Want to wait till marriage for sex, but like a guy who does not believe that way.

[DreamerGirl27]

FloridaMan, I usually try to ignore people in public forums like that. He's most likely trolling, or a very sorry, sad person with nothing better to do but go on the internet and insult people without any general knowledge of what he's actually saying.

[DreamerGirl27]

He could even be some total weirdo, psycho, serial killer/baby raper person for all we/you or I know.

 

He/she doesn't sound like a friendly person, that's for sure.

[somedude81]

Oh crap Waynebrady is back.

 

Can we have an algorithm that automatically bans people who says "women don't want sex."

[DreamerGirl27]

Oh crap Waynebrady is back.

 

Can we have an algorithm that automatically bans people who says "women don't want sex."

 

lol I wouldn't mind, because that definitely isn't the truth.

[Floridaman]

Sexless marriages are defenitley more common in Christian ones.

 

I guarantee that if the guy OP is talking about eventually married her he would too end up in a completley sexless marriage with a woman who think it's gross and wrong, just like in your case.

 

Women have a take it or leave it attitude towards sex.

 

Christian women think it's absolutley gross.

 

In all sexless marriages you just need too look, who is it that don't want sex? It's the woman in all cases. Infact I'd say most marriages are sexless because the womans attitude towards sex.

Once again, you're off-base Wayne.

 

Just look at this one post in the Sexless Marriage support forum.

http://sexlessmarriage.yuku.com/topic/3860/Member-List

 

The first three posters in that thread are WOMEN (their husbands refuse or sexually ignore them).

And most of the people posting in that forum with all its subforums on dealing with the topic of spouses wittholding affection... are.... bingo.... WOMEN.

 

Yes, women withhold too. I once thought it was mostly a female thing, that women thought sex was dirty or something. But the facts show otherwise.

[Eve]

Oh crap Waynebrady is back.

 

Can we have an algorithm that automatically bans people who says "women don't want sex."

 

Oh, I thought it was another regular poster who can be dry but doesn't aim to hurt others. Never heard of this Wayne. Another religion/women/human race hater.. oh ok.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[Floridaman]

 

Originally Posted by Floridaman

What makes you think the past will be the determiner of your future?

It's very unlikely that I'll just wake up one morning, and suddenly eveything will have changed and women will be attracted to me, if they never have been for the whole 35 years of my life.

Originally Posted by Floridaman

You can change things.

I can't. If women aren't attracted to me, then there is no way I can make them be attracted to me.

__________________

I'm 35 years old, never had a sexual experience with a woman before, and never even experienced a woman being attracted to me. I know this is the way things will be for the rest of my life.

 

Ross,

Please remove "I can't" from your vocabularly. It's not positive. You CAN change things.

 

I've started a thread that may help guys like you, in your late 20s, 30s and 40s, who are having trouble forming relationships.

http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=375761

 

May start the same thread here at LS.

(Don't want to derail DreamingGirl's good thread).

[Floridaman]

Ross,

Please remove "I can't" from your vocabularly. It's not positive. You CAN change things.

 

I've started a thread that may help guys like you, in your late 20s, 30s and 40s, who are having trouble forming relationships.

http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=375761

 

May start the same thread here at LS.

(Don't want to derail DreamingGirl's good thread).

Ross,

I started a similar discussion on LS. And it's received diff. responses than the ENA posting.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=3299918&posted=1#post3299918

[DreamerGirl27]

I think he doesn't know what he wants.

 

He says he wants a relationship like I do, but he'd also be fine with casual sex, but he doesn't get casual sex. Sooo...he says he's fine with it, yet doesn't actively pursue it...

 

doesn't make any sense to me.

 

Or he is actively pursuing it and getting turned down. I really don't know. Either way...it doesn't look like his goals of wanting lots of casual sex with lots of girls are getting him anywhere.

 

Soo...I'm confused.

[Floridaman]

I think he doesn't know what he wants.

 

He says he wants a relationship like I do, but he'd also be fine with casual sex, but he doesn't get casual sex. Sooo...he says he's fine with it, yet doesn't actively pursue it...

 

doesn't make any sense to me.

 

Or he is actively pursuing it and getting turned down. I really don't know. Either way...it doesn't look like his goals of wanting lots of casual sex with lots of girls are getting him anywhere.

 

Soo...I'm confused.

That should tell you something, Dreamer.

 

How does he feel about you?

Does he want a relationship with you?

Did he say if he's fine with your standards?

 

Or does he only want sex?

Edited March 21, 2011 by Floridaman

[DreamerGirl27]

That should tell you something, Dreamer.

 

How does he feel about you?

Does he want a relationship with you?

Did he say if he's fine with your standards?

 

Or does he only want sex?

