Considered myself a "somewhat" gf,but was fwb

[Paradise384]

OK so I started off as friends with this guy but we quickly started seeing eachother. We pretty much acted like a couple for 7 months although he kept saying he did not want a relationship. I actually tried to end it a few times because I really wanted a relationship but he would pull me back in. He kept saying that titles dont matter and he really liked me a lot. After all these months of drilling it into my head that he didnt want a relationship with ANYONE he went out and got himself a girlfriend! I hadnt seen him in a couple of weeks since he had been out of town and I was busy as well so before I saw him again I found out about this girlfriend. I had even mentioned when he called that he seemed less interested in the past few weeks and he said that he was defnintely still interested because he was contacting me.

 

Pretty much right after this I confronted him about a girl who commented on his facebook and he admitted that he met her recently and yes she was his girlfriend. I talked to her and she confirmed it. I flipped out on him basically for leading me on for 7 months and he apologized and said he hopes I can forgive him one day and he didnt know what he wanted until he met her. I am 27 and have only had 3 official relationships in my life..he was the second guy ever that I loved. I know I shouldnt have settled for less than what I wanted but I just craved and loved him so much. I want him back so badly and I know that EVERYONE will say to just move on but don't I have ANY other option?? I am so picky I only like maybe one man every 3 years

[spackle]

if it quacks like a bf and walks like a bf why wouldn't you assume otherwise?

 

It won't make you feel any better but plenty of people cheat of gf's/wives so yeah he's right those titles don't always mean a whole lot.

 

He's knows he led you on. Did he ever introduce you to anyone?

[Paradise384]

Yea he took me on dates,-I made him wait about 6 wks before I even had sex with him- i went on a day trip on his boat with his dad and two best friends...He also always mentioned how he wasnt seeing anyone else without me even asking. I mean I assumed we were "together" due to all of this. Some people told me to not be hung up on titles-some people told me to say buh bye- and I just was so confused All I know is that NO MATTER WHAT- next time someone says they don't want a relationship I am going to say "if you want me that bad, then youre just going to have to be my boyfriend and if not then peace out!"

[ReturnToSender]

Yeah...the thing about when a guy blatantly says he *doesnt* want to consider you his gf, is that when he does something like this, he can say nothing between you was official and he already told you so.

 

I totally agree with what you got out of this. No way Im going to take on the gf role without the title again cause its not just a title, its a proclamation of what you mean to him....and the difference between being the girlfriend and a girl hes seeing is huge when an interested girl asks him if hes single.

[Butterflying]

I really feel sad for you as I've been in your position before. Use this as a learning experience. Don't ever agree to "carry on" as a man's girlfriend when he has specifically told you he doesn't want a relationship. In other words, don't be an FWB with a man you love. Don't fall in love with a man who doesn't want a relationship. Because it's very easy for him to say "I told you so," when it's over. Unfortunately, you have to take responsibility for the role you played in this. You put yourself in harms way.

 

It's okay. I'm not judging. I've done this too, but I learned the lesson. It was hard to get over. I say you have no contact with this guy for a while. Give yourself time to forget about him. Even if he contacts you. Just say NO and leave him alone because all this time he has been having his cake and eating it too. He's selfish. He never thinks about your feelings.

[brebre]

I've been here too! But one thing you have to accept is that he did not lead you on. What I can tell you first hand, what happend, this guy played the "honesty card". He wanted to tell you up front that he didnt want a lady, had no plans for one and yall are just FWB. However, you accepted this so there was no incentive to make him commit. What you have to understand, is there are 2 guys in this world- those that will commit, and those that will not. However, some men will only do what you allow them to do. You allowed him all this freedom and still sleep with you. Speaking from experience, I can guarantee you that this new girlfriend was either always around, or when he met her, she let him know up front, "oh no, I dont do FWB." EIther yo will be my man or not. ANd she probably had to walk away from him for awhile to prove that she didn't want that. He saw she was serious and didnt want to lose her. But you didnt make it necessairy. You made it so easy for him. No worries, the next guy, you will let him know up front what you want. And you WILL NOT COMPROMISE. Things will be so much better for you.

[ascendotum]

I've been here too! But one thing you have to accept is that he did not lead you on. What I can tell you first hand, what happend, this guy played the "honesty card". He wanted to tell you up front that he didnt want a lady, had no plans for one and yall are just FWB. However, you accepted this so there was no incentive to make him commit. What you have to understand, is there are 2 guys in this world- those that will commit, and those that will not. However, some men will only do what you allow them to do. You allowed him all this freedom and still sleep with you. Speaking from experience, I can guarantee you that this new girlfriend was either always around, or when he met her, she let him know up front, "oh no, I dont do FWB." EIther yo will be my man or not. ANd she probably had to walk away from him for awhile to prove that she didn't want that. He saw she was serious and didnt want to lose her. But you didnt make it necessairy. You made it so easy for him. No worries, the next guy, you will let him know up front what you want. And you WILL NOT COMPROMISE. Things will be so much better for you.

 

I think there can be a third option. That this guy liked you a lot, but for whatever reason, didn't see you as his ideal girl. One where you got it all and he can give up the search. Rather than stay single, lonely or celebrate while waiting for his ideal girl to come along, he falls into a relationship with you. Its pretty easy to do, but he never fully committed himself because he knew it was not going to be longterm. The relationship went on for as long as it took this new woman who is now his girlfriend to simply cross his path. She gets his heart racing, he flirts with her, she flirts back, in his mind he is not your bf but your fwb, so is free to able to pursue this woman.

 

It does not mean you are not special to him (just not special enough). He wont have seen it as using you, as he made it clear that he was not interested in a bf/gf relationship plus he will assume you had a just as great time with him as he did with you. In saying this though, given the extra weight you placed on this relationship, its got to suck how this turned out.

 

If a girl did this to me that I had fallen for and got comfy with her being a big part of my life for past half a year, I would feel like the rug had been pulled out from under me. Its the 'didnt want a relationship with ANYONE' line that would burn. I would get over it in time, then just consider it a past relationship that didn't work out and would still look back fondly at the good times we spent together, but then I'm a guy.

 

The fwb relationship is a great deal for the guy, but its not a one way street. The woman is also a free agent and can just as easily go for a bigger & better option since he hasn't committed, though it is less in the nature of women to do this, if they fall in love, and that's it, you cannot full in love with a fwb. Both parties need to be clear with the exact nature of the relationship, the lines should not be blurred, and spending time with each others family + friends just should not happen.

[snug.bunny]

He knew you wanted a relationship and he still continued to pursue you during that time, and he was wrong for doing that. But, these things happen all the time, where one or the other says they don't want a relationship, and then immediately following and/or a few months later, boom, they're in a relationship.

 

I broke up with someone I had been in a relationship with for a few years with because I wanted to "find myself" and I no longer wanted to be in a "relationship" but I was in a new relationship within a year later. Sometimes things just don't work out.

 

I'm sorry this happened to you, but next time a guy tells you that, listen....and end it right then and there.

[Paradise384]

Thanks for everyone who responded to this. It really helps a lot to talk to people who have been in similar situations. I blame myself so much for this turnout because I DID know better but I let my passion for him blind me from doing the smart thing. After I get my things back from him tomorrow I'm going to stop contacting him all together. Maybe someday he will get in touch with me and I can reject him just like he did me.