Husband of 20 years cheated and is leaving

[Linda9999]

I was really hoping to read that you had finally grown a backbone. You really really need to find some professional help. Like, NOW. If you're threatening suicide, go check yourself into a hospital or something. Somehow you need to get your head out of the sand and realize that this relationship is OVER and start moving on with YOUR life, sans the cheating bastard. Until you do that, you are going to be a miserable wreck.

[lizwashere]

I can't get alimony in my state. Besides we both work. I don't want everything in a divorce. I just want HIM. I know this is wrong but i keep thinking he hasn't left because he doesn't want to and as long as I stay and let him stay he won't leave and we will work things out eventually. I thought if I stayed in the house with our dogs then he will stay too because he will miss our home. So I can't leave. but it is so hard to be here every day with everything around me that reminds me of before HER. It feels like everything is the same except its not because of the way he is treating me. But deep down I feel like he will come around.

 

He has told straight out that he doesn't want to be with you any more. No matter how wrong he was for cheating on you, you have to accept the fact that he is no longer in love with you otherwise you will never be able to move on and have a life of your own. You can't force him to love you or to stay with you out of guilt or fear that you might harm yourself.

[1956peace]

You have to let go of him, he is not interested anymore, you deserve more than you are getting, I know you are hurting and you think you have nothing left but being alone for a while and it is only for a while is better than the abuse he is sending your way,

the best revenge for you is living a better life than the one he had with you.......you are worth it, don't let him do this to you....

if he wants the OW let him have her, see how far he gets with that......

they deserve each other, you deserve a better life, one filled with compassion and love for you..............

you can only control you, what he does is his choice, don't hitch your wagon to that train wreck.........

[yessy21]

You have to let go of him, he is not interested anymore, you deserve more than you are getting, I know you are hurting and you think you have nothing left but being alone for a while and it is only for a while is better than the abuse he is sending your way,

the best revenge for you is living a better life than the one he had with you.......you are worth it, don't let him do this to you....

if he wants the OW let him have her, see how far he gets with that......

they deserve each other, you deserve a better life, one filled with compassion and love for you..............

you can only control you, what he does is his choice, don't hitch your wagon to that train wreck.........

 

 

PLease listen to us lexi's aunt u need to let it go. and get it alllllll!!!!!!! there are 1 million men in the world that will want u after u are over this jerk... u are just use to him.

[dreamingoftigers]

You did the 180 thing for a week? It takes like a couple months with these dopes. Especially one as far gone as him.

 

Just ****ing stop this. You are trying a whole series of manipulating and histrionic behaviors. They don't work and only make you seem crazy. Nobody wants to be married to crazy.

 

Do you not see the everytime you act like a ****ing nutbag that he withdraws further. You let him know everyday that you don't care that he is happy of course he doesn't want to be with someone that doesn't care whether or not they are happy.

 

Yes he is completely wrong, but he doesn't care because for right now he us happy when he is with her because she isn't crying, screaming, throwing ****, threatening suicide, being depressed and manipulating him. (well she might be manipulating him but that's because he is a dumbass).

 

Right now it feels like life is out of control and so you are trying to do all of these wildly controlling behaviors to react and get him back under control. You do not have a monopoly on his feelings, you only have a monopoly on your own and how happy you want to make you.

 

Honestly you aren't being too loving towards yourself or him. If you loved either of you, you would care about your happiness. The most loving thing that you can do for another person is take care of your own happiness. Take the responsibility off of him and do the 180 and see what happens. As long as you feel like a big dead crazy weight to him, he can't feel anything but contempt and being dragged down.

 

I know that it 'shouldn't' feel that way but it probably does. I know that he 'shouldn't've' gotten involved with her. But he did and that is the framework you have to work with. He also "shouldn't" "love" her and be sleeping with her, but the longer you avoid that reality, the longer you do more harm to both of you and utterly destroy your chances of even being amicable with him, much less married.

 

I know it feels like a hole in your soul, but you are not responsible for what he does. You did not make him do it, you cannot make him stop doing it either. The only thing you can do is 180 and do whatever you can to improve your own behaviour and actions, or you can go crazy.

