Repressing my urges, am i building a bomb?

[Urgie]

Firstly, i am not bored at all. I love my wife, i am incredibly attracted to her, and we have amazing sex no matter what we do.

 

But for some reason lately i am having these urges to try different things, or just be kinky! Now my wife is by no means a prude, she likes it dirty and rough some times. But i keep trying to bring stuff up and she just isnt interested.

 

Examples:

 

• Over the last 10yrs or so, on 3 occassions i have brought up the fantasy i have of her being with another guy. Either in front of me, or with me. She just isnt having it. She is not able to separate love and sex, and it would be too difficult for her. Fine, even though it is a strong fantasy of mine i wont push her, so ill have to drop it.
   
  
• I buy her toys every now and then. She accepts them, and we usually use them that night and have fun, and thats it they go in a box. The only times they come out are when i suggest we use them and pull them out. I have expressed many times how i wish she would show some initiative and suggest we use them, so i know they aren't just being used because i suggested it. I want her to enjoy it!
   
  
• I recently took her to an adult toy store and parked out front. I handed her a credit card and asked her to go in and buy anything and everything she would like to try! Don't worry about the money, or how kinky something might be. Just go crazy in there! She refused to go in. Said we really have enough already.
   
  
• I suggested id like to take her to a swingers club. Not to be involved, i stressed that! I said we can go in and have some drinks, and if by chance the mood permitted it, id like to go down on her while others watch. I said how i feel this would be harmess because i would be the only one touching her, and she gets a sexy shopping spree out of it, a night of men desiring her openly, and me eating her rigorously for as long as i could. She told me "we can talk about it later" I explained ok but ill wait for HER to bring the subject up, so i at least know im not pressuring it. Needless to say, it never came up. I also didnt bring it up again.
   
  
• Before work i got a little frisky with her, but she was headed out the door so we couldnt do much. I did get as far as sucking on her breast, and i loved it. She then had to go. So I went in the bedroom to masturbate strictly for the purpose of sending her a pic. I even broke out a toy of mine (Fleshlight) and took a pic of me fully "at attention" and ready to use it. Her first reply was that I looked yummy. I told her i wanted to show her how crazy she drove me! She then went into asking how i can "finish" using a toy, and not wait for her? I said how crazy she drove me, and i just wanted to show her, and maybe turn her on with some pics. Didnt work.
  

 

When i try to discuss how i feel, she tells me that i must be bored with our sex life, and why do i always want more. Why cant i be happy with what i have?

 

Truth is i am VERY happy. I just feel like we can have so much fun together if we just stop being so limited, and inhibited! We love each other so much and have so much fun together.

 

When i first brought up the fantasy of a MFM 3some and she wasnt for it, i felt pretty grossed out with myself. It took a short bit of time for me to realize it may not be that gross, she just isnt capable of doing that for me.

 

But now its like anything i try at all is being shot down. I feel like maybe there is something wrong with me for wanting all of this stuff?

 

Another side of me is feeling like she will regret this. When we are 50 (currently mid 30's) and she opens up sexually, will i even be interested? Will i just push back on spite like she is doing to me now? Id like to think i wouldnt, but this is really becoming an issue. I feel like she is resenting and rejecting everything i want.

 

And the more i speak to her about it, the more distant we feel because she thinks i dont love her or something.

 

I can repress all of my urges and desires and kinks, but how fair is that? Where will that lead in the long run?

 

Please someone talk to me about this, wtf am i going through? I love her so much and dont want to hurt her, or lose her. We really have such a good thing right now.

[Mauschen]

Dear Urgie,

 

Many women, even women who love physical intimacy, do not understand how much stronger urges can be for men - or how important.

 

Personally, I don't think involving a 3rd person is a good idea. From what I have heard from friends and what I've read, those situations almost always end in disaster. So, if I were you, I wouldn't push that one.

 

I would recommend the book His Needs Her Needs by Harley. I read it before marrying my 2nd husband and it really opened my eyes about what is important to men. And I think it opened my husband's as regarding what is most important to women.

