Linda9999 Posted March 9, 2011 Share Posted March 9, 2011 My husband admitted to spending the first 5 or so years of our relationship seriously wanting to invite another woman into our bed. We've been together 14 years, so this is almost 10 years in the past. So he says. But I cannot help but wonder if this contributed to his infidelity (Dday was March 13 2010). His online Sexsearch and Adult Friend Finder profiles and others all said he was looking for threesomes, among other things. He won't admit to still having these fantasies. The fact he may be having them as fantasies doesn't bother me - what red blooded male doesn't have those types of desires - but the fact he won't admit to it does bother me. He is a recovering sex addict and it just seems to me that if he was being honest with himself and with me, he could admit it. I think he's trying to protect me in some sense, but I just don't know if he can truly recover without admitting these types of things. And I wonder if denying this to himself isn't going to drive him back to Sexsearch etc. Anyone have any experience with anything like this? Link to post Share on other sites
Green Light Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 My husband admitted to spending the first 5 or so years of our relationship seriously wanting to invite another woman into our bed. We've been together 14 years, so this is almost 10 years in the past. So he says. But I cannot help but wonder if this contributed to his infidelity (Dday was March 13 2010). His online Sexsearch and Adult Friend Finder profiles and others all said he was looking for threesomes, among other things. He won't admit to still having these fantasies. The fact he may be having them as fantasies doesn't bother me - what red blooded male doesn't have those types of desires - but the fact he won't admit to it does bother me. He is a recovering sex addict and it just seems to me that if he was being honest with himself and with me, he could admit it. I think he's trying to protect me in some sense, but I just don't know if he can truly recover without admitting these types of things. And I wonder if denying this to himself isn't going to drive him back to Sexsearch etc. Anyone have any experience with anything like this? There's a very good chance that he still has the urges but if he admits it to you he's probably afraid that you will freak out. Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 I'm guessing that you've not been privy too often to the deep, inner-most thoughts of very many other red-blooded (human) males. What you are describing is far in excess of anything that a giant percentage (if not "most") would be in serious pursuit of IF involved in a relationship of 14 years duration. Him wanting another woman in your shared bed, and your denying it, had exactly nothing to do with any infidelity of his. Whether or not he goes back to "sex search" or not should be secondary to your need to make CERTAIN that you are no longer tethered to him should he CHOOSE to do so. At some point, resolve to be good to yourself no matter the poor "CHOICES" your husband may make in the near and distant future. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Linda9999 Posted March 10, 2011 Author Share Posted March 10, 2011 Sorry, I guess I wasn't clear - the threesome fantasies (the fantasies, not if he thought he could follow through physically) are what I don't have a problem with, not him going online to SS and AFF. The online stuff would be a dealbreaker if it resumed. Does that make sense? Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 Yes, makes sense... AND you said yourself that it will be a "deal-breaker". That means you can strengthen up and issue an ultimatum and feel confident and strong enough to let his actions decide for you... Link to post Share on other sites
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