Do women really have that many options?

[Kamille]

Do women really have that many options? I see that sentence plastered all over this board, usually touted by men, but sometimes by women.

 

I wonder, is it true? I mean, on the one hand, yes, we're socially conditioned so that men are more likely to approach women than vice versa. On the other hand, pretty much 40% of the population is heterosexual females and 40% heterosexual males. This means that statistically speaking, women and men have as many options, no?

 

Are we confusing things when we say women have many options? Women get approached more often than men - but does that really mean we have more options? Isn't it the reverse - since men are doing most of the approaches, aren't they the ones with more options?

 

And is it even true that women get hit on all the time? Yes, I might get hit on when I go to a bar - but I don't get hit on every time I walk out the door. When I was single, months could go by before I'd get asked out on a date (I never on-line dated). I'm pretty average looking - but I have hot friends and I feel like their experiences do not differ that dramatically from mine. They get hit on if they're in the mood to get hit on, but generally speaking, they just go about leading their lives like the rest of us.

 

 

So, women - is it true? Do you have an endless amount of options? Men - are your options really so limited?

[Mrlonelyone]

Options implies a choice. Those who choose have options.

 

In a culture where women are chosen and arranged to marry certain men they have no options and men (or parents really) have all the options.

 

In our culture men approach while women can approach they don't have to. In our culture women can sit back and choose who to accept a date with. Hence they have options.

 

While men, in general don't get approached by women, so men don't have an option...they just approach whoever they can who's the least bit attractive to them. "play the numbers game"...in hope that at least one will accept.

 

The mans option does not come into play until a relationship begins. I find it true that men who are in relationships are often approached by women. Women realize that such a man will never approach them so they take the chance.

 

Biologically men are also afforded a latter option because men can reproduce from puberty until death. i.e. A man who wants to have more children trading his older wife for a younger one.

 

In the long run it all evens out...but in the beginning women have more options.

[Kamille]

Options implies a choice. Those who choose have options.

 

 

In our culture men approach while women can approach they don't have to. In our culture women can sit back and choose who to accept a date with. Hence they have options.

 

But then women's choices are constrained to the men who approach them, while men are pretty much free to approach any women they choose. When I'm interested in a guy, I find a way to let him know so - as do most of my friends. But even then, men still have the option to ask me out or not.

 

I just don't think it's as clear-cut as some pretend it is, or that women have that much of an advantage.

 

While men, in general don't get approached by women, so men don't have an option...they just approach whoever they can who's the least bit attractive to them. "play the numbers game"...in hope that at least one will accept.

 

Isn't that an option? Or are you saying that the majority of men strike out 99% of the time, and that therefore all are put at a disadvantage? I find it hard to believe that striking interest in a woman is that hard for all men, while all women have it easy? I mean, all I have to do is browse through this board to find posts by women wondering if this guy is showing signs of being interested in them.

 

 

The mans option does not come into play until a relationship begins.

 

I respectfully disagree. Men have options way before the relationship begins. They choose who they approach - and they choose whether or not they're going to play the number's games, or find candidates based on some notions of compatibility.

 

BTW, I could usually spot men who played the numbers game a mile away. these guys are a bit more intense and a bit more "rushed" in their approach, trying to judge if you're taking the bate or not. Was usually a turn off for me.

[jane100]

It is entirely possible to be an attractive, intelligent woman and have zero options, depending on circumstances - e.g. children, health issues, money, support, cultural limitations/stereotypes, and relationship issues and so forth.

 

I speak from experience.

 

I think its very unusal for a man to have a similarly restricted role (unless a man is a single father bringing up children entirely on his own - or in a seriously bad state of health). Most men have lots of options IMO, in term of independence, going out, choosing prospective dates and lovers, being free and socially busy. Whether they take advantage of this, or are interested in this, is another question, some men have poor social skills.

 

E.g. My last boyfriend used to go out all the time and spend busy times in bars with other musicians, amongst other things. There were no women around at all I noticed - it would just seem odd for a woman to hang out by herself in this environment. Less options in other words.

 

However, I do believe if a woman is free, economically secure, healthy and happy, she has a lot of options, more power to her. But I think such a woman is in a relative minority.

