Read my GF's emails to her ex-WTF!!!!

[whyowhy]

So let's say it was breadcrumbs and she's just teasing the other guy. Happy?

 

Good point!! I was just thinking that hopefully it was just a way to solicit a response from him or something?? I'm sorry for sounding so stupid about all of this. It's been 9 months now together almost 10. Things certainly aren't like they used to be. When we first got our new place it was all exciting again and now we've been fighting a lot.

 

I guess I was looking for some miracle explantion from these boards as to why she would have done this and what it actually meant (in my favor of course)

 

Now I'm really starting to wonder how much she actually just thinks of him. That makes me wonder. Like if were in bed and he's crossing her mind ( I can't see after all this time how that could be possible)

 

BTW I decided that I'm not going to tell her everything I know. I want to go out with her not sure why but that's besides the point

[fetish]

yeah i'm sorry to say but that's one hell of a breadcrumb. that's more of a whole loaf!

 

Even so, you don't want to take a chance on it. I don't mean to sound negative seeing that you obviously really love this girl, but she's not ready for a relationship right now. If you cut her off and stand up, she'll probably come running after you and after time, she'll forget about her ex and only be interested in you. But you have to be willing to take that stand first before she sees you in that light. It will probably take some time, so i wouldn't expect it to happen overnight. If its meant to be, it will just be. You shouldn't have to force it.

[betterdeal]

No need to apologise. You don't sound stupid. You sound like you are troubled by the knowledge of this infidelity on your mind and are having a bad time with your partner right now.

 

That you feel that not confronting her about these emails and staying in this relationship, says you think doing nothing is the best course of action. I recommend you read up on assertiveness training. I can recommend some books if you like?

[whyowhy]

No need to apologise. You don't sound stupid. You sound like you are troubled by the knowledge of this infidelity on your mind and are having a bad time with your partner right now.

 

That you feel that not confronting her about these emails and staying in this relationship, says you think doing nothing is the best course of action. I recommend you read up on assertiveness training. I can recommend some books if you like?

 

I don't need that. I think despite how I come off on here that I'm generally overly assertive. I'll admit that I have a temper as does she and we've said some things to each other to hurt each other that I wish we hadn't. It's happened to the degree that if I did confront her on this I would just look like I was loosing my temper again (which I probably would)..We have had some HUGE fights. I sort of think the only thing that is keeping her here with me is the fact that when they broke up all eyes went on us. She made a huge deal about being with me publicly (FB and the like). I had no problem with it I loved it. So if she went back would look stupid because of all the blah blah she did at the begining. Now I'm wondering if it was all a temporary high for her that she's come down from.

 

Does anyone know a song by Rascall Flats called "Bless a broken road" or something like that??? I don't listen to them but she sent that song to him

[GreenPolicy]

If you break up with her first, you put yourself one-up on her. If she doesn't come running, then she doesn't like you that much and would have eventually ended it herself.

[Mcnulty]

Whyowhy....this post/thread is going round in circles now! You still seem to have the hope that all will be rosy in the end....it's not going to be like that. SELF RESPECT!!!! Keep yours and walk now!!!

 

You said you were wondering how much she actually thinks of him....forget him!!!! How much does she actually think of you????Not a bloody lot!!!! She's bad news...re read the whole 4 pages of this thread...take it all in and BLOODY WALK AWAY MAN!!!!

[Mcnulty]

Oh and that rascall flats track...the line in the chorus is"god bless the broken road....that leads me back to you"......Nuff said.

[Layzie89]

The reason why she made you two all public right after her breakup is because she wanted jer ex to know she has a new boyfriend. Sounds to me as if you were her rebound and although it lasted longer than your average rebound, I sense that her feelings for him are coming back and that initial high she got from getting with you is beginning to fade. I really think you're blinded right now man..you should confront her about the emails now before it gets worse. If you choose to be ignorant and let it slide, youre giving her all the power and reason to keep in touch with him. If youre worried about a big fight and you losing your temper just go into it with a cool head, tell yourself youre going to stay calm about it no matter the outcome. Seriously man, take a step back and analyze the cold hard facts about what she's doing. She's living a lie and cheating on you emotionally. Do you want to let things continue the way they are to the point where it becomes physical? Think anout it man...everyone here is telling you to drop her and confront her ajout it, don't be afraid to do so.

