Fitmomof2 Posted March 31, 2004 Share Posted March 31, 2004 I'm new here. I have been w/ my BF for 2 years now. I've had strong gut feelings that he's been cheating for awhile. Examples of his behavior: he frequently goes to clubs and meets girls, gets their phone numbers and receives calls from them in the middle of the night. He flirts like crazy. He does it in front of me. He loves porn and anything else that has naked girls. This weekend, I asked him if he's ever cheated on me. His response was he accidentally kissed a girl in a club - and that he hasn't had sex with anyone else, but he has "tasted"... What on Earth does that mean??????? Please someone tell me! He won't explain it. I told him I would ask every guy I know and he's was all - no don't do that. He said he will stop. He didn't know it was hurting me so much. HELP???????? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 31, 2004 Share Posted March 31, 2004 "What on Earth does that mean???????" Well, what do you think? Sounds like oral sex to me. Something smells fishy here! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fitmomof2 Posted March 31, 2004 Author Share Posted March 31, 2004 Yeah. That's what I thought. The whole Bill Clinton thing all over again??? It wasn't sex, but .... I swear, my heart is being ripped to shreds. He has NO REASON to cheat on me. Aside from the fact that we have sex ALL the time-- for hours on end sometimes. We went almost a year and a half without ever fighting. I don't understand. I take really good care of myself. I've been pregant 3 times and have a six-pack for God's sake. Am I stupid to believe that he will stop? Link to post Share on other sites
Fedup&givingup Posted March 31, 2004 Share Posted March 31, 2004 TONY?!? LOL I'm thinking that's what it means, too. He's had oral sex...probably had it given to him and given it as well. P.S. This guy is NO good! Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted March 31, 2004 Share Posted March 31, 2004 See, I wouldn't have taken it as oral sex by just reading it. It's possible though. I wouldn've taken it as 'checking it out'.....not eating the whole meal. HAHA! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fitmomof2 Posted March 31, 2004 Author Share Posted March 31, 2004 How do I prove it? How can I stop it? Is there something written on my forehead that I can't see??????? You realize I'm in complete denial of the whole thing. I really believed this was LOVE. I can't believe how stupid I have been. Would any of you give him another chance to change his ways? Link to post Share on other sites
Fedup&givingup Posted March 31, 2004 Share Posted March 31, 2004 Originally posted by Fitmomof2 Yeah. That's what I thought. The whole Bill Clinton thing all over again??? It wasn't sex, but .... I swear, my heart is being ripped to shreds. He has NO REASON to cheat on me. Aside from the fact that we have sex ALL the time-- for hours on end sometimes. We went almost a year and a half without ever fighting. I don't understand. I take really good care of myself. I've been pregant 3 times and have a six-pack for God's sake. Am I stupid to believe that he will stop? What is a six pack? No, you aren't stupid for thinking he will stop, but I think you are setting yourself up for thinking he will stop. I think you really want him to stop, but the chances of that happening aren't too likely. I'm sorry, it's a BAD feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted March 31, 2004 Share Posted March 31, 2004 Just because he is a 'flirter' doesn't mean he is a 'cheater'. However, if it bothers you then chances are he isn't going to change and you aren't ever going to be happy with him. Flirters flirt because they love the attention. To give it all up....is hard. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fitmomof2 Posted March 31, 2004 Author Share Posted March 31, 2004 I appreciate all your input, everybody. A six-pack ??? I workout a lot. A six-pack is a GREAT set of ABS. It's hard to get ... even harder to keep after having kids. I think you're right. I want DESPERATELY to believe that he will change. I told him I would give him a chance. I guess in my own time I will have to let it go. It's a step in the right direction that I've confronted him about it, right? I think I'm not ready to let him go yet. Denial sucks. The flirting itself doesn't bother me so much, so long as I know I'm the center of attention. But when he's getting calls from girls he just met at 3 am ??? I told him I don't care if he flirts... as long as he leaves it in the club - or where ever he's at. Don't bring it home. Link to post Share on other sites
faux Posted March 31, 2004 Share Posted March 31, 2004 Originally posted by Fitmomof2 How do I prove it? How can I stop it? Is there something written on my forehead that I can't see??????? You realize I'm in complete denial of the whole thing. I really believed this was LOVE. I can't believe how stupid I have been. Would any of you give him another chance to change his ways? I do not think that you can change this man's ways. It sounds to me that you should reconsider being involved with him. Despite offending you by his behavior, he is also lying to you, or at the very least not taking the time to explain things to you which are obviously upsetting to you. The six pack is mostly about your body fat content. Anyone can work his or her abs with a little dedicated time, but in order for it to show you have to be fit in other ways, as you have to have a very low amount of excess body fat. Being fit is good Do not just be proud that your abs show, be proud that you have kept the entire rest of your body healthy enough for them to show. After a few kids that is a good feat. You have a lot of drive. Admirable! I'm quite sure, that with such a passion and determination, that you can find someone much better than this fool of yours Link to post Share on other sites
