Read my GF's emails to her ex-WTF!!!!

[whyowhy]

She was texting this morning. I sort of wondered why and who. So when she went into the shower, yes, I looked. Guess who??? The ex!!! So I need opinions on this. What she asked him was if he was getting magazines of hers in the mail because she got one at our place yesterday with his address on it...........Thing is she changed her address back to her place from his obver a year ago. So why in the hell would she ask him this???? Seems like she's just trying to find out if she still has him on a leash or something

[rikk60]

I'm glad you read that stuff. Perfect reason to drop her like a bad habit. Same thing happened to me with my ex. Found her stuff open and I snooped. You bet. I'm only human, and it explained a lot of her bad behaviors.

 

Move on pal! It'll be good for you.

[Movingthrough]

To me this is typical immaturity. As you can see on these boards, its the hardest when you are the dumpee (which is what she was). You feel like you dont compare, and she did everything textbook. Threw a fit after, talked sh*t, then when that failed (because it sounds like her ex is actually mature) she went to the lovey dovey stuff trying to get him back.

 

You are dealing with a timebomb here, that is going to go off at one point directed at you if you stay around there. I dont want to say that you were a rebound because you actually did have a good time, but like what happened to me, you were around to in a sense help her through a time. Thats not bad, we all have our times, but when someone reaches out like she is doing to someone else, it is time to eject.

Edited March 12, 2011 by Movingthrough

[whyowhy]

To me this is typical immaturity. As you can see on these boards, its the hardest when you are the dumpee (which is what she was). You feel like you dont compare, and she did everything textbook. Threw a fit after, talked sh*t, then when that failed (because it sounds like her ex is actually mature) she went to the lovey dovey stuff trying to get him back.

 

You are dealing with a timebomb here, that is going to go off at one point directed at you if you stay around there. I dont want to say that you were a rebound because you actually did have a good time, but like what happened to me, you were around to in a sense help her through a time. Thats not bad, we all have our times, but when someone reaches out like she is doing to someone else, it is time to eject.

 

That sounds like a very good point. I'm just trying to understand if she really wanted to know about the magazines or if it was just an excuse to contact him??? Another thing I can't understand about this whole thing is it's been 9 months since he broke up with her-9 MONTHS!!!

[proactivedreamer]

I understand the need to rationalize her behaviour but you need to take a step back,and be objective. She clearly still has feelings for her ex, and is behavioring in such a way that hurts what you have together. If her ex ever decided to start things up again,you better be ready for a rude awakening. You shouldn't except this from her and you are setting yourself up for major heartbreak. The proof in right in front of you,what more do you need to convince yourself that she isn't over the ex? You ultimately have to make a choice,and trying to analyze everything she says isn't helping. This could be a case of grass is greener syndrome,and now she is starting to see what good she had with him. My advise is protect your heart and leave the relationship. She is still in love with the ex...sorry

[Movingthrough]

She clearly still has feelings for her ex, and is behavioring in such a way that hurts what you have together. If her ex ever decided to start things up again,you better be ready for a rude awakening

 

Trust me OP, you do not want that rude awakening. Easier said then done, but you need to eject asap or you will regret it.

[whyowhy]

I understand the need to rationalize her behaviour but you need to take a step back,and be objective. She clearly still has feelings for her ex, and is behavioring in such a way that hurts what you have together. If her ex ever decided to start things up again,you better be ready for a rude awakening. You shouldn't except this from her and you are setting yourself up for major heartbreak. The proof in right in front of you,what more do you need to convince yourself that she isn't over the ex? You ultimately have to make a choice,and trying to analyze everything she says isn't helping. This could be a case of grass is greener syndrome,and now she is starting to see what good she had with him. My advise is protect your heart and leave the relationship. She is still in love with the ex...sorry

 

I get that. Oh and I did read here about Grass is Greener Syndrome and am a little worried about that too!!! She went from Mr Stable to Mr Popular guy at the keg party.... I mean all of the crazy emails were months ago and now it's just general stupid questions she'll ask him. What I'm trying to get to the bottom of here is if she is asking him these seemingly arbitary questions because she really needs an answer or if it's beacuse it's some form of cntact that she is trying to maintain???

[betterdeal]

It might peter out as he's probably bored of her. Whatever happens, she has been emotionally unfaithful to you. That's what's getting to you. If you choose to not discuss this with her, it may bug you for a long time and that will affect your behaviour with her. If you choose to discuss it, the relationship may become very difficult very quickly. Take your time making sure you are strong enough within yourself to decide what to do, then follow through.

 

This could be a growth moment for your relationship, or it could be a time when you part your ways and search for happiness somewhere else. Decide what you want from this relationship and what you want from her, and what you'll give. If you choose to discuss it with her (and I recommend you do) be prepared to listen as objectively as you can to what she says, whilst being honest about your feelings too.

 

I cannot tell you what will happen, what to do, because (a) I don't know enough about the situation and (b) every action, thought, feeling can change the course of events. Speak from the heart and don't hold back out of fear of losing something because you will have already lost the most important thing in the world if you do, and that, my friend, is self-respect.

[whyowhy]

You know I have search this forum up and down. I can't find one single story about someone contacting their ex where they actually want to get back together. Not one single story!!! So that gives me a little hope. Maybe this whole situation is completley unique???

[proactivedreamer]

It just seems like you are fishing for a story that will ease the anxiety you feel about what may be going on. Maybe, you should try having an honest conversation with her about what you may be feeling,and go from there. The reality is, like I already said, you will be the one who has to make a decision. Either way, someone is going to be hurt. Sure, it is going to hurt you to just walk away because you are in love with her, but her behavior says that she isn't as in love as you are. I don't know what else to advise because either way it is a hard decision to make. Just remember that you have received some very sound advise, no one here wants to lead you in the direction of heartbreak, but by walking away you are going to feel less pain than if she leaves you for her ex. Her behavior is a red flag, and it should be a deal breaker. If anything, maybe you, both, should take some space so she can figure out what she is feeling, and work through it. It has been 9 months, so not sure what is going on for her. Good luck.

[fetish]

whyohwhy!

 

I think people on here are giving you some raw, hard, but truthful advise. I know how hard it is to walk away from someone you're in love with. Believe me, i'm still trying to deal with a break up after 1 month out of an 8 year relationship. Even though we've had great times, she's shown me too many red flags and 1 red flag can sink your entire relationship. I still love her and part of me wants to be with her, but i can't trust her.

 

Your girl should not be with anyone right now. You should definitely take a step back and protect your heart. Because i'm sorry to say it, she's already mentally and emotionally cheated on you. It's going to be much more painful if it turns physical. I would not feel good being in a relationship with someone I have to share. Get out now bro.

Edited March 13, 2011 by fetish

[selena_cat]

Heres what you do: Pack all your belongings one day while she's away at work or something and move it out of the house. Print out all the emails, staple it together and leave it on the kitchen table then just leave.

 

She's a cheat. Get out now and be happy you found out about before you invested any more time in this relationship. I'm sorry.

 

 

I totaly agree,sorry to say but you will just be foolish for sticking around hoping she gives you an explanation when her e-mail says it all,especially the part that she misses XXX with him. Come one,are you waiting for her to actually fulfill her desires? Its up to you,but i say to scam outta there.

[Lauriebell82]

Story goes like this. She was with her ex for 3 years and they broke up last May. He broke it off with her because she became a party girl and coundn't stand her friends(they couldn't stand him either)because they were pretty much the same. He's older than her (34ish) and she is 23. She took it pretty hard initially-until she met me about a week later.

 

So she was upset for a week and then met you? Yeah, that's not enough time to grieve the loss of a 3 year relationship, ESPECIALLY since he broke up with her. The poor girl didn't even get a chance to have any closure to the relationship because you guys got together so quickly. NOW, I don't think she is innocent in this either, she got together with you KNOWING she wasn't over her ex, then went behind your back and emailed her ex..that's pretty rotten.

 

Sorry to say, but she is still in love with her ex. She has had zero closure and maybe you need to break up so she can sort those feelings out. Do you want to be 100% in love with someone who isn't 100% in love with you? As hard as it will be to end things, it's what you need to do.

[whyowhy]

So I asked her about all fo this but I didn't give her all info that I have. Like the XXX emails that I read I left out. She basically said that he was having a hrad time with break up and she was just being friendly to him to help him out. Now from what I could tell it was her initiating contact with him and in addition to that he certainly didn't appear to be taking it hard at all...SO WTF???

 

Also do you guys think if he made a move on her that she may go running?? She been suer nice and lovey dovey lately. I do feel better about that for now I suppose...This guy in all of his responses to her is very nonchalant but always sort of seem sto get to her from what I can tell. I'm sorry for asking o many stupid question BTW, this has been really hard on me

[Layzie89]

Print out the emails and confront her about it is what you SHOULD have done in the first place. Now that you've only half-confronted her she has time to prepare a story for all the emails shes been sending if ever you do bring it up again. You're in denial right now and her lovey dovey attitude towards you lately is only pushing you further into denial. Stop being ignorant, confront her about it and find out whats going on.

 

And to answer your question: yes, she will run back to him if not now, definitely sometime in the future unless you put an end to it.

[name witheld]

She's not admitting it because she is not strong enough to walk away from you yet. But that will change, especially now that she knows you know. You will only become weaker in the relationship and that will make you less attractive in her eyes until it reaches the point of no return.

 

Then she will leave you, whether it is for this guy or for someone else it does not matter. It will happen. She will begin to control the relationship and lose all respect for you, it will get worse after as you will be the dumpee and I suspect will try to trade your dignity for another chance with her. (If you allow it to get to that point by not leaving her then don't beg when she dumps you just walk away to NC)

 

Do yourself a favour and do what you know you should do. Right now you still have some control, you can make the choice and walk away a man. That won't happen if you continue to give her control and let her end it, that is what is happening! The outcome is inevetible, all you can do is shape it into your favour.

 

Stop asking questions in response to peoples threads, nobody can help except you. Stop talking, start walking.

 

You'll be alright, you have (or had?) a good social life and seem outgoing. People like that, you should have no problem finding other women. Especially if you initiate the break, maybe even hook up with one of her friends?! I'm sure there will be chances.

Women love confidence and strength in a man, your not showing much of that just now to any of them.

Then again maybe you need to be dumped and walked all over so you can see how hard it is and become a stronger person.

 

Whatever happens be confident, live your life the way you want it and good luck.

[fetish]

whyohwhy

 

why oh why don't you just do yourself a favor and get out? You're setting yourself up for a world of emotional heartbreak. The above poster couldn't have said it any better. You walk away a man. You seem very vulnerable and do seem like the type who would trade your dignity.self respect for another chance with this woman.

 

Don't feel bad, I'm still vulnerable for my ex. 8 years is a long time and we broke up a month ago mainly because she couldn't take pressure of my approaching her on her issues. So she moves out, we break up, and now, she wants to hang out and still be monogomous. Part of me wants to go back to her and try to recapture the good times we had, but my self respect is telling me to stand up, be a man, and start moving on. If i wasn't good enough while we were engaged for her to start dealing with her issues enough for her to stay, what's the point? It's over.

 

Self respect is the best route for me. I'll come out more ahead and stronger in the long run.

[spice4life]

Story goes like this. She was with her ex for 3 years and they broke up last May. He broke it off with her because she became a party girl and coundn't stand her friends(they couldn't stand him either)because they were pretty much the same. He's older than her (34ish) and she is 23. She took it pretty hard initially-until she met me about a week later. We all lived in the same apartment building (her, her friends and myself), while her ex owns his own house in another town nearby. Well anyway we hit it off bigtime and had the most amazing summer together. We all partied together and just ahd so much fun. We truly fell in love and promised to do all the right things in our relationship. Then as time went along we began to begin to fight and fight bigtime.

 

Well as for her ex, she stomped on him pretty good when we got togther. She would say the nastiest things to him but from what I could tell he just pretty much kept his cool and wouldn't react (I would have lost my mind, most people would have)..Well then he just sort of faded away and went away. That was great for me becasue I then knew it was over and he wasn't going to be a factor.

 

OK heres the problem-Her email was up on my computer and I noticed she initiated contact with him. I'm going to list them numerically instead of trying to type it all verbatim. This all happened from October until December. Sometimes he would reply and sometimes he wouldn't

 

1. Asking if she was ever good enough for him?

2. Telling him how nobody will ever compare to him.

3.Telling him how he crosses her mind all of the time

4. She misses being at his house and cuddling up with each other all day on Sundays

5. Drives by his house on the way to work and it always reminds her of the amazing times they had there togther

6. That the dog they got togther misses him.

7. Missed going on vacation to his families lakehouse over the summer (they used to go there togthr alone a few times a year)

 

NOW THE REALLY BAD PART

 

8. Misses making love to him

9. Nobody compares to him in bed.

10. Misses sucking his whatever.

11. Misses him inside of her

12. Misses him kissing the back of her neck.

 

I'm done with this part-BELIEVE ME THERE WAS FAR MORE THAN i CARE TO TYPE!!!!

 

So anyway I didn't see much else since December other than asking hima few question that she already knows the answer to (don't know what's up with that) ..With all of this why wold she have done this??? They have been broken up 9 months which is how long we have been together. BTW we moved into a new apartment togther about 5 months ago. Was she just f***ing with him? I just don't get it and I love her so much

 

Wow! You need to confront her asap! That's just wrong and there is no other way about it. I would set a serious boundary with her and ask her why she would do such a thing while being together with you. I'm sorry, it sounds like she is not over this guy yet and until she completely lets him go, your relationship is going to suffer. She will never be full and present with you. Plus, knowing this information is going to make you feel insecure about the relationship and you won't be able to trust her. You will always wonder what's going on behind your back and be waiting for the other shoe to drop.

 

Put your foot down! Tell her that if she wants a relationship with you then she needs to stop contacting this guy period or it's over! She might need some shaking up to set her head straight. Then see what she does. Don't accept any excuses...an ex is ex and unless there are children involved, they have no place in your relationship under these circumstances.

[whyowhy]

Man this SUCKS!! I feel like I'm living with a stranger. We have an apartment lease togther and it's only been 5 months scince we've lived here togther. How could she be doing this to me!!!! We had an amazing summer, met each others families, have all of the same friends, and intertwined our lives together on pretty much everything. I'd rather her meet some new guy than it be her ex. That means hes' just better than me. How can she just go against everything we've created together!! Isn't that going to make her look stupid to everyone if she does in fact return to him???

[ccfan]

Well... there´s nothing much to say here... not really even need a post to come to the obvious conclusion that you MUST get out of the relationship RIGHT AWAY.... i mean RIGHT AWAY.... i´m really sorry that you are living this and i feel your pain, i really do... but in reality there´s nothing to say, think, or analize here... this is as clear as it could possibly be.

 

If you stay longer and longer in this relationship you´ll be deeper and deeper in a hole that it may take months to get out... what she said, specially the sexual part, it´s not only an extreme insult and cheating on you, but also show that she has no integrity or moral values whatsoever....

 

Please brother, either kick her out of the house, or you get out of there, and end this thing right away, everyone is telling you this because she reached and passed by far the point of no return.....

 

Like another poster said, i´d move all my stuff out of the house when shes ast work, and just leave a copy of all the emails she wrote, plus a note "never contact me again"...

 

Good luck hermano

Edited March 15, 2011 by ccfan

[fetish]

she must really be an A+ in the looks department.

 

And whyohwhy, It's not that she's letting go of what you guys created. Matter fact, its clear she's not letting go of that but is just using it as a safeguard or a life raft to avoid dealing with her issues. She's doing it for herself and that's not good. While she hasn't let go of what you guys had, she hasnt let go of her ex either. She may love you, but she's not 100% in love with you because she's still in love with her ex. Doesn't mean he's better than you or anything. It just simply means that she was confused and got with someone too soon, and it sucks that you had to be the one.

 

I know it hurts, but its best you see the writing on the wall now rather than say 6 months down the road where more time passes with her and your emotions grow even deeper. I'm telling you man, mark my words. If you stay with this woman, you're going to end up hurt. Even now, cutting ties is still hurtful but it doesn't compare to what you might eventually face in the future.

[whyowhy]

Yes she is. She's a tiny, cute, little blondey that everyone loves myself included. I may have rushed her into all of this, well she came running into it too. This just sucks. I was hoping some of yo guys would just say she's throwing him breadcrumbs (read about that on here)...Not trying to be in denial but I still haven't found one stroy on here where an ex GF goes back to an ex BF beacuse she decided she was madly in love with him....and there are a LOT of threads in this place!!!! Yes that's what I was looking for

[TheGrimSweeper]

Yes she is. She's a tiny, cute, little blondey that everyone loves myself included. I may have rushed her into all of this, well she came running into it too. This just sucks. I was hoping some of yo guys would just say she's throwing him breadcrumbs (read about that on here)...Not trying to be in denial but I still haven't found one stroy on here where an ex GF goes back to an ex BF beacuse she decided she was madly in love with him....and there are a LOT of threads in this place!!!! Yes that's what I was looking for

 

Breadcrumbs are what the dumper throws. From my understanding she was dumped by him correct?

 

Plus saying stuff like "I miss you inside me" really isnt breadcrumbs..

 

It sucks dude, but its honestly in your best interest to break up with her keep your respect. And at the same time thats also your best way of getting her to respect you again.

[whyowhy]

Breadcrumbs are what the dumper throws. From my understanding she was dumped by him correct?

 

Plus saying stuff like "I miss you inside me" really isnt breadcrumbs..

 

It sucks dude, but its honestly in your best interest to break up with her keep your respect. And at the same time thats also your best way of getting her to respect you again.

 

Oh the dumper throws them?? I'm still learning the application of some of this terminology. He did break up with her because from what I understand she didn't give him much of a choice so in a way she forced his hand thereby sort of making her the dumper??? I guess he was quite upset when he found out about us but then dropped off her radar..That's why i was hoping breadcrumbs was sort of what it was- sort of see what I'm saying???

[betterdeal]

So let's say it was breadcrumbs and she's just teasing the other guy. Happy?