Sugarkane Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 I'm 24 and for some reason my parents are pretty conservative. I've had to completely fight for my independance over the years. I still had a curfew when I was over 18 years old. I've spent my whole life sharing a room with my sister. And ridiculousy, only got my own room last year. They also think that you have to be married just to leave home. Is it any wonder that I'm desperate to grow up? Not even ONE of my relatives has left home after they got married. The cousins my age have already left home and have had children out of wedlock. And yet my dad brags about how he's more lenient than anyone else! Why are my parents different from the rest of my extended family? I have asked them and all my dad says is that everyone waits until their married to leave home. I can't find one person that has done so. If I try and talk about leaving home all my dad does is swear his head off at me. Why are parents like this? After 24 years you'd think that they would be desperate for me to leave. Why aren't they? They think that you have to be married just to leave home, but who wants to marry someone who's still living at home? No one that I've ever met. The only reason I haven't already is my job isn't full time. And how do you afford to pay for rent and further your own education? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted March 13, 2011 Author Share Posted March 13, 2011 We also aren't even Indian or Asian. We're Caucasion and living in Australia. Link to post Share on other sites
TakeMeasIam Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 Find a good friend you can share with, and get a loan, then get a FT job. Don't talk - do. If you're so desperate to move out - believe me - you will. I have seen people in more dire financial circumstances than you make a move. be pro-active. Go for it. What have you got to lose? Link to post Share on other sites
Eve Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 I would say that your parents have not moved past you being 13 years old. There is a weird transitiion that is supposed to happen at around this stage and some parents simply don't make it. I can only advise that you consider carefully how you react within the 'role' you have within your family. It sounds like your frustration has trapped you yet further within this role and basically you are proving them right at every turn. You have to express the identity you feel is true without fighting them. This takes forgiving them and not biting back. Put your energy instead into finding a room somewhere and create your own support structures. I hope they come around and remember how precious you are. Take care, Eve x Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted March 15, 2011 Author Share Posted March 15, 2011 I try to talk to them, but all they do is yell their head off. My father is compompletely overcontrolling. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted March 15, 2011 Author Share Posted March 15, 2011 His excuse is always is thats what happened to him. He's such a sheep. The only thing stopping me, is how would I afford to study and live by myself? Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 at the age of 24 you should be completely self-sufficient. get a job. someone I met recently studies full time but works as well. I know plenty of people that worked while studying. otherwise switch to a part-time course. there is no excuse for living at home at 24 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 Put up with it til you're done with your studies and can work to support yourself, then move out on your own financial steam. Really, there's not much else you can do. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 Have you looked into getting youth allowance? That could help to support you while you're at University....a friend of mine was at Charles Sturt, lived on campus, and was quite comfortable with the money from youth allowance and working part time. Link to post Share on other sites
lavidaloca Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 If you don't want to live at home, but you can't afford to move out...what is it you want your father to do? Support you while you live on your own? That's not what being an adult is about. Either work enough to support yourself and move, or continue to live there until you're finished with your studies. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted March 21, 2011 Author Share Posted March 21, 2011 If you don't want to live at home, but you can't afford to move out...what is it you want your father to do? Support you while you live on your own? That's not what being an adult is about. Either work enough to support yourself and move, or continue to live there until you're finished with your studies. No I don't expect my father to support me, at all. I just want to know how to study, work and not live at home at the same time. I know other people jave done it, but how do you do it without selling yourself? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted March 21, 2011 Author Share Posted March 21, 2011 I would say that your parents have not moved past you being 13 years old. There is a weird transitiion that is supposed to happen at around this stage and some parents simply don't make it. I can only advise that you consider carefully how you react within the 'role' you have within your family. It sounds like your frustration has trapped you yet further within this role and basically you are proving them right at every turn. Take care, Eve x I've always done everything right, I've never done drugs or gotten pregnant. I'm the eldest so I have to set an example. I'm sick and tired of doing the right thing all the time, when I still get treated like child. Link to post Share on other sites