mommy78 Posted March 31, 2004 Share Posted March 31, 2004 A six-pack ??? I workout a lot. A six-pack is a GREAT set of ABS. It's hard to get ... even harder to keep after having kids. Ok, I had one child and I am just so tired to even work out. I used to and just started to get a "solid" tummy again, but I lost the routine. How do you have time to work out with 3 kids? Is sit ups all you do. I have a low self esteem about my body after having my daughter. Anyways, about your problem. How old are the two of you? I have been through so much with my man. We've been together for 5 1/2 years. I met him when I was 19 and he was 21. Those are the "party" years. Infact I met him just the way your bf sounds. We both LOVED the club. I was into a lot of guys, but was never like a guy if you know what I mean. We both loved to party. We had similiar interests and it was very hard for me to trust him. Especially with him being a "player" when I met him. I have said this to many girls before, "it takes a very long time for a guy to figure out what he wants in his life." My man wanted to be with me but still have the ablility to fool around. At that time I was called his "OG". His original girl. Meaning, he could mess around but still come back to his "OG". God I thought that was the stupidest thing. I never heard him call me his OG, but all of his friends did it with their gf's or OG's. Right now, he's grown out of the partying and cheating faze (I hope), we both have (well I havent done the cheating thing). But its really hard and no girl will ever understand WHY they cheat no matter how good you look even after having a child or two. It's just how they are, there EGO! My man doesnt care as much as he used to about the way he looks when he goes to the store to get milk or eggs. When I first met him, he'd dress in style just to get dinner. It was crazy. Time will only tell with him. Every guy is different. It sounds like he's still young and want to have fun. And when he says "I didnt think it would hurt you...." C'mon....is he fo'real? He knows it would hurt you. Any girlfriend would be hurt unless your not his girlfriend. What an idiot for saying that. If my man ever told me that, he wouldnt hear the last of it! Be careful and please be prepared for the worse. It wont end here. No one can change a cheater (I consider that cheating). It's up to the person to want to change. It's like smoking....no one can force you to quit, they have to do it on there own. So dont expect him to change over night (thats what my bf told me and I was insecure about it. I was very impatient). It took my man 4 1/2 years to COMPLETELY change. Link to post Share on other sites
morrigan Posted March 31, 2004 Share Posted March 31, 2004 I've known people who were harmless flirts and who are naturally outgoing with most people they meet. But if someone is giving out their phone number and having 3 AM chats with strangers they met at a bar, with you right there, sorry, it's disrespectful to your feelings. I don't know exactly what "tasted" means, it could be oral sex or it could be kissing. Everyone's definition of cheating varies, he sounds like a cheater to me. Who wants a guy who likes to sample other women while they date you? If you want to stay with him, you're going to have to accept that he acts this way. Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted March 31, 2004 Share Posted March 31, 2004 Would any of you give him another chance to change his ways? Not THIS gal! BTW...if I ever come to this forum with a story like this, and temporary insanity has me guessing as to whether to leave or stay...I want you all to give me a good, swift kick in the ayas!! Softies need not reply! Slap me hard. . .TWICE! Link to post Share on other sites
brashgal Posted March 31, 2004 Share Posted March 31, 2004 No, no second chances. Just because he isn't bringing it home doesn't mean he isn't cheating on you - don't be making those kind of deals with him. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted March 31, 2004 Share Posted March 31, 2004 Originally posted by Tony "What on Earth does that mean???????" Well, what do you think? Sounds like oral sex to me. Something smells fishy here! That was BAD Tony (clever tho) but BAD!!!! Fitmomof2: He does not respect you. People who don't care don't need an excuse or reason to cheat. You can play with semantics and detailed definitions of what cheating means to you, but you already know in your heart that he is KRAP and has cheated on you. I'm sorry you are hurting - but you can move past it and be happy with a real man someday -- one that will respect you and knows darn well what constitutes love and cheating! Don't tolerate his behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fitmomof2 Posted April 1, 2004 Author Share Posted April 1, 2004 I'm quite sure, that with such a passion and determination, that you can find someone much better than this fool of yours To: Faux -- Thank