East7 Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 I have read in some websites explaining the A dynamics, that the A itself while rising the MP sex-drive may lead the MP to more sex with their spouse. This is an unwanted side-effect for the APs. While MPs in general claim no sex with their BS during the A, the odds are they may have more sporadic and "mechanical" sex with their BS. I say "mechanical" because they may still be 100% emotionally attached with the AP and have the BS available to relieve their sexual needs. (The AP is not always available) Some of them confess they imagine "it is the AP" while having sex with the BS. IMO things may differ if the MP is a MM or a MW. IMO women are more exclusive in sex, I think MW stop having sex or limit it while having an A. On the other side MM might enjoy the variety. Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 My boyfriend and his wife didn't have a sexual or intimate relationship before I was on the scene and haven't since. The respect and affection was eroded to such an extent that the thought of sexual contact repulsed him. She had rejected him for so many years that her late attempts to find some sort of spark were unwelcome. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 Didn't increase the frequencey or duration:rolleyes:. Link to post Share on other sites
Author East7 Posted March 11, 2011 Author Share Posted March 11, 2011 Didn't increase the frequencey or duration:rolleyes:. Thanks for the feedback Link to post Share on other sites
WorldIsYours Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 My boyfriend and his wife didn't have a sexual or intimate relationship before I was on the scene and haven't since. He told you that to try and justify him playing around with you. The respect and affection was eroded to such an extent that the thought of sexual contact repulsed him. I'm sure she feels the same way about his tainted body. She had rejected him for so many years that her late attempts to find some sort of spark were unwelcome. He should've divorced her instead of being a fool and cheating on her as an attempt to get revenge. Link to post Share on other sites
WorldIsYours Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 No it did not turn me on to know my ex was fooling around with someone else, nor did it "spice" up our sex life. It did the complete opposite. Link to post Share on other sites
trinity1 Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 It's many years since I was the wayward spouse, but I do remember that in the beginning the affair spiced up the sex life with my then fiance. My sex drive was greatly elevated because of the new romance, that's for sure. So I enjoyed sex with them both. Eventually the desire for my fiance decreased. I only desired my affair partner. That's when I broke off the engagement. Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 He told you that to try and justify him playing around with you. No he didn't, not in the slightest. Good try. I'm sure she feels the same way about his tainted body. She must have done - for years - because she wouldn't even shag him, or sleep next to him naked, on their wedding night or any other night after. He should've divorced her instead of being a fool and cheating on her as an attempt to get revenge. It wasn't revenge at all, but the other point is a most sound one. Well done. Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 No it did not turn me on to know my ex was fooling around with someone else, nor did it "spice" up our sex life. It did the complete opposite. Oh sorry - you're not an OW? That explains it. Link to post Share on other sites
WorldIsYours Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 No he didn't, not in the slightest. Good try. Yes he did, otherwise he wouldn't be cheating with you so I'm not trying anything. She must have done - for years - because she wouldn't even shag him, or sleep next to him naked, on their wedding night or any other night after. And what does that have to do with you? My point exactly. It wasn't revenge at all, but the other point is a most sound one. Well done. Oh I know it wasn't revenge. That's why I said his decision to cheat was foolish and immature. Link to post Share on other sites
WorldIsYours Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 That explains it. Yes your posts explains your behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 Yes he did, otherwise he wouldn't be cheating with you so I'm not trying anything. He lied about the lack of sex, you're saying? And he did so in order to get me to sleep with him? I'm genuinely interested to hear your basis for these judgments. If he's told you something different to his parents, brothers, best friend, me, and if she (the wife he's separated from), in her texts to him, is also lying, then I think I need to look in to this quick-sharp, don't you?!! And what does that have to do with you? My point exactly. When you are in love with someone you give a **** when you realise how much they have suffered. Sorry, let me change that: When I am in love, I give a ****. You may not. Oh I know it wasn't revenge. That's why I said his decision to cheat was foolish and immature. Weird... you called it 'an attempt to get revenge'. You said that, not me. Are you having an off day, friend? Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 I have read in some websites explaining the A dynamics, that the A itself while rising the MP sex-drive may lead the MP to more sex with their spouse. My H and his xW no longer had a sex life. However, once she realised that he and the kids were serious about moving out, she did make some attempts to instigate some physical contact. Sadly for her, he couldn't hide his revulsion. I'm sure the dynamic you describe can exist. But I have no personal experience of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author East7 Posted March 11, 2011 Author Share Posted March 11, 2011 No it did not turn me on to know my ex was fooling around with someone else, nor did it "spice" up our sex life. It did the complete opposite. I think I have to bring some precision : I am talking only when the A is undiscovered. The D-day brings such emotional shock that I think the first reaction is disgust (even if in some cases shortly after there is a hysterical rebound). Link to post Share on other sites