 

The only thing I know is I blew it and told him I like him and I don't advise any girl to do that. I think he does like me, but I came on too strong. I'm just waiting it out.

 

I'm not waiting just for him, either, I'm trying to find other guys.

 

There's this guy on this dating site that I found and he started messaging me. I've only messaged him a couple times, but I'm hoping he continues messaging me.

 

Then there's this other guy, but he's engaged. Never hurts to just be friends, though.

 

There was a time where I couldn't even fathom the idea of another guy and he's still my number one, but I'm handling it a lot better than I was before.

 

I'll just see what happens in the future. He's way too young to want what I want right now as far as a relationship is concerned. Maybe he will surprise me. I'm trying to just play it cool and not do that "but I like you" thing anymore. It's not attractive. lol

 

Anyway...

 

Everything he does, the way he acts, makes it look like he likes me. I just think I blew it by TELLING him flat out and blunt like that. I was told to do that from the advice of a friend who's really desperate for a boyfriend. She knows you're not supposed to do that and I've told her how I view relationships with guys and how they work and she said "you sound like every dating advice book I've ever read", but she doesn't want to listen to me or those books. I fully believe they are true, though.

 

Guys are hunters and pursuers, no matter what the day and age is, no matter how "powerful" women become in the work force, at the end of the day, we all still function the same way and guys just pursue girls. It just works that way. It's a turnoff to a guy if you act too eager. Guys are weird. They want what they can't have. The more you act uninterested, the more they want it.

 

I'm not necessarily acting uninterested, but I'm trying not to act too eager, either. The truth is, I'm not all that eager, either. I've grown up a lot of the past year or so and am finally at a point where I don't crave a relationship. If it happens, great, but if not, that's okay, too.

 

I'm just happy with my life at the moment and happy with the way things are going. He's still my number one and if he asks me out, I'll say yes, but even after saying all this, even if I'm wrong about guys pursuing girls, if the roles were reversed, I still wouldn't even like it if a guy flat out said he likes me like that. You gotta be a little more discreet than that. He could ask me out, that's enough, I would get the hint.

 

So anyway...my friend gave me very bad advice and I listened, but it's in the past now and there's nothing I can do about it.

 

I'm just gonna look towards the future and see what happens from there.

 

Whether the future involves this guy or not. It definitely involves him as a friend. And as a friend, I want him to be happy, even if that means it's not with me. Yeah...I just took a lot of sugar with that bitter pill. lol

 

I hope he'd be happy with me, but if he's not, he's not. Nothing I can do about it.

 

Anyway...

 

thanks for all the replies guys, but I think I gots this under control.

[Ms. Joolie]

DreamerGirl, you should take a pole dancing class. After that, take a belly dancing class. If you are going to be a virgin for at least another 4 years, you might as well be a risque virgin.

 

Don't go into your 30's not knowing how to be sexy.

[DreamerGirl27]

I really did not want this to be about my sexuality...like AT ALL.

[Eve]

I think you did the right thing in telling him. I think it was really brave and at least you were able to see his response. Before, it was like you were being groomed into his way of thinking. I am glad that you were able to show what you have been thinking all along..

 

Keep him as a friend but yeah, do focus on wider friendships.

 

Dreamer.. I found in my Hubby a blend of various physical and emotional characteristics of people who I went out with in my past. So, don't beat yourself up! I am sure there is something in this guy that will be in the person you eventually get with. Obviously I can't say that it won't be this guy in the end because relationships can be unpredictable.. but yeah I hope you know what I mean.

 

That special something you see is in this person is valid, it just may not be practical to pursue it.

 

I'm glad that you felt able to assert yourself.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[Floridaman]

The only thing I know is I blew it and told him I like him and I don't advise any girl to do that. I think he does like me, but I came on too strong. I'm just waiting it out.

 

I'm not waiting just for him, either, I'm trying to find other guys.

That's good... to move on and look for others.

Gals tell guys they don't want to be in relationships. Yes, I thought I'd be perfect for several women I tried to go out with in the past, only to hear that response. Was naive then not to realize it was just an excuse.

Guys are hunters and pursuers, no matter what the day and age is, no matter how "powerful" women become in the work force, at the end of the day, we all still function the same way and guys just pursue girls. It just works that way. It's a turnoff to a guy if you act too eager. Guys are weird. They want what they can't have. The more you act uninterested, the more they want it.

 

I'm not necessarily acting uninterested, but I'm trying not to act too eager, either. The truth is, I'm not all that eager, either. I've grown up a lot of the past year or so and am finally at a point where I don't crave a relationship. If it happens, great, but if not, that's okay, too.

This is a good strategy for any man or woman pursuing a relationship.

 

Act nonchalant.

