What brand of affair was ours?

[OWoman]

Applying for a personal loan

Applying for a mortgage

Applying for a store card

Applying for free tickets to tv show recordings

Setting up a dating profile

 

I see it an awful lot. And not in respect of my son's school at all. They merely ask for the names of those to be contacted and their relationship to the student in question.

 

GG, are you trying to suggest that 'separated' is not a bona fide marital status understood and accepted in society?

 

When I left my first H, I didn't bother with D until a few years later. I had no intentions of remarrying, so it in no way impeded my lifestyle. We lived apart, had nothing to do with each other and transacted as single people. Although I was still technically M, my "separated" status was recognised by every individual and institution I had official dealings with. I was required in some instances to provide proof of separation - such as proof of a different residential address from my then-H, or an affidavit - but no one intimated in any way that they considered the status invalid. And, given that we had been M COP that was quite significant, as I would otherwise have been liable for his debts.

[turnstone]

SG, its worth considering the implication of his marital status; although you may not care about his possessions or finances, it may be a different story if there is a medical issue and dealing with those kind of legalities would be the last thing either of you needed if you were going through that kind of trauma.

 

Also, although the state of marriage may have no meaning for either or both of you, I am sure it still has a psychological impact. Even if its just knowing that the wife (ex wife) knows that every tie, every strand has been severed.

 

Finally, on a different note, I'm so pleased he got his act together whatever the type of affair!

[Silly_Girl]

SG, its worth considering the implication of his marital status; although you may not care about his possessions or finances, it may be a different story if there is a medical issue and dealing with those kind of legalities would be the last thing either of you needed if you were going through that kind of trauma.

 

Also, although the state of marriage may have no meaning for either or both of you, I am sure it still has a psychological impact. Even if its just knowing that the wife (ex wife) knows that every tie, every strand has been severed.

 

Finally, on a different note, I'm so pleased he got his act together whatever the type of affair!

 

Hi Turnstone, long time no see.

 

You're right. It will be nice to have all those things wrapped up, but, odd though it may seem - for me - it's a luxury not a necessity. I know his family would prefer to know he'd moved past all that 'stuff'.

 

And thanks!

[Silly_Girl]

If that's the case, why are there marital statuses on forms called 'married', 'separated' and 'divorced'? Surely only 'married' and 'divorced' would be required?

 

Hi jthorne.. This question was posed to you - wondered if you'd missed it? My posts are delayed because I'm on moderation. Thanks.

[OWoman]

Applying for a personal loan

Applying for a mortgage

Applying for a store card

Applying for free tickets to tv show recordings

Setting up a dating profile

 

You forgot the census!! Just had a look at the forms earlier when tidying up...

[Silly_Girl]

You forgot the census!! Just had a look at the forms earlier when tidying up...

 

I thought of that when I moved mine from one to-do pile to another!!!!

[NoIDidn't]

If that's the case, why are there marital statuses on forms called 'married', 'separated' and 'divorced'? Surely only 'married' and 'divorced' would be required?

 

I'm trying to think of what forms I have seen separated and the one that comes to mind are the parent contact forms for the children at school. In that case, separated is very relevant because the school needs to know if the children and the parents are going through a divorce. It really helps the teachers to know that there are family problems occuring and that they may have to contact both parents separately.

 

Applying for a personal loan

Applying for a mortgage

Applying for a store card

Applying for free tickets to tv show recordings

Setting up a dating profile

 

I see it an awful lot. And not in respect of my son's school at all. They merely ask for the names of those to be contacted and their relationship to the student in question.

 

GG, are you trying to suggest that 'separated' is not a bona fide marital status understood and accepted in society?

 

I've seen "Separated" on forms as well, but it usually refers to legally separated - as in, have seen a lawyer and the marriage legally ends once the lawyer submits separation papers.

 

And often those requesting the forms will be asked to prove that they are indeed legally separated so that the company can cover their own behinds should someone else have a legal claim for what you are asking for. You can't just decide to select "Separated" and have it be a done deal in most cases.

 

You will need supporting documentation.

Edited March 22, 2011 by NoIDidn't

[Silly_Girl]

I've seen "Separated" on forms as well, but it usually refers to legally separated - as in, have seen a lawyer and the marriage legally ends once the lawyer submits separation papers.

 

And often those requesting the forms will be asked to prove that they are indeed legally separated so that the company can cover their own behinds should someone else have a legal claim for what you are asking for. You can't just decide to select "Separated" and have it be a done deal in most cases.

 

You will need supporting documentation.

 

From your response I'd guess you don't live in the same part of the world as us.

[jthorne]

Hi jthorne.. This question was posed to you - wondered if you'd missed it? My posts are delayed because I'm on moderation. Thanks.

I'm sorry, Silly, I hadn't returned to this thread since I posted last. So I either missed it, or thought I answered sufficiently.

