Author Sugarkane Posted April 7, 2011 Author Posted April 7, 2011 Is it any wonder if I end up cutting these people off?
DreamerGirl27 Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 OP, I can't stand my conservative parents, either. They confuse the living shizzle outta me.
Memphis Raines Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 I'm 24 and for some reason my parents are pretty conservative. I've had to completely fight for my independance over the years. I still had a curfew when I was over 18 years old. when you live under someone elses roof and don't pay rent, you don't get to call the shots. I've spent my whole life sharing a room with my sister. And ridiculousy, only got my own room last year. and why is that? your parents struggle to make ends meet? did they finally work hard to get you that room, only for you to complain? maybe you need to show your parents a little more respect. Not even ONE of my relatives has left home after they got married. so your married relatives live with their parents?? The cousins my age have already left home and have had children out of wedlock. And yet my dad brags about how he's more lenient than anyone else! Why are my parents different from the rest of my extended family? maybe its because he doesn't want you to turn out like your cousins. i say get a job, leave the nest and you can do what you want. nobody is forcing you to stay. at 18, nobody can. I have asked them and all my dad says is that everyone waits until their married to leave home. did you ever stop to think that he doesn't want to lose his little girl? if he didn't care, he'd have booted you out by now. I can't find one person that has done so. If I try and talk about leaving home all my dad does is swear his head off at me. Why are parents like this? parents aren't like that. but why talk about leaving home, why not just do it? you are 24, you can do what you want. After 24 years you'd think that they would be desperate for me to leave. Why aren't they? again, they don't want to lose their little girl probably. The only reason I haven't already is my job isn't full time. so its you, its not them keeping you there. You stay there because they pay the bills. do don't be putting this on them. And how do you afford to pay for rent and further your own education? student loans
Memphis Raines Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 oh, and by the way, parents that don't want their 24 year old to move out, or think you have to be married before you do doesn't mark them as conservative. it marks them as weird. but really, you won't move out anyway because of YOUR financial situation. has nothing to do with your parents. You can move anytime you want.
Memphis Raines Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 this thread reminds me of a sign I saw: ATTENTION teengers and adults living with their parents. Tired of being treated like a kid? Tired of playing by your parents' rules? There is a solution: Get a job, get your own place, and pay your own bills why you still think you know everything.
jean-luc sisko Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 So OP, what is your solution, apart from continual negative responses?
Author Sugarkane Posted April 8, 2011 Author Posted April 8, 2011 and why is that? your parents struggle to make ends meet? did they finally work hard to get you that room, only for you to complain? maybe you need to show your parents a little more respect. My parents don't struggle to make ends meet at all. My dad's just autocratic. so your married relatives live with their parents?? As stated before, my married relatives don't live with their parents. None of them do. maybe its because he doesn't want you to turn out like your cousins. My cousins turned out fine. They all have jobs and families. They aren't dole bludgers. Unfortunately I don't get to see them enough. parents aren't like that. but why talk about leaving home, why not just do it? you are 24, you can do what you want. Well my parents certainly are like that. Why would I waste my time posting and making up stories? student loans How do student loans work? Do you have to pay them in installments? Do you pay them after you finish?
Memphis Raines Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 How do student loans work? Do you have to pay them in installments? Do you pay them after you finish? they are designed so that you only have to pay them once you graduate and sometimes they wait until you get a full time job before requiring you start paying back (or give you so many years to find a full time job before paying it back) and some of them are gov't subsidized to where its lower interest. there are also grants you can apply for that you do NOT have to pay back. Talk to an advisor at the school you are thinking of attending, or of the school you are already attending. so you see, you have options. don't lay this at the feet of your parents. take responsibility for your life. you are 24.
Author Sugarkane Posted April 9, 2011 Author Posted April 9, 2011 If I have children one day, I'm not going to cut their wings, just because I never want them to grow up.
Author Sugarkane Posted April 9, 2011 Author Posted April 9, 2011 And I'm not going to tell them that they have to be married "just to do anything". People on here don't believe me, but I'd be more than happy to prove it. I was watching an episode of The Kardashians the otehr night. The father was being strict with the youngest. the mother talked to him and said that if he continues the way he's going, the daughter will continue to rebell and he'll push her further and further away. So why don't my parents see that at all? Is it any wonder that I resent them?
westernxer Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 The Kardashians If you take advice from that show, you're in big trouble.
