cat_somebody Posted March 31, 2004 Share Posted March 31, 2004 My husband and I have been together for almost four years. He has not changed much since we got married. That is the problem. He has always been insecure. He gets mad if another guy even looks my way. He gets really mad if I look back. He has never been abusive in a physical way, but he has said some pretty rough things. We always seem to work everything out, but it is because I am usually the one that has to apologize. Then I find myself trying to figure out what I was telling him I was sorry for. I love him and I feel like he loves me too, but sometimes I have to wonder if it is even worth all the drama I go through to save our marriage. He plays softball on the weekends during the spring and summer. He always wants me to go with him. If I don't go then he gets mad if I go any where else. He wants me to sit here and wait till he gets home even if it is weekend long trip out of town. Then if I do go somewhere he comes in saying stuff about other guys has anyone been over here or have I been to see anyone. It is getting really old. I have never really talked to anyone about it. Then I mentioned his behavior to one of my girlfriends and she told me that he must be cheating on me and that is why he thinks I am cheating on him. I have never thought he was cheating. He has never gave me a reason to doubt him. So now I can't get the thought out of my head. Could his behavior be caused by his own cheating? Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted March 31, 2004 Share Posted March 31, 2004 i would say that is a very small amount of suggestion and evidence to base such a huge accusation upon. why not deal with the fact of his insecurity for now? that, you can be sure of. have you been to marriagebuilders.com? they have some great stuff there, and it will help if you can focus on known facts, rather than hurtful speculation. sometimes girlfriends just suggest stuff. it does not mean it is well-reasoned, or even well-intentioned; it can be (sometimes) just what falls out of their mouths. treat it like you would treat any wild accusation: with skepticism and a nose for truth. it sounds like you have a good handle on your husband's real problems here; don't let go of that knowledge in favour of something more salacious and dramatic. Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted March 31, 2004 Share Posted March 31, 2004 Cat, I think if your husband was cheating, the LAST thing he would want is to have his wife in tow. I think the fact that he wants you around means that he still enjoys your company. Maybe he's thinking, because you'd rather go off and do your own thing while he's playing ball, that you are not so eager to spend time with him anymore. *That* could be the reason for all his doubts and insecurities. Particularly if this is something new. And, it may just be me, but its been my experience that men tend to be a little over protective and even a bit territorial when another man is ogling their woman. I have yet to meet a man who feels comfortable in that situation. And if a woman is looking back (not saying that you are) its certainly going to push some buttons and send his testosterone level through the roof! It's hard to say without knowing you and your husband personally (like your friend) whether or not your husband is overly jealous and paranoid, or whether there has been some change within you and the dynamics of your relationship that’s triggering his insecurities. But I certainly wouldn't go so far as to say he was cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
Just Visiting Posted March 31, 2004 Share Posted March 31, 2004 I agree with Jenny. Based on what you have said, he has major insecurity issues. Deal with that rather than the suggestion of him cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
curiousgeorge Posted April 2, 2004 Share Posted April 2, 2004 No I don't think he is cheating either. He wouldnt want you with him all the time. I agree with the others. He is just super insecure. Link to post Share on other sites
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