[tigressA]

Options implies a choice. Those who choose have options.

 

In a culture where women are chosen and arranged to marry certain men they have no options and men (or parents really) have all the options.

 

In our culture men approach while women can approach they don't have to. In our culture women can sit back and choose who to accept a date with. Hence they have options.

 

While men, in general don't get approached by women, so men don't have an option...they just approach whoever they can who's the least bit attractive to them. "play the numbers game"...in hope that at least one will accept.

 

If options imply a choice, then men have options too, in the beginning--they CHOOSE whether or not to approach a woman, based on whatever criteria they have.

 

And what's with "the numbers game"? That just seems really derogatory to both women and men--implying that women have little to no value as individuals and are easily interchangeable, and that men are pathetically desperate, mindlessly willing to go with whoever just says "Yes" to them.

[Fondue]

Try going to a busy mall and have two people stand next to each other, each with a sign. These two people are a man and a woman of equal attractiveness-- at a 6 (or rather, "average" looking). Both of these signs say simple "Looking for a date."

 

Tally up how many times the woman gets a date as opposed to a man.

 

I'm not even going to let you get that far. The amount of dates that the woman is going to get is substantially greater than that of a man.

 

So yes, women have many more options than men. As far as your argument goes in which men have more options simply because they do more approaches-- that doesn't even make any sense. Those are still approaches, not immediate dates. You can approach 100 girls and get zero dates. Those are not "options."

[Kamille]

That's a good point Jane. Women's options can be restricted by circumstances. I feel like when people talk about "Women having many options", the women they have in mind are hot, economically secure, healthy and happy women, not the whole population of women. In other words, it would go something like : "90% of men feel that 10% of women have many options". Kind of like, only hot, healthy, economically free, secure women exist - but meanwhile, we're supposed to be empathetic to 100% of the male population because they don't have the same options as 10% of the female population.

[Tayla]

Somehow as I get older, the options level out. Perhaps it may take a lady longer to come into her own, and by then the pickin's are slim, but then arent good things worth waiting for? As for career and education , I think its fair (equal) to both genders.

I sincerely think as it was presented, the culture plays a huge rule as it dictates the social mores. Some cultures still think a women is property and is to not be seen in public without proper garb.

 

Thank you to the OP for this subject, its worthy of something to ponder and take a look at from different angles.

[jane100]

With respect, Fondue, I don't know many women who would stand in a mall with a sign on them saying "looking for a date, interested?".

 

Have you recently noticed any men doing that either by the way? Would they want to?

 

Your post presumes total passivity and just a basic dogs-in-heat interaction. The normal social world is not like that, I think the OP was trying to look at real life and women's real options in that.

[Mrlonelyone]

Isn't that an option? Or are you saying that the majority of men strike out 99% of the time, and that therefore all are put at a disadvantage?

 

Not 99% of the time. For a super attractive man he will get a date 1/3 of the time IF every woman he ask out is not married or committed to a relationship. Like at a speed dating event.

 

Under normal circumstances cold approaching women out in public a man gets a date perhaps 1/10 times he ask for one.

 

I respectfully disagree. Men have options way before the relationship begins. They choose who they approach - and they choose whether or not they're going to play the number's games, or find candidates based on some notions of compatibility.

 

To know if you are compatible you have to go on a date first. To get a date you have to ask for it. Specifically to get a date and get to know if he is compatible the man has to ask and most of the time the answer will be no.

 

men ask for dates to get a date.

 

 

While women go through a number of dates looking for a man who is compatible. All the while rejecting a number of men off hand without even giving them a date or the time of day even..

 

Women go on dates to get a boyfriend.

[Kamille]

Try going to a busy mall and have two people stand next to each other, each with a sign. These two people are a man and a woman of equal attractiveness-- at a 6 (or rather, "average" looking). Both of these signs say simple "Looking for a date."

 

Tally up how many times the woman gets a date as opposed to a man.

 

I'm not even going to let you get that far. The amount of dates that the woman is going to get is substantially greater than that of a man.

 

So yes, women have many more options than men. As far as your argument goes in which men have more options simply because they do more approaches-- that doesn't even make any sense. Those are still approaches, not immediate dates. You can approach 100 girls and get zero dates. Those are not "options."

