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When you love someone more than you love yourself...


DustySaltus

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DustySaltus

So often when we enter a new relationship, we let it consume us. We are so concerned about making a connection that we sometimes lose ourselves in the process. In my experience I loved someone so much that I literally put my life on hold for almost 2 years to do whatever I could to make things work. Move to another country, leave my job and get further and further out of my comfort zone to get closer to hers.

 

Somewhere down the line I lost myself. I was too concerned with her happiness and not my own. This tends to happen when you care about someone so much that you put their needs ahead of your own. Maybe you sacrificed time with your friends, money that you had saved for something for yourself or your own goals in order to make them feel more secure in the relationship.

 

Then one day it's all over. It ends. We are left to think about all the things WE could've done to make things better. Maybe if I would've told them I loved them more. Maybe I should've bit my tongue a few times. Maybe I should've put my socks in the laundry bag like she asked....I mean, it could be anything.

 

So we try to work things out. We send them flowers. We bring up old memories. We refuse to listen to our friends who tell us that there's someone better out there for us. We do whatever we can to hold onto the hope that they'll be hit with the realization that we were the best things that ever happen to them. The only problem is, it never happens.

 

Weeks go by. People constantly ask you if you're ok. You haven't heard from them and you start to get bitter. You start to drink (if you hadn't started already) and become a bit of a loner. You consistently watch romantic movies thinking that one day, your life will turn out the same way and you'll get the girl. Why do you think these movies make so much money? Because they prey on the thought that your relationship was DIFFERENT. It was something that you couldn't explain with words to anyone else and by now, none of your friends want to hear about it anymore anyway.

 

You slowly pick up the pieces and maybe go out on a few dates, but you're not ready. Maybe you talk about them indirectly to your date. Maybe you take them to a favorite spot that you took your ex. Maybe you're hearing everything they say at the dinner table but you're never really listening. They see it from a mile away and the date ends before it really begins...

 

You go home and put on your favorite Sade CD (ok, maybe we're getting a little too personal here) and again think about all the good times. But what about the bad times? What about the times where you wanted to do something but was shot down. You wanted to try a new restaurant, take on a new venture and was told that it wasn't a good idea. You stopped being yourself and became a reflection of them, in order to keep things going , even if you knew it wasn't the right thing to do. Then in the end, it didn't matter anyway because either we start to resent them or they feel that you're someone with no backbone.

 

But if you loved yourself more than anyone else, you wouldn't deviate from your core beliefs and values. This is me and this is either good enough for you or it's not, but i'm HAPPY with who I am. If you can't be happy with yourself, you cannot be happy with anyone else. Until you realize this, you will jump from relationship to relationship without ever fixing the real problem.

 

This is something that took me a long time to realize and the reason I am posting it here is because I don't want you to suffer as long as I did. I've been to the end of the world and back, and i'm still here. We all have someone out there for us but until we are content with ourselves, we will never fully appreciate it.

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