[layla1983]

I don't need that. I think despite how I come off on here that I'm generally overly assertive. I'll admit that I have a temper as does she and we've said some things to each other to hurt each other that I wish we hadn't. It's happened to the degree that if I did confront her on this I would just look like I was loosing my temper again (which I probably would)..We have had some HUGE fights. I sort of think the only thing that is keeping her here with me is the fact that when they broke up all eyes went on us. She made a huge deal about being with me publicly (FB and the like). I had no problem with it I loved it. So if she went back would look stupid because of all the blah blah she did at the begining. Now I'm wondering if it was all a temporary high for her that she's come down from.

 

Does anyone know a song by Rascall Flats called "Bless a broken road" or something like that??? I don't listen to them but she sent that song to him[/QUOT

 

It's a love song about how everything someones been through (mostly bad parts) that led them to the love of their life............

 

Whyohwhy, listen to me-She loves him, maybe she likes you, but her heart belongs to her ex (and sounds like her body too) She LOVES him. Take it from me. If I could up and leave my current and run right back to my ex BF, see ya later I'm gone!!! Is it right? NO it's not but "All's not fair in love and war". The heart wants what the heart wants. Oh by the way sometimes I send the stupidest random things to my ex just to see his response or if he will at all. The reason I do that is because I still am in love with him and it's the only way I can for now keep some type of communication open. I'm sorry but I'll admit why I do it

[whyowhy]

If this thread has gone in circles so has my head! I hate finding out that our entire relationship was a bunch of bullsh*t and nothing.

 

Hey Layla, shouldn't you just tell your Bf what your doing now instead of later? That really sucks but at least you'll admit it I guess

 

Oh and yeah I listened to that song she sent him. That says it all

[Layzie89]

Can you please print out the emails and confront her about it? I'm anxious to see what she has to say. And this thread is only going in circles because you're not taking our advice on the matter. Bring it up to her and find out whats going on once and for all

[z00m25]

If you break up with her first, you put yourself one-up on her. If she doesn't come running, then she doesn't like you that much and would have eventually ended it herself. [End Quote]

 

THIS. ^^^^^^

 

Dude get the **** out of there. She sent him that song? Shes def still in love with him and yeah now that the honeymoon phase with you is over shes going to keep contacting him. You say you and her are having big fights? Let me tell you exactly how its going to go down. One day you'll have another one of your massive fights, she goes and talks to him and hes finally going to cave and let her come over. They will mess around and probably do the deed, she will tell you its not working anymore and breakup with you. They will get back together for a short while til hes done with her again. If your cool with that then keep doin what your doin in lookin for someone to justify the way she is acting. Love makes you blind man, trust me i know, i didnt listen to any of my friends and now im devestated but im glad it happened before i asked her to marry me or anything else. GET THE **** OUT NOW WHILE YOU CAN!!!!!!! and yeah youll feel ****ty for a while but at least you'll have the feeling of her not breaking up with you. She may come running after you and if she does, great maybe she does love you after all. But i wouldnt get your hopes up, it doesnt sound good for you at all. And i really hope you take everyones advice even tho its not what you want to do. Its imperative you do not speak to her at all after you end it.

[whyowhy]

Well thanks for all the info and opinions. It's just like a dreamthat this has happened or happening. What I just can't get about how this could go down is how she can go against everything. Like all of our friends (mutual), meeting each others families and knowing them, and moving in together. It was all majorsteps we took. I'm the first guy she ever lived with permantley. Like ok, walk away from all of that? I personally would have a hard time doing that-just uprooting my whole life from her for someone else or my ex for that matter. My ex GF and I broke up a little over year ago and I don' think of her at all and certainly wouldn't consider going back to her, but I think she thinks I'm a hot headed looser anyway at this point...Betcha all of this comes out tomorrow night on St. Patties day once we get a little drunk-this fight will happen then and won't be good

[Layzie89]

Dude, get a grip. STOP ASKING US WHY SHE'S GOING BACK TO HER EX AND ASK HER YOURSELF.

