Kindaconfused_77 Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 About 2.5 months ago we got an intern in our small design studio, she seems like a sweet,somewhat timid girl, 30 years old (Im a 34 year old guy). As senior designer, I spent quite a bit of time helping her learn the ropes, and recently shes been offered a part time learners contract since her internship was very brief, so she is part of the company now. We get along very well, chat about non-work stuff regularly every day, sometimes she even sticks around a little later (she works till 1430, I work till 1500) and offers to drive me down from work to the city (I take the public transport). Somehow she has managed to wriggle herself into my head, the way she holds eye contact with me when talking to me, the way she smiles. Cheesey, I know. I keep telling myself maybe she is just being friendly, but on one occasion while driving me downtown she asked me what my plans for the weekend were, and I hinted at a movie I wanted to watch but haven't since everyone I knew had already seen it and I didn't want to watch it on my own. She mentioned she was downloading said movie, to which I asked if she wouldn't rather watch it on the big screen, hoping that if she said yes, Id ask her to go see it, but she made a face between a smile and something indescribable, and I wussed out (im rather shy myself) and I asked if she was too lazy to go to the cinema, to which she sort of nodded. I took that as my rejection, but as the conversation steered into rollerblading (which im a fan of), she mentioned she and her friend used to do so, and maybe if she can talk her friend into getting her skates out of the closet we can all go skating some day. I decided to put her out of my mind, but this past friday before leaving work she mentioned she didn't have the office's number, and asked for it, to which I pulled up our website - she giggled nervously and said "Oh, of course, silly me". Then she told me she was going to leave her phone number on the office secretary's desk in case we ever needed to phone her too, knowing that once she left the office Id be the only one there to close shop, alone with her number.. Then, before leaving, she asked me again what my plans for the weekend were. I mentioed I may go skating if the weather is fine, to which she commented that sunday looks like it may be sunny, then we said our goodbyes and she left the office. Did she leave that number for me hoping I'd call her? Why would she leave her number on a desk over the weekend when she could have given it to the secretary herself first thing on monday morning, let alone need to tell me about it? Come to think of it, wouldn't we already have her number if she signed a contract with the company recently? Am I reading too much into things? I of course noted the number, and sent her a text that afternoon along the lines of "I didn't think about it at the time but here have my number too in case of anything :)" and haven't received a reply, and am freaking out I did the wrong thing by "stealing" her number. I do like her a lot but I didn't want to make things uncomfortable at work if I am misreading the signs and she is just being friendly. Sorry for the long post but Im at my wit's end, and the people I have confided in with this seem to have varying opinions..
heartshaped Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 Personally, I think she's interested and seems to be throwing you some hints, but both of you seem a bit too shy to make any outright moves. Maybe ask her out to see a movie or for coffee?
MarlyStar Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 I would say she's given you every sign of being interested, particularly staying late to drive you home. But the not wanting to see the movie with you threw me off. Too lazy to go to the cinema? That's odd for someone who's interested. And it's also odd that on a skating excursion, she'd have to wait to go with you for her friend to be able to go too. The conclusion is she doesn't want to be alone with you, but that could be because she's shy or it could be because she's just not interested in anything but professional friendship. However, she doesn't seem to mind being alone with you in the car, so I'm puzzled too. I don't think there's anything wrong with using her number to give yours. The only way to find out is to ask her, "Do you date?" and if she says yes, ask her out and if she waffles or says no, you can backtrack a little and say something like, "You're probably right, it's not a good idea to date coworkers." and smile friendly at her and continue on professionally. You are right, she is giving off mixed signals.
