I'm just a couple days from really losing him

[LynnJ]

This is too much stress. I would go over to his place and deal with it immediately. It may not be as bad as you imagined.

Thank you and that is what I'm about to do within the next hour. Somehow I feel there is something fishy going on as well too.

Why the mystery? Why can't he tell me himself? Is he hiding something too and doesn't want an immediate confrontation? Why I only get answering machine and can't even leave a message?

 

My gut feeling is telling me there is something not right.

[heartshaped]

Thank you and that is what I'm about to do within the next hour. Somehow I feel there is something fishy going on as well too.

Why the mystery? Why can't he tell me himself? Is he hiding something too and doesn't want an immediate confrontation? Why I only get answering machine and can't even leave a message?

 

My gut feeling is telling me there is something not right.

 

Are you sure he even knows about this? Or could there be something else going on?

 

Either way, I hope this all works out for the best and I'm sure you've already learned a valuable lesson from this all.

[whichwayisup]

I don't care anymore what source he has. I can't take it anymore! This mystery of him ready to confront me by Wednesday instead of right now as I would have done if he did the same thing is driving me crazy.

 

I have tried calling him a bunch of times and I've gotten nothing but an answering machine saying This box is full and cannot accept new message, goodbye.

 

Should I just drive to his place instead? I think whatever the results is, I'll accept it as it is.

However, I highly doubt he would have a video of this event. I don't recalled seeing frat members in that room. Still I do hope too it's not a video or pictures. If it is then I'll have no choice but to break up even if he were to still want to work this out.

 

Let him call you on Wednesday. Don't go to his place..Since he hasn't contacted you and his vm is full..

 

2nd Bolded part. What? So if he wanted to work things out, you'd break up with him because he saw a vid or pictures of you? Out of shame and embarressment or not wanting to put in the effort to try to work it out?

[whichwayisup]

The problem is I don't even know who told him. When I get my hands on her, she'll know my anger. I'm not going to beat her or anything like that but will cut her out of my life forever. I wouldn't betray a friend like that.

I know why I did it because I'm my own counselor (I'm studying to become a couple therapist). It was during a time we were having several arguments and I left crying. He used to be unbearable during the first year of our relationship and seem to be mainly occupied by work or used to canceled many of our dates.

I told my female friends about it and some of them were undergoing the same issue. It was then we all decided to go to a frat party and enjoy just to get this out of our system. That is what happened but I decided to bury this in the past and pretend it never happened. This was an argument I made with my girl friends.

 

However, afterwards I spoke to him about all of our problems (minus my cheating) and we've been working it out. Now that it has already been solve, I yet need to face this after several year. I guess whatever happens and if he wants me out of his life, then it shall be.

 

What if it was the guy you did that with who told your bf?

 

You can't counsel yourself. Even therapists seek out therapists when it comes to problems in their own lives. I'm just saying you might benefit MORE by talking to someone else rather than counselling yourself.

[LynnJ]

Let him call you on Wednesday. Don't go to his place..Since he hasn't contacted you and his vm is full..

Ok then I'll give it until Wednesday.

2nd Bolded part. What? So if he wanted to work things out, you'd break up with him because he saw a vid or pictures of you? Out of shame and embarressment or not wanting to put in the effort to try to work it out?

Yes I would be beyond embarrassed (mortified). I think sometimes we as humans want to preserve our pride and ego.

I would be constantly thinking of what I did and that evidence.

[LynnJ]

Are you sure he even knows about this? Or could there be something else going on?

That's what I heard. Two people told me he does know. Still I'm now suspecting there is something else going on and it's really driving me crazy.

All this seems so weird to me. Why would someone tell him after all these years? And for what purpose???

Either way, I hope this all works out for the best and I'm sure you've already learned a valuable lesson from this all.

Yes I learned you can't hide anything even if you're doing it in order to not hurt someone.

[whichwayisup]

Wednesday has come and gone, do hope that you're okay. If you want, do an update..

[mark982]

lynn, reading your posts, leaves me scratching my head. on one hand your extremely sorry, and darn near begging for another chance. but on the other hand you say you would love to find out who ratted you out, so you can cut them outta your life. sounds like the only thing you care about is yourself.