 

I don't think you are strange for wanting what you want, but I don't think your wife is strange for resisting some of the more "extreme" desires you have either. It sounds like she is pretty open in general and that she gives you a lot of physical intimacy - something many wives do not give freely.

 

I would just suggest going through the His Needs Her Needs book to make sure all of her needs are being met by you. Then she may be more open to considering your needs.

[Kivu]

I don't feel like I have much room to talk about relationships, but I thought I'd talk to you about this...

 

If I was your wife and you brought up the idea of sharing me with another man I would be very, very upset. I have given you a gift of my fidelity. I hold it as priceless. All of my sexual energy is devoted to you, and you telling me you don't want it feels like rejection, and feels like you are treating my priceless gift as something with very little value.

 

If you then went on to say you wanted to go to a swingers bar, just to go down on me, I would be upset again because you are sharing me with others. You really want other people to see me naked? You really want other people to witness us having sex? Nasty, disgusting people that I haven't given my fidelity to? That feels wrong and perverse and makes me not trust you.

 

You want me to involve sex toys in sex...I may be reluctant because hey, you're enough for me. I'd rather you went down on me than using plastic, no matter how nice it was the first time.

 

You want me to buy sex toys when we have drawers full...that we don't use...that IS a waste of money.

 

All of the above would make me very wary of you and your intentions, and would make me iffy about doing anything kinky for a while, because I wouldn't know what you would pressure me with next.

 

You may be feeling your oats but I think your wife wants you to be more involved with her, and only her, so you should dial it back a bit and not push her so much. And be super sensitive about sharing her with others!

[Urgie]

Thank you Kivo, you definitely put a few things in perspective. It didnt necesarily help me much in the immediate, but at least it feels better reading them hear.

 

And yes it seems like all the time im getting hit with the "Dont push her or the entire planet will explode!" comments.

 

You know i respect my wife, and women. I understand not to push and WHY not to push.

 

But jesus, why cant there be some polar oposite cookie cutter reply that is given to women?

 

Like "Whatever you do keep him happy, or he will be considering the next opportunity he may have!!!"

 

I am nowhere near thinking of cheating, dont take it that way. I am just saying why am i the one who is "not pushing" or not bringing something up, or dropping something, or forgetting something, or leaving something alone.

 

why can i not be fine and content with how things are, like my wife is??

 

Why do i have to have these desires? Why do i have to feel repressed? Why do i have to feel like either i give up what i want, or i lose my wife?

[xxoo]

It sounds like you want her to be you.

 

It isn't enough that she will do things for you (the toys, the lingerie, the dirty photos). You aren't satisfied unless she craves these things as much as you do. She doesn't. That doesn't make her "inhibited". It makes her different from you. She is wild and passionate in her own way. Do you fully appreciate her passion, needing you and you alone to feel wild and sexual?

 

Think about it from your wife's pov.....for her, the two of you coming together (alone, with no props) is powerful and satisfying. She is all too aware, however, that you strongly desire MORE than the two of you alone together. She is wondering why she is not enough? Why her raw sexuality (no props) doesn't thrill you? Why you need MORE than just her?

 

Urgie, a great sex life is something to be treasured, and never taken for granted. NONE of us have partners that match our drives, kinks, desires exactly. The happiest among us can recognize and appreciate when we have a good thing. Start focusing on what you DO have together (which sounds really great!), and not on what you DON'T have--and you'll be a lot happier.

 

If your obsessions with these "extras" are ruining your enjoyment of your marriage, you should consider counseling.

[Green Light]

Thank you Kivo, you definitely put a few things in perspective. It didnt necesarily help me much in the immediate, but at least it feels better reading them hear.

 

And yes it seems like all the time im getting hit with the "Dont push her or the entire planet will explode!" comments.

 

You know i respect my wife, and women. I understand not to push and WHY not to push.

 

But jesus, why cant there be some polar oposite cookie cutter reply that is given to women?

 

Like "Whatever you do keep him happy, or he will be considering the next opportunity he may have!!!"