[Lorelei_Lane]

Darlin, you need to let him go.

 

Aside from the fact that he has expressed many times that he doesn't want to be with you, why would you want to put up with a man that obviously doesn't respect you?

 

Yes, you had 20 years of marriage. I'm sure you have plenty of beautiful memories. I'm sure he cares about you, but you can't keep hurting yourself like this. You need to let it go and treasure the time you had together.

 

You have so many years left ahead of you, why throw them away because he doesn't want to spend them with you? You can spend them with someone else, someone who respects you and loves you for who you are, not who you will try to be to keep them around.

 

You deserve better. Much better.

[SidLyon]

Darlin, you need to let him go.

 

Aside from the fact that he has expressed many times that he doesn't want to be with you, why would you want to put up with a man that obviously doesn't respect you?

 

Yes, you had 20 years of marriage. I'm sure you have plenty of beautiful memories. I'm sure he cares about you, but you can't keep hurting yourself like this. You need to let it go and treasure the time you had together.

 

You have so many years left ahead of you, why throw them away because he doesn't want to spend them with you? You can spend them with someone else, someone who respects you and loves you for who you are, not who you will try to be to keep them around.

 

You deserve better. Much better.

 

Apparently he keeps saying he's leaving but hasn't actually left. What reason is he giving for not actually leaving, Lexi's aunt? What do you think he's telling the OW? She can't be very happy if he's telling her he's leaving you but not actually doing so.

 

Everyone's telling you you need to let him go. It's what he's saying too so I don't get why he's still there with you.

 

I think he sounds like a horrible man to be honest. While I can understand that you might have seen a good side of him in better times and therefore feel it might work out for you, it seems inconceivable that the OW might actually want him. She's obviously got major problems herself.

[itsme2]

What is wrong with him?

Why doesn't he want to work things out or at least try? HE is the one who cheated and I forgive him, I don't care as long as he stays with me. but I feel like I'm the one who did something wrong!

How long does this horrible pain last? I can't eat I can't sleep, I don't care if I would die tomorrow.

 

 

Im sorry to say but there is nothing wrong with him, he has told you how he feels. He clearly dosent want your forgivness but wants you to be happy. and trust me you did absolutly nothing wrong but unfortunally for the wrong HE commited you both have to face the consequences. The pain will only last as long as you want it to last, or as long as you torment yourself over this situation. The sooner you let this guy go(who clearly wants to leave) the sooner your healing will begin and the sooner youll be able to see this as just another hard life experience. keep your head up and prove that guy that your better off with out him and that you deserve someone better.

[dreamingoftigers]

Lexi's Aunt,

 

Are you actually trying to push him away because you know that you don't want this anymore but can convince yourself to drop kick his ass out the door?

[KikiW]

Everything that people have forewarned you of has come true... the fact that he is still in contact with her, the fact that he is NOT responding well to you acting insane... all of it.

 

You gave a half-hearted attempt at 180, then folded like a deck of cards the minute he started walking out the door. I think you blew any chance you might have had by now.

 

You threatened to hurt yourself, something EVERYONE agrees is the absolute OPPOSITE you should do (*I* even said it right off the bat, don't be THAT woman). You just blew credibility there.

 

You have ignored everyone's advice to seek help both psychologically and legally. This is obviously too big for anonymous posters on a relationship forum to help you through.

 

Despite advice to the contrary, you continue to try and play games with him in order to "win him back" and like I said before he may be a cheating jack@$$ but he's never led you to believe he has any intention of coming back to you. He's done, and the more you act like an insane person, threaten to hurt yourself, threaten to hurt the OW, the less he will even like you at ALL let alone rediscover a love for you.

 

Why are you not listening to the advice of people here?

Why are you continuing destructive behaviors?

Why are you still blaming the OW for all this when your husband is perfectly willing to take the blame for this?

Why do you think yelling, screaming, throwing things, trying to seduce him, and threatening to harm yourself or the OW is going to win him back?

Why are you not seeking therapy?

Why are you not seeking the advice of a lawyer?

