Ugh, it's happening again

[somedude81]

Here I go again, cute girl in a dance class is acting much nicer to me than everybody else is. Seems to be flirty.

 

She missed both class sessions last week. When she came in she waved hi to me. Then dance instructor talked for a very long time getting us ready for our test.

 

When he's done I walk over to her, I say, "Hey haven't seen you in a while." I forgot what she said and she gave me a hug. Then, she wanted me to show her what the steps were to the line dance that we were doing earlier. I do that for a few minutes till the song is over. I talk to her a little bit, tell her that she needs to come to class next time. Then she mentions that she is staying in the room for the salsa class coming up next. She asks if I'm staying and when I tell no she looks disappointed. She moves for a hug again and I leave.

 

Last time she was in class we stayed about 10 minutes after and I was teaching her some basic salsa steps. Then she had to go to work.

 

Right now I'm very confused. Is she interested or just being friendly?

 

I'm going to make a move on Monday when I'll see her next.

 

Who wants to bet that she's just being friendly. That's what I'm guessing. Though if I'm wrong, I might get the booby prize

[yessy21]

Dude she so likes u.

[SmileFace]

What is happening again? A girl is showing you attention and is attracted to you?

 

:-), Good luck, make a move(haha dance reference)

[mo mo]

man up and lay down some pipe

[somedude81]

What is happening again? A girl is showing you attention and is attracted to you?

No, me thinking that a girl might like me but what might be really happening is that she's just being friendly and I'm misinterpreting that friendliness as interest and I'll get rejected if I ask her out then she'll think I'm all weird for asking her out when had she no real interest in me.

 

Yay for runon's.

[fishtaco]

Ask to take her out dancing.

 

I've been dancing for awhile. I've done amateur performances and competitions. So for where I am, since there are less people dancing Latin dances socially, I'm one of the better dancers. But out in Los Angeles, where it's basically the mothership, I'm just an average dancer. But at the very least, I don't suck, and I can hang even at hardcore clubs.

 

Salsa people tend to be very friendly and touchy feely. People outside of the scene don't understand that. So because you met her "in the scene", I would second guess her intentions even more than usual.

 

A lot of the times, especially for women that are newer, they want to:

1) Get better by dancing with someone that knows what they're doing

2) Get dancing buddies so they won't be sitting by themselves, or be safer when they go out

 

Combined with the fact that touchy feely is perfectly fine, i.e. larger ambiguous zone, many women would play in there because they want the two perks I just pointed out above.

 

But sometimes, salsa relationships DO happen. So salsa is a double edged sword. You get A LOT of attention from the opposite gender, but at the same time, the ambiguous zone is giant.

 

So what I do normally, is ask them out dancing. Preferably some place far so we both won't run into friends that are in also the scene. Why, because the we are obligated to dance with our friends, instead of spending time with each other.

 

Then the next step is to do something that is NOT related to dancing. If she goes that far, then you've just lead her out of the salsa zone and into the normal dating zone, and the normal dating precautions and considerations apply from this point on.

 

Anyway, that's my take on things. One thing I feel LS is not equipped for, is dating in the salsa dancing world. It's very different. You're probably better off asking these questions in a salsa dancing forum or something.

[TouchedByViolet]

Ask her out!!!!! Good luck. Hoping the best for you sir

[Cracker Jack]

Honestly, it sounds like you have a good chance to take this somewhere. Sure, she might just be friendly in general, but it's also possible that she's attracted to you and enjoy your attention. Just try to think positive. I'm really hoping it goes well for you when you make your move on her, dude.

[somedude81]

Thanks for the info fishtaco. That would explain a lot things.

 

One thing that I wasn't clear at, as the class we are in now is social dance, which is basically a new dance every week. The same instructor teaches Salsa right after Social.

 

This girl doesn't seem to have a lot of dance experience and I don't think she's part of the scene. It's just an introductory dance class taught at a university.

 

One class assignment is to go to an actual dance club and right a report on it. I could see my self going with her, but don't know if it should just be the two of us or go with others from the class.

 

What you said about the salsa scene, seems to apply very well to the salsa club on campus. The people are obviously better than in the beginner level classes and the moves are lot racier. I sure got an eye opener when I saw them doing bachata.