 

We cannot tell you why after so long and so much time invested she's deciding to send those emails to her ex...only SHE can answer that. Why don't you man up and ask her...seriously dude, MAN UP. Stop being afraid she's going to leave you if you confront her. If she does, so be it...she was going to leave you sooner or later anyways.

[sally4sara]

Sounds like you tripped over someone's discarded trash and mistook it for treasure...........yes I'm talking about your GF.

 

You think you're in a relationship with her while you only get a portion of her.

She is still having one with her ex even if he doesn't want her anymore.

 

Why is this good enough for you?

[betterdeal]

So what ya gonna do?

[PegNosePete]

We cannot tell you why after so long and so much time invested she's deciding to send those emails to her ex...

Oh yes we can.

Because she wanted to.

That's as good an explanation as you'll ever get. Any other reasons or excuses are just BS.

The fundamental reason is that she did what she did because she wanted to do it.

Nobody held a gun to her head.

 

Why don't you man up and ask her...

Uh, because she'll lie, diminish responsibility, blame-shift and gaslight.

No need to confront her.

Just dump her.

[whyowhy]

Oh yes we can.

Because she wanted to.

That's as good an explanation as you'll ever get. Any other reasons or excuses are just BS.

The fundamental reason is that she did what she did because she wanted to do it.

Nobody held a gun to her head.

 

 

Uh, because she'll lie, diminish responsibility, blame-shift and gaslight.

No need to confront her.

Just dump her.

 

That's why I've been so hesitant to come out and ask. I almost rather her just tell the truth but to be lied to to my face seems like it will just amke everything worse. I was looking at her this morning when we were getting ready for work and was noticing how beautiful she is. We were talking back and forth and I just couldn't believe that the girl I'm in love with and am here with right this scond did this. I mean was she thinking of him while I was talking to her (stupid I know) but ya know.

 

So for everyone on here whos stories I've read and have no hope of their ex ever wanting them back-looks like we may have a case in point right here!!!

[Layzie89]

I have a STRONG feeling that whyohwhy will NOT just up and dump her. Nor will he confront her about it.

 

I see him letting this slide, for fear that if he does confront her she would blame shift and turn it against him or if he tries to break up with her, she won't be chasing after him.

 

Really whyohwhy, the consensus is that you dump her. Why aren't you understanding that this girl is just bad news for you? Why have you not confortned her about it or broken up with her about it already? What are you holding on to? You say you want her to just come out and tell the truth but what would incline her to do so without you putting on the pressure? She's not going to all of a sudden be guilt struck and want to come clean out of the blue. As much as I know, she's on a real nice high right now chatting up her ex...you have to take charge on the matter and bring it up with her.

Edited March 17, 2011 by Layzie89

[whyowhy]

I have a STRONG feeling that whyohwhy will NOT just up and dump her. Nor will he confront her about it.

 

I see him letting this slide, for fear that if he does confront her she would blame shift and turn it against him or if he tries to break up with her, she won't be chasing after him.

 

Really whyohwhy, the consensus is that you dump her. Why aren't you understanding that this girl is just bad news for you? Why have you not confortned her about it or broken up with her about it already? What are you holding on to? You say you want her to just come out and tell the truth but what would incline her to do so without you putting on the pressure? She's not going to all of a sudden be guilt struck and want to come clean out of the blue. As much as I know, she's on a real nice high right now chatting up her ex...you have to take charge on the matter and bring it up with her.

 

This has come all at one time and I wasn't expecting it. It's a lot to wrap your head around when it's you happening to in real time. In addition to that we freaking live together!!! I have tons of stuff in this place and so does she. It's a big deal.. I mean I have places I can go and stay but it's temporary. I was hoping that maybe she was having her doubts about us and then realized who she really wants to be with-ME!!! As llong as she didn't actually F him and this doesn't happen anymore I suppose I can forgive her, move on with her and forget??? Haha oh yeah she told him that the dog misses him too (they got it togther). That sort of pisses me off because it's not his dog now it's mine and hers-not his!!! I love the dog lol

[SingVoice]

whyohwhy- I do feel sympathy because this must be a hard thing to deal with.