 

YOU are creating a no-win, chaotic, dramatic situation. YOU are hand-crafting an environment of despair for yourself. HE may be your husband at the moment, but YOU do not have a magic wand to cast a spell and make him love you and want to be with you. Faced with that reality, you have GOT to get help and get your life on track. Stop this silliness about being scared to be alone. Like I said before, get a pet or get a roommate.

 

Can't watch this thread anymore.

[dreamingoftigers]

Lexi's Aunt,

 

The extended amount of time that this behaviour has gone on for tells me that you are going to have to hit a rock bottom in this relationship.

 

You are going to end up doing something that smacks your dignity in the face and then you are going to say to yourself: "this can't be worth all of this, this guy cannot be worth 2 months of insanity coupled with xyz behaviour."

 

I hit my rock bottom when I begged my husband to come home after some really abhorrent behaviour. I sat across a table from him and offered him the last of my money, my car and my phone to come home and try again. I promised that we wouldn't talk about anything that upset him like my feelings, our relationship and his addiction.

 

I sold my soul. (I haven't revealed that to anyone before).

 

Right in that moment something kicked me in the gut and made me clue in and think "this really can't be worth all of that. This is really sick. Like I cannot even express myself in any way while he is doing these actions that rip everything (including me) apart. This is sick!"

 

I knew that I wouldn't be happy like that and that I couldn't hold up to my end of the "agreement." I was signing a blank check to an addict who hadn't shown that he loved me in a very long time. It was sick, and twisted and weird. I didn't want my daughter to ever sit across and table from her spouse and think that she needed to pay him to come home.

 

Thank God he had the sense to be weirded out too. I would say that that was the single most self-degrading moment of my entire life.

 

He didn't have the power to make me happy by his presence. What the Hell was I thinking?

 

With one of my exes I ended up in hospital for calling a suicide line and telling them that I wanted to die. They sent the police to my house and I ended up sitting in a small hospital psychiatric waiting room to be assessed. Then I realized, "God this isn't worth it." (I was also in full-fledged BPD at the time, long before EMDR therapy so it is close to a miracle that I noticed that).

 

You are going to start having your limbic injury heal and realize that he doesn't hold a monopoly on your happiness.

 

You put so much into your identity about being your partner that you aren't scared of losing the adulterous ****bag, you are scared of losing the person that defines you. Nobody gives this much of a **** over a cheater by this point. You care about losing your place, your title, your reflection and how other's perceive you.

 

Find one thing, or something or make your self into something lovable. You don't love yourself and that is plainer then ever. Somewhere someone along the line convinced you that you are unlovable and that you needed someone else to be loved.

 

Lexi's Aunt, I am 28 years old and just discovered last week that there are parts of me that are lovable. Since I have those parts I am not willing to put myself through anyone else's bull**** anymore. They can keep it. I don't need them, I love myself and I love myself for being things that make me proud. I don't need to pander or grovel for someone to love me, because I have it in me and no one else can take it away ever. My husband can walk out the door tomorrow (well, if he was at home that is) and he couldn't take an ounce of my self-love and dignity away.

 

Girl you gotta find something to love about yourself and pronto or else you are going to lose that opportunity. Over what? Some dude that doesn't love himself either? If he loved himself he wouldn't be doing this ****. He wouldn't be playing a dog.

 

You have to do one small thing for yourself to give yourself joy everyday, that is how you start to show yourself love.

 

DO ONE THING THAT GIVES YOU JOY.

 

He can't take that away with him as he walks out the door. He can't own it, he can't touch it.

 

And..... if you love yourself and he isn't around to see it or notice it or appreciate it. He is going to lose out bigtime.

 

My husband is missing out on a wife that doesn't need him to emotionally stabilize her. He is missing out, not me. I am not missing out on a cry that treats me crappy and doesn't take responsibility (Well, he is making some good steps now but that's not the point. We will throw him under the bus to make an example).

 

You aren't missing cheater creep. You are missing the way he makes you feel. You think that he is the only source of that feeling. He isn't. He really really isn't. He isn't even close.

 

Do you know what happened to me last week? I went to a church function and there were three other guys there. I have not been touched by my husband barely at all since November. I noticed that these guys were all decently attractive and right around my age.