 

I'll probably invite her to lunch on Monday if she isn't working or grab her phone number. Or maybe trying to arrange a class outing? I'm not sure yet.

[iJester]

Class outing is a horrible idea. Ask her to something one on one if you want to gauge her interest, dance club is a perfect idea.

[Knittress]

I don't think even the most physically affectionate of women are inclined to hug a casual acquaintance. Especially more than twice. I would guess that she's into you, or at least open to the idea.

[fishtaco]

Thanks for the info fishtaco. That would explain a lot things.

 

Oh... nevermind. I thought you were both in the scene. But you know what I'm talking about when you see the salsa club people. They get pretty racy. That sort of raises the bar of what's considered normal and makes everything ambiguous.

 

And yes bachata, you should learn it. It's like getting free lap dances. I don't know how many times I've asked a complete stranger to dance bachata, and the first thing she does... complete body contact, I didn't even have to bring her in. I'd be lying if I say I didn't enjoy it. But it's a thin line between being a creepy groper vs dancing bachata. So you have to really know what you're doing to not fall into the creepy side.

 

I agree class assignment is a bad idea. You should do it anyway just for a chance to create more connection with her. But I wouldn't consider that a date, more like working towards a date. If you both end up having a good time at a club, then you can try to make it a date going to a club, except this time on your own and not for a class assignment.

 

There's only one way to beat ambiguity, you just have to go for it and see what happens. It's more scary in salsa because there's more room for confusion, and you just have to bite the bullet and do it. But if you are both not in the scene, any positive signs I'd consider to be more meaningful, or I should say, meaningful according to the normal world.

[somedude81]

OK, class outing is out.

 

The Salsa class I crash sometimes is now teaching bachata for the 1st time. Of course they don't get that close, but it's still good to know the rhythm.

 

Thanks for the encouragement guys.

I don't think even the most physically affectionate of women are inclined to hug a casual acquaintance. Especially more than twice. I would guess that she's into you, or at least open to the idea.

Yeah that definitely sounded an alarm. I get hugged very rarely from girls. The only other girl that's hugged me this year, I had a class with last semester and we had several study sessions, she's also a lesbian..

 

So it's pretty rare for women to be affectionate to me.

 

Now that I think back, dancing girl has been pretty touchy feely with me in the past before. The only reason I haven't tried anything with her yet is that she only seems to come to class half the time.

 

OK, now I have to try. If I get rejected, I know she'll be nice about it, and it'll be nothing more than a little embarrassment.

[Intricategirl]

OK, now I have to try. If I get rejected, I know she'll be nice about it, and it'll be nothing more than a little embarrassment.

 

Ok, I'm asking because I truly don't know the answer, but isn't that what would normally happen if a girl turns you down? Maybe it's me and the crowd I hang out with, but we aren't going to be nasty to the guy, and wouldn't even make fun of him behind his back. We'd simply say no, try to say it nicely, and that's it. Is this not what you've encountered? And if it is, keep that in mind when you're asking a girl out.

 

Besides, either she's nice and the worst that happens is a little embarrassment or she'll be cruel and you dodged a bullet.

[somedude81]

Ok, I'm asking because I truly don't know the answer, but isn't that what would normally happen if a girl turns you down? Maybe it's me and the crowd I hang out with, but we aren't going to be nasty to the guy, and wouldn't even make fun of him behind his back. We'd simply say no, try to say it nicely, and that's it. Is this not what you've encountered? And if it is, keep that in mind when you're asking a girl out.

 

Besides, either she's nice and the worst that happens is a little embarrassment or she'll be cruel and you dodged a bullet.

For most of my youth (up to about 16), girls have been very mean to me. I never really got over that, and I've never had any positive reinforcement that told me it's ok to ask girls out.

 

The biggest fear of mine is how getting rejected will damage my ego and I'll probably feel like crap for a couple of days. So that's why I get scared of asking girls out. Most girls now are really nice, but I'm not nice to myself at all.

[Ruby Slippers]

Dude, this is so obvious. Ask her to go out DANCING.