TwinkletOes26 Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 This is exactly why i quit coming here for a while...I read this thread and it reminded me of one I posted ...I remember it was nothing but a bunch of "dont like it move" ...kinda hard to move with little resources. Sugarkane....the best thing to do is to try to move on campus at a college or just work full time,take college courses online and save up.... I feel for ya...i do I am in the middle of saving to move....just remember your parents issues are their own. The real deal is almost everyone had to get help to get started somewhere. Usually it is your parents but in this case it is not...so try to get help elsewhere if you can. Also just know when you do leave for good you have a choice in not speaking to them anymore and when they ask why you can tell em how you feel and hang the phone up ...trust me it is a good feeling
Author Sugarkane Posted April 10, 2011 Author Posted April 10, 2011 This is exactly why i quit coming here for a while...I read this thread and it reminded me of one I posted ...I remember it was nothing but a bunch of "dont like it move" ...kinda hard to move with little resources. Sugarkane....the best thing to do is to try to move on campus at a college or just work full time,take college courses online and save up.... I feel for ya...i do I am in the middle of saving to move....just remember your parents issues are their own. The real deal is almost everyone had to get help to get started somewhere. Usually it is your parents but in this case it is not...so try to get help elsewhere if you can. Also just know when you do leave for good you have a choice in not speaking to them anymore and when they ask why you can tell em how you feel and hang the phone up ...trust me it is a good feeling Thankyou so much for being understanding and not rude, like other people on here. People just say "just move", but I've never moved before, so I don't know how too! I need someone to actually help me, since my parents won't at all and explain the logistics of it. I really loathe some of the responses people have given me here. I came here looking for resolutions, not put downs. Its really easy to "suck it up", "you're immature", "grow up" and "just move" if you don't have over controlling parents, let alone even live at home. To the people that gave me insults, if I see you posting something, expect a "just suck it up" response from me. You have no sympathy from me at all.
Memphis Raines Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 If you take advice from that show, you're in big trouble. and I don't care how good they look, I wouldn't touch any one of the Kardashian hos with a 10 foot pole. too many guys think with the little head.
627 Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 you said you're still taking courses... I am assuming you are still at uni. well you can wait till you graduate and find a job fit with your major, then move out also, be ready to compromise, don't expect the same luxury when living alone, you might have to move to a small apartment, you might have to have a roomate, you might be eating fast food every day or bad quality food(instead of hommade fresh food everyday). independance is not cheap, you will have to decide what matters more to you, luxury living or living free
Author Sugarkane Posted April 14, 2011 Author Posted April 14, 2011 and I don't care how good they look, I wouldn't touch any one of the Kardashian hos with a 10 foot pole. too many guys think with the little head. Not my point. Anyone with some actual real advice? Not jerks laughing and backstabbing me?
Eve Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 Not my point. Anyone with some actual real advice? Not jerks laughing and backstabbing me? I think you have to work out what you want to achieve and do it. Plenty of advice has been given on how to leave the home. If you want to stay and have a better relationship, that is more complex. Not sure it can be done in the situation you have outlined. I feel sad for your parents that they don't even know how unhappy you are... but realistically it seems like it is time for you to move on. That shift in dynamic has not happened (where they see you as a young adult) because you are reliant on them. You never know, they may even help you to move out, if this is what you want to do. Looks like you have to be the one to cut the umbilical cord here. Just don't be too dramatic about it or burn any bridges. You have seen what your parents limits are. Move on. Personally I think they think being hard on you has kept you in line but they are poor communicators. The other side could be that they still have not let go of something you did as a teen and feel that you can't be trusted to direct your own life. Whatever it is, you have to draw a line in the sand and decide really what you want to do in the first instance.. make up your mind first. All the best, Take care, Eve x
Memphis Raines Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 Not my point. Anyone with some actual real advice? Not jerks laughing and backstabbing me? apparantly you can't read. I was commenting on something western's comment about the show. my comment about was about the show, not you. geez as far as advice, I gave it to you. you are 24, an adult, you can make your own decisions stop laying this on your parents. as long as you are dependent on them, you play by their rules. you don't want to play by their rules, move out. student loans are available that you don't have to pay back until you are done with school and in the working world. you have options, you just won't avail yourself of them so you can put this on your parents. you are 24! ACT LIKE IT!