 

I never notice guys. I think I have noticed maybe two or three the whole time that I have been married. The fact that there were 3 guys in one room that seemed attractive was mind-blowing to me and that's when I realized that it had nothing to do with them. My brain had kind of let go of the fact that my husband was going to touch me and had opened up to new possibilities.

 

Consciously recognizing that is huge because I know that I won't end up doing anything reckless or harmful especially as my husband goes to treatment. But I do know now that your brain would let someone new in and you can feel happy again. Your brain will do it anyways even if you don't want to.

 

These guys weren't anything special. In the fact I would say overall average. But I noticed something else, my husband felt and seemed less attractive to me and I was shocked that I hadn't noticed before when I thought about it. Your brain will bond you to someone and make them the brightest star in the sky. But once that bond goes kaput, their star falls.

 

I know anyone reading this may say that that is the end of the road for my husband and I. I don't think so, brains are neurally plastic and if we were to build intimacy then those feelings would come back, it just takes a ton of work. I am not a WAW.

 

But for you Lexi's Aunt you need to realize that you can and will have to live in a way where he is not the deciding factor in your happiness from now on either way. If he gave up OW tomorrow and raced back to be with you, your brain is going to punt his ass soon enough anyways. Limbic systems can reach out in desperation but they also don't forget easily.

 

I think this is far more about the loss of personal stability and the man you thought he was then the douchebag that he is.

 

Either way, your husband is gone, either physically or your perception of him. He is not the man you thought he was anymore. I had to tell myself that my husband died, even envisioned the funeral. I grieved for two years. Until I finally had the guts to kick out the guy that was living in his body acting like a total jerk.

 

Grieve, bit find something in you. Meditate. Exercise. Reach out, and don't let that brain find it's tipping point into crazy. Stay away from there. Only deal with him when you are happy or at least able to maintain that illusion. The second you feel the need to call him or grasp him just wait it out for 20 mins. Breathe, read do whatever. In 20 minutes the craving will exhaust itself and then you can look inward for what need it is that you wanted him to fill, and then fill it yourself.

 

Anyways, I am tired and I have yardwork to do in the morning.

Hopefully your front lobes are fused enough to listen to even 5% of this.

[seren]

Dreaming of Tigers, I so admire your strength and the way you have come out of this. I also want to thank you for sharing very deep and personal thoughts to help someone else. It show huge strength of character, bravery and decency. I wish you the very, very best in life and hope everything pans out as you want it to be in the future.

 

Lexi's Aunt, I am still not convinced this is for real, where is Lexi and how do you have her login details? has she been able to help? has LS and the advice from other helped? I hope you pay very close attention to Dreaming's post and I hope you think on that this woman has bared her soul to help you, please do not waste yourself, your dignity and certainly not the support of people like Dreaming. If you cannot or will not walk away, then I am afraid you will have a very tough road to tread. I hope you have IRL support. What does Lexi say about this and does she support you? Take care.

[TurboGirl]

Dreaming of Tigers, I so admire your strength and the way you have come out of this. I also want to thank you for sharing very deep and personal thoughts to help someone else. It show huge strength of character, bravery and decency. I wish you the very, very best in life and hope everything pans out as you want it to be in the future.

 

Lexi's Aunt, I am still not convinced this is for real, where is Lexi and how do you have her login details? has she been able to help? has LS and the advice from other helped? I hope you pay very close attention to Dreaming's post and I hope you think on that this woman has bared her soul to help you, please do not waste yourself, your dignity and certainly not the support of people like Dreaming. If you cannot or will not walk away, then I am afraid you will have a very tough road to tread. I hope you have IRL support. What does Lexi say about this and does she support you? Take care.

 

 

Seren, interesting, I just read this entire thread and thought the same thing. Maybe a troll. Why would anyone give up their log in details??

 

On the assumption that this IS real...

 

When a guy is DONE he is DONE. It's like you are beating a dead horse with a stick - he's not going to change & come back to you. He is only a MAN. That's IT! Not GOD. He is a man, and there are plenty more out there. You have no self esteem, and the more you continue with this drama of begging & pleading, the lower you will go. Preserve your dignity and self-respect and knock if off now, and do a 180.

 

However, this H is gone. And if he loves someone else & wants to be with her, LET HIM GO!!! You don't own him, he is not property. He has free will. So let him use it.

 

Get to a therapist, you need some outside support. This board is not enough.

[SidLyon]

Seren, interesting, I just read this entire thread and thought the same thing. Maybe a troll. Why would anyone give up their log in details??

 

On the assumption that this IS real...

 

When a guy is DONE he is DONE. It's like you are beating a dead horse with a stick - he's not going to change & come back to you. He is only a MAN. That's IT! Not GOD. He is a man, and there are plenty more out there. You have no self esteem, and the more you continue with this drama of begging & pleading, the lower you will go. Preserve your dignity and self-respect and knock if off now, and do a 180.

 

However, this H is gone. And if he loves someone else & wants to be with her, LET HIM GO!!! You don't own him, he is not property. He has free will. So let him use it.

 

Get to a therapist, you need some outside support. This board is not enough.

 

The only problem is that he is not actually gone. Unless I've misread he is still there telling his wife he is leaving, that he definitely does not care for her anymore, that he loves the OW instead. But he's not actually going.

 

I have never heard before of a MM telling all this stuff to his BW but not actually leaving. Sometimes a MM flip-flops but when he's in the phase of going back to his BW, he tells her he want to make it work, not that he can't stand her.

 

However numerous times on these forums we see that the MM tells his OW that he can't stand his wife but can't leave for a variety or reasons.

 

Actions speak louder than words, so for some reason this MM is not leaving his wife despite his words to the contrary. As you say he's got free will but it's him that's not using it. It's not up to Lexi's aunt to allow/prevent him from using it (if it was, it wouldn't be free will).

 

If this is genuine then nothing Lexi's aunt does will prevent him leaving so it's best she understands this and takes care of herself and stops the begging and pleading. There's no need for her to let him go or throw him out as he's leaving anyway.

 

He's treating Lexi's aunt and the OW really appallingly so it's best he go to the OW who at least knows what she's getting into. The problem will be if he's all talk and no action and actually stays with poor Lexi's aunt rather than go to the one who deserves him.

[Lorelei_Lane]

The way I understand things though, she's threatening suicide if he leaves, would you leave if you think you'll have that on your conscience?

 

Usually I think all WS are dirt, but this guy seems to be afraid that his wife WILL go through with her threats.

[lizwashere]

The way I understand things though, she's threatening suicide if he leaves, would you leave if you think you'll have that on your conscience?

 

Usually I think all WS are dirt, but this guy seems to be afraid that his wife WILL go through with her threats.

 

I'm in total agreement - the OP has admitted to repeatedly telling her husband that she'll take her life if he leaves, which is the only reason he's sticking around. In no way am I condoning what he did or continues to do by cheating on her, but she is essentially emotionally blackmailing him into staying in their home.

[Eve]

OP, I thought about you today whilst listening to my new Madonna CD, driving home. The CD has a lot of her early stuff on there as well as later stuff. Not sure what music you are into but maybe finding direction via music could help you right now?

 

... Madonna up, girl ..

 

Take care,

Eve x

[whichwayisup]

I'm in total agreement - the OP has admitted to repeatedly telling her husband that she'll take her life if he leaves, which is the only reason he's sticking around. In no way am I condoning what he did or continues to do by cheating on her, but she is essentially emotionally blackmailing him into staying in their home.

 

If he wants to do the right thing then he needs to man the f.cuk up and get her help. Seek help from a Dr and contact her family, parents to support her. What he is doing now, both him and the OW is crappy and just plain cruel. She is not doing this malciously, she is pushed past her emotional limit thanks to her cheating a-hole husband! This is pure devastation for her. She isn't thinking clearly and again, it's not malcious or a well thought out plan, she is reacting on RAW emotion and he needs to stop his f.ed up behaviour as it's making it worse.

[SidLyon]

When I found out my H's affair I just kept hoping I wouldn't wake up. It wasn't emotional blackmail to get him him stay. I was in so much pain whether he stayed or left. In any case this particular bloke cannot possibly be assisting his BW by hanging around.

