fitguy365 Posted March 31, 2004 Share Posted March 31, 2004 Ok, her is my story. My fiance and i have been toghether for 5 years she is now almost 23 and i am going to be 22 in June. Our realationship was very strong, she told me that she could never live without me and that if she lost me that she would want to die. We both were there for each other through deaths of family members on both sides of our family. We did have some down times, but nothing too bad. Anyway, as of about 4 weeks ago we fought all week and that is somthing we never have done, ever. Then, in that same week she found out her Grandma was in the hospital, for some reason, when i heard the news i only said everything will be ok, and i didnt really give her any comfort. So she wound up going to see her grandma and family, i stayed home. Just before she left, we made up, but she did say she was going to think about things. Then, when she came back 3 days later she said that she wanted to end it, becuase of the way i have treated her in the past (controlling, making her choose me or her friend, calling her a bitch), i said that i loved her and that i will change, but she said its too late, because she loves me, but isnt in love with me. So for a week i cried and begged her to forgive me, but she wound up moving in with her friend. So now she has been living with her friend for 2 weeks, and she has called me to get some of her stuff, but thats about it. When we do meet, she usually huggs me and we even kisses me. Last Sun. i even got the thought of maybe she wanted me back, but then on Mon. she came over and i went through her cell and i found 4 guys num. that she had called, so i asked her about it and she said that one of the guys she calls, and that they are friends, but nothing more. I am to the point of not knowing what to do? I am lost, my whole body and mind hurt for her. I know i have made mistakes, but i also know that i have changed for the better in the last 3 weeks. She doesnt want to believe it or doesnt care, what should i do, or what can i do? Please any help! Link to post Share on other sites
sexyrunwaymodel1 Posted March 31, 2004 Share Posted March 31, 2004 i know exaclty how u feel i just got dumped out of a nine year relationship and it hurts like crazy but u say u have changed but yet when she comes over u look through her phone and question her not to sound mean but ur not her man anymore that is not ur problem to look at her personal stuff so maybe that didnt help her thnk u changed but i am a woman and i think that u should take a suprise show up to her house and ask her to just go out to lunch with her as friends and then sit at a diner and talk to her really talk to her about how u feel and tell her that u have really changed and make her really believe it to and work it from there i hope it works good luck... Link to post Share on other sites
Author fitguy365 Posted March 31, 2004 Author Share Posted March 31, 2004 yeah, going through her cell was wrong, but she has been acting so different that i just had to know if she has had any contact with guys. Link to post Share on other sites
eye Posted March 31, 2004 Share Posted March 31, 2004 I've been in your situation before, she has been with your for 5 years and at her age she is wondering how whats in store for her outside. Although she still loves you, she wants more, she's looking for greener grass. You already cried and begged, what more can you do? I tell you, you will only push her away if you stay in contact with her. Follow the no contact policy, stand your ground and maybe she'll change her mind. I say prepare for the worst, she could be in with someone else now. Dont talk to her, dont talk to her to convince her that you changed, she could have accepted you as who you are and worked on problems with you instead of leaving. Link to post Share on other sites
hurtingandconfused Posted March 31, 2004 Share Posted March 31, 2004 I know i have made mistakes, but i also know that i have changed for the better It's her loss. Unfortunately for you, you might have to show your "new you" to a new girl. you will only push her away if you stay in contact with her. Follow the no contact policy I agree. That is the only thing that you can do for right now. Give you two some time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fitguy365 Posted March 31, 2004 Author Share Posted March 31, 2004 She has said she wanted out before because of the things i have done, but i would say that i love her and that i will change, and then she would take me back right away. Since she would take me back right away, i never really thought i needed to change to keep her. I was stupid. Now though i know that she was really serious. What hurts is i know i really messed up bad, and i also know that we would really have a perfect relationship if she gave me a final chance. Love is great, but when you lose the love of your life it really hurts, and i am just finding that out. What i really need to know is if i should still have contact with her, to show her that i have changed? Link to post Share on other sites
Author fitguy365 Posted March 31, 2004 Author Share Posted March 31, 2004 By the way i tried the no contact thing for a week, but then she called me and i could tell that she really missed me by the way she kissed me and hugged me. When we see each other i can see in her eyes that she misses me, but it is like someone is forcing her not to be with me. Link to post Share on other sites
NotaBadGuy Posted March 31, 2004 Share Posted March 31, 2004 Fitguy, If you do anything, apply the no contact principles. I know it will eat you alive, but you have to at this point. She knows how to contact you. You have expressed your feelings, your wrongs, and your willingness to change to her. So she knows where you stand at this point in time. Now you have to love her enough to set her free, if that is what she wants, to find what she is looking for. You also have to be willing to realize that she may not come back. But to love her, is to let her go. You did not just shut the door once she left, you let her know. So truly love her and let her go for now. The more you pressure her, the further back you will push her. Take some time for yourself and do some things with the guys. Do what you need to to divert the attention from this for now. But be willing to accept that she may or may not come back. Sometimes to love someone, you have to be willing to let them go. And this is a pretty tough love to accept. Good luck. You will persevere. And you have come to the right place. Many of the posters on here have been in and continue to be in similar situations. Keep on posting and maintain the no contact rules. Link to post Share on other sites
guccigirl Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 You guys have been together since you were kids. you both need to experience other things. i know breaking up is painful. but i dotn think anyone under 23 should have long term relations shipps. date. have fun. then settle down. you need to experiemnce life. so you wont have to worry about cheating or anything else. live then love Link to post Share on other sites
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