[LynnJ]

I know that after I'm done writing this you people like think of me as selfish but here goes. After this I'm leaving as my issue got all solved.

 

It turns out it they just wanted to scare me into thinking me knew about it. I almost blew it when I told him Yes sweety I regret making the mistake on the party and he was completely cluessless. He asked what mistake I was talking about and that's when two girl friends of mine jumped in and invented a story about getting wild and egging a house. They added more to it and well I said nothing.

 

It was engagement he was trying to surprise me with and I almost blew it by confessing. Though he does said I looked and acted weird that day.

 

It will be taking late November.

 

That was a nasty joke. Should have known something was strange because my now fiance would have confront me first if it's a bad news.

[LynnJ]

Wednesday has come and gone, do hope that you're okay. If you want, do an update..

The update is that he never knew anything about it. This has been a prank played on me and what he really wanted was to propose.

I was about to confess but my girl friends jumped in and took the conversation. However, he does think I seemed strange that day but then let it go.

[jstobo]

So let me get this straight. You were about to tell your boyfriend that you masturbated with a frat boy four years ago in front of your friends. Are you sick? You were about to break this man's heart right in front of people?

[samsungxoxo]

So let me get this straight. You were about to tell your boyfriend that you masturbated with a frat boy four years ago in front of your friends. Are you sick? You were about to break this man's heart right in front of people?

That's the same thing I was thinking.

I would never jump to conclusions if I wasn't sure what the person wants to tell me. To tell your partner about something that took place 4 years ago, right in front of people as he's about to propose is sick.

[samsungxoxo]

and because of your selfishness, and unworthiness of him, he never will find out.

 

god, this makes me sick. the guy wants to get engaged to a girl that masterbated with a frat boy. the poor bastard.

So what, she was younger at the time and I'm sure most people change as they get older.

 

To ruin everything by telling an old confession is ludicrous.

[mark982]

lynn, your a real piece of work. there is NO way i can truely say how i feel about you,without getting a infraction by the mods.

[whichwayisup]

I know that after I'm done writing this you people like think of me as selfish but here goes. After this I'm leaving as my issue got all solved.

 

It turns out it they just wanted to scare me into thinking me knew about it. I almost blew it when I told him Yes sweety I regret making the mistake on the party and he was completely cluessless. He asked what mistake I was talking about and that's when two girl friends of mine jumped in and invented a story about getting wild and egging a house. They added more to it and well I said nothing.

 

It was engagement he was trying to surprise me with and I almost blew it by confessing. Though he does said I looked and acted weird that day.

 

It will be taking late November.

 

That was a nasty joke. Should have known something was strange because my now fiance would have confront me first if it's a bad news.

 

Your friends got involved and planned this as a joke? Time to dump your friends. They are a.ssholes! Yes, females CAN be ass.holes too.

 

BTW, your bf isn't stupid, I doubt he will believe the cover story they made up, even more so since your emotions have been up and down for the past bunch of days and he MUST have seen your behaviour and you acting weird.

 

Dump your friends, anybody who does that does not have your best intentions at heart.

 

The update is that he never knew anything about it. This has been a prank played on me and what he really wanted was to propose.

I was about to confess but my girl friends jumped in and took the conversation. However, he does think I seemed strange that day but then let it go.

 

Did you say yes to his proposal? If you did, now how does your guilt and everything you've felt for the past bunch of days play into this? Can you live with the fact of what you did in the past? Knowing that one day he could find out?

[allenmj]

Lynn, your Effin pathetic. Wow.

 

Thanks for reminding me how slimy and dirty people can be.

 

I seriously hope one day you wake up and get help, because there is something seriously wrong with you.

[spice4life]

Your friends got involved and planned this as a joke? Time to dump your friends. They are a.ssholes! Yes, females CAN be ass.holes too.

 

BTW, your bf isn't stupid, I doubt he will believe the cover story they made up, even more so since your emotions have been up and down for the past bunch of days and he MUST have seen your behaviour and you acting weird.

 

Dump your friends, anybody who does that does not have your best intentions at heart.

 

 

 

Did you say yes to his proposal? If you did, now how does your guilt and everything you've felt for the past bunch of days play into this? Can you live with the fact of what you did in the past? Knowing that one day he could find out?

 

I totally agree with WWIU. I would actually go see a therapist if I were you to deal with this and listen to what he/she has to say. Sounds like they put you through a pretty tramatic experience. I have to say, I'm all for full disclosure because otherwise it will eat you alive inside and come out in other ways in the relatonship. It's not going to go away and will most likely come out in projections because you haven't dealt with it properly. Yes, we all make mistakes, but when it comes to stuff like this, the person has a right to know who they are marrying. If they find out later it will be even more devastating because they will feel like you took away their choices. What if cheating is an absolute deal breaker for them and they tell you so? Then this indescretion is going to swim around inside you like a toxic time bomb waiting to go off. I think you should come clean and let the chips fall where they may. At least then he has a choice and if he chooses to stay with you, the relationship will be built on a healthier foundation.

 

Good luck to you.

Edited March 18, 2011 by spice4life

[samsungxoxo]

nah, letting a guy propose to someone that masturbated with a frat boy is sick.

Neveragain1 are you really DexterMorgan? That was the one single member that I had arguments on this section sometimes. I have nothing against him, but he was a straight-laced, goody two-shoes guy when it come to cheating.... way too much into honesty that everything relating to lying bother him as if it was the end of the world.

If you are then don't hide anymore. Anyways I was about to do something wrong once, which is way worst than the OP and it was not cheating but rather planning a bogus marriage for a purpose (I think he kind of sensed it because he would keep postponing the arrival date... yeah we were at long distance). However, I will not talk about it and I'm now friends with my ex BF.

Edited March 18, 2011 by samsungxoxo

[samsungxoxo]

how do you ruin something already screwed up? the telling of it or confessing wouldn't be what ruined anything. The actual act would.

You simply don't ruin it more than it is. That is applying common sense.

[Woggle]

This isn't the 1950s and she shouldn't have to curb her sexuality anymore. All you bitter men telling her she is wrong just want to put women back in the kitchen again. What's good for the goose is good for the gander.

[LadyRashomon]

This isn't the 1950s and she shouldn't have to curb her sexuality anymore. All you bitter men telling her she is wrong just want to put women back in the kitchen again. What's good for the goose is good for the gander.

LOL you got that right. I'm a party animal here and don't care about commitment.

I had to flat out reject a will you be my GF because I would end up breaking hearts.

I'm useless when it comes to long-term committed relationships. Someone tried once changing me and it only lasted for 5 days.

[LadyRashomon]

neveragain1 I've always been straight forward and to the point, without ever trying to mislead someone.

I had to once end a relationship, which only lasted 3 months though I informed him from the start about my character as a whole and he still kept thinking there was hope. Now if the man would have insisted on begging me to stay and I were to wonder off and find someone else, it would then have been his fault. For example: If I tell you in your face I detest pork but you keep preparing it, then that would be stupidity.

 

Who knows this might get out of my system one day but till then, more parties to go.

Edited March 19, 2011 by LadyRashomon

[samsungxoxo]

and what is wrong with that? what is wrong with thinking that allowing this guy to marry her not knowing who she really is?

 

what is wrong with thinking that she is lying to him and keeping information from him that would have changed his thinking on the biggest decision of his life?

We just think differently that's all.

dont know who this person is, but my guess is we are like minded, I'll have to read some of his stuff.

Umm both of you have the same story about divorcing your cheating wife and so is the writing style. I know most of the people's personality on this forum because I've been here for like about 5 years now. I was 19 back then.

It's ok I'll just pretend you're not him .

 

This is one of his thread... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t252477/

Edited March 19, 2011 by samsungxoxo

[Chi townD]

yeah, well...I see that marriage lasting! Plus, she more than likely lied to us as well. What Frat boy would JUST masturbate in front of a young and willing girl that doing the same thing in front of him?

[samsungxoxo]

i know, I made this point. that frat boy is gonna want to do a helluva lot more than kiss her after that.

 

my guess is they did have sex and she doesn't want to make it seem as bad as it is:o

I think so too but if the OP just masturbated in front of the other man, then I'm not sure if that would be cheating.

 

There are different levels of cheating. Not all of them would have the same affect. For example: you can't compare having sex to kiss or what OP claims to have done.