TheLoneSock Posted March 21, 2011 Share Posted March 21, 2011 (edited) I'm 24 and for some reason my parents are pretty conservative. I've had to completely fight for my independance over the years. I still had a curfew when I was over 18 years old. I've spent my whole life sharing a room with my sister. And ridiculousy, only got my own room last year. They also think that you have to be married just to leave home. Is it any wonder that I'm desperate to grow up? You do realize that you're an adult, right? What's keeping you from moving out, taking care of yourself financially and cutting the umbilical cord? You have no one to blame but yourself. Your parents can be as conservative as they want, you are your own person. People here in the states go to school full time, work full time and carry a social life at once all the time. I am one of them. It can't be that much different in aussieland... Edited March 21, 2011 by TheLoneSock Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted March 21, 2011 Author Share Posted March 21, 2011 You do realize that you're an adult, right? What's keeping you from moving out, taking care of yourself financially and cutting the umbilical cord? You have no one to blame but yourself. Your parents can be as conservative as they want, you are your own person. People here in the states go to school full time, work full time and carry a social life at once all the time. I am one of them. It can't be that much different in aussieland... Well how do you do it? Explain. I'd have to take out a loan to pay for the coarse itself. This would take me ages just to pay off. If I work aswell, its still not enough to pay rent and living expenses. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted March 21, 2011 Author Share Posted March 21, 2011 I should've written overcontrolling in the title, thats what I meant. Link to post Share on other sites
jean-luc sisko Posted March 21, 2011 Share Posted March 21, 2011 I've been reading and have the following opinions here: - Your parents, as with all human beings, have their own unique thoughts, beliefs and attitudes. You cannot, and should not, attempt to change them. - Since your parents are who they are, you need to manage around them and negotiate, not attempt to defeat them. I would suggest that you offer to pay them rent, and also save money to rent or buy your own place. Also assist them in food shopping, even basic household items and chores. Show them that you're independent, and sit down and reach an accommodation/agreement with them. - Move out on your own, and/or negotiate with your dad regarding doing this. He is admittedly a bit misguided if he believes that everybody waits until they are married to move out, but in a mature fashion demonstrate to him the contrary. Part of living and getting on with people is accepting other personalities, and learning how to manage around them. We can't expect everybody to accommodate for us all the time, or act in ways that always please us. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 You do realize that you're an adult, right? What's keeping you from moving out, taking care of yourself financially and cutting the umbilical cord? You have no one to blame but yourself. Your parents can be as conservative as they want, you are your own person. People here in the states go to school full time, work full time and carry a social life at once all the time. I am one of them. It can't be that much different in aussieland... I have no idea how you guys do it either. Your course must be one helluva easy one if you can work full-time (ie 40 hrs/week) while doing it, IMO. Let's put it this way, you have an average of 5 hrs/day of classes/tutorials/labs and 8 hrs/day of work.. that's 13 hours. Include commutes and various daily tasks, 15 hours. Where do you find time to study and have a social life? Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 at the age of 24 you should be completely self-sufficient. get a job. someone I met recently studies full time but works as well. I know plenty of people that worked while studying. otherwise switch to a part-time course. there is no excuse for living at home at 24 While I agree with the OP, for some the arrangement of living at home at 24 is for a number of reasons and maybe more rooted in the culture. Link to post Share on other sites
greengoddess Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 This just cracks me up. Dad is paying for courses and living expenses. The 24 year old is only working part time and living in the family home free but is complaining that she has rules. If you are living under your parents roof AND being SUPPORTED by your parents then you will have to live by their rules. You sound like a little kid who wants it all. I don't have to listen to you, I'm an adult, oh but buy and pay for everything please!! Yes very adult. You can't move out. You have zero resourses to so what exactly are you upset about that your dad doesn't want you to move out? If he said sure go ahead and move out what exactly would you do? Link to post Share on other sites