 

I am nowhere near thinking of cheating, dont take it that way. I am just saying why am i the one who is "not pushing" or not bringing something up, or dropping something, or forgetting something, or leaving something alone.

 

why can i not be fine and content with how things are, like my wife is??

 

Why do i have to have these desires? Why do i have to feel repressed? Why do i have to feel like either i give up what i want, or i lose my wife?

 

I don't even ask for the kinky stuff, just a little bit of spontaneity in our sex life would be nice. Rather than our usual scheduled 10 minute sessions where she tells me beforehand to "make it quick."

I am 39 years old and I can honestly say that I don't understand women and their sex drives[or lack thereof]. There seems to be so many factors that influence them. So many things have to align.

Then when you are a guy with a "healthy" sex drive society tells you that your urges are "yucky." But yet you can't stop them. They are there and you can't make them go away. Whats worse is that sex is everywhere in our society. It's on TV, it's on the internet, billboards, magazines, everywhere.

Then there is the advice. Don't push, show affection, buy her something, be nice to her. But it doesn't matter because if the woman isn't getting hot then the woman isn't getting hot and who can say what makes her hot. I try to talk to talk to my fiancee about what makes her hot but she will not talk about it.

I think that society need to wake up and understand what a nightmare it is to be a guy with "urges"[yuck!].

[xxoo]

And yes it seems like all the time im getting hit with the "Dont push her or the entire planet will explode!" comments.

 

You know i respect my wife, and women. I understand not to push and WHY not to push.

 

But jesus, why cant there be some polar oposite cookie cutter reply that is given to women?

 

Like "Whatever you do keep him happy, or he will be considering the next opportunity he may have!!!"

 

You are getting advice to "not push" because 1. you have a good thing and could lose it, and 2. it is a matter of respect for your wife.

 

No, people generally don't advise women (or men) to do "whatever" to keep their partner happy---esp if it means doing sexual things that you don't enjoy.

 

Besides, you repeated insist that you ARE happy, and that your sex life is amazing. Why, why, WHY would you want to push for more, knowing that it makes her uncomfortable? Why isn't her discomfort a turn-off?

[Urgie]

You are getting advice to "not push" because 1. you have a good thing and could lose it

 

What about my wife having a good thing and not wanting to lose it? Alright the 3some was over the top, completely understood and handled. But to go into a toy store and pick out some toys?? Freaking out if i masturbate because it wasnt you that made me "finish"? Having a drink in a swingers club? Yes i did mention if the mood allowed, i would do things with her, but i also said we may end up just going to have a drink in an erotic environment. It could have fired us both up and we would have had insane sex in a cab on the way to the nearest motel.

 

No, people generally don't advise women (or men) to do "whatever" to keep their partner happy---esp if it means doing sexual things that you don't enjoy.

 

Very good point.

 

Besides, you repeated insist that you ARE happy, and that your sex life is amazing. Why, why, WHY would you want to push for more, knowing that it makes her uncomfortable? Why isn't her discomfort a turn-off?

 

Very good question. I think it might be at the point where its just pissing me off that no matter what i want, its just ok and acceptable for her to not allow us to try it. She may not like it, hell i may not even like it. But why not try?? Some of the things literally could not hurt.

[Toodamnpragmatic]

I don't even ask for the kinky stuff, just a little bit of spontaneity in our sex life would be nice. Rather than our usual scheduled 10 minute sessions where she tells me beforehand to "make it quick."

I am 39 years old and I can honestly say that I don't understand women and their sex drives[or lack thereof]. There seems to be so many factors that influence them. So many things have to align.

Then when you are a guy with a "healthy" sex drive society tells you that your urges are "yucky." But yet you can't stop them. They are there and you can't make them go away. Whats worse is that sex is everywhere in our society. It's on TV, it's on the internet, billboards, magazines, everywhere.

Then there is the advice. Don't push, show affection, buy her something, be nice to her. But it doesn't matter because if the woman isn't getting hot then the woman isn't getting hot and who can say what makes her hot. I try to talk to talk to my fiancee about what makes her hot but she will not talk about it.