 

Unless you've done the experiment, I'm going to have to discount this.

 

How's this for an experiment: how long does it take you before you actually score a date?

 

When I was single, I would usually get asked out every 1-2 months. I'm willing to bet our numbers pretty much compare. Ergo, we have the same amount of success.

[Kamille]

And what's with "the numbers game"? That just seems really derogatory to both women and men--implying that women have little to no value as individuals and are easily interchangeable, and that men are pathetically desperate, mindlessly willing to go with whoever just says "Yes" to them.

 

Totally agree. Well-said.

[Woggle]

To a man it seems that women have it made in modern day dating and relationships but I am sure to a woman it seems like the opposite.

[Mrlonelyone]

You didn't ask about success you asked about options.

 

The average man under normal circumstances ask out one woman every one to two months.

 

A man playing the "numbers game" very aggressively may ask out one woman every two weeks. Since most women will be taken or otherwise uninteresting.

[Fondue]

With respect, Fondue, I don't know many women who would stand in a mall with a sign on them saying "looking for a date, interested?".

 

Have you recently noticed any men doing that either by the way? Would they want to?

 

Your post presumes total passivity and just a basic dogs-in-heat interaction. The normal social world is not like that, I think the OP was trying to look at real life and women's real options in that.

My situation was simply supposed to point out an "if" scenario-- a social experiment, if you will. I don't think anyone would actually do this, but you have to understand what I mean though. It would be pretty evident who gets more options to pick from.

 

And yes, in real life I do imagine that women have more options to choose from. More than one guy will attempt to court her if she is single and let's people around her know that is looking. It's the nature of things.

 

If was in the same position, he wouldn't have the same amount of women swarming him.

 

But in the end, I think at a YOUNGER age, women have much more options, but as they get older, the options start to dwindle. Many "good" men start to get married off and a lot of the single men whom are left are simply undesirable. Because honestly, if these men were LOOKING to get married and they are GOOD men (attractive, financially stable, etc.), then they would have found a suitable partner. So yes, I can agree and disagree with the OP. Young ones have choices, older ones may not.

[jane100]

That's a good point Jane. Women's options can be restricted by circumstances. I feel like when people talk about "Women having many options", the women they have in mind are hot, economically secure, healthy and happy women, not the whole population of women. In other words, it would go something like : "90% of men feel that 10% of women have many options". Kind of like, only hot, healthy, economically free, secure women exist - but meanwhile, we're supposed to be empathetic to 100% of the male population because they don't have the same options as 10% of the female population.

 

That is exactly what I mean. And I think it is much rarer for a man to be so restricted in circumstances.

 

And even "hot" ( as you say in the States!) , healthy, economically free, secure, happy women - would have to accept culturally prescribed options much of the time.

 

So, any woman who rocks the boat and goes after what she needs, whatever the cultural boundaries, and material and practical disadvantages that may surround her, hats off to her.

[jane100]

And yes, in real life I do imagine that women have more options to choose from. More than one guy will attempt to court her if she is single and let's

 

 

Yes, but so what? Have you looked at the guys trying to court her? Ugly, stupid, nasty, let that not be a barrier ..... she should be glad for the attention, right ? And flattered ... and grateful and delighted

[Fondue]

Yes, but so what? Have you looked at the guys trying to court her? Ugly, stupid, nasty, let that not be a barrier ..... she should be glad for the attention, right ? And flattered ... and grateful and delighted

Those are still options...

 

Which was the initial question. Do women have more options?

[Kamille]

You didn't ask about success you asked about options.

 

The average man under normal circumstances ask out one woman every one to two months.

 

A man playing the "numbers game" very aggressively may ask out one woman every two weeks. Since most women will be taken or otherwise uninteresting.

 

 

I feel like when people say that women have more options, what they mean is that women get asked out all the time. It isn't my experience and it isn't what I've observed.

 

I'm willing to bet that men and women have as many viable options, in that they have the same amount of dates. Makes sense mathematically: we are dating each other. Of course, once the dating process begins, I feel like we're on an even playing field, and LS is proof of that.