Memphis Raines Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 I think you have to work out what you want to achieve and do it. Plenty of advice has been given on how to leave the home. If you want to stay and have a better relationship, that is more complex. Not sure it can be done in the situation you have outlined. I feel sad for your parents that they don't even know how unhappy you are... but realistically it seems like it is time for you to move on. That shift in dynamic has not happened (where they see you as a young adult) because you are reliant on them. You never know, they may even help you to move out, if this is what you want to do. Looks like you have to be the one to cut the umbilical cord here. Just don't be too dramatic about it or burn any bridges. You have seen what your parents limits are. Move on. Personally I think they think being hard on you has kept you in line but they are poor communicators. The other side could be that they still have not let go of something you did as a teen and feel that you can't be trusted to direct your own life. Whatever it is, you have to draw a line in the sand and decide really what you want to do in the first instance.. make up your mind first. All the best, Take care, Eve x most parents would have kicked their adult children out by now. so as long as she, at 24, isn't taking responsibility for her life, I find it highly immature to complain about the parents. they obviously love her, and she doesn't have to stay if she doesn't like it. instead of ragging on them, she ought to thank her lucky stars she has the kind of parents that wouldn't turn her out on the street when she became an adult
Eve Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 most parents would have kicked their adult children out by now. so as long as she, at 24, isn't taking responsibility for her life, I find it highly immature to complain about the parents. they obviously love her, and she doesn't have to stay if she doesn't like it. instead of ragging on them, she ought to thank her lucky stars she has the kind of parents that wouldn't turn her out on the street when she became an adult As much as I adore my children, there is no way I could have them in my home during their mid twenties. I think it is unhealthy. I know it works out for some but Hubby and I are looking forward to having our home and lives to ourselves SO much. We have been totally dedicated to them all but it is SO important that they try things for themselves, with us behind them. This thing where the young adult (in their twenties) still wants to be understood and blah blah.. happens I think due to some level of dysfunction in the teen years still being played out. Some of this is valid but after a certain age I think it becomes the young persons responsibility to move on. I have seen it a million times at work; Young person ****s up opportunities during their teens and basically then tries to stay on at the family home.. often with a child or two at the parents home. Many of these parents actually tried to direct the child but because they weren't as 'cool' or permissive as other parents or whatever the young person rejects them by pissing about .. and consequently ruining their opportunities. I have sat my four lovely children down and told them none of that **** is happening in my beautiful, beautiful home .. and they know I mean it. P'ssshhhh.. **** that for a laugh. I reckon this is the basic story behind much of the dysfunction on this board methinks... unruly children ****ing around still. With the OP, I kind of thought maybe the parents were being a little more dysfunctional than average. But what do I know? This was just a sense that I got from the postings. I still believe what I believe but.. you know.. I would hate to kick my children out. Don't think I could do it, although I threatened my youngest with it. But if she had carried on on the road she was treading I would have shipped her off to her dysfunctional Dads home so she could live the life she deserved. .. She soon shaped up.. and you can really see the difference in her. I am SO proud!!! All of this is supposed to happen during the teen years methinks but some are at home in their thirties, manipulating away. Anyhow, I have had a tongue lashing from the OP already on the piss take thread of this thread. I really hope that he or she is able to move on and take responsibility for themselves. Lifes not too bad really away from home. We tell our kids that their homes will be better than ours all the time to encourage them. Take care, Eve x
Author Sugarkane Posted April 16, 2011 Author Posted April 16, 2011 The thing is Eve is that I wasn't an unruly teenager and didn't screw up opportunities. I was ALWAYS a straight A student and have never done drugs, arrested for anything or been pregnant. I DO PAY BOARD AND DO CHORES. You all SEEM seem to think that I do is sit on my arse like a spoilt child.So I am a responsible adult! I've never been unruly in my life lol All you people blame this on me for some reason. WHY IS THIS? I try talking to them calmly and all I get from them is yelling and swearing. SO who's the one acting like a grown adult in the situation? Its not them! And how would all of you like it, if I made a thread mocking all of your threads? See how you would like that? I bet YOU wouldn't
Author Sugarkane Posted April 16, 2011 Author Posted April 16, 2011 Why do you think I'm spoilt for? I'm the one wanting to grow up, but they don't want to me too. And you have a go at me? Thanks for the so called "support " on this site. Maybe we should go to the troll that calls itself Dreamergirl27 and tell her to make thread mocking all of your threads aswell.
Eve Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 The thing is Eve is that I wasn't an unruly teenager and didn't screw up opportunities. I was ALWAYS a straight A student and have never done drugs, arrested for anything or been pregnant. I DO PAY BOARD AND DO CHORES. You all SEEM seem to think that I do is sit on my arse like a spoilt child.So I am a responsible adult! I've never been unruly in my life lol All you people blame this on me for some reason. WHY IS THIS? I try talking to them calmly and all I get from them is yelling and swearing. SO who's the one acting like a grown adult in the situation? Its not them! And how would all of you like it, if I made a thread mocking all of your threads? See how you would like that? I bet YOU wouldn't Sugarkane, you need to call their bluff and get your own place. Chances are they will come round in the end. If they don't, I don't know what to say. Waiting until you are married to leave home is a bit much to ask. If you have actually made up your mind what you what to do.. do it. I would share a house though rather than be on your own. Start looking today. I think you identified the problem a few pages back when you spoke about your Dad's Dad. I am not sure why your Mum isn't pulling him back. As for the blaming thing I suppose I am wary when a person lists stuff that the other person is doing/has done without acting on what they need to do. Even if they are right. I think that societial views are one thing but really no one can blame another for their own lack of responsiveness. I think that if you were going through the processes of moving out and was coming here with the ups and downs of doing this there would be something tangible for people to relate to and give encouragement towards. So, even though you sound to be sure of what you want, without action it is like bitching... yes, even if you are right.. Believe in yourself and find others who will enable this in real life. Save up and move. Your Dad seems to be taking the praise for who you are without nurturing you to acieve your dreams. I saw another post similar to this on here and could not believe how rude the Dad was towards seemingly responsible young people. But bottom line, unless they did somethig to counter what wa happening, the end result is to keep repeating history. Also, I wouldn't bother worrying about the piss take thread. People do even worse on here but many will hear you. Take care, Eve x
Memphis Raines Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 The thing is Eve is that I wasn't an unruly teenager and didn't screw up opportunities. I was ALWAYS a straight A student and have never done drugs, arrested for anything or been pregnant. I DO PAY BOARD AND DO CHORES. You all SEEM seem to think that I do is sit on my arse like a spoilt child.So I am a responsible adult! I've never been unruly in my life lol room and board, spoiled or not, if you don't like where you live, move out. the reason you live at home is because room and board are dirt cheap when living with your parents. All you people blame this on me for some reason. WHY IS THIS? BECAUSE YOU ARE 24 YEARS OLD!! If you don't like it, get out and pay more to get your own place. I try talking to them calmly and all I get from them is yelling and swearing. SO who's the one acting like a grown adult in the situation? Its not them! whether this is true or not, you are paying peanuts to live at their home because its cheaper than living on your own. As long as that is the case, you have no basis to complain. get out and get your own place. you are and ADULT. And how would all of you like it, if I made a thread mocking all of your threads? See how you would like that? I bet YOU wouldn't you see it as mocking. we are trying to open your eyes up that at 24, you should be out on your own. especially if you don't like living with your parents. don't like it? move out! simple as that.
Memphis Raines Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 Why do you think I'm spoilt for? I don't think you are spoiled. I think you are just not wanting to pay for your own place. I'm the one wanting to grow up, but they don't want to me too. its not up to them.....or is it? again, I can't say this enough, you are 24. act like it. And you have a go at me? Thanks for the so called "support " on this site. sorry, but the only support you are looking for is for us to say, "ya, damn right. parents suck. You are in a crappy position that they are forcing you to stay." sorry, thats not the way adults see this situation. now if you were 17 and really didn't have much of a say in where you lived, sure, I can see a little teenager angst going on, until the day you become an adult and can move out whenever you want. Maybe we should go to the troll that calls itself Dreamergirl27 and tell her to make thread mocking all of your threads aswell. ok, we are telling you that you are an adult and you need to get your own place. so what exactly are you wanting us to tell you?
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