I think that society need to wake up and understand what a nightmare it is to be a guy with "urges"[yuck!].

 

Urgie has been coming here the last month with a different take on his fantasies/prediliction and he just won't stop pushing the envelope on what most men here would think is a very good thing....

 

Urgie, time to stuff it because eventually she'll tll you to stay away from her and not to even want "regular" sex because you've turned her so off it.....

[UnsureinSeattle]

Because it's a partnership. She's not your sex slave, she's your partner. You can't force her to want something anymore than she should force you into something that makes you uncomfortable. I think that, if your sex life is as good and mature as you make it out to be, you have to realize that, beyond going outside of the marriage and making your fantasy happen, some things are going to be off of the table.

 

You don't necessarily have to try something to know you won't like it, or that the thought of trying it makes you uncomfortable.

 

Having read this and the last couple of threads you've posted in a roundabout way about this subject, I feel that you're being unreasonable in regards to the boundries your wife has set up... you're really letting this eat you up for some reason. I'm no therapist- I don't know you... but I do know that you will eventually alienate/anger or otherwise push your wife away if you keep going on about this... and that a partner being good, giving and game doesn't mean that they have to submit to your every wish.

[Toodamnpragmatic]

Because it's a partnership. She's not your sex slave, she's your partner. You can't force her to want something anymore than she should force you into something that makes you uncomfortable. I think that, if your sex life is as good and mature as you make it out to be, you have to realize that, beyond going outside of the marriage and making your fantasy happen, some things are going to be off of the table.

 

You don't necessarily have to try something to know you won't like it, or that the thought of trying it makes you uncomfortable.

 

Having read this and the last couple of threads you've posted in a roundabout way about this subject, I feel that you're being unreasonable in regards to the boundries your wife has set up... you're really letting this eat you up for some reason. I'm no therapist- I don't know you... but I do know that you will eventually alienate/anger or otherwise push your wife away if you keep going on about this... and that a partner being good, giving and game doesn't mean that they have to submit to your every wish.

 

Seattle...... The use of Good, Giving, Game (ggg). a Dan Savage reader????

Edited March 9, 2011 by Toodamnpragmatic

[UnsureinSeattle]

Impeccable logic!

 

And c'mon- if Urgie wrote in to Dan about this, he'd get an earful.

[mitchell]

I'll be blunt. You come across in your threads as a whiny, spoiled brat. You preface your statements with how much you love your wife and how wonderful the sex and your sex life is, but you follow up these statements with some contradictory actions.

 

It's great that you have such good communication with your wife. You are both comfortable talking about your sexual needs, desires and fantasies. This makes for a great marriage. The problem here is that you are ignoring your wife's feelings and refuse to accept that she may not want to perform some of the acts you desire.

 

She doesn't want to sleep with someone else while you watch. She told you no and you still kept on the pressure. "Have some drinks" to make it better. You sound like a big bully. This attitude shows a total lack of respect for your wife, and a childish need to satisfy your every whim.

 

Get over yourself and be satisfied with what you have. Fantasies do not always need to become reality. Find a way to enjoy your present situation.

[Urgie]

I'll be blunt. You come across in your threads as a whiny, spoiled brat. You preface your statements with how much you love your wife and how wonderful the sex and your sex life is, but you follow up these statements with some contradictory actions.

 

It's great that you have such good communication with your wife. You are both comfortable talking about your sexual needs, desires and fantasies. This makes for a great marriage. The problem here is that you are ignoring your wife's feelings and refuse to accept that she may not want to perform some of the acts you desire.

 

She doesn't want to sleep with someone else while you watch. She told you no and you still kept on the pressure. "Have some drinks" to make it better. You sound like a big bully. This attitude shows a total lack of respect for your wife, and a childish need to satisfy your every whim.

 

Get over yourself and be satisfied with what you have. Fantasies do not always need to become reality. Find a way to enjoy your present situation.

 

As much as id like to take offense, i actually really appreciate the bluntness.