ReturnToSender Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 (edited) Heeeey you stole my movie idea!! LoL...no seriously though Im at ends how to approach a guy at work and what you said was one of the ideas of ways to see if hes interested. Heres my take, Im here wishing I could have some sort of concrete sign of knowing if the guy Im interested in, is interested in me too...and/or of letting him know how interested I am. If the guy Im checking out did that with the movies, or said he was going to go skating after I mentioned it was something I liked I would have taken it as a huge hint and jumped on it. I do have to say though, that as much as I like this guy, Id find it a bit weird if he texted me....yes Im sure theres a way he could get my number since pretty much all the employees have thier number listed as contact in our roster, but Id much prefer he got it from me giving it to him directly and letting him know Id like him to contact me, instead of snagging it. All the same...Id probably get over that and over look it lol Shes either giving you mixed signals, or playing hard to get *ugh* which I think is going to backfire...you are throwing all sorts of things out there and shes not taking the bait. And seeing how you work togeher, theres a fine line between being nice and sexual harrassment in the businessplace...at this point, its hard to say if shes going to turn wierd on you and say you behaved inappropriately (not to say youve done anything inappropriate, just saying she hasnt given you much reason to persue this, and if you keep trying she may blow you out of the water with some sort of wierdness like that). Which is why I think she either needs to stop being overly friendly since by this point she must realize you are interested, or just make a date for the weekend already... Edited March 13, 2011 by ReturnToSender
Author Kindaconfused_77 Posted March 13, 2011 Author Posted March 13, 2011 Sending her the text message is about the boldest thing ive done in regards to my crush on her, but it seemed innocuous enough that I didnt think it would bother her much if her intentions were merely friendly. Regardless, she hasnt responded all weekend, which has driven me up the walls. On the one hand I interptet this as a goodthing, if she really didnt think of my in any sort of way whatsoever, she could ahve easily replied me with a "cool, thanks, Ill see you monday!".. but.. NOTHING. I dont think her the type to confront me about sneaking the number making her uncomfortable,if she didnt want me to have it, she wouldnt have TOLD me expressively WHERE she was leaving it knowing full well that after she was gone Id be alone in the office and free to take a look. In fact I dont even know WHY she told me she was leaving her number whe it wasnt even for me, and she could have just as easily given it to the secretary on monday morning. I think im jsut about done pushing it or testing the waters, shes had several windows of opportunity to pickup on, she even has my number now. If shes interested, I figure she will find a way to let me know... right?
Feelin Frisky Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 I'm not sure I read all of this right but it sounds like she didn't give you her number or permission to text her. I can't tell you what's in her mind but if you've been shy about this before and awkward, I would have advised against taking any such liberty. It's too late now and I hope you get something positive out of it but you set yourself up for a lot of second guessing. Wish you would have asked sooner. Perhaps it will all work out as you desire. Perhaps it won't. But I would have advised to just pick a moment and say to her her straight out that you just have to know if she'd go out with you. It sounds like you spent enough time to at least find out if she would be the type to mishandle her response--I mean turn cruel or act all "shocked" instead of just being decent about it and saying no if the answer is no or yes if the answer is yes. But pussying around trying to avoid the possibility of any rejection doesn't look good. I'm serious--all is not lost and it might work out still. But I would have advised against taking any liberties with her personal information without her permission--even if it "looked like" she was making her number available to you. "Texting" is another story. I despise that idea entirely but that's just me. Good luck.
heartshaped Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 I think im just about done pushing it or testing the waters, shes had several windows of opportunity to pickup on, she even has my number now. If shes interested, I figure she will find a way to let me know... right? Maybe, maybe not. This woman seems shy. She didn't even straight out give you her number though I agree it was obvious it was meant for you. You told her you gave her your number "in case of anything," she's too shy to even directly give you her number so I doubt she's the type of woman that would just call you up or text you and ask you out on a date. I also think the no response = her not knowing what exactly to say back.
Jack & Coke Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 Yeah, I might have held off on texting her if I were you, given the way you got the number. But now that you have, do NOT, I repeat do NOT text her until you've gotten a response from her. She got it, it's in her inbox right now, so she could have responded. You might get an urge to further "clarify" things or just to say something else, don't do it. With that said, her lack of response doesn't necessarily mean anything. There could be a number of reasons she hasn't responded, the key to this is not to sweat it regardless. You're a hell of a guy, nonchalant, and have other women interested in you, so you're not going to show any sign of worry about her not responding to the text. Whether anything in that sentence is true is irrelevant, the important thing is that's how SHE perceives you. Your task now is to read. Go to work on Monday and pay attention to all these little nuances you've picked up on, they're important. Next time you come across one of those moments that look like an opening, casually take it. Whether it's about skating, movies, or whatever, be direct (so there's no way she'll misinterpret it) yet light and humorous. When you have an opening, I'd go with something that's a little jokish yet asking with the assumption that she's going to say yes. "So when are we going to dust those skates off and hit a rink?" "Well, I'll have to get you out of that laziness so we can catch a movie this weekend." Bold, yet nothing heavy. One way or another you'll get your answer. At this point she knows whether or not she'll go out with you. You just have to take that step and put your bid in.