 

BUT think about this...if you dumped her and walked away today...do you think that she would still be contacting you? Sending you those kinds of emails? or songs??

 

The reason she is still in contact is because she still loves him...and she keeps initiating it with him because she is finding any excuse to keep the lines of communication open with him on the off chance that he decides he wants her back.

 

And the reason that you haven't confronted her with the evidence is because DEEP DOWN you know what the answer is and you don't want to hear it. You'd rather just turn a blind eye and hope it all works out. I'm sorry...but that's exactly what you are doing.

 

If you are happy being someones second choice....then by all means go ahead. But don't you think you should be with someone who thinks that YOU are the best she's ever had?

[phillyfan]

DUDE. I know u freakin love this girl n this is hard as hell for u but this is tha thing:

 

1. Ex dumps her

2. She starts partyin to forget him n hooks up with a rebound afta a week

3. She tries from that time 2 get him back, beggin emails, makin him jealous wit u, trys sexy emails as thats the easiest way 2 get a dude to reply, she always does the mailin, he ignores her a lot, he isnt bothered cos he dumped her, he just isnt interested anymore, but she still chases him, shes kinda actin desparate 2 b honest

4. She is playin u, makin u crazy, no wonda u get angry wit her

5. U r WAY too good for this girl, dude, n u need 2 leave her

 

Now its EZ for any of us 2 say just leave her man, we aint u, we dont feel the heartbrake, but dude, heres the thing - she is treatin u like dogsh*t & u r way 2 good for it. LEave her, u will feel relief, u will feel self respect, u will feel pride. Sure it is so hard but she aint worth it, and dude i feel ur pain weve all been there, but u gotta leave. Print out everythin, show it 2 her, end it. No matter what the outcome I swear 2 God its gona be betta than wat happens if u just stay n let her get away wit this.

[TheGrimSweeper]

if you walk away now you can go with your head held high and she will respect you far more then she ever would if you just continue to be strung along like this.

 

Leaving her now will actually FORCE her to make a decision on who she wants to be with. Sitting by and doing nothing while this goes on will only lower her view of you in her eyes and she'll lost respect if she hasn't already.

[GreenPolicy]

OP, if you want any possible chance of a future with this girl, end it now and stick up for yourself. We want what we can't have. If you do, I guarantee you one of two things will happen:

 

- She will accept your decision, not contest it, and will either wear down the ex until he takes her back, or she'll move on to another rebound to get over the ex. She won't ultimately care that you dumped her.

 

- She'll actually realize what she had with you and will value the relationship and make it clear that she'll do what it takes to get you back.

 

If she does the former, then you got out with your dignity and self-respect, and you can be content with the knowledge that she would've eventually dumped you after you had even more invested in her. You would be getting out at the right time, then you can begin the process of healing and replacing her on your terms.

 

If you do nothing and continue to stay in the relationship, she'll dump you the minute the ex takes her back, or if not, she'll eventually tire of you and move on to somebody else to take her mind off the ex.

 

Your best play is to dump first and stand up for yourself.

[GreenPolicy]

You could say that I'm remembering all of the good things and then some. My ex is amazing in every way shape and form. When I met my current I guess he sort of rescued me from being heartbroken and all of my friends loved him. Now though after some time has gone by my current just doesn't compare to my ex. The reason I'm still with him is beacuse I'm trying to give it a shot and we now live together which complicates everything. I'll tell you right now though if they both showed up in the same place at the same time and I had to make a choice right then and there, I wouldn't have too much thinkng to do

 

You should not be in a relationship then until you can give the other person an honest chance...and not dump them like a hot potato if your ex came calling. I think the litmus test is "Would I dump this person to get back with my ex?" If the answer is yes, then you need to be single until you find somebody for whom the answer would be no. You're being selfish.