 

You are actually closer to the truth than id like to admit. I actually discussed with my wife that maybe i am just so frustrated because in the past i always get what i want, and maybe its just bothering me that im actually not getting my way. Maybe im just spoiled.

 

I agreed this was possible.

 

I also agree with what you said about involving someone else into our sex ... and as i said, yes i get it its not happening and we are past it. Now there has been a few other things (listed in original post) that have been shot down.

 

So now its partially about not getting my way, but its also bothering me that literally nothing i propose is being accepted.

 

I have to take the advice of stop suggesting this stuff and just enjoy what i have. That is very frustrating that we are not open enough to try anything, regardless of the caliber of "kink"

 

But again, thank you for being very honest. I dont disagree at all

[xxoo]

So now its partially about not getting my way, but its also bothering me that literally nothing i propose is being accepted.

 

Not true!

 

Read your list again, but look for the things she WILL do instead of the things she WON'T do.

 

--She'll use the toys you buy when you buy them or suggest them (but you are not happy because you want her to buy them herself)

 

--She'll engage the 3some fantasy in fantasy (but you are unhappy because she won't actually have sex with another man)

 

--She'll make out before work, and be playful about dirty pictures (but you are unhappy because she doesn't want to know the details of you masturbating while she's at work)

 

No, she doesn't want to go to a swingers club, for drinks or anything else. Many of us don't . That isn't a reasonable thing to expect in a monogamous relationship (some couples like it, but it shouldn't be an expectation).

 

There is nothing wrong with your wife, or her sexual interests. She is entitled to limits and boundaries. Figure out if you can accept her as she is, and, if not, leave. She sounds like a great catch, and she'll have no problem finding a man who will truly appreciate her loving, generous sexual nature.

[soserious1]

Urgie,

 

All of the stuff that you're asking your wife to do involves her being exposed in sexual situations to strangers.

 

first you pushed the MFM threesome, when that didn't work you decided to try to push her to go alone into a sex shop.. telling her to really lingerr in there,look over all the goodies, pick put a ton of them while horny strange men followed her around the store staring and drooling at her

 

then you propose taking her to a swinger's club where she can have a drink or two and get naked while other people watched.

 

 

All your supposed compromise suggestions are merely variations of what it is you really want... your wife naked and moaning as she screws strange men in front of you...

 

Sounds to me like you want to make a whore out of her and she's not interested.

[I Luv the Chariot OH]

I'll be blunt. You come across in your threads as a whiny, spoiled brat. You preface your statements with how much you love your wife and how wonderful the sex and your sex life is, but you follow up these statements with some contradictory actions.

 

It's great that you have such good communication with your wife. You are both comfortable talking about your sexual needs, desires and fantasies. This makes for a great marriage. The problem here is that you are ignoring your wife's feelings and refuse to accept that she may not want to perform some of the acts you desire.

 

She doesn't want to sleep with someone else while you watch. She told you no and you still kept on the pressure. "Have some drinks" to make it better. You sound like a big bully. This attitude shows a total lack of respect for your wife, and a childish need to satisfy your every whim.

 

Get over yourself and be satisfied with what you have. Fantasies do not always need to become reality. Find a way to enjoy your present situation.

This post is so fantasically on the money.

 

Urgie, I think you should seek counselling to deal with your obsession over forcing your wife to be with another man. It's extremely creepy :/

[Green Light]

Urgie has been coming here the last month with a different take on his fantasies/prediliction and he just won't stop pushing the envelope on what most men here would think is a very good thing....

 

I guess I should have read more.

Yes, I would be happy if my partner just wanted regular old sex more.

I don't even have thoughts of 3sums and sex clubs.

If a guy has a partner that doesn't wrinkle her nose every time he says he wants sex then he should feel grateful.

Hey maybe I should try pushing 3sums and sex clubs on my partner. Maybe that would get her juices flowing. Then again...doubt it...

[Feelin Frisky]

It sounds like you want her to be you.

 

It isn't enough that she will do things for you (the toys, the lingerie, the dirty photos). You aren't satisfied unless she craves these things as much as you do. She doesn't. That doesn't make her "inhibited". It makes her different from you. She is wild and passionate in her own way. Do you fully appreciate her passion, needing you and you alone to feel wild and sexual?

 

Think about it from your wife's pov.....for her, the two of you coming together (alone, with no props) is powerful and satisfying. She is all too aware, however, that you strongly desire MORE than the two of you alone together. She is wondering why she is not enough? Why her raw sexuality (no props) doesn't thrill you? Why you need MORE than just her?

 

Urgie, a great sex life is something to be treasured, and never taken for granted. NONE of us have partners that match our drives, kinks, desires exactly. The happiest among us can recognize and appreciate when we have a good thing. Start focusing on what you DO have together (which sounds really great!), and not on what you DON'T have--and you'll be a lot happier.

 

If your obsessions with these "extras" are ruining your enjoyment of your marriage, you should consider counseling.

 

Well said.

 

Urgie, what I see as a common theme with guys who want some action with other people that involves their wives is that they don't think enough, if at all, about how things change when they go from fantasy to reality. In fantasy, you have total control of where you want it to go and how you want it to work. You totally lose that control when other people get involved in real reality. Your's is just one of three people's fantasies being played out--it's no longer "all about you". This can be quite an ego crusher when things throw you surprises you weren't ready for. Don't forget, the fantasy doesn't go back into a neat private box inside your head, it can be disclosed and discussed elsewhere and both you and your wife may come under criticisms you'll find unflattering, or perhaps flattering about her and not you.

 

While your wife seems a little on the conservative side when it comes to toys for instance, the question is: do you both have a fulfilling sex life otherwise where there is frequency, passion and satisfying climax? If that is true, I think you should consider that you could be risking trashing all of that with your obsessions. She may be getting just what she wants and you may be complicating things with these side-trips that imply that he's not satisfactory to you. If she loves you and shows it, I urge you to get a grip on your imagination for the sake of your marriage over all. Think more about her as an equal with her own full scope of fantasy and less of her as just a "character in your life". She's not just a character in your life. She's a human being and you need to do your part of earning your place as a character she'll want to keep in her life. I hope you pass these growing pains tests in your own relationship.

[Woman In Blue]

The other poster is right - the OP is constantly posting all the time about how he can convince his wife to have sex with strangers because of his cuckold fantasy.

 

Dude seriously - you're like a dog in heat and I'm embarrassed for you that you keep coming here hoping for some magic answer that will get your wife to go against her OWN morals and beliefs and whore herself out to random men while you drool all over youself watching.

 

If I were her, I would have been gone by now because it's completely unappealing how desperate you are to engage in this stuff and can't let it go - like a rabid dog frothing at the mouth. It's rather repulsive, to be downright honest.

 

Get some therapy. Seriously. You're embarrassing yourself.

[summerdowling87]

I see where your coming from sometime I think i'm the queen of kink when my BF is just into simple old fun how about this thought

 

1.See a sex therpist, about your urges perhaps the therpist can make your urges fun of the both of you. So it won't hurt your wives feelings.

 

2.Watch porn involoving all the things you like and see if that works for you

Edited March 12, 2011 by summerdowling87

[Lauriebell82]

Truth is i am VERY happy. I just feel like we can have so much fun together if we just stop being so limited, and inhibited! We love each other so much and have so much fun together.

 

Urgie, are you REALLY happy and satisfied with your sex life? I think that if that was the case, then you wouldn't actually need more of this inhibition that you speak about that. As other's have said, you seem to be unable to accept that your wife does not share your fantasies and need for "kink."

 

You say you are going to lay it to rest but you really don't, you keep at it. She tries to endulge you somewhat to get you off her back, but when you attempt to push her boundaries TOO far, she refuses. It keeps happening over and over again. You can't accept that she does not have the same sexual ideas as you do, and that's a huge problem!

 

Really Urgie, your marriage is at stake here. Your wife is going to get to her breaking point where she feels so inadequate that she will no longer be the confident special woman that you describe in your threads. Is that what you want?

