I can't stand my conservative parents

[TheLoneSock]

it boggles the mind

 

Lol, I'm sure it does.

 

Also, I don't make minimum wage. I make $18 an hour. You know, because my Associates allows me to... and all that jazz

[EyesWideOpen]

I have a serious problem with the mentality that you don't leave the nest until marriage. I don't think this is healthy in any way - which I say from experience. My ex husband and I were both living with our parents before we married and moved out at 19. That was a disaster waiting to happen.

 

First of all, think of it like this. Your spouse is your support system...your teammate if you will. How can you know if you can rely on them to help support you if they haven't demonstrated that they are at least capable of supporting themselves? I'm not talking about just money here. This applies to everything - finances, holding a job, household chores, decision making in general.

It wasn't until after we moved out of our happy little sheltered lives with our parents and into our own place together that I realized he was incapable of cleaning up after himself, incapable of holding a job, was perfectly content to mooch and completely rely on me, and was...in general...resistant to acting as a team player.

 

Second, it's by living your own life and supporting yourself that you figure out who you really are, and subsequently what kind of person you're looking for to share your life with.

 

 

Work your *ss off. Take out student loans. Get a roommate if necessary. But live your own life, get through college, and THEN worry about marriage.

[EyesWideOpen]

I distinctly recall stating 8 hours a day of work, as 40 hours tends to be the minimum to be called full-time. Most full-time jobs are at least 45 anyway. If one's course isn't funded, 36 hours/week of minimum wage is no way, no how enough for living expenses + course fees.

 

Also, it boggles the mind what sort of course allows you 3 days or less of classes only, unless your work was purely on weekends (ie Fri to Sun)? In which case it also boggles the mind how you socialize, unless your friends are that free on weekdays.

 

 

The US department of labor classifies 34 or less hours as part-time work. Other than that...it is completely industry specific.

For example, standard full-time employment in law administration is five 7.5 hour days. (37.5 hours)

In healthcare, it is extremely common for nurses/LPNs/aids to be scheduled three 12 hour work days as full time employment. (36 hours) I worked in healthcare as an aid (12 hour nights, 3 times a week) specifically because it was great for going to college. Excellent pay plus I got to study for half my shift.

 

Some jobs are more condusive to working part time while in school, just as some classes are more condusive to working professionals.

I worked full time hours as an undergraduate and supported myself, while taking 5 to 6 classes at a time. Maintained a great social life.

Currently...still working about 30 hours a week while I take 4 graduate level classes in the evening Mon-Wed. Still very capable of supporting myself. Plenty of time to spend with the BF and BFFs.

 

 

It very much so can be done. Just gotta find the right jobs. I suggest night shift nurse's aid for undergrad work for reasons previously mentioned.

Edited March 23, 2011 by EyesWideOpen

[Sugarkane]

I have a serious problem with the mentality that you don't leave the nest until marriage. I don't think this is healthy in any way - which I say from experience. My ex husband and I were both living with our parents before we married and moved out at 19. That was a disaster waiting to happen.

 

First of all, think of it like this. Your spouse is your support system...your teammate if you will. How can you know if you can rely on them to help support you if they haven't demonstrated that they are at least capable of supporting themselves? I'm not talking about just money here. This applies to everything - finances, holding a job, household chores, decision making in general.

It wasn't until after we moved out of our happy little sheltered lives with our parents and into our own place together that I realized he was incapable of cleaning up after himself, incapable of holding a job, was perfectly content to mooch and completely rely on me, and was...in general...resistant to acting as a team player.

 

Second, it's by living your own life and supporting yourself that you figure out who you really are, and subsequently what kind of person you're looking for to share your life with.

 

 

Work your *ss off. Take out student loans. Get a roommate if necessary. But live your own life, get through college, and THEN worry about marriage.

I 100% agree with you. For some reason my parents are still living in the 1950s, where you have to be married just to do anything. They tell me to grow up and act my age, but how was sharing a room until I was 23 supposed to help me grow up? If it was up to them I'd be over 30 and still living at home. In this day and age you shouldn't have to be married just to do anything, it is 2011. I though thats why women fought for our rights in the 60s and 70s, so we didn't hhave to be married just to do anything?

[Sugarkane]

If I'm over 30 and still living at home, what am I supposed to do, never move out? My cousins and friends have left home and they aren't married. Their parents don't verbally abuse them though!

[DreamerGirl27]

My parents are very lenient, but very conservative and in doing so, I've actually been able to figure out what I want to do with my own life and I don' want to move out until I have a seriously committed relationship or until I'm married. So, I see no problem with living at home until you're married. I have no desire to live alone, so...

 

but that's what I personally want. If you don't, then work and move out. You're 24, you're of legal age, you're above legal age, you should be able to do that.

[Sugarkane]

My cousins have left home and had children out of wedlock. They're the same age as me. Then my dad brags about how lenient he is. But if I had a child out of wedlock, I'd be a "slut". And they'd probably cut me off and wouldn't speak to me.

[Sugarkane]

My dad has always been a domineering and controlling person. He says he's nothing like his father, yet he answers everything with " because thats what my parents did

". I'm sure my dad would jump off a cliff if his father did. If you challenge his opinion, he completely loses it. So much for not recreating your past!

[Els]

Lol, I'm sure it does.

 

Also, I don't make minimum wage. I make $18 an hour. You know, because my Associates allows me to... and all that jazz

 

That's great for you. Ever considered the OP might not? I don't really see a point in your post except to brag. It'd be like me saying, "I have a fully-funded graduate course that covers my expenses and so I can move out of home while studying, why can't the OP"? Pointless.

[Els]

The US department of labor classifies 34 or less hours as part-time work. Other than that...it is completely industry specific.

For example, standard full-time employment in law administration is five 7.5 hour days. (37.5 hours)

In healthcare, it is extremely common for nurses/LPNs/aids to be scheduled three 12 hour work days as full time employment. (36 hours) I worked in healthcare as an aid (12 hour nights, 3 times a week) specifically because it was great for going to college. Excellent pay plus I got to study for half my shift.

 

Some jobs are more condusive to working part time while in school, just as some classes are more condusive to working professionals.

I worked full time hours as an undergraduate and supported myself, while taking 5 to 6 classes at a time. Maintained a great social life.

Currently...still working about 30 hours a week while I take 4 graduate level classes in the evening Mon-Wed. Still very capable of supporting myself. Plenty of time to spend with the BF and BFFs.

 

 

It very much so can be done. Just gotta find the right jobs. I suggest night shift nurse's aid for undergrad work for reasons previously mentioned.

 

I'm not sure about you, but I don't know a single person working a full-time job that's only 30 hours. Every full time job I've seen is 40 hours, more often 45. I would personally call 30 hours a part-time job. Again, definitely not enough to cover school fees + living expenses for the average college kid.

 

I also have never seen a challenging full-time education program that only requires you to spend 3 evenings a week on classes, tutorials, assignments, and studying combined. 'Easy' is not a derogatory term. If that amount of time is sufficient for you to do well in it, it is either a part-time course, or an 'easy' course. Fact, not insult.

 

Then again, this may be the norm in the USA, and I may be none the wiser. Does the OP live in the US? If she does, I suppose you may be correct.

 

I have known a handful of people who actually supported themselves while going through school and doing at least reasonably well, and I take my hats off to them. Typically their school was at least partially funded though, and those who truly did 40-hour/week jobs and a full-time course barely even had time to eat.

Edited March 24, 2011 by Elswyth

[EyesWideOpen]

Every full time job I've seen is 40 hours, more often 45.

Again...as I said...I am aware of (and have worked in) industries in which 36 or 37 are full time jobs. Benefits generally kick in between 30 and 32 hours.

 

I'm not sure how it works in Australia (where the OP is), but in the US the definition of "full time" employment varies depending on industry, professional level, etc. In US the standard is 36 to 40 depending on industry. I believe I remember France changing their workdays to 7 hours - thus full time employement is 35 hours a week.

 

And no, 45+ hours is not the "norm" for full time employement in the US...unless you are a very highly paid, salaried, professional. (ie. a position requiring a masters degree or higher)

 

I would personally call 30 hours a part-time job. Again, definitely not enough to cover school fees + living expenses for the average college kid.

I agree that 30 hours is part-time, but not with your assessment that it's not enough to live off of. And, again, as I stated...working 30(ish) hours a week and supporting yourself as a full time college student is very doable.

 

I know this because I have done it. I worked between 24 and 36 hours a week (depending on how busy school was on any given week) for the first half of my undergraduate.

Halfway through I changed jobs and worked 25 to 30 hours, which I maintained for the remainder of my undergraduate studies.

 

I completely supported myself. I had a one bedroom apt with no roommate. Obviously no car payments. I paid for all of my own bills (no family help or grants), ate well, still had money for play (was even able to buy alll new 'baording gear and season passes), oh yeah and had to replace my transmission at one point...meanwhile incurring no student loans. I am doing more than "reasonably well" as a result of good budgeting skills through my undergraduate.

 

I would not say there was anything particularly abnormal , rare, or spectacular about my jobs. It's not like jobs as a nursing aid or medical biller required anything that a highschool graduate doesn't meet. Most of the people I worked with were (*surprise*) college students.

 

I am not saying it didn't come without challenges. Was there a limited amount of funds? Yes. Gotta be smart about where you spend your money. Was I busy? Yes. But if you manage your time well, you can still have a life outside of work and books. I still hung out with my friends on Friday nights. Got full day hikes in on Saturdays. Watched plenty of TV.

 

 

I'm no martyr. There's nothing super special about me that made me any luckier or any more capable than any other college student. The grand point to all of this is that it is very possible to work 30 hours, take a full load of classes, and have a social life. It just requires good decisions and some effort...which is sort of the whole point of college, isn't it?

 

I also have never seen a challenging full-time education program that only requires you to spend 3 evenings a week on classes, tutorials, assignments, and studying combined. 'Easy' is not a derogatory term. If that amount of time is sufficient for you to do well in it, it is either a part-time course, or an 'easy' course. Fact, not insult.

Three days of evenings all everything associated with a class? No. Absolutely impossible. Homework will occupy at least some of your time outside of work and class.

 

But three days of evening classes - yes. Colleges have become very flexible...many offering numerous evening classes and online classes. It's very possible to take 4 classes in three days. As an undergraduate, I was on campus two days a week...and took 5 or 6 classes at all times - one or two being offered online. As a graduate, I am on campus two evenings a week for 4 classes - only one of which is offered online.

 

 

 

So yeah...to sum it up...the overall theme here is that we tend to greatly exaggerate how difficult or time consuming college is. The average class requries 3 hours in class and 3 hours of homework per week. This is 24 hours per week for four classes. Add in 30 to 35 hours for work...and the average college student now has 50 to 60 hours of their week dedicated to study/work.

This is only a third of their week. Even assuming this student were to get a full night's sleep, this still leaves the average student the remaining third of their week (another 50 to 60 hours) to goof off, hang out with friends, and do whatever the heck they want.

That is a far cry from barely having time to eat.

Is it easy? No. Is it exceedingly difficult. Nope.

 

 

Let's stop feeding our youth horror stories of how tough it is to work through college, and let them learn the lessons they're supposed to be gleaming from college - the value of hard work, time management, stress management, and budgeting.

 

 

Lol, sorry. I'm getting sick of how we...as a society...continually try to cater to the lazy and dumb things down. I'll shut up now.

/rant off

[Els]

Well, as I said in my previous post, I do not live in the US so you may well be right on the proviso that the OP lives in the US too.

 

Back where I come from, pay for menial jobs is $5/hour, and living expenses including rent are usually at least $1000/month. So with 30 hours/week of part time work, you get $150/week, $600/month, not enough.

 

Even in the country I'm living in now (which is rather similar to Aussie, if that is where the OP is living) you get $10/hour, but that is $1200/month on 30 hours/week, just enough for living expenses, because rent usually takes $600/month and groceries/assorted stuff $150/week (I cooked everyday and barely spent money on anything). Not sure where the college fund is gonna come from.

 

Also, I find it difficult to see how you take 5-6 classes a day on evenings alone. What, they offer timeslots from 6pm all the way to 12pm for your classes? In my previous college, there were classes/labs 9-5 with daily assignments and weekly tests - I considered that a challenging course. In my current course, I only have 5 hours of classes/labs a day (25/week) and only one assignment and test per class in the entire semester. I consider this an easy course due to the time requirements. What is your issue with the term?

 

Also, 3 hours of class/week for a subject?!? That's just... unbelievable. So the average student only has 12 hours of stuff to attend a week? Geez. If that is applicable in the OP's case, I certainly see no reason why she should not be able to do what you did.

Edited March 25, 2011 by Elswyth

[uncool]

i was in the same position year ago and I moved out. Don't spend a lot of $$ on a nice place. I got a cheap apartment/flat with 3 other guys... meaning I shared a room with some other dude that soon became a good friend.

Girls don't want a guy that still lives with his parents. I don't care how poor you are... just get a cheap place and start there till you get a better job.

I eventually met my wife while i was poor and in that cheap run down place.

What you'll find is that your relationship with your family will improve after you move out. Don't burn any bridges with your dad by saying anything stupid ... because stuff like that could take years to repair. Just move your stuff out with a smile on your face and let him know that you want to try something different.

[Els]

What you'll find is that your relationship with your family will improve after you move out. Don't burn any bridges with your dad by saying anything stupid ... because stuff like that could take years to repair. Just move your stuff out with a smile on your face and let him know that you want to try something different.

 

I agree completely with this, if it is possible.

[Citizen Erased]

Again, youth allowance: look into it. The rest of the arguing on here is not applicable to your situation or country.

 

FYI, 37.5 hours is the standard here. And we are very fortunate in that our minimum wage is...well, more than what others consider to be decent pay. 20-30 hours on approx $15 an hour, you'd be better off than a lot of others. Casual pay is quite good in Oz.

 

Living on campus/with a roommate is also a much cheaper option. If you're that desperate to get away from your parents, it may be worth it to you.

 

Other than that, you'll have to deal with it until you're done with school.

[EyesWideOpen]

Also, 3 hours of class/week for a subject?!? That's just... unbelievable. So the average student only has 12 hours of stuff to attend a week? Geez. If that is applicable in the OP's case, I certainly see no reason why she should not be able to do what you did.

 

I'm curious as to where you are located now. It's pretty much the standard in the US for classes to meet only 3 or 4 hours a week. (Heavier science/math classes take 4 hours) The classes run for something like 16 weeks, and over the course of a bachelors degree a student takes 30 to 40 classes. This takes about 4 years.

I'm wondering if perhaps where you are located the same level of education is crammed into a shorter time span, or something similar. Surely there's some major difference in the structure that makes it a little less unbelievable...because its not like the US has a piss poor secondary education system or anything.

 

 

And when I say evening classes...yes, they cab go ridiculously late. For example, two of my current classes run from 6:55 to 9:35 pm. My third class meets from 5 to 6:30 pm those two days. The fourth class is online, and so I work on it basically whenever I want (with deadlines for assignments/exams/etc).

So basically, I take four classes which I attend classes 5 to 9:35 pm on Mondays and Wednesdays - and these classes end after 15/16 weeks.

 

Evening/night/weekend/online classes seem to be the new trend for US colleges. It's how our universities attract working indivuduals, single partents, etc. Unless you're going into a very specialized (and generally prestigious) degree such as Pharm D or physician, the daytime ridig class schedule is ancient history.

[EyesWideOpen]

What you'll find is that your relationship with your family will improve after you move out.

 

QFE!

My parents were fairly controlling, and set a lot of limitations on me growing up. (although, I don't think I would say it was to an unhealthy degree) We had a very adversarial relationship since they were still sort of in control, and I...like most young adults, wanted freedom and independence.

They didn't stop treating me as an adult, as opposed to their child, until I got out on my own.

 

When you move out, everything changes. When I broke off on my own, their attitude towards our relationship changed and they started acting as friends/advisors...rather than authority figures.

[Sugarkane]

I would say that your parents have not moved past you being 13 years old. There is a weird transitiion that is supposed to happen at around this stage and some parents simply don't make it.

 

I can only advise that you consider carefully how you react within the 'role' you have within your family. It sounds like your frustration has trapped you yet further within this role and basically you are proving them right at every turn.

 

You have to express the identity you feel is true without fighting them. This takes forgiving them and not biting back.

 

Put your energy instead into finding a room somewhere and create your own support structures. I hope they come around and remember how precious you are.

 

Take care,

Eve x

This what I seriously don't understand. I always act my age, if not even older. I am the eldest and so I've had more responsibility than my younger brother and sister. I don't see how I've proved them right at every turn. Its the complete opposite, I'm sick and tired of always doing everything right! And what for? They always have an excuse eg. your too sheltered. So I ask why did they bring me up that way in the first place? It seems pretty stupid to me.

[Sw3etdev1L]

I live in Latin America

Here the most common thing is for daughters to get out of home until they are married.

Parents don't want their children to be swept by bad influences, more if you are a woman... so they decide to protect you until you get married.. It is tradition... we say "in the states girls are crazy".... because here things are another way... conservative you may say but, parents say... what's the hurry to be living by your own, if you are gonna live in your own for the rest of your life?

[Sugarkane]

I'm a mature adult, I won't be caught up by bad influences. If I did, it wouold only be cause they sheltered so much. They treat me like a child, is it any wonder why that makes me angry and want to act out? Its different here if people know that you live at home, you have less chance of getting married. I don't know anyone that likes the idea of dating someone that does. I'm a grown adult, why do they swear their heads off at me?

[Sugarkane]

Why don't they swear their heads off at my cousins who aren't married and don't live at home?

[greengoddess]

Why don't they swear their heads off at my cousins who aren't married and don't live at home?

 

because they are not their own children.

[Sugarkane]

Still doesn't make any sense to me. I'm sick and tired of being treated like a child, just because they were.

[Sugarkane]

My dad says he's not like his own father, yet does EVERYTHING "just because it happened to him". I mean married just to leave home? We aren't even religious! Are we still living in the 1950s?

[Sugarkane]

Oh, and I'm going to school for free. Tuition reimbursement through my employer + a small government grant to pick up the rest of the tab. A benefit hard earned by getting my Associates and a good job (along with my financial independence) before I turned 21.

 

It's amazing what you can accomplish when your parents refuse to support you. Oh, and I'm 24 now.

The company that I work for is stingy and won't even employ enough people to work there, yet the top people all have brand new cars. The company I found out recently is also downsizing. So there's zero chance that they will ever help pay for my tuition!

 

They didn't treat me hardly any different to when I was a child. So is it any wonder I resent them? Giving someone more independance when they're older, is just common sense to me! So why do they say that they're exactly like the rest of the family, when they do the complete opposite?