Questions

[1luv]

I'm very lucky to have the support of my loving family but I just need an outsiders perspective on what the hell has just happend to me in what seemed to be the blink on an eye! Here goes.....

 

I first met my partner 6 & half yrs ago and from the beginning he was real hard work but my mum reckons that I like to help people like this but not in a challenging way. Anyway, he had a lot of emotional baggage and had a rather distasteful past but I could see that he wanted to be a good person and give back all he could for all of his wrong doings. He would also make an awkward atmosphere in social situations and even around my family he was like trying to get blood out of a stone. My family are easy to get along with and welcomed him into the their lives non the less.

I showered him with affections and told him all the time how much I believed in him. The thing is, he is a really really good looking guy and in the years that we've been together I know I have helped him to become the successful person he is today. (he now manages a gym and acts up as the operations manager for a multi million pound centre which I also work in!). We lived together for 3 years and we had a good relationship in the sense that we never tried to hold eachother back or anything. At one point he went to serve in Iraq for 9 months for which time i was totally supportive and held the forte back at home while he was away. Another occasion, I went to work abroad for a season and he did the same by standing by me and keeping everything afloat at home. 7 months ago we decided to give up our rented home to save up for a deposit to buy our own house - I lived back at home with parents while he lived with a friend. 3 months in he told me that there was alot of pressure being apart and he didnt know how he felt anymore. He said we needed a break and things would be ok, he just needed time. I gave him his time and during this period he passed his Driving and bought himself a nice car ( I had previously driven us around everywhere in a little banger because he said I couldnt get a new car if we were saving. He didnt think it was sensible) I said nothing about this but was hurt because the new car was "his" and I felt left on the sideline. Things seemed to get back on track and he even booked us a nice holiday after christmas where we had an amazing time. He told me that he wanted us to try for a family and we went to view a house just to get an idea of what was out there. All of this time at work I know he was telling others how I am his rock and he loves me so much. Something else which happened was that he started taking steroids due to a competition he was entering. I told him I wasnt happy about this especially if we were thinking of starting a family. He said it would only be until the competition so I supported him even though he knew I didnt agree with the risks.

 

About 2 weeks ago I noticed sypmtoms of pregnancy and took 5 home pt which were all faintly positive. When I told him he seemed happy and caring towards me. A week passes and I started to bleed - long story short, I had most likely mis carried. He had at this time been acting differently towards me. Snappy and withdrawn. One night I went to a dinner with him and he was quiet all night. At the end when he was dropping me off (baring in mind this is the same week I miscarried) he told me that he doesnt love me anymore and that he's been pretending in the hope that his feelings would return. he said this started when I went to work abroad which was 1 and half yrs ago now. he said that he felt he owed it to me to stay and make it work because of all the help and support Ive given him.

It's a total shock from the blue to me and my whole world is upside down. i feel like I've lost myself completely and dont know what to do.

 

I recently saw someone from work whilst out at the shops and she told me as a friend that he had been spending a lot of time with someone at work and somthing just didnt add up. I approached him and asked him straight if anything had gone on. He said no, he just wants to be on his own. Apparently this other woman is also going through a divorce and he is there for her as a friend and he has also spoke to her about his feelings (he sais briefly!) I also aksed her and she said he had just been helping her with advice etc. I really dont know what to make of this whole situation and cannot get closure or move on because nothing makes sense to me.

 

We had a dog also who I absoloutely cherished and adored and because of the size of my parents home she never moved with me. This means I've lost absoloutely everything I've invested in the last 6yrs+ of my life. My partner, our old home, my dog, and my job because I will not be able to bear the pain of having to be around what I no longer have. It seems to him that I never even existed, I'ts as though he switched himself off towards me. Its been 2 weeks and he's not got in touch but is trying to say "lets be civil" it's as though he cannot comprehend the hurt he's putting me through. He sais he only feels guilt when he looks at me and he's adamant he's making the right choice.

 

Now that I've helped him and he's moving on in his life with great prospects I feel like he's just dropped me like a hot cake. he was my centre which I now know is not a healthy thing because my whole purpose was based around him and our life together. Now that he is gone I feel absoloutely in despair and totally lost. It doesnt help that he's so good looking and got females queing up for him.

I have also read up on something which caught my eye as alot of his traits relate to this. He seems to have narcissistic tendancies which would explain the vanity and the whole detachment and being void of feelings. It would also explain why he would never open up in a social environment and his envy of others success. Although he is good looking and loves his ego to be stroked - I think he also has low self esteem. I'm not just looking to blame something or someone but merely trying to find logic and reason. All comments and help would be much appreciated.