alethean Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 (edited) I have no idea how you guys do it either. Your course must be one helluva easy one if you can work full-time (ie 40 hrs/week) while doing it, IMO. Let's put it this way, you have an average of 5 hrs/day of classes/tutorials/labs and 8 hrs/day of work.. that's 13 hours. Include commutes and various daily tasks, 15 hours. Where do you find time to study and have a social life? Not really. You'd be surprised at what you can do when you have to. I have several friends who come from dire home circumstances (abusive parents, orphaned, etc.) and have no choice but to work and go to school full time. Some in honors courses in good schools. The severity of their situations keeps them motivated...oh, and they don't really sleep either. They also don't really work all 40 hours during the week; they do weekends too... Edited March 22, 2011 by alethean Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted March 23, 2011 Author Share Posted March 23, 2011 This just cracks me up. Dad is paying for courses and living expenses. The 24 year old is only working part time and living in the family home free but is complaining that she has rules. If you are living under your parents roof AND being SUPPORTED by your parents then you will have to live by their rules. You sound like a little kid who wants it all. I don't have to listen to you, I'm an adult, oh but buy and pay for everything please!! Yes very adult. You can't move out. You have zero resourses to so what exactly are you upset about that your dad doesn't want you to move out? If he said sure go ahead and move out what exactly would you do? Actually I do pay board AND my own living expenses. I also BOUGHT my own car, unlike most people I know. If I want something I have to buy it myself, my parents don't help me AT ALL. I understand that they have different beliefs, but I should AT LEAST be able to talk to them about moving out without being VERBALLY ABUSED about it. Link to post Share on other sites
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 Actually I do pay board AND my own living expenses. I also BOUGHT my own car, unlike most people I know. If I want something I have to buy it myself, my parents don't help me AT ALL. I understand that they have different beliefs, but I should AT LEAST be able to talk to them about moving out without being VERBALLY ABUSED about it. Yes, but as long as you're living under your parent's roof, you have to play by their rules. That doesn't mean giving up your independence, but that DOES mean giving up anything that conflicts with their belief systems. Link to post Share on other sites
TheLoneSock Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 (edited) Well how do you do it? Explain. I'd have to take out a loan to pay for the coarse itself. This would take me ages just to pay off. If I work aswell, its still not enough to pay rent and living expenses. I have no idea how you guys do it either. Your course must be one helluva easy one if you can work full-time (ie 40 hrs/week) while doing it, IMO. Let's put it this way, you have an average of 5 hrs/day of classes/tutorials/labs and 8 hrs/day of work.. that's 13 hours. Include commutes and various daily tasks, 15 hours. Where do you find time to study and have a social life? I work three 12 hour shifts per week. 36 hours is considered full time where I work. That leaves 4 days a week for school and a social life. My work and my school are no more than 10 minutes away from home. My course is anything but easy, but working in an environment where I see it in action every day does make it easier. If you are taking 8 hours every day to do your homework, you probably have a learning disability. Oh, and I'm going to school for free. Tuition reimbursement through my employer + a small government grant to pick up the rest of the tab. A benefit hard earned by getting my Associates and a good job (along with my financial independence) before I turned 21. It's amazing what you can accomplish when your parents refuse to support you. Oh, and I'm 24 now. Edited March 23, 2011 by TheLoneSock Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 Not really. You'd be surprised at what you can do when you have to. I have several friends who come from dire home circumstances (abusive parents, orphaned, etc.) and have no choice but to work and go to school full time. Some in honors courses in good schools. The severity of their situations keeps them motivated...oh, and they don't really sleep either. They also don't really work all 40 hours during the week; they do weekends too... I would have believed it if he hadn't mentioned having a social life at the same time. I believe it is possible by pushing yourself to the limit, but if you can do that AND maintain a social life, I'll say he has one heck of an easy course. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 I work three 12 hour shifts per week. 36 hours is considered full time where I work. That leaves 4 days a week for school and a social life. My work and my school are no more than 10 minutes away from home. My course is anything but easy, but working in an environment where I see it in action every day does make it easier. If you are taking 8 hours every day to do your homework, you probably have a learning disability. I distinctly recall stating 8 hours a day of work, as 40 hours tends to be the minimum to be called full-time. Most full-time jobs are at least 45 anyway. If one's course isn't funded, 36 hours/week of minimum wage is no way, no how enough for living expenses + course fees. Also, it boggles the mind what sort of course allows you 3 days or less of classes only, unless your work was purely on weekends (ie Fri to Sun)? In which case it also boggles the mind how you socialize, unless your friends are that free on weekdays. Link to post Share on other sites
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