 

I think the idea that women have more options is a misperceptions caused by the fact that men face more overt rejections than women. I, for instance, can hit on a guy and he'll ignore it. I'm fine with it. I have no idea why he didn't pick up on my cues and can even fool myself into thinking he didn't pick up on them. Men don't have that luxury. But the bottom line remains the same: we have the same amount of options.

 

As such, I don't fully understand the perception that women have more options. We don't. I of course do not purposefully lead men on. I of course usually minimally chat with someone for at least part of an evening before I start giving them signs I'd be into going on a date with them.

[TouchedByViolet]

Absolutely women have more options. I am 23, and women I know between the age of 18-35 who are halfway decent are approached by guys. On the other hand I know guys in that age range who are perpetually single, or go YEARS single with a desire for companionship. No comparison.

 

This reminds me of a thread a guy started about feeling like a ghost to women. They would simply look through him... Women don't see the male struggle.

[jane100]

Those are still options...

 

Which was the initial question. Do women have more options?

 

 

I do not consider a guy I am not interested in as an "option". Do you not get that?

[Kamille]

Those are still options...

 

Which was the initial question. Do women have more options?

 

What about less attractive women? Do you think they have more options than less attractive men?

 

 

Or, put another way: tell us- when you say women have more options- are you thinking about all women, or just the women you think are hot?

[Mrlonelyone]

Absolutely women have more options. I am 23, and women I know between the age of 18-35 who are halfway decent are approached by guys. On the other hand I know guys in that age range who are perpetually single, or go YEARS single with a desire for companionship. No comparison.

 

This reminds me of a thread a guy started about feeling like a ghost to women. They would simply look through him... Women don't see the male struggle.

You are so right TouchedbyViolet.

 

Allot of women just do not see the struggle of some of these men. There is even a name for it "involuntary celibacy".

 

Their are women who deal with this too... but they tend to be disabled or have something extraordinarily wrong with them...disfigurement of some kind. A shy decent looking man who just does not approach women will not find a date (with some exceptions).

 

Originally Posted by tigressA

And what's with "the numbers game"? That just seems really derogatory to both women and men--implying that women have little to no value as individuals and are easily interchangeable, and that men are pathetically desperate, mindlessly willing to go with whoever just says "Yes" to them.

 

The numbers game.

 

Suppose a man has a 1/5 chance of getting a yes when asking out a random sample of women who he's attracted to. So to find a date he has to ask out a certain number of women. Hence the numbers game.

 

It's not derogatory. It's simply stating the fact that men have to ask out allot of women to find a date. I am not the only person who sees this by any means.

 

The way it usually works is the man will ask out 1 or two women in a given month... most of the time... for months and months and even years he will get no no no no no ... just to get one yes for one date.

 

While a woman may have to say no no no for a few months... but if she decides to she can say yes and go on a date. Hence she chooses to be dateless while the man is rejected into being dateless.

 

That you all would react this way does not surprise me I have poll data.

http://www.girlsaskguys.com/Dating-Questions/382333-true-or-false--women-have-to-date-a-lot-of-losers.html

True or false

 

Women have to date allot of losers to find a good man.

 

Men have to ask out allot of women just to find a date.

 

Current Poll Results Girls Guys All

A: True 100 86 186 (59%)

B: False 90 41 131 (41%)

 

Not to belittle the problems of women who don't get asked out that often. They have the option of asking a man out. They can be proactive. However a man cannot be passive and get a woman.

[Kamille]

Absolutely women have more options. I am 23, and women I know between the age of 18-35 who are halfway decent are approached by guys. On the other hand I know guys in that age range who are perpetually single, or go YEARS single with a desire for companionship. No comparison.

 

This reminds me of a thread a guy started about feeling like a ghost to women. They would simply look through him... Women don't see the male struggle.

 

Again, do you think this is true for all women? Do you think all women get approached all the time?

 

Put another way - are these guys who struggle on par with the women who have it easy? Are they in the same category when it comes to confidence, looks, social skills? Are we comparing apples with apples or apples with oranges?

[Fondue]

I do not consider a guy I am not interested in as an "option". Do you not get that?

Which is exactly why you're not understanding the original question and discussion.

 

People whom are interested in you are options. Not sure how this is difficult to understand. Just because your definition of the word option is different from everyone else, does not make you automatically disqualify the rest of the arguments.