 

Let me give you an example of where I'm coming from. Very early in our dating relationship, my sweetie was in a bad auto accident. His parents made decisions about his care until he was able to do so himself because they were legally his next of kin. I don't pretend to know the laws on your side of the pond, but let's say this happened to your guy here. Unless he has filed legal paperwork to make you his Medical Power of Attorney, the W would be the one making the decisions for him, not you. As far as the hospital is concerned, she would legally be his next of kin. I'm pretty sure that in some states in the US, even if they are legally separated but not divorced, she would still be considered the W, and you the OW.

 

If that doesn't bother you, fine. It would most certainly bother me.

Edited March 22, 2011 by jthorne

[Silly_Girl]

I'm sorry, Silly, I hadn't returned to this thread since I posted last. So I either missed it, or thought I answered sufficiently.

 

Let me give you an example of where I'm coming from. Very early in our dating relationship, my sweetie was in a bad auto accident. His parents made decisions about his care until he was able to do so himself because they were legally his next of kin. I don't pretend to know the laws on your side of the pond, but let's say this happened to your guy here. Unless he has filed legal paperwork to make you his Medical Power of Attorney, the W would be the one making the decisions for him, not you. As far as the hospital is concerned, she would legally be his next of kin. I'm pretty sure that in some states in the US, even if they are legally separated but not divorced, she would still be considered the W, and you the OW.

 

If that doesn't bother you, fine. It would most certainly bother me.

 

I fully understand that. Those types of scenarios crop up a lot IRL in various fashions, I know. You see, this to me is a different discussion from 'is your relationship still an affair?' type of conversation.

 

I don't have much of an issue with her being his next of kin, legally. I suspect that is because I remained married in law to one man whilst clearly and demonstratibly devoted to another. For years. I don't recall us encountering a single issue. It's one of those where our experiences factor heavily, I'd guess.

 

I know I will have an issue with his marital status, however, once we are in a better position (logistically) to have children.

[OWoman]

I've seen "Separated" on forms as well' date=' but it usually refers to [b']legally separated - as in, have seen a lawyer and the marriage legally ends once the lawyer submits separation papers.[/b]

 

And often those requesting the forms will be asked to prove that they are indeed legally separated so that the company can cover their own behinds should someone else have a legal claim for what you are asking for. You can't just decide to select "Separated" and have it be a done deal in most cases.

 

You will need supporting documentation.

 

IIRC, SG is in the UK.

 

In the UK, D is possible on one of 5 grounds:

 

"Quicky" D is possible only with "fault" assigned:

 

* infidelity (the BS can sue for D on the grounds of the WS's infidelity; the WS cannot sue for D on the grounds of their own infidelity);

* unreasonable behaviour (can be anything);

 

("Quicky" D can take anything from months to years to go through the system; it's a misnomer, but more accurately refers to the fact that there is no waiting time before applying for the D)

 

If one is prepared to wait, you can apply for a "no fault D" on the basis of:

 

* a separation of two years, if both parties agree (uncontested D) - you need proof that you have been living separately for two years, even if you have been living at the same address (sharing a house). Because there is no such formal legal status as "separated" in the sense described above, you need to compile evidence which could be separate banking accounts, separate circles of friends, evidence of separate romantic entanglements with others, etc. You and your s2bxs need to convince a judge that you have not been living as H&W for the preceding two years.

 

* abandonment, if one spouse has deserted the other for two years the abandoned spouse can sue for D after two years have elapsed.

 

* a separation of five years, if one party wants the D but the other contests it (proof of separation of five years is required).

 

"Separated" is not a legal status in that there is no legal endorsement required for it (like M or D) but it is accepted as a de facto M status. It signals to the state (or the institution, such as a bank) that the person is living as if D, but is still waiting for the lengthy process to be completed.

 

I guess if there was real "quicky" D such as in my home country, there would be less need for it, but even back home it's still a recognised M status on all manner of forms and in all manner of contexts. (And yes, if you're separated, and something happens to you or your spouse, and you or your spouse have another R, that person can challenge any decision made in favour of the estranged spouse, and courts will consider the evidence and usually rule in favour of the SO, as recent cases show.)

[Owl]

Interesting how things are different in other countries, Owoman.

 

It varies considerably even state by state here in the U.S. The state I live in is considered "no fault"...and there is only a 30 day seperation period required.

 

According to the attorney I spoke with years ago when this was a possible outcome in my situation then, if both parties could reach an agreemant on the disposition of marital property and finances, a divorce could be granted as quickly as 60 days from the start of proceedings...including the 30 day seperation period.

 

So for this state at least...a "quickie divorce" can happen in as little as two months from start to finish.

 

If one spouse contests the divorce, they can only slow things up so much by bogging down the discussion/seperation of assets. The law is pretty clear on how things are supposed to be split (pretty much 50/50) and there are very few actual mitigating circumstances...so even if one side of the marriage wants to slow it down, they can only do so a short amount.

 

I don't honestly know if "seperated" is a common thing on most forms here or not...I never paid attention. But I do know that until the marriage is officially dissolved, the current spouse would still be considered "next of kin" and retain medical power of attorney and such, unless there were parent's or other close relatives that could contest it.

 

The 'boyfriend/girlfriend/significant other' would have no legal say at all in anything until they were legally married.