 

This thread on "Nonchalance is your friend" explains the benefits of playing it cool, not acting like this other person you're dating is "the one," acting like you can live without him or her, etc.

http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=224140

 

So the person you're dating gets upset about something and tells you she's not ready for this? Just get up and walk away. Women are often attracted to what they don't have. The push-pull theory.

 

I'd link to a LS thread on that topic but haven't searched for it yet.

 

DramaLama has some good resources on nonchalance and no contact..

http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=371897

 

I'm just happy with my life at the moment and happy with the way things are going. He's still my number one and if he asks me out, I'll say yes, but even after saying all this, even if I'm wrong about guys pursuing girls, if the roles were reversed, I still wouldn't even like it if a guy flat out said he likes me like that. You gotta be a little more discreet than that. He could ask me out, that's enough, I would get the hint.

Agreed. I've said those words to a girl way too early... and got an uncomfortable reaction. I think I said something about "wanting to go steady" with this girl on the bus at journalism camp the summer before my sr. year. Yeah, others talked about it and I was embarrassed.

Whether the future involves this guy or not. It definitely involves him as a friend. And as a friend, I want him to be happy, even if that means it's not with me. Yeah...I just took a lot of sugar with that bitter pill. lol

 

I hope he'd be happy with me, but if he's not, he's not. Nothing I can do about it.

That's the attitude.

Feel free to post more or PM any of us here if you need more help.

You've gotten some solid advice here from most of the posters like Eve.

 

*Not all of this may apply to you, Dreamer, but I posted it also for the benefit of others reading this. Wish I'd known about the value of nonchalance and no-contact after the other dumped me...

[DreamerGirl27]

I don't think I wanna wait all the way till marriage anymore, but I definitely want to wait for a meaningful relationship and for someone I love and someone I could see myself marrying. I definitely wanna date for a long time first. I want my guy to "woo" me. He has to earn sex with me, I'm not just jumping in the sack with a random guy. I'm not jumping in the sack with a friend, either. I'm gonna make whoever it is I lose it to work for it, that's for certain. I wanna know he loves me. Like, really, loves me. I don't want a screw and dump. That would kill me. Literally break my heart. That's part of the reason why I wanna wait till marriage. If a guy I really loved and cared for dumped me after screwing me, my heart would be broken. I don't want to go through that kind of pain. I want him to have no way out before sleeping with me, basically. lol

 

Anyway...

 

Thanks everyone for the responses.

[linwood]

 

meaning, I don't believe people can have sex with each other without getting attached.

 

Trust me, as someone who has had sex..alot of sex you can easily have sex without getting attached.

Unless you have some misinformed preconception of what sex actually is.

 

You remember every person you sleep with and it's just healthier to wait till marriage.

 

I wholeheartedly disagree.

If I had forced myself to wait for marriage to have sex I would have been married by my early twenties, divorced now with a broken family.

It ain`t healthier.

 

Sex is a very visual, intense thing that should only be shared with your husband. It has nothing to do with age.

 

Sex is a physical act that stimulates pleasure centers in your brain.

 

That`s all it is unless you make more of it.

[linwood]

 

I'm the woman, I hold all the cards as far as sex is concerned.

 

Lol..your naivety is legion!!

[waynebrady]

Lol..your naivety is legion!!

 

She is right though. Women are the gatekeepers of sex so yes they hold "all the cards".

 

This is because women simply do not like sex anywhere near as much as men do, or even at all.

 

If women liked sex they would not hold all the cards when it comes to it.

[Floridaman]

Originally Posted by linwood Lol..your naivety is legion!!

She is right though. Women are the gatekeepers of sex so yes they hold "all the cards".

This is because women simply do not like sex anywhere near as much as men do, or even at all.

 

If women liked sex they would not hold all the cards when it comes to it.

That may be in many situations, but in reality, Wayne, THE OTHER PARTNER IS ALWAYS THE GATEKEEPER.

That's how it is in life. If one partner - male or female - isn't interested, LM isn't gonna happen.

 

Men refuse as much as women. Read some of the sexless marriage posts and boards.

 

That disinterest can control many things, not just sex. Say you like going to sporting events and the other doesn't want to go. Guess you two won't be going to all those games you want.

 

I know you're a virgin, but you really need to get rid of some of your negative stereotypes involving women and sex. It might help you form better relationships.

[DreamerGirl27]

Trust me, as someone who has had sex..alot of sex you can easily have sex without getting attached.

Unless you have some misinformed preconception of what sex actually is.

 

 

 

I wholeheartedly disagree.

If I had forced myself to wait for marriage to have sex I would have been married by my early twenties, divorced now with a broken family.

It ain`t healthier.