 

I met one of my exes at a swing dancing lesson. He rotated to me, they turned on the music, and we were a perfect fit and a great dance match. Immediately after the lesson ended, he asked if he could get my number. He called me two days later and asked me out swing dancing that Saturday. We were together for 3 1/2 years, and spent a lot of that time dancing.

 

Even in the worst case scenario (she says no), it's no problem because you just asked her out dancing -- a perfectly respectable invitation.

[tincanman99]

Just do it. Ask her out but be direct about it, nothing wishy washy.

 

Just say this:

 

"I would like to take you dinner and dancing on Saturday"

 

Be direct and if she likes you she will say yes. Dont do what I do and obsess about it. If she says no, than you know where you stand and its time to go next.

 

Of course she could flake out on you after like a girl I liked just did but I doubt it. Strike while its hot.

 

The key is you have to have indifference to the outcome - if she says yes - good, if she says no - good. Got to be detached.

[PJKino]

Go for it or youll never know.

 

A few weeks ago i approached a women for the first time in years,i thought she liked me turns out she didnt so from now on im not gonna appraoch women and im just gonna assume the girl doesnt like me which is usually the case unless she says straight out that she does

Edited March 10, 2011 by PJKino

[fortyninethousand322]

Go for it or youll never know.

 

A few weeks ago i approached a women for the first time in years,i thought she liked me turns out she didnt so from now on im not gonna appraoch women and im just gonna assume the girl doesnt like me which is usually the case unless she says straight out that she does

 

Not sure if you're being sarcastic or not, but you just described my entire adult life.

[PJKino]

Not sure if you're being sarcastic or not, but you just described my entire adult life.

 

Oh no im dead serious..im shy and rarely approach women since i figure theyre not attracted to me and i fear rejection but this girl seemed to really like me so i thought..but ended up she didnt..

 

Im staying out of the dating game

[Cracker Jack]

Not to derail this topic, but...

 

PJ, why is it that you fear rejection so much? I think my reasons for fearing it were mainly because the woman would likely not want to talk to me (most of the women I've been into were friends of some sort) anymore and things would feel awkward.

 

The idea of rejection is a nightmare--but like nightmares, you have to overcome them.

[PJKino]

Not to derail this topic, but...

 

PJ, why is it that you fear rejection so much? I think my reasons for fearing it were mainly because the woman would likely not want to talk to me (most of the women I've been into were friends of some sort) anymore and things would feel awkward.

 

The idea of rejection is a nightmare--but like nightmares, you have to overcome them.

 

It just reaffrims to me that women arent attracted to me

 

The whole "all you need is 1" thing doesnt make me feel muc hbeetter,so great 1 out of a few hundred may say yes and then if that doesnt work out i have to go through a few more hundred reejections for another yes?

 

Constant No's wear on me too much,maybe if i had sucess with women in the past on any level i wouldnt take no's as personally

[fortyninethousand322]

It just reaffrims to me that women arent attracted to me

 

The whole "all you need is 1" thing doesnt make me feel muc hbeetter,so great 1 out of a few hundred may say yes and then if that doesnt work out i have to go through a few more hundred reejections for another yes?

 

Constant No's wear on me too much,maybe if i had sucess with women in the past on any level i wouldnt take no's as personally

 

This. To use an analogy, I play basketball 2-3 times a week. I think I'm fairly good, but I most certainly do not make all of my shots. I probably get more shots blocked than anyone else on the court, and I sometimes have stretches when nothing seems to fall. It's the nature of the game. While I get frustrated, I also understand that many of the shots will fall because they did before, and I keep trying my best because at some point things will turn around.

 

However, with women this is not the case. I have no experience of success at all. Unlike you I haven't been afraid of rejection for a long time (since high school) but I have come to expect it. And when I do get rejected, it's months before I find someone else. That's extremely frustrating, and seems so daunting that it just makes one want to take a nap.

[somedude81]

Alright, I'm going to try something tomorrow.

 

I'll probably try to get her phone number or get lunch with her or see if she wants to go out dancing with me or maybe all three.

 

That is, assuming she even shows up to class tomorrow.

 

Wish me luck.

[dispatch3d]

Who cares; ask her out. A lot of times how much they like you initially has very little bearing on whether a date even happens (the ones that seem really interested flip out and cancel).