you so much for your kind words! I am really getting to the end of my ropes with him. I have to believe that I will find someone out there who will be good to me. To Mommy78: Actually I have only 2 kids (1 miscarraige right before #1)... but it took a LOT of time at the gym to get it done and being lucky to have my kids in weather that allowed me to walk them in the stroller a lot outside the first 4 months. After that I was allowed to bring them to my gym. Also the post-natal workout class that allowed us to bring the baby with once a week. It's really hard to keep up with the kids and working full time. I found the use of home workout videos helped a lot. If you want some tips, email me and I'll help you out. To answer your questions, I am 32 and he is 28. We've been together for 2 years. WOW, you are so patient to wait 4 1/2 years for him to change! I do feel he's cheating OH MY GOD - and GET THIS!!! Last night he actually had the nerve to tell me that I was too messed up over the weekend... that I IMAGINED this conversation about tasting and he's never done anything wrong?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!? I about fell over. He also told me he wants to come to my therapy appointment because he needs to tell my doc that I am crazy. WHAT??????? To Morrigan: you're right. The one thing I learned from being married is that you cannot cause someone to change if they don't want to AND if you can't accept everything about the other person, GET OUT. Why can't I take my own advice in this case?? To brashgal, Enigma & Hokeyreligions: I think you're all right. thanks for your advice! I really feel this weekend will be the real test of his behavior since I have to work all weekend and he will probably be going out. Last night he also told me his ex- used to ask him the same questions and at some point asked him if they would move in together soon. His response? He waited to see if she would go crazy first. She did. She tried to kill herself. That's not going to happen to me. So sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
Sundaymorning Posted April 1, 2004 Share Posted April 1, 2004 Originally posted by Fitmomof2 How do I prove it? How can I stop it? Is there something written on my forehead that I can't see??????? You realize I'm in complete denial of the whole thing. I really believed this was LOVE. I can't believe how stupid I have been. Would any of you give him another chance to change his ways? NOPE. Would not want this loser as the mother of my children, husband to me or even related to my family members. I would dump him this freaking second and never look back. I would hope you would too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fitmomof2 Posted April 1, 2004 Author Share Posted April 1, 2004 Sundaymorning, Why is that so scary to me??? My heart tells me to let him go. My head is freaking out about it. I've never been good at breaking up... especially if I'm still in love. Link to post Share on other sites
Sundaymorning Posted April 1, 2004 Share Posted April 1, 2004 You are probably not still in love, you are probably just more attached to him because he has strayed...the more he does not want you or treats you badly, the more you want him. its how it goes. You could be scared because you dont know what else is out there. But there will be many more men that wont cheat at all. Find them. dont stay with someone cause you are scared of whatever. leave this a**h***. Link to post Share on other sites
fredrolin Posted April 1, 2004 Share Posted April 1, 2004 Originally posted by Fitmomof2 He has NO REASON to cheat on me. who ever said someone needs a reason to cheat? Some people just want more than one partner. I have been in several serious relationships in which I "messed around" on the side. Why? I was young and thought it was fun. If I hung out with friends we would go out to pick up chicks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fitmomof2 Posted April 1, 2004 Author Share Posted April 1, 2004 who ever said someone needs a reason to cheat? Some people just want more than one partner. I have been in several serious relationships in which I "messed around" on the side. Why? I was young and thought it was fun. If I hung out with friends we would go out to pick up chicks. Fredrolin: That's all fine and good. If you know that you want more than one partner, would you pretend to be in a mutually exclusive relationship? Wouldn't it be dishonest to the other person? Why wouldn't you be straightforward and honest about the subject? In that case, both people could be out messing around and having fun. Link to post Share on other sites
fredrolin Posted April 2, 2004 Share Posted April 2, 2004 Originally posted by Fitmomof2 That's all fine and good. If you know that you want more than one partner, would you pretend to be in a mutually exclusive relationship? Wouldn't it be dishonest to the other person? Why wouldn't you be straightforward and honest about the subject? The sad fact is alot of people will only accept being in exclusive relationships. So cheaters tell there partners what they want to hear and go out to lie and cheat. Also in society it is more acceptable (not respectable) for a man to have a woman at home but have flings on the side. He's a snake but considered a stud. If a woman does the same thing she is considered a slut. Link to post Share on other sites
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