noddingyes Posted March 9, 2011 Share Posted March 9, 2011 A couple of times when I've been out with my girl at a bar, invariably some guy will strike up a conversation with her while I'm in the bathroom or getting drinks and it will continue when I get back. Nothing inappropriate although one guy came close to the line. My girlfriend is outgoing and friendly but also very loyal to me and I trust her implicitly so this is not a trust or jealousy issue. She has told me that her policy from her younger and single days was to not shut someone down rudely as this can lead to problems, especially if the guy is a little drunk. So instead she engages, laughs at their jokes and tries to eventually send them away without hurt feelings. I understand her reasons and don't totally disagree with this tactic. The times I've witnessed this the guys weren't using pick-up lines on her or being rude, just kind of flirty. They are being friendly (maybe overly so) and I understand they want to talk to her because she's pretty and friendly back to them. My question is - what should I be doing when this situation occurs? It's obvious she's there with me and if they fail to acknowledge this and move on shortly after I sit down next to her I feel kind of stupid just sitting there while their conversation continues. She doesn't ignore me during this, either, but sometimes I feel like enough is enough and want the guy to take a hike. She can take care of herself and I don't really want to play the macho-card and tell the guy to beat it - that would be too heavy-handed unless they started asking for her number, started making comments about her body or otherwise were being rude. Anyone else had this happen? What, if anything, do you do about it? Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted March 9, 2011 Share Posted March 9, 2011 How would she be feeling if the roles were reversed? What is wrong with her simply saying have a nice night but I am with my boyfriend? Again if you were doing this with another girl in front of her I doubt that she would be so understanding as you have been. Link to post Share on other sites
true-gem Posted March 9, 2011 Share Posted March 9, 2011 Dont argue with her about it dude..love her even more...especially by giving public displays of affection to her infront of these creeps cracking onto her whilst your in the mens taking a call of nature! she will love you more for it and it also shows her your above the creeps and confident in the knowledge she is your girl in spite of how attractive she obviously is! we will always get others trying their luck no matter what! deal with this situation like a loving gentleman would, fighting over it with other guys will turn any self respecting female off a man....hope this helps Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 her policy from her younger and single days Here is where the problem lies. She is not single any more, she needs to adjust her behaviour accordingly. As Bryanp says I very much doubt she would be so understanding if you adopted the same policy towards other females at the bar. There is nothing rude with telling the guy that she is there with her BF. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 Here is the thing, you mentioned your gf is very "loyal" which is weird since this is a topic about her flirting with other dudes. That's the opposite of loyal. There is no reason for any girl in a relationship to flirt with other guys, the women that act like they just can't help it are full of sh*t. As to her whole excuse about not wanting to be rude, it is possible to not flirt with someone while not being rude. She simply needs to say "I'm sorry, but I have a boyfriend". The fact that she does not do this and actually gives you excuses as to why she flirts is quite alarming. fighting over it with other guys will turn any self respecting female off a man....hope this helps Yeah here is the problem, any self respecting female would not be flirting with other dudes. Any self respecting female would flat out tell other guys she has a boyfriend and put an end to it right there. If this girl is not doing that then you can't sit there and act like she fits the description of the type of person you are talking about. Link to post Share on other sites
spice4life Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 Yes she should tell them she has a boyfriend and she should not continue to engage in conversation with them. No doubt. Link to post Share on other sites
Cee Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 There was an afterhours bar in Chicago which was legendary for being an aggressive pick up scene. Getting hit on was par for the course and everybody knew that. One time a guy hit on me and I said, "Sorry, I'm taken. My boyfriend is in the bathroom," and he replied, "So?" My boyfriend came back (all 130 pounds of him) and ended the interaction by talking to me. What I'm trying to say is that I have an agreement with my boyfriends about how to handle bar pick ups. My ex liked to hang back sometimes because he thought it was hilarious. He trusted me and I loved that man more than anything. On the other hand, if he didn't like me engaging men, I wouldn't do it. Talk to your girlfriend and have a joint plan about this stuff. One that both of you agree on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author noddingyes Posted March 14, 2011 Author Share Posted March 14, 2011 I appreciate all of your responses. In reading them, I'm afraid I may have overstated the problem. The picture painted by a few of you is just not the reality and this is my fault for not being as accurate as I should have been about the "flirting" that takes place. Being new to the dating scene after many years, my experience level with a new SO in social situations is limited. I agree that if I am uncomfortable, this is something I need to discuss with my girlfriend and come to an understanding with her, and I will. Having spent years in a relationship that was disrespectful in many ways, I know what that's like and I can't say in good conscience that what is happening now rises to that level. I was more looking for what my response should be but, as I said, I think it is something I should talk about with my SO, too. Thanks again. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts