Author whyowhy Posted March 17, 2011 Author Share Posted March 17, 2011 With that here's the porblem with me outright calling her out. This guy (her ex) seems from what I can tell have the ability to keep his mouth shut and always remain dignified. If i just up and call her out he will look even better than apparently he already does. I'm already the one with the bigger mouth (which I regret). I know she hurt him (I now know how he must have felt) but he just from what I can tell took it on the chin and dealt with it. When this shoe drops somehow I have to be more like him and just don't think I'm capable of it...What's worse is I have this wierd feeling that he knows exactly what he's doing when it comes to her. Do you sort of see my dilemma? I've been reading on here about NC, sort of preparing myself for D day..Well it looks I guess like he played his cards the way everyone here is telling me to play mine only he must have done it to a tee. When he broke up with her and she started to smash him and smash him bad he stayed away and cool as could be (NO way I could have done that) At the time I didn't think anything of it other than GREAT he got the point and is gone, but now I'm not thinking that so much Link to post Share on other sites
GreenPolicy Posted March 17, 2011 Share Posted March 17, 2011 With that here's the porblem with me outright calling her out. This guy (her ex) seems from what I can tell have the ability to keep his mouth shut and always remain dignified. If i just up and call her out he will look even better than apparently he already does. I'm already the one with the bigger mouth (which I regret). I know she hurt him (I now know how he must have felt) but he just from what I can tell took it on the chin and dealt with it. When this shoe drops somehow I have to be more like him and just don't think I'm capable of it...What's worse is I have this wierd feeling that he knows exactly what he's doing when it comes to her. Do you sort of see my dilemma? I've been reading on here about NC, sort of preparing myself for D day..Well it looks I guess like he played his cards the way everyone here is telling me to play mine only he must have done it to a tee. When he broke up with her and she started to smash him and smash him bad he stayed away and cool as could be (NO way I could have done that) At the time I didn't think anything of it other than GREAT he got the point and is gone, but now I'm not thinking that so much He dumped her. NC is different for a dumper. You have to stick up for yourself and dump her now. She has been emotionally unfaithful to you and you can't tolerate that in a relationship. If her ex ever decides to take her back (and he might), she'll be gone in an instant. If you dump first, you have the power and the upper hand. If she doesn't dispute the dumping and just lets it go, then you would have lost her anyways. But you're definitely going to lose her down the road if you don't do anything. Issues can be dealt with in a relationship. Dealbreakers can't. Emailing raunchy stuff to an ex and still being in love with him is a dealbreaker. If I were you, I'd take less pain now over more pain later. Link to post Share on other sites
Author whyowhy Posted March 17, 2011 Author Share Posted March 17, 2011 He dumped her. NC is different for a dumper. You have to stick up for yourself and dump her now. She has been emotionally unfaithful to you and you can't tolerate that in a relationship. If her ex ever decides to take her back (and he might), she'll be gone in an instant. If you dump first, you have the power and the upper hand. If she doesn't dispute the dumping and just lets it go, then you would have lost her anyways. But you're definitely going to lose her down the road if you don't do anything. Issues can be dealt with in a relationship. Dealbreakers can't. Emailing raunchy stuff to an ex and still being in love with him is a dealbreaker. If I were you, I'd take less pain now over more pain later. yeah I know but I think he dumped her because he had to not because he didn't love her or even wanted to. So I read on here about GIGS and this guy told this other guy that dumped his GF that she forced his hand so in fact she dumped him. There was a guy called, I don't remeber I'd have o look but his screename was something like Homemadebrew or something like that... Link to post Share on other sites
GreenPolicy Posted March 17, 2011 Share Posted March 17, 2011 yeah I know but I think he dumped her because he had to not because he didn't love her or even wanted to. So I read on here about GIGS and this guy told this other guy that dumped his GF that she forced his hand so in fact she dumped him. There was a guy called, I don't remeber I'd have o look but his screename was something like Homemadebrew or something like that... Your ex doesn't sound like that great of a prize. You've been together 10 months and she's emailing an ex about how much she misses him being inside of her? Why are you so confident in the long-term potential of this relationship? You can either end this on your terms or be at the mercy of her doing it on hers. Choice is yours. If the ex was technically the dumper but emotionally the dumpee, then there is a very good chance he will crack and break down and take her back at some point. Link to post Share on other sites
fetish Posted March 17, 2011 Share Posted March 17, 2011 With that here's the porblem with me outright calling her out. This guy (her ex) seems from what I can tell have the ability to keep his mouth shut and always remain dignified. If i just up and call her out he will look even better than apparently he already does. I'm already the one with the bigger mouth (which I regret). I know she hurt him (I now know how he must have felt) but he just from what I can tell took it on the chin and dealt with it. When this shoe drops somehow I have to be more like him and just don't think I'm capable of it...What's worse is I have this wierd feeling that he knows exactly what he's doing when it comes to her. Okay the bolded statements are what i'm most concerned about. You're scared of speaking up to her becuase you're scared you won't look as good as her ex? Well, i got some news for you, you're not her ex and never will be. You're you. Speaking up for yourself is never a bad thing against anyone! Your self respect is definitely being tarnished there buddy. Again, she must be a real nice piece of a$$! The second bolded statment also caught my attention. You know she hurt her ex, so care to elaborate and tell us what she did to him? I'm wondering why you would be hanging around someone who has a known history of causing emotional pain to the people she says she loves. Link to post Share on other sites
Author whyowhy Posted March 17, 2011 Author Share Posted March 17, 2011 Okay the bolded statements are what i'm most concerned about. You're scared of speaking up to her becuase you're scared you won't look as good as her ex? Well, i got some news for you, you're not her ex and never will be. You're you. Speaking up for yourself is never a bad thing against anyone! Your self respect is definitely being tarnished there buddy. Again, she must be a real nice piece of a$$! The second bolded statment also caught my attention. You know she hurt her ex, so care to elaborate and tell us what she did to him? I'm wondering why you would be hanging around someone who has a known history of causing emotional pain to the people she says she loves. She was very hurt when he broke it off. She then got with me and then sort of retaliated for him breaking up with her. So i he did tecxt her or what not she would constantly make reference to me and how I make her feel like nobody else ever had blah blah. Just really mean-which I now know was because she was probably still in love with him otherwise it would have been more indifferent-or so I've learned Link to post Share on other sites
fetish Posted March 17, 2011 Share Posted March 17, 2011 She was very hurt when he broke it off. She then got with me and then sort of retaliated for him breaking up with her. So i he did tecxt her or what not she would constantly make reference to me and how I make her feel like nobody else ever had blah blah. Just really mean-which I now know was because she was probably still in love with him otherwise it would have been more indifferent-or so I've learned So there it is! You already know that you're being used by her and you sit there and do nothing. I know its not what you want to hear. You may think everyone on here is being cruel and insensitive, but you came on here asking for advice and we're just trying to help you out. You already see fire in this building and continue to deny that the building is already burning. I probably should stop posting in this thread because now i'm beginning to sound like a broken record. I just thought i'd help a brotha out and save you from some major heartbreak. But in the end, you have to live your own life. Heartbreak is apart of life and its nothing anyone can be protected against. Peace out! fetish Link to post Share on other sites
Layzie89 Posted March 17, 2011 Share Posted March 17, 2011 Whyohwhy, come on man. Have some respect for yourself. You're afraid of opening your mouth about it because you will make him look better? wtf are you talking about? It's not like your ASSUMING she's contacting him...that would be totally different, and yes..in that case you would look like an ass. YOU HAVE PROOF !!! By letting it slide and not confronting her about it you're pretty much allowing this to happen and continue. So by all means, if that's what you want...close this thread and stop fishing for people to tell you "The emails are nothing, she loves you and it will be okay" If you don't want to 'open your mouth' do like I said earlier...print out the emails, staple it together. Pack all your things and leave to a friend or relatives house for a few days. Leave the emails on the table so she sees it when she gets home. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 whyohwhy, seems like you are not ready to face the fire. Sometimes you have to get beaten up really bad to learn. It seems this is the case. You see it for what it is but you are in such denial. And denial you will be stuck in until you hit whatever rock bottom means to you. And it sucks to take yourself that far for this woman. But sometimes that's the only way up and out if you can't muster the courage to get up and leave when the red flags are flying high. A relationship without trust is not a relationship. You don't want to exist in this "relationship" looking over your shoulder every two seconds. All I have heard you say is she is beautiful, cute, blonde, petite. What values do you both have in common in this relationship? We know Fidelity is out. Trust out. Honesty out. Communication out. Loyalty out. What else? So what are you building with this woman? Her cuteness can only go so far and once you dig deeper, what sustains your R? If you keep going on, trust me you will never be at peace because you will always be wondering what she's doing, who she's texting, where she's going, etc. And even if she is done with her ex, she seems like the type that can easily play dual roles without batting an eyelid. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 With that here's the porblem with me outright calling her out. This guy (her ex) seems from what I can tell have the ability to keep his mouth shut and always remain dignified. If i just up and call her out he will look even better than apparently he already does. I'm already the one with the bigger mouth (which I regret). I know she hurt him (I now know how he must have felt) but he just from what I can tell took it on the chin and dealt with it. When this shoe drops somehow I have to be more like him and just don't think I'm capable of it...What's worse is I have this wierd feeling that he knows exactly what he's doing when it comes to her. Do you sort of see my dilemma? I've been reading on here about NC, sort of preparing myself for D day..Well it looks I guess like he played his cards the way everyone here is telling me to play mine only he must have done it to a tee. When he broke up with her and she started to smash him and smash him bad he stayed away and cool as could be (NO way I could have done that) At the time I didn't think anything of it other than GREAT he got the point and is gone, but now I'm not thinking that so much He didn't take it on the chin, he dumped her ass. Be the better man here and follow suit! Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 This has come all at one time and I wasn't expecting it. It's always unexpected. Can you name one person who expected this kind of thing to happen?? You need to DUMP this woman. In addition to that we freaking live together!!! Excuses I have tons of stuff in this place and so does she. Excuses I was hoping that maybe she was having her doubts about us and then realized who she really wants to be with-ME!!! Excuses As llong as she didn't actually F him and this doesn't happen anymore I suppose I can forgive her, Excuses With that here's the porblem with me outright calling her out. This guy (her ex) seems from what I can tell have the ability to keep his mouth shut and always remain dignified. Excuses If i just up and call her out he will look even better than apparently he already does. Excuses I know she hurt him (I now know how he must have felt) but he just from what I can tell took it on the chin and dealt with it. Excuses Dude... are you getting the point yet? Stop making excuses and take control of your life. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 (edited) I like the sound of the other guy. Why don't you date him instead? Of course, you might like to consider being a cuckold, in which case, there are lots of resources out there for the modern day cuckold, how to deal with the emotional confusion and facilitate your loved one's exploration of herself and her sexuality. Probably best to discuss this with her whatever path you decide you want to take. Edited March 18, 2011 by betterdeal Link to post Share on other sites
Author whyowhy Posted March 19, 2011 Author Share Posted March 19, 2011 Ok...I finally talked to her about all of this. I told her how I felt cheated on and everything else. She was truly sorry for what she had done. All of this mainly was from back in October and November prior to us getting our own place together. She admitted that she was nervous about moving in together and did reach out to him like a favorite blanket. I could tell she was truly sorry. She said she won't be contacting him ever again-so I'm hoping case closed!!! She said what she did was wrong and in no way will she risk loosing me ever again for a selfish reason Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 Communicate communicate communicate. Link to post Share on other sites
Author whyowhy Posted March 19, 2011 Author Share Posted March 19, 2011 Communicate communicate communicate. Yesss.. I will be keeping an eye on things though just to make sure. I love her but of course will have some doubts in the meantime which I'm hoping doesn't kill the relationship Question though so I don't have to keep asking them down the road though....Suppose I do catch her texting or emailing him again in the near future whether it about something random or otherwise (of which I'm gone if/when she does) is that an indication of her sort of still wanting him?? That's all I need to know to leave for good if so Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 Yesss.. I will be keeping an eye on things though just to make sure. I love her but of course will have some doubts in the meantime which I'm hoping doesn't kill the relationship Question though so I don't have to keep asking them down the road though....Suppose I do catch her texting or emailing him again in the near future whether it about something random or otherwise (of which I'm gone if/when she does) is that an indication of her sort of still wanting him?? That's all I need to know to leave for good if so Going to someone for a "blanket" or support is one thing, but telling the guy she missed being inside him and missed his "thingy" is a whole other issue. You just showed her that you will allow that behavior. So now, if you catch a text whether it be, "how's your day" or "i miss being inside you"...you are going to have to decide for yourself whether it's just a hello or her wanting him. We can't tell you what she feels or what her intent is if she does text and how you should proceed if she does. You just need to ask yourself if this is healthy for you and if this is how you will continue in your relationship -- looking over your shoulder. Link to post Share on other sites
