 

One more thing, I came to LS for the LDR forum and not OW. Before LS, I didn't think of myself as an OW or even know what an EA was. I'd been patting myself on the back thinking that I was unique and full of self-control because I got out of the PA. Until I was bored and discovered the OW/OT forum. Here was a place that specifically dealt with my "issues".

Edited March 12, 2011 by findingnemo

[Spark1111]

Dear dear me! I find this very frightening!

 

My wife is the one who has cheated. Is cheating. On me! Why ought I to be judged harshly?

 

I do not fear being identified. I would wish to protect the innocence of my children, yes. But I understand that the policy of this website is not to allow membership to children below the age of thirteen.

 

Well....like it or not....be it unfair, or not....those who are married, those who trust their spouse to never betray them, and I would venture that is everyone who marries.....are so frightened of that prospect happening to them, they judge it very, very harshly and it is great fodder for the gossip mill.

 

They think the lying, cheating WS is a total loser.

 

OR, they think the BS must be a total loser as to have a spouse who cheats....not sexy enough, not a good enough spouse, not doing enough spouse...

 

Or, if they like both the WS and the BS, it must be that OW/OM is a total homewrecker.

 

Take your pick......

[WorldIsYours]

Well....like it or not....be it unfair, or not....those who are married, those who trust their spouse to never betray them, and I would venture that is everyone who marries.....are so frightened of that prospect happening to them, they judge it very, very harshly and it is great fodder for the gossip mill.

 

They think the lying, cheating WS is a total loser.

 

OR, they think the BS must be a total loser as to have a spouse who cheats....not sexy enough, not a good enough spouse, not doing enough spouse...

 

Or, if they like both the WS and the BS, it must be that OW/OM is a total homewrecker.

 

Take your pick......

 

That attitude will change once it happens to them.

[SuzieWong]

[QUOTE=Spark1111;3282972]What were your expectations from LS?

 

When you came here for advice and support, was your expectations that all would be kind?

 

 

When first I reAd of this I thought yes it should be warm and welcoming. I looked without joing and saw this was not true on the infidelity and other woman forums. I watched for some time. I decide if I post and I am very polite I am sure I will reap a good experience. I was wrong. My first post reaped racist tauntings poking fun at my name and my culture from Miss J Thorne. I then see the poster who defended me was charged with being a fraud.

It was a great disappointment.

 

It is however like life. There are wise people everywhere and ignorant people everywhere. You must find the jewels among the swine.

 

Did you expect dissenting opinions? Yes but not such chilidish mocking

 

Did you even read TOS before starting to post? Yes

 

How many infractions did you receive, and why? None

 

I have never reported anyone. Much of the advice, especially in the beginning was often harsher than I wanted or expected to hear, but in retrospect, I could still appreciate the position other poster's were coming from. Even the ones that hurt me to the core.

 

Sometimes, I needed to take a LS break under the guise of: I couldn't take the heat, so I got outta the kitchen.

 

I received one infraction for sharing a cosmo recipe with two other posters on an especially giddy Friday afternoon after a grueling work week on a thread where someone was in pain. I was insensitive, off-topic and deserved it.

 

Care to share your thoughts? Anyone?

 

The lack of civility to posters makes this site less than it could be. Posters do not show interest or awareness of anything or anyone outside of their own world view. I have decided maybe to post more to help others with their problems. I learn very much from reading here about the minds of some americans.

[donnamaybe]

Funny thing - I described almost the exact same experience save the substitute of MM for H, and yet I don't see this outpouring of sympathy for women in my position.....hypocritical much?

Interestingly, I looked through your first few threads to see all this hatred that's been sent your way. I just don't see it. In fact, I looked pretty well through the first couple threads wherein your guy was treating you very badly, by your own admission, and everyone was nothing but kind to you.

[Brokenlady]

Donna,

Looking at my threads won't help, because I was referring to the 1st I came to LS under a different username. Back then, I was really honest about my feelings and did not filter everything in say with the BS's in mind. I didn't realize that this place was not truly for supporting OW, unless they end their R, so I went about things differently at got a lot of hate.

[WorldIsYours]

Donna,

Looking at my threads won't help, because I was referring to the 1st I came to LS under a different username. Back then, I was really honest about my feelings and did not filter everything in say with the BS's in mind. I didn't realize that this place was not truly for supporting OW, unless they end their R, so I went about things differently at got a lot of hate.

 

But no one gave you hate.

[donnamaybe]

Donna,

Looking at my threads won't help, because I was referring to the 1st I came to LS under a different username. Back then, I was really honest about my feelings and did not filter everything in say with the BS's in mind. I didn't realize that this place was not truly for supporting OW, unless they end their R, so I went about things differently at got a lot of hate.

