Alternative to NC

[lawwal]

First, I'm referring to this alternative to NC:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=190782

 

We broke up at the beginning of the year. At first, I was real emotional and obviously just kept pushing her away. I then pretended I was ok and told her I was happy. I didn't start talking to her ever and she started texting me asking what i was doing. Soon, it became can i come lay down with you, wanna go eat, stuff like that and she would always be the one initiating. We then basically end up being FWB for about a month since she doesn't want a relationship right now. I was pretty much doing everything as an alternative to NC without knowing it and things were great. We never had any major issues..she just said she didn't feel the same way about me anymore.

 

But one night, I guess she was testing me and I reacted poorly and walked out. A few days later, she messages me saying that i miss you, but we shouldn't see each other for awhile. At this point, I know I messed up again and all I could find was do NC. We don't txt or anything for a week and then I end up sending her a message to not contact me unless she wanted to try again.

 

So I'm second guessing my decision to do that.

1. I know I opened up way too much in that NC message. She ended up defriending me on facebook and I probably pushed her really far away now. She has told me she doesn't want to date right now, and by saying only contact me if you want to come back, I think that was a big mistake. Maybe she'll never contact me because I didn't respect what she wanted? Should I send a message clarifying and making sure it didn't piss her off?

 

2. Since I am in NC now, I am working on getting to the point where I'm not emotional about this and being happy. How would I transition back to communicating with her since I don't think she will?

 

3. I feel that letting her initiate contact and playing it cool were working well. I'm starting to feel like that would have been the better route if I could have maintained it, but have no idea how to get back there now. I acted like this at the beginning and now again. I don't even know if she'll be receptive to it.

 

I know most people are going to advocate NC, but I'm looking for opinions on this alternative. I'm still not positive if I want to stick to NC or try the alternative. Thoughts?

[PowerOfOne]

Well the other option is obviously contact.

 

Problem is, and this is why NC is a good way to go, is that in these early days you're not thinking straight. You're not you. No matter what face you put on you'll still be that guy she doesn't want in her life in 'that' fashion.

[lawwal]

Well it's been 2 months since the BU, and this would be the 2nd NC. The first round didn't last very long before she started texting me. But I do think that I need to take time to be me again. I think I pushed her away really far this time.

[Trovador]

Letting the ex to handle the remains of the relationship (option 3) is almost like being again in the relationship... you feed your ego, you avoid the anguish of NC, you are still in your ex life... it's a nice alternative to NC indeed...

 

But at the end of the day you are (and you will be) still without her...

[lawwal]

I was letting her initiate contact when it came to doing things, coming over, etc so that she would be the one showing interest. But you're right..I had no idea what she was thinking. Were her feelings changing because we were spending so much time together or was I just convenient? That's what drove me to sending the NC message which I wish I wrote better, or just not even have sent it and went NC. I keep see-sawing on this but I do know that I cannot go back to her first.