Thatguyintx Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 I am a pretty passive man, but I cannot imagine taking back a girl after the emails she sent to her ex. How can she ever make that up to you? That was graphic and definitive. OP, I have a bad feeling about this. Be prepared to run and run fast. Link to post Share on other sites
Author whyowhy Posted March 19, 2011 Author Share Posted March 19, 2011 Well I agree with everyone on here 100% about what happened and i"m not trying to make excuses but it was 4 months ago when the explicit emails were sent. I still don't like it but it's not as bad as having found out that she physically cheated. I have talked to my ex a few times in the months gone by and I haven't told her. All we did was ay our apologies and sort of left it at that Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 If you're happy with that then that's what matters. Link to post Share on other sites
VJohnson32 Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 That happened to me a several years ago. I went out with this girl for a little over a year but was still young and felt like i was missing out and broke up with her and apparently she was very much in love with me and i broke her heart but i really didnt care so much at that time. Months passed with no contact with her until a year later i started getting emails from her about how much she misses me and i was the best sex she ever had. So at that time I was seeing someone else so I ignored her emails, few months later i found myself single again and remembered about her and wrote her an email. She responded right away, said she was in a relationship but wasnt happy... we set up a date and met again after all this time. She broke up with her boyfriend because she wanted to be with me and i thought i could give it another try but wasnt what i expect it and broke up with her again after 2 months. But she did came running for me after all this time. All im saying is that it could happen ... you could be that guy my ex broke up with so she can be with the one she has always want it. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 Yeah, sounds like an in-between relationship to me, but it's not my relationship so I can't say how it feels to be in it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author whyowhy Posted March 24, 2011 Author Share Posted March 24, 2011 So she promised no more contact. She said she was selfish for doing all of this. This was a few weeks cack now I guess. So this morning guess what she did?? Sends this "I was looking at and old pic of u and I at camp fishing. I miss those days with you and it made me wonder what really happened between us..hope your well xoxox those days were simpe and filled with love" Guess the promises didn't last long. I thought she loved me, but I guess she really is still in ove with him even though it's been going on a year now. You know it's funny because I've read so many stories on here about people going through breakups...I guess this is a third party thread that pertains to people maybe getting back together...This is the first one on here...I just wish I wasn' the one who wrote it Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 So she promised no more contact. She said she was selfish for doing all of this. This was a few weeks cack now I guess. So this morning guess what she did?? Sends this "I was looking at and old pic of u and I at camp fishing. I miss those days with you and it made me wonder what really happened between us..hope your well xoxox those days were simpe and filled with love" Guess the promises didn't last long. I thought she loved me, but I guess she really is still in ove with him even though it's been going on a year now. You know it's funny because I've read so many stories on here about people going through breakups...I guess this is a third party thread that pertains to people maybe getting back together...This is the first one on here...I just wish I wasn' the one who wrote it i know you've heard this over and over. but you *really* need to cut her off. easier said than done, i know - - believe me - - i've been there! but the longer you hold on the longer you're going to be played for a fool. going NC may hurt but it will hurt much less than what you are going through now. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 Doesn't sound like this relationship is making you very happy. Link to post Share on other sites
lolo1234 Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 Just wanted to say sorry. I hope you can find the strength to ditch her and mOve on. At least just start thinking about it. Maybe talk to a friend or family member about what's going on. Link to post Share on other sites
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