rom828 Posted March 12, 2011 Share Posted March 12, 2011 Don't know where else to put this but here's my story want some input. My wife over the last several months has been reading racy vampire books and fantasy novels on domination. I have tried to participate to the extent that I'm comfortable but then she says I'm too dominant. she says that because of the sexual abuse in her past she is trying to reclaim her sexuality and she sees sex as way to get "high". This fascination with domination is her new way of getting high in addition to her 420 habit Our sex life over the last several months have been rocking. She has let me know about a # of fantasies and I've participated and we've had a lot of fun. However, there are times she gets plain cold and if I am the initiator, then she says I'm too demanding and "pout" if I don't get sex. Yet if she wants it at 3 a.m. and I'm out cold she says I'm rejecting her. I found a phone bill where she has been talking to a guy from another country about domination. I confronted her and she tried to bluff her way out of it and I held her feet to the fire and I was angry. I phoned his home and spoke to his wife. My wife admitted that she has been talking to him so she could have a "mentor" to get a handle on this domination thing--and I'm guessing some of these things have made it to our bedroom (she's asked me to do some kinky things that we've never done before) I did some research found out where he lives exactly and know what he looks like. He's very unattractive and not her type. She says that he is mentoring her but I have a hard time with secrecy=. She has kept this from me and all her friends because it is an alternative lifestyle that many people judge. she says this is her type of therapy since counselling has not worked for her in the past. She also says she wants to try orgies and may be into women. I'm not willing to get into orgies and swinging, my super freaky days or over. I married her to be with her and her only and she with me only till death do us part. She has said that she has a lot of urges and that she may need to get explore them and that because I'm a Christian and wont swing that I should be married to a Christian woman. My major concern is that this stuff can lead to physical interaction with other men and women. She says nothing physical has happened but her secrecy has led me to believe otherwise. I hounded her about the behavior for weeks and she told me she cheated but said that she said it because I was hounding her. To me secrecy is a form of cheating and I have lost a lot of trust for her. she guards her cell phone like a hawk and I want to put some spyware on it to see exactly what is going on. I am looking at ModemSpy as well and keylogger. Does ModemSpy really work? We have 2 children and if my wife and I split up I'm very concerned about what will happen with them. I can't afford to support 2 households and there are days I think I need my kids as much as they need me. Sorry this is long but wanted to get your opinon. I'm not 100% sure how I got involved with a woman who is so messed up but the reality is I have a family with her now and need to consider all options Link to post Share on other sites
spackle Posted March 12, 2011 Share Posted March 12, 2011 couples counselling. too much going on here for LS I fear. Link to post Share on other sites
Spark1111 Posted March 12, 2011 Share Posted March 12, 2011 Yes, secrecy kills marraiges because it kills intimacy and trust. Obviously, she is going through something that is empowering her to overcome her childhood abuse, by being the one in power I would assume. You need to listen with an open mind. If you hound her about this new outlet, she will keep it a secret. She needs to respect your wishes of how far you are willing to go with this outlet. She should NOT be sharing any secrets or fantasies with men outside the marriage. You have reason to be alarmed here. You and she should be exploring this together with these so-called mentors. This is a tough one and I also reccoment couples counseling. Do not be ashamed as they have probably heard everything under the sun! In time, you will need to decide what is sexually acceptable within the relationship, and what will be a deal breaker for you and to express that very clearly to her. The moderating by a good (shop around!) marriage counselor would be invaluable to you both to decide how your relationship will proceed. But guarding her cell phone? That's a big no-no. If you have reason to expect she is engagin in an emotional affair (EA) then tell her you feel vulnerable and ask to see it as there should not be any secrets in a marriage. If she grows defensive, says no, gets angry....well, then I would install a spywhatever.... Trust, but verify, until you have conclusive proof otherwise. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
retrogressingsseie Posted March 12, 2011 Share Posted March 12, 2011 РОМАНС - АЛЁНА АПИНА - МУЗ РИНГ Снесла бабочка яичко порно онлайн бесплатно фетиш лесбиянки скачать минутное порно видео онлайн видео лишения девственности трусики порно видео фильмы онлайн порно секс бесплатно №3. А вот теперь вопрос о том как узнать какой модератор удалил вопрос о Луноликой. Узнать хочу - что он(она) там нашёл? Link to post Share on other sites
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted March 12, 2011 Share Posted March 12, 2011 Yeah, this is all too much. I'd try counseling. But as far as 'racy vampire books', are you talking about Twilight? I am into Twilight, and I'm a straight Christian male! I fear that you might just need to let her go. She's going through a mid-life crisis (yes, women can do that as well), and it's more than just the domination and the vampire books. She wants to relive her glory days, and you don't. That makes you incompatible. Link to post Share on other sites
