Katherineos123 Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 Growing up, both of my biological parents were alcoholics... My parents split, more or less never saw my "father" again, my mother remarried to a wonderful man who raised me and loved me as his own. My mother's drinking progressively got worse. She passed away 6 years ago, in part to her alcoholism. As a result of my mothers death, my step father became depressed, and he himself was drinking in excess... to the point where we were watching him self destruct. And were sure the worst was inevitable. He went into detox over the summer and we thought things were looking up. Over the winter his drinking has started again. He still goes to AA meetings, but he's also drinking again.. He's all I have. And for the last 5 years Ive lived in constant fear of losing him. I went to my first Al Anon meeting tonight, Ive been speaking about going for a few months, but finally got the gusto actually go. It was a pleasurable and relatively therapeutic experience, but I just dont know how much it can help me with my fears, my guilt, my despair. Does anyone else have any experience with the program? Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 Growing up, both of my biological parents were alcoholics... My parents split, more or less never saw my "father" again, my mother remarried to a wonderful man who raised me and loved me as his own. My mother's drinking progressively got worse. She passed away 6 years ago, in part to her alcoholism. As a result of my mothers death, my step father became depressed, and he himself was drinking in excess... to the point where we were watching him self destruct. And were sure the worst was inevitable. He went into detox over the summer and we thought things were looking up. Over the winter his drinking has started again. He still goes to AA meetings, but he's also drinking again.. He's all I have. And for the last 5 years Ive lived in constant fear of losing him. I went to my first Al Anon meeting tonight, Ive been speaking about going for a few months, but finally got the gusto actually go. It was a pleasurable and relatively therapeutic experience, but I just dont know how much it can help me with my fears, my guilt, my despair. Does anyone else have any experience with the program? While I do not and have never been a drinker, I did once attend an A.A. meeting just to support a friend there. It was quite a remarkable study of humanity. I have the strong belief that "the rest of us" can't truly understand WHY that path to recovery works so effectively when it seems to be built upon a house of human cards, most any one of which causes a sober mind to need to look away. BUT, having said all that, I still feel strongly that the path to recovery via A.A. is very effective not only for the alcoholic, but for those in his or her immediate world as well. I know those twelve steps look and read as being somewhat silly through the eyes of the sober mind, but just to focus on them and begin to chip away at them gives the alcoholic something on which to concentrate, which is better than the alternative. I encourage you to keep attending... and to keep taking mental notes. Link to post Share on other sites
PollyIvy Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 There are no meetings near where I live so I can't go often, but I read the literature, and it helps. I have an incredibly high tolerance for unbearable situations, and sometimes it helps to forgive myself rather than get angry at situations. Al Anon helps you to keep the focus on YOU. I like reading the daily things in 'One Day at a Time'. Link to post Share on other sites
lavidaloca Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 Kudos to you for seeking help for yourself with this! It's devastating to watch someone you love self-destruct. I know this first hand. Please keep hanging in there with the program. It may be the only thing that helps you keep your sanity, and from possibly doing things that might be enabling your stepfather. Everyone understands where you're coming from at those meetings. For me, that understanding is priceless. I went many years ago, but had to stop. (long story) I so hope things work out for you both! Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 First I want to say what a wonderful step you took to gain support for yourself as well as understanding for the disease of alcoholism. I am bias when I speak of AA.....it has been a lifesaver so long as its applied in ones daily life.... To the Members of Al-Anon , they have been nothing short of eye openers in detailing the true affects this dibilitating disease has on the family and loved one. AL-Anon is a program and a way of life to come to terms with emotions and coping with the member of the family. Believe it or not its a blessing that your step dad still attends meetings, trust me that is a positive sign! He still knows its there for him.... Just attend once or twice a month if you feel you want to ease into it, but do keep giving it a try, afterall as its said....your alternative methods didnt work so why not try AlAnon for awhile??? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Katherineos123 Posted March 11, 2011 Author Share Posted March 11, 2011 thank you all so much for your kind and supportive words... it really means a lot to me. I think Im going to try out a few more meetings before I make a decision one way or the other. I feel as though alcoholism has been such a constant in my life that I always just sort of assumed that these were 'normal' stressors for people, that and because they've always been there... Ive never had a point of reference, and Ive never known anything differently... sort of a traumatized ignorance. As Im getting older (Im only 26) Im learning that this is not the case... which again, raises a whole other set of anxieties for me... because THIS has been my life as Ive always known it... which leads me to be afraid of "now what do I do?" Link to post Share on other sites
Cee Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 My family is riddled with addiction so a lot of us are 12 steppers. My mom joined Al Anon 10 years ago and she's almost a completely different person now. Al Anon is about focusing on yourself, which is a good thing to do considering what you've been through. Through osmosis, I've picked up Al Anon stuff I love their philosophy of loving with detachment. Can't say much more. I've only been to a handful of meetings and instead focused on other 12 step programs. One suggestion. Try the suggestions veterans give you. Often those suggestions are helpful. But as they say, "Take what you like and leave the rest." Link to post Share on other sites
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