Well I hope (and expect) none of it was from me, unless you were hatin' on me first!

 

Look, I give my opinion. It is what it is. The problems arise when someone doesn't like my opinion and then starts slinging insults which has happened many times. In fact, quite recently a previously banned poster (who on that other site says she enjoys coming here "just to piss those people off" ) came back into an existing thread with a new name JUST to hurl insults at several people. When someone insults me, they get back what they've given, or they get reported. End of story.

 

I have seen many other posters actually say mean, hurtful, cruel things, and that is completely unacceptable. I have spoken up in many of those instances. You may view me as "hateful," but I can assure you I am anything but. I would like to see all people, not just women, empowered to take charge of their own lives and not let some MM/MW lead them on, and I give my opinion with that mindset.

[turnstone]

I came here at the lowest point of my life, desperate for answers, for a way out, for someone, anyone, to tell me what to do to put my life back together. I honestly believed that with all I was going through I'd get nothing but kindness.

 

And, to be fair, I got a lot of that and a lot of support, although not as much as I wanted!

 

I also saw an awful lot of anger, hatred and insecurity and had quite a bit of it direct at me, which was the last thing I needed at the time, before I understood it for what it is.

 

I think I have had infractions and I think it says more about the person pushing the button than it does about me and home truths I spelt out to them.

 

Now..... now, I just think its a damn shame that BS don't have a safe haven.

[Spark1111]

I came here at the lowest point of my life, desperate for answers, for a way out, for someone, anyone, to tell me what to do to put my life back together. I honestly believed that with all I was going through I'd get nothing but kindness.

 

And, to be fair, I got a lot of that and a lot of support, although not as much as I wanted!

 

I also saw an awful lot of anger, hatred and insecurity and had quite a bit of it direct at me, which was the last thing I needed at the time, before I understood it for what it is.

 

I think I have had infractions and I think it says more about the person pushing the button than it does about me and home truths I spelt out to them.

 

Now..... now, I just think its a damn shame that BS don't have a safe haven.

 

I think that is an interesting insight! Do infractions received have more to do with the person reporting you?

 

So if a poster doesn't like me or my style of responding, do I spend more time in the naughty chair?

 

Maybe!

 

And you echo the other side of the coin, Turnstone. There are those who do wish for an OW-only forum.

 

I guess that comes down to expectations again.

[bentnotbroken]

I think that is an interesting insight! Do infractions received have more to do with the person reporting you?

 

So if a poster doesn't like me or my style of responding, do I spend more time in the naughty chair?

 

Maybe!

 

And you echo the other side of the coin, Turnstone. There are those who do wish for an OW-only forum.

 

I guess that comes down to expectations again.

 

 

Why the hell do you get a chair and get a step? Does it have something to do with my height?:eek: I think the thinner your skin, the more you press that little button. Does say a lot about validation I think.

[turnstone]

I think that is an interesting insight! Do infractions received have more to do with the person reporting you?

 

So if a poster doesn't like me or my style of responding, do I spend more time in the naughty chair?

 

Maybe!

 

And you echo the other side of the coin, Turnstone. There are those who do wish for an OW-only forum.

 

I guess that comes down to expectations again.

 

There seem to be very few times when a post is reported and removed and infraction given for the right reasons on LS, i.e. when dangerous advice is offered; but I also understand how difficult it is for one person, one moderator, to judge each complaint individually on its own merits.

 

As far as the infractions I received, well they just proved to me that the posting that caused offence must have hit a nerve with the reporter. The truth hurts and all that.

 

As for an OW only forum, they have one, just not on LS.

 

In that vein, I think that having both an OW forum and a BS forum on the same site is counter productive to what appears to be the LS ethos. Just my opinion.

[turnstone]

There had been people on a campaign to get me banned, one in particular.

 

And that again proves you were hitting a nerve, I guess.

 

I'm very glad their campaign didn't work

[donnamaybe]

And that again proves you were hitting a nerve, I guess.

 

I'm very glad their campaign didn't work

Thanks Turnstone! I'm glad too. I've come across some very caring people here. Yes, there are some who are so angry that all they ever do in certain forums here is batter people. But there are many others who, regardless of their views, are able to offer constructive advice (yes, from THEIR POV - as is their right).

[jthorne]

And that again proves you were hitting a nerve, I guess.

 

I'm very glad their campaign didn't work

I agree and...

ME TOOOOOOO!

 

I have to think about the two boards not being on the same forum though. It was the BS here that helped me the most.

[Silly_Girl]

Hi SG,

 

I was a BS true - still legally married.

 

Beware! In the eyes of some this makes you (re your EA) a MOW and means you might come in for some stick for the 'affair' you participated in with respect to your LDR recently.... you are 'technically and legally' a CHEAT!!!