[You Go Girl]

As much as id like to take offense, i actually really appreciate the bluntness.

 

You are actually closer to the truth than id like to admit. I actually discussed with my wife that maybe i am just so frustrated because in the past i always get what i want, and maybe its just bothering me that im actually not getting my way. Maybe im just spoiled.

 

So now its partially about not getting my way, but its also bothering me that literally nothing i propose is being accepted.

 

I have to take the advice of stop suggesting this stuff and just enjoy what i have. That is very frustrating that we are not open enough to try anything, regardless of the caliber of "kink"

 

But again, thank you for being very honest. I dont disagree at all

 

Mitchell is right on. So is every other post I've read on this thread.

 

In the past you always get what you wanted.

Well isn't that nice!

Hmmm.

Now here you are, not getting what you want.

What does it mean when we don't get what we want? A challenge to get it, eh?

So how much do we try to manipulate others to get this unfulfilled desire? How much are we willing to risk for the obsession of having succeeded once more in life in getting our wants fulfillled?

Where does it end, urgie?

You do all this...all that will be left is unmentionables, and still you won't be satisfied, because you are fixated on pushing your wife's sexual boundaries. This isn't about you, as much as you think it is. Nope...it's all about controlling your wife. Think about how selfish and disrespectful that is, and then realize that a fantasy is just that, and that your fantasies are not about you so much as about conquering your wife's sexuality, which is just simple plain sicko.

Lots of women don't prefer toys. Aren't you glad? You darn well should be. Think if we did prefer them.

Nature didn't just give you the tools you need--nature gave you the PERFECT TOOLS for the job. There's no improving on it. You can try to improve upon nature until pigs fly, and you won't.

So when are you going to give up conquering her sexuality, controlling her sexual mind, and accept that she is an individual and respect her right to be turned on the ways that she is turned on? Do you really think you know what works for her better than she does? ha...don't think so for a minute, you don't.

 

What I see here is a lack of gratefulness.

When we aren't grateful for what we have, we are ever seeking, and never satisfied, as we become unsatiable.

It's a path to disaster, and in the end, nobody will be satisifed, exactly the opposite.

Edited March 13, 2011 by You Go Girl

[MarriedGuyNTennessee]

Urgie, don't be offended at the messenger here but do pay attention to the message. You are making it extremely easy for another man to walk in and steal your wife away. There are countless numbers of men who seek just the sort of the beautiful woman you have painted your wife to be here. Those men would have no problem being with only her, cherishing only her, protecting her, and loving her for the beautiful, loving, and sexual person she is. They would see no need to change her into something she is not. You better pray your wife never engages such a man in deep conversation!

 

Urgie, I have a few questions if you don't mind. Do you surf porn on the net? Do you chat on sex sites or read bullentin boards on sex sites? How about having friends in the swinging or wife-sharing lifestyles? Do you spend alot of time reading subject specific erotica? The subject of your fantasies and the variations of the same core idea are some that don't normally surface in everyday conversation yet would be prevalent when talking to someone in a lifestyle of sorts or found in groups and sites on the internet.

 

I only ask due to the possibility you may be addicted to fantasy porn. Many are. The signs of trouble begin in relationships when a person begins having trouble separating fantasy from reality. In my own circle of friends and associates, the acts you are suggesting to your wife would be extreme and unacceptable. That does not mean you are wrong, just rare. So rare, in fact, that to most, your sexual requests of your wife would be considered unrealistic.

[xxoo]

It occurs to me that your wife may also have a fantasy that you are unable to fulfill: the fantasy of being so deeply cherished by her man that he wouldn't ever think of sharing her. That's not you, is it?

 

Is she harassing you to be that guy? Or is she accepting you--and loving you--as you are, appreciating the common ground you DO share?

 

You have more to lose than she does, Urgie, because she treats you better than you treat her. She could do better in this dept. You probably can't. You may find a woman who shares your kink--but will she be as great a spouse as your wife overall? Don't bet on it.