WorldIsYours Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 He lied about the lack of sex, you're saying? And he did so in order to get me to sleep with him? I'm genuinely interested to hear your basis for these judgments. If he's told you something different to his parents, brothers, best friend, me, and if she (the wife he's separated from), in her texts to him, is also lying, then I think I need to look in to this quick-sharp, don't you?!! That's exactly what I'm saying. But you knew he was bad news from the start by cheating with you so that's already established. The married guy with wife, who doesn't have sex with him for some stuck-up reason, then he gets mad and immature and cheats with some attractive woman. Typical. When you are in love with someone you give a **** when you realise how much they have suffered. Sorry, let me change that: When I am in love, I give a ****. You may not. No need for you to go off on me, but what you're feeling is not love. It's lust with someone who's married. The thrill. And to be blunt, their past marital issues have nothing to do with you. Weird... you called it 'an attempt to get revenge'. You said that, not me. Are you having an off day, friend? I'm having a good day ma'am. Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 That's exactly what I'm saying. But you knew he was bad news from the start by cheating with you so that's already established. The married guy with wife, who doesn't have sex with him for some stuck-up reason, then he gets mad and immature and cheats with some attractive woman. Typical. No need for you to go off on me, but what you're feeling is not love. It's lust with someone who's married. The thrill. And to be blunt, their past marital issues have nothing to do with you. I'm having a good day ma'am. Oh honey, I can't play with people like you; who knows everything, about everyone, in every situation. You'll never be able to hear me from up there! Link to post Share on other sites
WorldIsYours Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 I am talking only when the A is undiscovered. Which is disgusting that the cheater brings home sloppy seconds. The cheaters act off the sex they got from their OM/OW. Meaning they like screwing over their BS. It excites them to see their BS doesn't know they've been cheating on them. Link to post Share on other sites
WorldIsYours Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 Oh honey, I can't play with people like you; who knows everything, about everyone, in every situation. You'll never be able to hear me from up there! Sorry you feel that way but you know it's the truth. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. Jones Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 I am a MW. In my personal experience, before the A became physical, I wanted my H constantly. I was all over him…probably acting out or trying to feed my desires for xMM. As soon my A became physical, I wanted nothing to do with my H. I did not want him touching me or kissing me, but I continued our physical relationship to keep the peace. As far as xMM, his wife has many medical conditions (physical and mental). I was told she was never in the mood (partly due to meds and poor body image), and his advances were refused. He said he quit trying, and once he and I started to be physical he was repulsed by her. Now they are both on anti-depressants so as to cope in the same house. Both of their libidos are probably dead because of it. So sad. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 I am a MW. In my personal experience, before the A became physical, I wanted my H constantly. I was all over him…probably acting out or trying to feed my desires for xMM. As soon my A became physical, I wanted nothing to do with my H. I did not want him touching me or kissing me, but I continued our physical relationship to keep the peace. As far as xMM, his wife has many medical conditions (physical and mental). I was told she was never in the mood (partly due to meds and poor body image), and his advances were refused. He said he quit trying, and once he and I started to be physical he was repulsed by her. Now they are both on anti-depressants so as to cope in the same house. Both of their libidos are probably dead because of it. So sad. Because of anti-depressants? Link to post Share on other sites
Jane Deaux Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 Sometimes I am amazed that people think that there is one specific standard for every situation that arises. That everyone involved in similar situations MUST FEEL exactly the same because they all must have come from some cookie cutter mold that says THIS is how you MUST feel because this is how I FEEL. But anyway, onto the topic. I think this could be true. I don't want to know though. I may would ask except I know I'd get the truth and I don't think I want the truth. Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 Because of anti-depressants? They have that effect sometimes, yes. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 Since my situation was one where my wife was involved in an EA, not PA, undoubtedly that makes for a different dynamic compared to a straight PA or combined EA/PA. With that alphabet soup out there, I'd say that there was no change during the EA on her part. Sensing that there was some kind of distance growing (but not really understanding what was going on), I'd say that I tried to initiate more during that time. Post EA...we went through the "hysterical bonding" that a lot of couples go through when recovering a marriage after infidelity. Link to post Share on other sites
Flabbergaster Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 At the beginning, when it was a PA, my libido was turned up in general and there was a bit more with W. Meds she was on were turning her libido down, and there was the whole "seriously flawed R" effect which was a turn off for both. So at the beginning there was not much change. As the A became EA and then very strong, intimacy with the W dropped from sparse to almost nonexistent. In one night OW and I would be intimate more than W and I would be in 6 months. (who thinks this will be the target of the first snarky comment?) One could say I took care of business 'on my own' a bit more regularly, during the A. The OW...now this is interesting. She became quite intimate with her BF as things progressed with us. They didn't see each other often, their use of time changed to be more physical. I heard the "i pretend it's you" line from her, and she made it clear that some of it was "mechanical action" as well. There were times when it was clear through her choice of words that she enjoyed the spice of two lovers. I'm not saying this was either good or bad, I'm just sharing both sides of the story to answer the OP. There's a bit of sniping in this thread. I'll respond to clarification q's relevant to the OP's question. I'm not going to bother responding to a snipe. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 They have that effect sometimes, yes. Yes, this I know. I am on anti-depressants. The poster said both their libidos are probably dead...seems more like a "hope" than a fact. Link to post Share on other sites
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