Why do people deny others things?

[jean-luc sisko]

I know that others here think I'm silly, but I don't care. the thoughts of strangers are of no consequence to me?

 

I am 31 and I don't have many friends since others deny me them. This contravenes the norms of society. I don't want this to continue to occur, so how do I circumvent it.

[PratyekaYana]

I am 31 and I don't have many friends since others deny me them.

 

Are you saying that you're denied friendship by intervening third parties, or are you denied friendship by the people with whom you actually try to establish friendships?

[Tayla]

This post is as clear as vaseline on the glasses of a one eyed pirate.

[jean-luc sisko]

Are you saying that you're denied friendship by intervening third parties, or are you denied friendship by the people with whom you actually try to establish friendships?

 

Yes, I am being denied.

[PratyekaYana]

It's still unclear as to which of my interpretations of your original post is the correct one, so I'll offer commentary on both.

 

If you're being denied friendship by third parties...

 

How exactly are they going about denying you these relationships? Is it through slander? Are they somehow damaging your reputation to the point where others automatically reject your friendship based on what they've heard? Is it through some other, more forceful method? By knowing the strategies that they use against you, you have a much greater chance of circumventing them.

 

If you're being denied friendship by the parties that you're approaching for friendship...

 

There are several variables here that could be affecting the way these men and women perceive you. How are you attempting to make contact with them? Once contact is made, how do you then go about socializing with them? Typically, how do the majority of the people that you come into general contact with react to you?

[jean-luc sisko]

It's still unclear as to which of my interpretations of your original post is the correct one, so I'll offer commentary on both.

 

If you're being denied friendship by third parties...

 

How exactly are they going about denying you these relationships? Is it through slander? Are they somehow damaging your reputation to the point where others automatically reject your friendship based on what they've heard? Is it through some other, more forceful method? By knowing the strategies that they use against you, you have a much greater chance of circumventing them.

 

If you're being denied friendship by the parties that you're approaching for friendship...

 

There are several variables here that could be affecting the way these men and women perceive you. How are you attempting to make contact with them? Once contact is made, how do you then go about socializing with them? Typically, how do the majority of the people that you come into general contact with react to you?

 

By telling others not to associate with me.

[PratyekaYana]

What reason would they have to warn others away from friendship with you? Also, how is it that your attempts to establish friendship with people consistently fall within range of their gossip? Are they, for instance, work colleagues and you keep seeking other co-workers out for companionship?

[jean-luc sisko]

Because people don't adhere to norms.

[PratyekaYana]

Because people don't adhere to norms.

 

You could also make the argument that those responsible for influencing the decisions of others to befriend you are adhering to social norms. If these men and women perceive you as a threat or as alien for whatever reason, then they are well within social conventions to ostracize you and to try to alienate you from others by warning them of your position as a social pariah.

 

Now, I will never say that they are right or correct in their actions. You deserve companionship just as much as the next fellow, and it is reprehensible of them to stand in the way of that social bonding. What are they saying about you specifically? How are they damaging your reputation in the eyes of others? I still believe that if you can get a handle on that, and if you demonstrate the absence of the faults or traits that they have perhaps falsely ascribed to you, then you may be able to reverse this situation to your benefit.

[jean-luc sisko]

You could also make the argument that those responsible for influencing the decisions of others to befriend you are adhering to social norms. If these men and women perceive you as a threat or as alien for whatever reason, then they are well within social conventions to ostracize you and to try to alienate you from others by warning them of your position as a social pariah.

 

Now, I will never say that they are right or correct in their actions. You deserve companionship just as much as the next fellow, and it is reprehensible of them to stand in the way of that social bonding. What are they saying about you specifically? How are they damaging your reputation in the eyes of others? I still believe that if you can get a handle on that, and if you demonstrate the absence of the faults or traits that they have perhaps falsely ascribed to you, then you may be able to reverse this situation to your benefit.

 

No. The norms (I don't believe in social norms) state that one shouldn't deny others friendship without due reason. There is nothing that stands out from me that warrants what you are describing. Check out this guy - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charlie_Sheen - he is hardly normal, is he? I'm nothing like that. The norms also state that no one group's or opinions hold absolute pertinence. If so, there would be slavery in the US (as per what racists believe)

Edited March 11, 2011 by jean-luc sisko