You Go Girl Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 You have your boundaries, and you know what they are. Hold to them. Isn't it a low blow to bring up Christianity? Certainly there are plenty of Christians who go outside the usual boundaries, and plenty of non-Christians who don't. I think your religion is immaterial here. Just as you have your boundaries, so in turn respect hers. Do not install keyloggers on her phone, that is an invasion of privacy. Anything that can be found through spying can be found out by talking, which is far more healthier and far less controlling. Seek out marriage counseling if the two of you can't discuss this openly and honestly and work it out on your own. All you have to listen to is how comfortable and satisfied you feel after discussions. Spying isn't necessary, as you have natural built-in instincts. If you are still uncomfortable or dissatisfied after many discussions, then take it to the pros. I really don't think her abuse is the reason for this either. I do understand that abuse victims sometimes desire domination. However orgies, women, etc., is far past any relation to her abuse, yes? So don't let her use that as an excuse anymore than use your religion as a guilt-trip for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Duckduckgoose Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 Yeah, this is all too much. I'd try counseling. But as far as 'racy vampire books', are you talking about Twilight? I am into Twilight, and I'm a straight Christian male! Litm... I just lost all respect for you... sorry man Link to post Share on other sites
WorldIsYours Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 Oh yea she was looking for a mentor to dominate her, alright. She cheated, plain and simple. She has vampiric fantasies and was looking for someone to play Twilight with. If you're going to snoop by all means do it, even though you have enough evidence she cheated (especially the fact that she guards her phone). Someone who cheats and holds secrets deserves no privacy, especially when they're freaking around with someone else and putting your life at risk for STDs. You have a family but that doesn't automatically mean you should stay for the sake of them (which is really a poor excuse for staying in a relationship with a bad person). She never took you or the family into consideration before she started on her infidelity trip for vampiric/gothic sex and orgies and all that other bull crap. Lay down the law on her. Read up on 180 and get your ducks in a row to divorce her because it seems she's willing to do more cheating and doesn't care about herself. She sounds like some immature rebellious 17-year-old who wants to party every damn night. Link to post Share on other sites
starryeyed12 Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 LeaningIntoTheMuse, I'm glad you are checking out this post. See what can happen when you try secrecy in a M!! OP, if she is starting to get into bondage and S&M and you are not down with it then you have good reason to be fearful of the future of your relationship as you once knew it. I think you should do some research about it and see what its all about. Its sounds like she's getting more into BDSM, which I just wikipedia-ed for the first time because I didn't know what it meant when it was brought up in another discussion. It's a very interesting lifestyle.....one that people like you and myself may not understand or enjoy. I try not to be a judgemental person, so I don't want to condem your wife and call it wrong or immoral, but if you are not down with it due to your beliefs get out now, or prepare for an all-out moral war! From what I read, she is likely to begin leading a double life if she is in fact getting into that lifestyle. From the sounds of it she already has her foot in the water. There has been studies on this type of sex and the people who partake in it. I think you should research it, find out whether she is already trying to lead a double life, and make an informed decision about leaving or toughing it out. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodamnpragmatic Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 I'd find out everything I can by honest discussion, keylogger and counseling.... She has gone from 0-60 in no time and when you don't want to play along blames you. Some BDSM sounds fun, but sorry the hardcore stuff is really just too much for me (and I think I am pretty open). Girls, maybe she needs to explore and you can discuss, orgies sorry that is way too much imo as she is going to push swinging. She seems to be at the edge, and I'd be very scared. Maybe you and urgie can swap wives;)... Link to post Share on other sites
Toodamnpragmatic Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 The more I think, the more dangerous this sounds to me. A little bit of light BDSM, sharing fantasies and enjoying one another is everyone's dream. Unfortunately your wife is pushing the boundaries and rushing to something you have no interest in following her to..... You need to find out why this is happening and what your future is together. Link to post Share on other sites
WorldIsYours Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 The more I think, the more dangerous this sounds to me. A little bit of light BDSM, sharing fantasies and enjoying one another is everyone's dream. Unfortunately your wife is pushing the boundaries and rushing to something you have no interest in following her to..... You need to find out why this is happening and what your future is together. This is another simple case of cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
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