 

Sex is a very visual, intense thing that should only be shared with your husband. It has nothing to do with age.

 

Sex is a physical act that stimulates pleasure centers in your brain.

 

That`s all it is unless you make more of it.

I would hate to be you.

[Floridaman]

DreamerGirl,

I'm with you on your determination and have absolutely no problem with you wanting to remain a virgin until at least engagment.

 

Some of the posts I'm reading here and elsewhere on LS where there's this "must have sex by the third date" rule is utter nonsense.

 

"...Love Takes Time and it's hard to find. You gotta take some time and let love grow..."

http://tinyurl.com/4es9xmf

 

If I was dating you, physically I might want to "push you" a little - maybe some "everything...but" activity or heavy petting, but if I wanted to be with you, I'd have to respect your boundaries as the other person always controls the amount of physical affection.

 

From experience, I can tell you it's much better to ML to someone you have strong feelings and emotions for vs. just having sex with someone you hardly know or don't respect. Notice the difference between sex and LM.

 

Any guy who really loves and respects you would have to show it by "earning" your love. I read on these forums how many guys lose interest in women who won't give it up and they quickly move on. Also read how those guys tend to respect that type of women more for not being so willing to drop her pants for just anyone...

[Floridaman]

Couldyou explain please about sex leading to spiritual "ghosts'? I don't understand that. I am a Christian too and yes I believe it's important to wait until marriage (or commitment) to have sex, and for it to be a special and wonderful experience between a couple, and yes you're right that sex does lead to feelings and attachment (especially for women I think) and that yes it does profound heartbreak if there's a breakup.

I don't know how else to explain it, I heard it at church once and I believe it. Sex is a very visual thing and you remember that person for the rest of your life. I don't want 18 different guys in the back of my mind when I find the one I'm supposed to be with for the rest of my life.

DreamerGirl is right. Prev. sexual partners do appear long in your mind.

 

You may forget the names of some platonic GFs you dated, or other people you had sex with later on, but trust me, you will never forget your first.

Is it true that you never really forget the one you lost V to?

http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=364670

There's nothing to erase the incident out of your mind, particularly if it's one years later you're not too proud of ... like in my case.

 

30 years later I still regret what happened to me in HS......

That situation is one of my biggest life regrets.

[linwood]

Trust me, as someone who has had sex..alot of sex you can easily have sex without getting attached.

Unless you have some misinformed preconception of what sex actually is.

 

 

 

I wholeheartedly disagree.

If I had forced myself to wait for marriage to have sex I would have been married by my early twenties, divorced now with a broken family.

It ain`t healthier.

 

I would hate to be you.

 

I don`t know why.

I`m happily married for 11 years with a woman who doesn`t use sex as a resource of power.

She doesn`t do this because it`s not the way she is which is a good thing because I wouldn`t have invested my life in someone so trivial.

I won`t play that game, there are far too many fish in the sea.

 

Sex can be an important part of establishing/strengthening an emotional bond but only if the possibility for that emotional bond already exists.

Other than that it`s simply a very pleasurable physical experience.

 

Having had this attitude my entire life has freed me from all of the head games that go along with traditional attitudes about sex.

 

It`s made me happier.

 

Simply stop putting so much importance on the act and there will be no more stress about it.

[Floridaman]

The guy you're having feelings for is nothing more than a kid. He's 22 years old. He can barely change his own diapers, let alone be the right man for you. He's in the college stage mode, that means that he's looking for:

 

1)getting wasted.

2)getting high.

3)sleeping with as many women as possible.

Those young guys will also use a woman's virginity as a prize. And in some cases they might emotionally manipulate the woman, who is so naive, probably doesn't know how to say no, because she's not aware of the many BS that many guys are capable of using to make a woman drop her pants.

 

Look, I know that you have feelings for this guy. But those feelings will pass.

 

If you have sex with this guy you are going to regret it for so many reasons. You'd feel forced to having sex with him due to the pull of the attraction you feel for him, but by doing so you'd break your convictions which would make you suffer immensely and maybe even create lasting trauma.

 

One day you'll find a guy who shares your ideals and your desire to wait for marriage.

 

He won't make you feel bad about waiting for sex like that women-hater I just quoted, and he won't rush you in.

 

He'll take his time in making you enjoy your first sexual experience, and that, and the connection you'll share with the man who believes in the same things, in the same religion, and in the same choice to wait: will make it far than worthy.

 

It will fulfill your dreams.

 

Don't fall for the pretty eyes of this guy. He's not interested in you, he's only interested in what you can give him, and if you aren't getting what you want from whatever interaction with whoever it might be: you're being used.

Dreamergirl,

Mr. Cairo is right on this. Please seriously consider this when trying to go out with guys like this.