ReturnToSender Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 I think at this point, you have been pretty forward and very obvious about your interest in her. No matter how shy someone is, they would have gotten the hint by now that all systems are a go to reciprocate any interest she has in you. The way I see it, the ball is in her court now...stay friendly and light, but dont push it anymore. It would be more of a flow than a push, and it would be a lot smoother if she was giving anything back into this, but shes just being wishy washy, back and forth, show interest pull away, etc etc maddening! Just stay warm, and see what she does...if she does nothing, you saved face. I she does decide to reciprocate, then yay! She liked you enough to take you upon your advances.
Author Kindaconfused_77 Posted March 13, 2011 Author Posted March 13, 2011 Thanks for all the advice, I definitely will be cooling off the advances, but keeping an open and friendly, warm attitude, and reading her signs further to see if she is actually sending any. The sneaking her number was out of character for me and is the only thing that gives me concern as to her reaction toorrow, but at the time it seemed such a blatant hint (together with her repeated asking me for my weekend plans - something she hasnt asked anyone else at the office,ever) that like a fool I picked up on the bait. :/
ReturnToSender Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 Dont beat yourself up about it...whats done is done. Just dont do it again in the future Only use a womans number if she gives it to you. For all you know, youll show up to work tomorrow, shes not there and the person she left her number for is like..hey do you know where so and sos number is? I need to reach her..and then you realize...ooooh! Thats why she made such a point of telling me that! Or maybe she will be at work tomorrow lol just playing devils advocate here. Anyway, let us know how things go...Im curious...
Author Kindaconfused_77 Posted March 14, 2011 Author Posted March 14, 2011 (edited) Well here is my monday update, while Im still unsure of her mixed signals, on the plus side she wasnt angry upset or anything about me having taken her number. When she walked in, we said our helloes as usual, and she sat down at her desk beside mine. from the corner of my eye I tried reading her - she seemed a little fidgety, touching her hair, her hands until she caught herself and became still, then turned to me and said, smiling "I saw your message, you are right, I hadnt even thought about it!" I offered a smile and a lame "Sure!" and quickly veered the conversation toward other topics. She asked me about my weekend, wether I had gone to see that movie Id talked about, to which I replied that I'd insead gone to some friends' for lunch and a really bad movie. We chatted about that for a while, and she proceeded to tell me all about her weekend, who she'd been with and what she'd done. So... who knows? She stayed in late again, so I thought maybe shed offer me a drive again, but as it turns out when 10 mins past my usual leaving time had passed and I shut my station down and asked her if she was driving down or staying late, turns out she had to stay late to finish a project before tomorrow, and thats when I left. I think the plan will remain the same, no more advances for now, if she gives me any openings and the feeling seemes right I may persue the matter some more, but it seems to me the ball is pretty much in her court at this point, surely she MSUT know I am at least SOMEWHAT interested in her. Edited March 14, 2011 by Kindaconfused_77
ReturnToSender Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 You know what, I think thats great...even though you put it out there and had n axnious weekend, you were bold enough to put it out there and now you dont have to wonder anymore. Im going to make sure and do the same, Ill probably get the same results lol but at least making an effort counts. Too bad I have to wait til Thurs!!! lol
Author Kindaconfused_77 Posted March 14, 2011 Author Posted March 14, 2011 Haha, I dont know about not having to wonder, I dont think anything is any more or less clear than it was before this weekend. Some female friends ive confided in seem to agree that the fact she mentioned the text first thing in the morning when she saw me, means its been on her mind all weekend as it has been on mine - if she didnt care for it or gave it any import, she wouldnt have even brought it up, considering I sent it three days ago. I dont really know what to think about that, like most of her actions, questions adn comments, it can be interpreted both ways, I suppose. Anyway, good luck with your guy, waiting till thursday seems like an eternity!
Jack & Coke Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 Haha, I dont know about not having to wonder, I dont think anything is any more or less clear than it was before this weekend. Some female friends ive confided in seem to agree that the fact she mentioned the text first thing in the morning when she saw me, means its been on her mind all weekend as it has been on mine - if she didnt care for it or gave it any import, she wouldnt have even brought it up, considering I sent it three days ago. I dont really know what to think about that, like most of her actions, questions adn comments, it can be interpreted both ways, I suppose. Anyway, good luck with your guy, waiting till thursday seems like an eternity! As we creep toward the weekend, if you're still getting warm signals I'd go ahead and lay it to her if I was you, ask her out directly. There's a fine line between playing it cool and failing to make a move. I think you've made it clear to her that you find her appealing, but sometimes if you don't just lay it out you're stuck in limbo. Based on your Monday update you're getting good vibes. You'd save yourself some "what if?" time by just going for it. I have a feeling you'll get a good answer, but if you don't, you know to move on.