 

There was a "mirror" thread on the OW/OM forum which has disappeared in the last hour. I asked that OP to answer whether she and lexi29 were one and the same, just manipulating and deceiving all the other posters about the situation. Instead of answering me and other posters who were making similar inquiries, the thread just disappeared. I think someone is being very cruel and behaving shamefully (to use another poster's word).

 

My advice is that people be careful about replying further on this thread until the OP comes back to confirm she is genuine.

Edited April 5, 2011 by SidLyon

[Mrg37]

I'm deeply sorry you're going through this. I just want to share with you that exactly one year ago I discovered that my husband of almost 23 years was cheating on me. I, just like you had been with him since the age of 16. Just like you, I wanted to die. I took sleeping pills for months because I didn't want to be awake to feel the pain. There were times in which I went 3 days without eating because I just wanted to die. I have 3 daughters and thanks God one day after so much crying I realized that they need me and decided to try to survive my situation. You need to know that things do get better with time, and the pain decreases over tome. Try to focus on you. If you have family and friends, try to spend time with them and try not to spend much time alone. If possible, try to go out with friends, coworkers and/or family. I kept things to myself and believe me, that makes the pain worse. Right now I wish I could just make new friends because I've learned that when you lose your husband you also lose many friends. I'm so lonely, and that's why I tell you to get closer to family and friends so that you don't end up alone like me. I really wish you the best, and really hope that your pain starts decreasing soon.

[worlybear]

I'm deeply sorry you're going through this. I just want to share with you that exactly one year ago I discovered that my husband of almost 23 years was cheating on me. I, just like you had been with him since the age of 16. Just like you, I wanted to die. I took sleeping pills for months because I didn't want to be awake to feel the pain. There were times in which I went 3 days without eating because I just wanted to die. I have 3 daughters and thanks God one day after so much crying I realized that they need me and decided to try to survive my situation. You need to know that things do get better with time, and the pain decreases over tome. Try to focus on you. If you have family and friends, try to spend time with them and try not to spend much time alone. If possible, try to go out with friends, coworkers and/or family. I kept things to myself and believe me, that makes the pain worse. Right now I wish I could just make new friends because I've learned that when you lose your husband you also lose many friends. I'm so lonely, and that's why I tell you to get closer to family and friends so that you don't end up alone like me. I really wish you the best, and really hope that your pain starts decreasing soon.[/quote

Your're not alone here!

Hugs:bunny::bunny:

[Bionic Me]

I have to add that I look back at how I acted yesterday and I am mortified. But at the time I just felt that way. I just wanted to do anything to make him stay. I can't believe he told me everything he did. I can't believe he's been seeing her all along. Why would he not even ONCE try to work things out with me and see how it goes? Why is he still hung up on her?

 

 

When people tell you who they are believe them. You need help. Go get couseling because you need help more than you need your husband.

 

You sound as desperate as some of the OW on LS make BS's to be. Hum... I wonder?!

[Irishlove]

Lexi, you really need to talk to a therapist. You are in love with what he used to be. The man you had is no longer there. You contemplating suicide is the main reason you need to talk to someone. What if the man of your dreams isn't him? What if your soul mate is someone else.

This man has been honest with you saying he loves her. Honey, even if she were gone you can't brainwash him into loving you and making him forget about her.

If you stop now you might be lucky enough to remain friends. Be the bigger woman and take the free ride and stay in the house with the dogs. Let their relationship play out. Start living as if he didn't exsist but for gawds sake quit acting sooooooooo desperate. He does not find that sexy. Ignoring him might. Don't hold on to hope. Go live your life for you.

