After a while you just want to be with the one who makes you laugh...

[proactivedreamer]

So, I am terribly sad today. I just want to go back to the beginning when things were smooth and uncomplicated by expectations and beliefs about how things are supposed to be. I don't know how things were suppose to be but I was living in the moment, and of course, dreaming of the future. It has been 6 weeks, and we are in limited contact...mutually reaching out to one another. I am still madly in love, still pining, still hanging on to hope...I know I shouldn't but what else do I have? He said he just wished that I proved to him that I could make a life in his country by myself, and I just caved. He said that I was the one he was seriously considering a future with and now...sigh. I want to do everything I can just to prove to him. I think I am just going crazy over those words. I guess I just came here to say that after a while, after you go through all of the bull**** you have to go through to meet a decent person, you just want to be with the one who makes you laugh. We met in the most unlikely circumstances(online), and then I flew to meet him on the other side of the world, and the connection was so effortless, it was like we knew each other a whole life time. It was special-he is special...it's just so hard for me to grasp the idea of him fading into the background of my mind. I just want to be with him...he makes me laugh, even now 6 weeks post break up, the bitterness has subsided and we laugh again, still like lovers but now friends. How do I shake someone who made such a huge impression on me and I on him. Would you fight for them if they told you they just wanted you to prove to them your capability to make a life abroad? I am going crazy...

[tommy.is.my.name]

Could you be more specific? Might help with answers. How long were you guys together?

 

How long were you with him in his country before things went south?

 

Were you supporting yourself or was he completely supporting you?

 

What b.s. did you guys have to go through to meet eachother?

 

Answers to these questions might help us give some insight. But, I think that him saying your incapability to support yourself in his country sounds rather peculiar.

[Trovador]

My ex and I laughed a lot too, I think that was maybe the main trait of our relationship, the fun in jokes, play of words and stories... nobody made her laugh like I did (and I still do)... sadly the same can be said the other way around...

 

Well, I'd fight for someone that would want the best for me... in other words, the only way I'd try to prove something to my SO it would be if in the end I'd be happier or I'd improve some way or other... in a relationship you must have the will and capability to compromise in some matters, but not just because the other party has a particular whim or quirk (even if they take it seriously, like my girlfriend asking me to take yoga classes for example)... but in the end, it would be sad if they judge all my personal value on my refusal (for any reason, even if I just plainly don't want to do it) to embark on a pet project of theirs or even a valid proposal which at this particular time in my life I don't feel the need to pursue it or don't have the means to tackle it...

 

Anyway, one should do stuff out of love not because a stupid test to prove your worth... but that's me...

[Trovador]

I guess the key words here are "within reason"... if it seems unreasonable it is because to you it really is so, and in the end that's what matters...

[proactivedreamer]

Could you be more specific? Might help with answers. How long were you guys together?

 

How long were you with him in his country before things went south?

 

Were you supporting yourself or was he completely supporting you?

 

What b.s. did you guys have to go through to meet eachother?

 

Answers to these questions might help us give some insight. But, I think that him saying your incapability to support yourself in his country sounds rather peculiar.

 

Well, we were together for 18 months, spent around 5 months physically together. Things were great when I went to meet him in Australia. We went on a road trip the first week I arrived, and we just clicked...there were no problems. I paid my way there, and spent around 3,000 on that trip, and I ran out of money about half way through, so he supported me, which I think he resented a bit(long story in itself). When I went to see him in Switzerland-i paid the flight for that visit as well, but he supported me while I was there. While I was there he wanted me to look for work, but I had no permit and wasn't quite sure how to go about it because I was still working on my personal fitness training cert(a great deal to explain there), and he felt that I should have been learning french faster. He also felt that I wasn't being social enough, even though, I felt I was reaching out to people a lot more than they were reaching out to me(i.e. his sister said that she felt that I wasnt reaching out enough, but it was all new to me and I feel that it is partly the family's job to integrate someone's partner into their lives, right?) There was just all of these unusual expectations, which put a great deal of pressure on us, and that was part of what triggered this breakup. When I came back to the states, it was rough because of how things were in Switzerland. We had a fight the last night I was there, he complained that I wasn't being social enough. It often felt like I just wasn't good enough. Throughout my stay it felt like he was testing everything I did. For instance, when we would go out and hang with others, he would say when we got home that he was glad that he didn't have to be with me the whole time, and that I could be social without him. He sometimes complained that I wasn't going out without him, even though, I was going to only be there three months, and I sometimes did do things without him. I think his basic concerns were was I independent enough and was I self-reliant. I got hired as an Au pair before going to Switzerland but couldn't get an work permit, and that was my attempt at having an independent arrangement, so that these fears wouldn't exist. I just feel like that wasn't acknowledged...

[Veng]

Hi, proactivedreamer! I think our situations are quite alike. My ex is also from Switzerland and the main problem was that he wanted me to be independent there. We were together for 3 years and it was ok for him, but now not anymore for some reason. So I think the best thing is to totally cut contact, because we can't do a lot more here. Hope, but move on ...