Author Kindaconfused_77 Posted March 16, 2011 Author Posted March 16, 2011 Thanks for the encouraging words, here's todays update! Tuesday she called in sick (i assumed upset tummy, she told me she has a delicate stomach) and I agonized over sending her a text to check up on her, but decided to play it cool and did nothing. Today she came back in early, so she could have left easily 40 mins before me, but she stuck around and I invited myself to her giving me a ride again. It was raining outside so I offered to share an umbrella, she said it was fine, she could use her hoodie, but I did the gentlemanly thing and held the umbrella between the both of us to keep her close. No matter how close I got, she didnt shy away, so either way she is clearly comfortable enough to allow me into her personal space (something ive also noticed at the office), so Ill take that as a good sign. Since she still has an upset stomach and its been raining all week its not the best of times to ask her out, she confided that as soon as she got home she was going to slip into her jammies and crawl into bed, but come friday Ill try asking her to come skating on the weekend, when there's supposedly better weather coming up.
Author Kindaconfused_77 Posted March 20, 2011 Author Posted March 20, 2011 Why even date someone you work with? Because the heart wants what the heart wants? I have tried pushing my feelings for her aside, and im not a guy who casual dates (least of all with a coworker), or goes to clubs/bars to pick up potential partners, but with her I feel a connection that is hard to ignore. Ive lost count of the number of times I've tried to disregard her and cool off, but its as if she senses my distancing myself and finds ways to reel me back in. Or maybe Im imagining that and its all in my head? UGH! Anyway, my update so far is that there isnt much of an update. Friday I was intending to ask her out for a movie, but as the day came to a close (lots of people in the office, bad time to ask her out, was waiting to do so after work while in the car with her) she uddenly turns to me (after 30 mins of silence in the office, I was tense regarding the approaching question I was going to pop) and tells me she is going to her hometown for the weekend. I croaked a "oh really?" and she mentioned she got a really cheap ticket for 14 euro and was going to spend the weekend at her parents. She also told me as she was packing up to leave that she would wait for me to drive me downtown but she had to catch her plane in 2 hours. She also mentioned next week she may stay late at work becasue she feels bad for having had to take a sickday, hinting she may have lunch at the office...wether on a day I stay late as well, she did not say. Finally before leaving she also again asked me what I was doing this weekend, this would ave been the moment to do the SMART thing and tell her, nothing now that shes out of town and I was planning on taking her to the movies, but being the dumbass I was, that was not what I said. I mentioned a friend was depressed and another had broken up with his GF so I might take either to the movies, and she giggled and said take him, take him! She smiled warmly adn wished me a nice weekend adn I wished her the same and a good flight, and thats where it was left. We will see what tomorrow brings, but one way or another this week Ill have to ask her out, the extended agony and uncertainty is driving me mental.
dispatch3d Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 signs are lame. When she asked what I was doing this weekend I may at that point ask her if she wants to join in on x. Or I may just tell her what I'm doing. Hinting at going to a movie is meh. Who cares? Maybe she's just looking for friends, idk. You're still pretty far away from dating her anyways (basically at the haven't asked her on a date yet phase). I don't know, from my point of view getting someone elses number isn't a very big deal. 95% of people give it out without any problems.
Author Kindaconfused_77 Posted March 22, 2011 Author Posted March 22, 2011 We'll be having lunch together on Thursday, I asked today if she was going to stay late (she feels like she should cause she was ill a day, gofig) and have lunch, she said she probably would on THursday (which is the only other day in the week I work late too) so I suggested taking lunch together at a restaurant closeby to which she answered "Sure! If you'd like..." We will see how things go outside of the work environment.
Author Kindaconfused_77 Posted March 25, 2011 Author Posted March 25, 2011 Hey Jack, thanks for the contineud interest, I made a new thread in which I proclaimed my giving up of the situation, if you want a laugh take a look. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t270476/
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