 

You are in denial and like any loss you are going to grieve. Going to grief counseling might help you as well. Good luck

[lexi29]

I do want to thank everyone for sharing their experiences. I still do believe my husband will wake up and come back to me. I thoiught things were going to get better but then he told me he was leaving for a week to see if I got better on my own. that maybe I would feel better if he was not in our house. He stayed with HER. He told me thats where he was going. i sent her a text asking her to be the bigger person and just let him come home. that we have so many years together and he is my family. that I love him and will never let him go. told her why doesn't she find a single guy. that there are many out there. I thought she'd be human and have some compassion and just realise what she is doing is so wrong~! but no that stupid bitch texted me back that she isn't holding him hostage. she told me that he shows her all of my texts and a letter I wrote to him. that is all PRIVATE! I can't belive he did that. why would he show HER all of my private thoughts? She said it was because they are together and he needed someone to talk to. then she texted me that my husband likes independent women and said if I ever wanted him to miss me that I should clean myself up an take care of myself and stop crying and begging. she said that just drives him closer to her. she has NO right to talk about me or to me like that. I texted her and told her I am going to hunt her down and kill her. that I'll smash her head in. she stopped texting me after that. I told my husband that I am going to find her and hurt her and make her pay for ruining my life. he spent the whole week with her. he came home twice to get more clothes.

 

on thursday my husband came home (I called off work so he didnt' know I would be there) and he told me to shut up when I started to ask him things. he told me he would be home on sunday before work. well today he showed up after I called him eight times. he said he was just there to get clean clothes. i thought he'd meant he was coming home to work things out! I am so mad that he lied to me! he said he has no idea why i took it as he wanted to work things out. that I knew where he was staying and that hes with her now and that he's tired and done with me. siad he tried to be nice and help me out (what a load of crap) I begged him to work things out, told him he ruined my life. He actually said to me that he doesn't care what I do. he said stay in the house, move out or kill yourself, I don't care anymore. I'm done with you. HOW IN THE HELL CAN HE SAY THAT? then he just walked out. back to her. How can he just turn his back on me after all these years?? why does he not have any feelings left for me? I do not know what to do.I HAVE to get him back. I just have to. I know you all don't think it is possible. but there has to be SOME way.

[WorldIsYours]

I do want to thank everyone for sharing their experiences. I still do believe my husband will wake up and come back to me. I thoiught things were going to get better but then he told me he was leaving for a week to see if I got better on my own. that maybe I would feel better if he was not in our house. He stayed with HER. He told me thats where he was going. i sent her a text asking her to be the bigger person and just let him come home. that we have so many years together and he is my family. that I love him and will never let him go. told her why doesn't she find a single guy. that there are many out there. I thought she'd be human and have some compassion and just realise what she is doing is so wrong~! but no that stupid bitch texted me back that she isn't holding him hostage. she told me that he shows her all of my texts and a letter I wrote to him. that is all PRIVATE! I can't belive he did that. why would he show HER all of my private thoughts? She said it was because they are together and he needed someone to talk to. then she texted me that my husband likes independent women and said if I ever wanted him to miss me that I should clean myself up an take care of myself and stop crying and begging. she said that just drives him closer to her. she has NO right to talk about me or to me like that. I texted her and told her I am going to hunt her down and kill her. that I'll smash her head in. she stopped texting me after that. I told my husband that I am going to find her and hurt her and make her pay for ruining my life. he spent the whole week with her. he came home twice to get more clothes.

 

on thursday my husband came home (I called off work so he didnt' know I would be there) and he told me to shut up when I started to ask him things. he told me he would be home on sunday before work. well today he showed up after I called him eight times. he said he was just there to get clean clothes. i thought he'd meant he was coming home to work things out! I am so mad that he lied to me! he said he has no idea why i took it as he wanted to work things out. that I knew where he was staying and that hes with her now and that he's tired and done with me. siad he tried to be nice and help me out (what a load of crap) I begged him to work things out, told him he ruined my life. He actually said to me that he doesn't care what I do. he said stay in the house, move out or kill yourself, I don't care anymore. I'm done with you. HOW IN THE HELL CAN HE SAY THAT? then he just walked out. back to her. How can he just turn his back on me after all these years?? why does he not have any feelings left for me? I do not know what to do.I HAVE to get him back. I just have to. I know you all don't think it is possible. but there has to be SOME way.

 

Lady please you must realize this man is a loser. Even if the douche came back what do you think's gonna happen? That everything will be roses and sunlight? You're going to be so resentful after everything this man put you through and it's most likely you'll just end up kicking him right back out the door with him running back to this OW or some other chick. Do the right thing and let this man go before you lose yourself.